Impossiblewolf

You start with the bacon first, since it’ll take longer to cook compared to the eggs. The first pan of bacon always takes the longest, so you turn to lean against the counter and look over the quiet apartment. In front of you, merely a couple of feet away, is the breakfast counter you’ve sat at beside Olivia and held her and kissed her while she ate food or read over a case file. At the end of the counter is a stabilizing post that you’ve leaned against many times whenever you’ve sat on the counter to distract Olivia. Beyond that is a long, thin table that sits behind the couch and a coffee table in front of it, as well as a decent-sized TV that has been used quite a bit since you’ve moved in. Beside the TV, for whatever reason, sits a small loveseat that you often curl up on while reading. Closer to the bedroom door sit a couple of side tables that are just big enough to hold a bouquet of flowers and a couple of other small knick-knacks.

Your gaze flickers to the right when you hear water run through the pipes. It’s not Olivia, but rather an apartment a couple of doors down. You hum absentmindedly and briefly squint at the noise you know Olivia can’t hear, but you don’t want to run the risk of anything waking her. You like it when any opportunity arises that she can sleep in much to her protest because she would rather spend those moments with you.

You turn to face the stove once the bacon starts to angrily sizzle and pop, and you slowly turn the pieces over, narrowly avoiding a bubble of grease that decides to pop when you turn the last one. While the other side cooks, you prep the coffee pot and let it brew while you get a second pan warming up for her eggs.

It’s when the bacon starts to really smell, and the coffee pot gets a little louder, that you hear Olivia lazily move around in the bathroom. You glance over your shoulder in time to see a glimpse of Olivia emerging from the bedroom, her hair a little tousled and drowsiness still clinging to her features.

“Hey, baby,” you say quietly when you sense she’s close enough to hear you clearly.

“Hi,” she murmurs, wrapping an arm around your waist and nuzzling into your side.

You turn your head and drop a kiss to the crown of hers. “You could’ve climbed back into bed. I would’ve brought breakfast to you.”

“Wanted to be close to you,” she exhales as if being by you is the only time she can truly breathe.

You succumb to the fact that you’ll have to finish cooking her breakfast one-handed when she shows no intention of moving. You wrap your free arm around her and pull her closer against you before you remove the bacon from the hot pan and onto her plate, followed by her eggs. The eggs are harder to get out of the pan, and Olivia almost pulls away so you can have both hands, but ultimately doesn’t. You pull her favorite mug from the cupboard and make her coffee, how you know she likes it.

You hold the mug out to her. “Okay, my koala, you carry the coffee while I carry the plate.”

Olivia hums in approval and takes the mug by the handle before bringing it to her lips. You grimace when she takes a drink without blowing more than twice on the hot liquid.

“I don’t know how you do that,” you mumble as you carry the plate to the counter.

“If I let the coffee at the precinct cool down, it tastes like shit, so you get used to it,” she shrugs as she sits down.

The moment you sit next to her, she melds herself against your side. You don't know what is making her feel extra clingy today, but you are soaking up every second of it. As your arm wraps around her waist, you’re reminded of her closeness last night, and Fin's voice echoes in your mind with the mention of Elliot. The question of who he is suddenly bubbles up to the surface again. You never like to ask Olivia a lot of questions in the morning simply so she can have a chance to wake up, but you’ve held onto this question all night. You don't think you can wait any longer.

“Who is Elliot?” You ask quietly, almost afraid of the answer.

Olivia glances at you with a forkful of steaming eggs suspended in midair. Her eyes widen for a second, then darken with a sadness that flows across the bond. She blows on them until they stop steaming to buy herself a little time before she speaks.

“He was my old partner, the best partner I ever had,” she says, a lump already growing in her throat. “I had feelings for him for a long time, but he was married. And even when he was separated, we never crossed that line. But he was the longest man I’d ever had a relationship with. One of the only people I trusted with my life and just…left.”

Feeling the grief that’s still lingering from this recent loss, you pick your words carefully while you watch her take the first bite. “Fin made him sound like he was really important in your life. I’m so sorry he left you like that.”

"He was,” she confirms once she swallows, poking at the eggs with her fork. “But things change. People change. I think that maybe I have changed for the better because he left," she admits softly. "I just wish people would stop leaving me."

You move closer to press a soft kiss on her shoulder. "I'm not going to leave you."

There is a flicker of doubt that you feel Olivia push back. She leans harder into you as she takes another sip of coffee. Finally, her eyes meet yours.

“Promise?”

The word comes out wobbly, and your chest aches at the way her eyes fill with the same anxiety that sits deep in her belly, the likely culprit for why she’s eating so slowly. You lean forward to kiss her softly. “I promise, I'm never going to leave you again. I'm yours for eternity.”

You feel the swell of love that fills her chest and weakens the anxiety. She nuzzles against you, food all but forgotten. You give her a gentle nudge and nod down at the plate.

“Eat, baby,” you encourage.

“And then you’ll eat?” She asks. “I want you to eat before we go out for clothes and a phone today.”

“You're getting me a phone?” You ask with a small laugh.

She nods, a brief smile crossing her face. “I need to make sure I can tell you when I'm running late or got called away or…”

“Simply need to hear my voice,” you tease.

Olivia’s dimple appears when she smiles this time. “Yeah, that too.”

“Sounds like a plan, my love,” you say before kissing her temple. “Now eat.”

Olivia hurries to finish her food, and against your protests, she cleans up the dishes you created. When she is done, she stands in the living room, gently rocking on the balls of her feet. You know exactly what she wants, but you refuse to give in that easily.

“Baby,” she says with a slight whine.

“Yes, my love?” You ask innocently, tilting your head. “Waiting on something?”

“Feed off me,” she begs, stepping closer to you. “You haven't fed off me since before you moved in.”

“I remember,” you say softly. “I vividly remember every time I have fed off you.”

Olivia moves until she is standing between your legs as you lean back against the counter. Your hands fall to her hips, and your hands slide under her shirt to gently rub her bare skin.

“Please,” she says again.

“I like hearing you beg,” you smirk, making her cheeks turn pink.

Olivia goes to say something, but is silenced by the suddenness with which you switch positions. She always forgets how fast you are until you do things to show how powerful you actually are. There is no fear in these moments, only a softness that overwhelms her. She automatically tilts her head to the side, her vein pulsing with anticipation.

Your fingers run across it gently, making her pulse jump. “I'm assuming you want me to leave this mark unhealed as well?”

She nods emphatically, and you let out a soft laugh. You lean forward, kissing softly and slowly along her neck until your fangs fully grow.

“Please,” she whispers, closing her eyes. “I need you.”

You finally give in to what she wants when you bite down a couple of inches below where you last fed. The moan that rips from your throat after you break skin would make you embarrassed if it wasn't for the way Olivia’s hands tightened in your hair to pull you closer.

Just the feel of her blood on your tongue makes you feel stronger already. A deep-rooted relief spreads through the bond from finally giving in to the desire to feed that has been lingering for days. If your mind were a little clearer, you’d suspect that’s why this feeding feels different than the ones before. More intense emotionally speaking, but physically too.

It is only when her body starts to slacken that you finally pull away. You lick the wound once and attempt to seal it, but when you go to lick a second time, she tugs your hair gently.

“No,” she says.

“Baby, at one point you are going to have to let me cover up these marks,” you tell her, not trying to hide the smile on your face. Secretly — or maybe not so secretly, depending on how much the bond shares with her — you love that she loves her marks on you, but you realize that eventually they do need to be covered up around others.

“Or you can just start putting them in less noticeable places,” Olivia argues before leaning in to kiss you. “You ready to get dressed and go out?”

“Yes, but are you? I fed off you a little more than usual this time,” you say, looking her over to make sure she isn’t unsteady on her feet.

She smiles and avoids your question by saying. “You are getting more comfortable feeding off me.” When you roll your eyes, she decides to answer it. “I feel perfectly fine. I’m just excited to spend the day with my girl.”

“Then let’s go spend the day together,” you smile.

-~-

Consciously remembering to inhale and exhale so you blend in with the human population is extremely exhausting; you discover after a few hours of having to do exactly that.

It’s cloudy today, so it’s easy to walk through the city without having to duck in and out of the shadows. You know that Olivia was right in taking you out; you don't own a lot of things. It’s a side effect of traveling around a lot and never staying in one place long enough to put down roots. However, of all the things you are to get today, it is the phone you are most excited about. Not because you truly want to learn the technology, but because it gives you a more direct link to contact Olivia. Sure, the bond is always there, but it has its limitations when she is still a human.

Shopping for clothes hadn’t been so bad. You didn’t have to be so conscious about your breathing since you were in the fitting rooms a lot. Even with your overall excitement, it was the phone store that got to you.

Remembering to ‘breathe’, the lengthy process of setting up the phone, answering the worker’s questions, and the scent of the people in the store left you feeling overwhelmed. You had fed off Olivia enough to not be hungry, but the scent of all the people you’ve been around today has your fangs trying to come out. You try to keep them at bay, but it becomes harder by the second.

“Olivia,” your murmur, your face near hers to inhale her scent rather than anyone else. As intoxicating as you find her scent to be, it’s also soothing. “How much longer is this going to take?”

Olivia looks over at you, automatically sensing something is wrong. “Not much longer, why?”

“I need to get out of here,” you explain quietly but urgently. There is enough anxiety laced in the words for Olivia’s brow to crinkle in concern.

“Hang in there, okay? Almost done, I swear,” she promises, her hand lacing in yours.

It is a relief for a moment until it draws more attention to you and Olivia. It doesn’t matter that the world is more accepting now; there will still be those who gawk at two women holding hands. Right now, you couldn't give a shit because her hand is the only thing keeping you semi-grounded.

During the last five minutes it takes for the worker to finish everything up, you find yourself silently cataloguing everyone in the store by whose blood would be most nutritious first. You don’t realize what you’re doing until Olivia gets your attention and the two of you swiftly leave the store.

You don’t say a word the entire way back to her apartment, mortified and ashamed at what you had been thinking about to pass the time. You can’t remember the last time you did such a thing, and the guilt of doing it hits its peak when you get back to the apartment.

You and Olivia are barely in the door when you abruptly turn around and hug her, the two of you dropping the bags of merchandise you carried from her car. You nuzzle your face into her neck and inhale shakily, letting the scent of her fill your nostrils and settle into your muscles and bones.

“It’s okay, Y/N,” Olivia says calmly. “You’re safe, I got you.”

“It’s not okay,” you reply, your voice breaking as the first sob tears its way out of you.

You feel one of her arms wrap around your waist to keep you on your feet as the sobs shake your body. Her other hand reaches up and cradles the back of your head with a gentleness you’re convinced you don’t deserve.

“You did such a good job today,” she quietly praises. “I’m so proud of you.”

“You don’t get it,” you choke out between sobs. You discreetly wipe your bloody tears on her shirt to avoid panic from her before you pull away enough to look her in the face, despite the shame that weighs heavily in your chest. “I started cataloguing people in that phone store by how healthy their blood is. Children are at the top of that list, Olivia. Babies. Only monsters want to harm babies.”

Your voice cracks again as a memory resurfaces. A little girl in the phone store, no older than seven, making eye contact with you. Her face was unreadable to you, but you remember her subtly recoiling when she met your gaze, as if your monstrous intent was entirely readable to her.

Olivia looks at you without fear or judgment, anger or disdain, but instead with softness, with love. For a moment, you find it scary that she could love a monster like you. It seems Olivia comes to her senses when you watch the look in her eye change to panic, eyes widening.

“Why are you crying blood?”

You blink, dumbfounded that that is what she decides to focus on, and you quickly wipe the tear away. “I’m okay, it’s fine,” you sniffle embarrassment in your voice. “Vampires don’t produce any fluids. Blood is all there is.”

“Does it hurt?”

You shake your head. “No, it just feels weird sometimes. Another thing on the list of reasons that I'm a monster.”

“You’re not a monster, Y/N,” Olivia says sincerely. “Monsters are who I deal with every day. They don’t care about anyone around them. But you? You do. You make food and clothes for the homeless. You care about others more than you care about yourself sometimes. You didn’t harm a single person you walked by today, no matter how badly you wanted to.”

You shake your head again as your face crumples, and another blood tear rolls down your cheek. Olivia rubs it away with a brush of her thumb. You run your tongue along your teeth and grimace when it comes in contact with your fangs, which are fully protruding despite not being hungry.

Olivia reaches up and gently cups your cheek. “What is it, baby?”

“My fangs,” you wince as they begin to ache. “They protrude if I’m overwhelmed.”

“What can I do?”

“I…I need to bite something. If I wait for them to recede on their own, it could take hours.”

“You can bite me. I trust you.”

To prove her point — and eliminate protest from you — she pulls you in for another hug and guides your head to her neck. She lets out a quiet, shaky exhale as you leave featherlight kisses from her neck to her shoulder. You reach up and move aside the clothing covering her shoulder. You press your lips against the skin before your tongue darts out to dampen the area. The moment your fangs sink in, the relief is immediate. You moan against her skin and hold her tighter against you, one arm around her waist while your other hand rests on the nape of her neck.

You’re not sure when it happens, but another round of tears hits you. Your cries are much quieter this time, almost silent. You aren’t sure if they’re from the relief of the ache of your fangs or the residual guilt and shame you feel for your thoughts in the phone store. What you do know is Olivia holds you through it all, her hand cradling the back of your head while her soft, soothing voice fills your ear.

You don’t know how long the two of you stand there holding each other before Olivia turns her head and kisses your temple. “How about I run us a warm bath while you take the bags to the bedroom?”

You have no practical use for the bathroom since you don’t produce any waste, nor do you ever need to shower, but you know of humans taking a bath purely to relax and unwind, and doing that with her sounds like something you could really benefit from.

You nod before you pull away, quickly wiping your cheeks as you look away from her. She grabs your chin and kisses you softly. “I love you,” she whispers.

“And I love you,” you murmur, your lips twitching briefly.

Your movements are slow as you pick up the bags that the two of you dropped and carry them to the bedroom. You hear the water already running by the time you set them on the bed. The idea of idly standing around and waiting for the tub to fill doesn’t sound appealing, so you decide to make quick work of taking care of the new clothes you bought. You remove the tags and put everything away before you strip off your clothes and pile them with Olivia’s.

Your jaw clenches when you first step into the water. It’s hot against your cold skin, but you know it’s perfect for Olivia, so you slowly lower yourself into it and into your lover’s arms. Olivia nuzzles her nose against the back of your earlobe before she softly kisses your neck.

“I love you,” she says, her arms around your waist, tightening a little.

She quietly inhales at the same time she leaves another kiss on your neck, and your earthy scent fills her nose. Mixed with the floral scent of her perfume, she feels like she’s hugging a flower garden deep in the woods. She wonders idly if you garden in the warmer months as she hums, low and soft, from the smell of you.

The tone of her hum, the implication of how happy and content she is with you in this moment, causes a warm feeling to blossom in your chest. You lean your head back against Olivia with it tilted to the side to give her more access as her lips continue their slow journey along your neck. You let out a soft moan when her featherlight kisses turn into open-mouthed ones.

“It’s okay to be vulnerable sometimes,” she whispers against your skin. “It’s okay to fall apart. I promise, I’ll be here to pick up the pieces.”

You turn your head and kiss her, your hand emerging from the water to rest on the back of her head. The kiss is slow and tongue-filled, yet warm and filled with love to the point that when you pull away for her to breathe, your face is crumpled, and more tears are ready to spill.

“Shh, you don’t need to speak,” she says when you part your lips. “Let me take care of you.”

You feel her hands move higher and cup your breasts. She kneads them unhurriedly. You look down to watch, and your lashes flutter when she rolls your nipples between her fingers. You moan when she pinches and tugs them hard enough to make your head press into her shoulder.

“So responsive,” she whispers, and you swear you feel something in your heat up at the smile you hear in her tone.

The world around you melts away, and your thoughts slip through your fingers like dry sand as she alternates between kneading your breasts and pinching, tugging, and rolling your nipples. Her lips continue leaving open-mouthed kisses along your neck and jawline. A shiver rushes up your spine when she nips at your skin. You don’t realize you’re squirming until your hands reach up to grip the edge of the bathtub.

“You’re so beautiful,” she says softly as her hand disappears under the water again. “You’re so gentle and kind.”

You let out a loud moan when she starts to rub your clit. You open your eyes to watch her hand work.

“I love the sounds you make when I touch you. I love how sensitive you are right now.”

You let out a sound that’s half whimper, half moan at her words and the pleasure radiating through you. You know Olivia has a thing for your voice. She loves when you talk to her as you’re working her up, loves when you talk her through it. You didn’t realize you love it too until now.

“You are thoughtful. And selfless. You take such good care of me.”

It’s the last sentence that gets to you. It slithers its way into your non-beating heart and wraps around it like a loving hug after a long day. You let out a broken moan and look at her with tear-filled eyes. Thoughts have been hard to grasp, but you suddenly find yourself holding onto one as her gaze meets yours.

“I love you too,” she says, like she can read your mind as she rubs your clit harder and faster.

Your thighs tremble, and your hips start to grind against her fingers for more. “Right there, right there,” you moan. “Please don’t stop.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it, my love.” She kisses your cheek, your forehead, and finally your lips and pulls you tighter against her. “You’re getting close, aren’t you?”

You nod, your tongue poking out to wet your lips.

“Cum for me, Y/N. Just let go.”

It doesn’t take much more before you feel your orgasm wash over you, pulling one last moan from deep in your throat before you go silent and squirm in her arms.

Olivia moans simply at the sight of you and keeps rubbing your clit even as you twitch and shiver from the aftershocks of your orgasm.

“Liv,” you finally manage to gasp, your torso curling forward. “I don’t think—“

“Yes, you can,” she interrupts gently. “You’ve got another one in you, I know you do.”

One thing she knew was that when the two of you stepped out of this bathtub, those thoughts of being a monster would be long forgotten, and you would feel relaxed and loved.

She decreases the friction on your clit by changing from tight, fast circles to looser, slower ones, and the heavy exhale you let out tells her she’s on the right track. Your head presses back against her shoulder, and your eyes flutter shut again.

“That’s it, baby,” she encourages. “Just close your eyes and feel.”

She starts up on the kisses again, starting behind your ear and slowly making her way down to your neck. You let out a weak whimper when you feel her start to nip at the taut muscles in your neck. When she places a wet kiss near where your pulse should be, the realization of what she’s about to do hits you through the fog of pleasure.

It almost feels like it happens in slow motion, the feel of her teeth as they sink into your skin, but your body’s reaction is immediate.

With a sharp, sudden cry, your second orgasm blindsides you. Your body goes still in her embrace, but she keeps rubbing and biting, keeps extending the pleasure that doesn’t seem to end. You’re too caught up in its intensity to hear her muffled moans against your skin.

The first thing you register is your hand reaching into the water to grasp her wrist, and then her hand. The second thing you notice is how both of you are trembling from the aftershocks of an orgasm. You blink a couple of times before looking over at her.

“Did you just cum too?” You ask bluntly, your mind uncharacteristically hazy with pleasure that won’t seem to let go.

“Yeah,” she sighs, sounding as shocked as you feel. “Did you know—“

“No, I-i had no idea.”

You had no idea that a bite would trigger a simultaneous orgasm. But you knew Olivia had been aroused from working you up, so it made sense. Maybe it was just another side effect of the bond.

“Just like I didn’t know you were gonna bite me until just before you did,” you murmur.

Olivia’s cheeks turn a deeper pink at record speed, and you can’t help but chuckle briefly.

“I don’t know, it just felt right,” she admitted quietly. “It was like…an urge.”

“Did you leave a mark?”

She nods briefly before softly kissing each bite she left. There are three in total: one on your neck, one near the base of it, and one on your shoulder.

“Just getting some practice in,” she quips, smiling briefly against your skin.

You barely register the words, still stuck in a haze of crashing back from your earlier anxiety. You faintly register the alarm that goes off in your head at her words. Was she thinking about being turned? That could never happen.

“You don't need practice. The only person you will be biting is me,” you murmur and then yawn.

Olivia laughs, pushing past your remark temporarily. “You know, for a vampire who swore she never slept, you yawn a lot.”

You shrug, tilting your head to kiss her. “I’ve never been around another human that makes me so tired,” you smirk, causing her to chuckle and lightly swat you. “But curling up in bed with you right now sounds like heaven.”

When you are finally tucked into bed, your head lying on Olivia’s chest, you feel whole for the first time in your life. Her heartbeat is the constant reminder that you have lived long enough to find someone who is made for you.

Her hand gently runs through your hair as she says, “Your skin may be cold, and your heart may no longer beat, my love, but you still carry a warmth within you that’s rarer than the rarest mineral on earth. Please never forget that.”

Her words catch you off guard to the point that tears quickly well in your eyes. “I love you,” you whisper tearfully, because you don't know what else to say.

“I love you more,” she says.

For a while, the two of you bask in the silence that quickly fills the bedroom. After several hours of being around people and noise, this small moment of peace feels like a well-earned reward. For a long time, silence filled every moment of your existence to the point that you despised it sometimes. Now, the company isn’t so bad since you have Olivia to share it with.

-

Taglist

Noah has finally let himself fully drift off when there is a knock on the door. Olivia jumps at the sound, causing him to stir slightly. She leans down to kiss his forehead gently before walking to the door. Olivia’s whole body is tense as she looks to see who is waiting. She releases a breath she didn’t know she was holding when her eyes catch on familiar blonde hair.

“Amanda,” she whispers as she opens the door.

“Olivia,” the blonde smiles, but then suddenly looks nervous. “I just…I just wanted to come check in on you and Noah.”

Olivia opens the door wider, beckoning Amanda inside. “I’m pretty sure Noah has eaten his weight in pizza, and I jump at every sound I hear…so I guess as fine as can be expected.”

The first thing Amanda does when she gets inside is look for Noah. When her eyes fall on the little boy sleeping on the couch, it is like a weight has been lifted off her shoulders, and her body calms slightly. This reaction isn’t lost on Olivia who feels her heart flutter at the younger woman’s concern. The fact that Amanda was just as willing to burn the world to the ground to find Noah is not lost on Olivia. It is the only thing that she has been able to think about lately when she isn't worried about Noah disappearing again.

“Hey, I never got to thank you for everything that you did to look for Noah over the last couple of days,” Olivia says gratefully. “You really looked out for him.”

“Of course, he is your kid,” Amanda shrugs, trying to play off the way that her heart starts to beat rapidly. “You and Noah deserve to have people in your corner.”

Olivia grins at how true those words are. Before she can lose her nerves she offers. “Would you like to stay for a little bit? I could use the company.”

Amanda nods, pulling off her coat which Olivia takes immediately. The older woman shoves it into the closet before making her way to the small kitchen. Amanda follows, unsure of what to do besides occupying the same space as Olivia. It is the same back and forth game they have been playing with each other for weeks. Amanda is getting tired of skirting around what she really wants but also is helpless in deciding how to change it.

“Would you like something to drink? I have water, soda, wine,” Olivia offers, not looking at Amanda.

“Actually, do you have hot chocolate?” The blonde asks softly.

Olivia laughs, finally locking eyes with Amanda. “You really want hot chocolate?”

Amanda feels a blush cross her cheeks as she shrugs. “Something about a warm drink sounds really comforting right now.”

Oliva nods her hands automatically pulling open one of the cupboards. “You know what, that sounds like a great idea.”

She works quickly to make two cups of hot chocolate and the two women bicker a little bit when Amanda refuses whip cream and marshmallows. Olivia overflows her cup with the sugary toppings and then they trek out to the couch. Noah is still curled up in a ball at the edge of the couch. It forces Amanda and Olivia to sit close to each other on the other portion.

Olivia runs her fingers gently through the young boy’s hair. “You know, sometimes I can't believe he is mine. It doesn’t feel real.”

Amanda softens at the words gently placing her hand on Olivia’s thigh to rub it in reassuring circles. “But he is yours, and you just proved how important that is.”

Olivia lays her hand over Amanda’s grabbing it in a momentary squeeze. Her thumb begins to stroke the back of the other woman’s hand to calm her nerves. “For a moment I thought he was gone forever and I don’t… I don’t know if I could survive that.”

“You’ll never have to figure out if you can. I’ll make sure of that,” Amanda reassures her with a fierce determination.

Olivia smiles, then laughs lightly. “I’m sure you will.”

Amanda blushes under the attention realizing that the sentence may have given away a little more than she wanted. That is also when she notices that Olivia’s hand hasn’t left hers. Instead the burnette takes a long sip of her hot chocolate before placing it down and grabbing the remote.

“Do you have a preference on what we watch?” Olivia asks as she readjusts herself closer to Amanda.

For a moment the blonde thinks that she is imagining all of this until Olivia practically molds herself against Amanda’s side. Amanda tries her best not to let her voice wobble as she responds. “I don’t really watch movies or TV in general so anything is fine with me.”

“If it wasn’t for this guy,” Olivia says nodding towards Noah, “I would be up reading case files every night.” She flicks on the TV changing it to HGTV. “Now I watch this and laugh at the outrageous things people put in their houses.”

Amanda takes a sip of her hot chocolate before she moves it to the coffee table next to Olivia’s. The movement causes Olivia to move her hand for a moment but Amanda grabs it so that she can’t go far. Amanda settles back next to the burnette and moves their clasped hands to her lap. She doesn’t acknowledge it, just grips it tighter as she looks at the TV.

“Rich people really just don’t know what to do with all their money,” she comments.

Olivia laughs again and Amanda feels the familiar flutter of butterflies in her stomach. She loves making Olivia laugh and has started to make it her personal mission to make her laugh as much as possible. It hasn’t been easy the last couple of days, even before Noah had been kidnapped, but Amanda is happy to have the laughter back.

They watch the show making comments and laughing over the outrageous things they could never dream of affording. They don’t acknowledge it happening but eventually Olivia’s head sinks to Amanda’s shoulder. When she finally settles Amanda turns her head and places a kiss to Olivia’s hair. It is barely audible but Olivia lets out a quiet hum as she nuzzles closer.

They are both too scared to acknowledge that the walls they have built have started to crumble in the presence of each other but the air is charge with its knowledge. Which is why they both jump when Noah begins to stir.

He rubs his eyes groggily looking at Olivia murmuring that he needs to go to the bathroom before wandering off. When he disappears around the corner Olivia finally looks down at her phone cursing at the time.

“It’s late,” she murmurs with an air of defeat.

Amanda finally untangles her hand from Olivia’s standing to stretch her frozen limbs. “Yeah, I guess I should get going. Let you get some much need sleep.”

She turns to grab her coat from the closet when Olivia’s voice calls out to her. “Or you could stay.” She lets the statement hang there only for a second before she adds, “I would feel better if you weren’t trying to walk home or get a cab this late.”

The blonde looks at the older woman with a rock in her throat. “Are you sure you want me to stay?”

“Yes, absolutely,” Olivia says getting up and walking over till they are only a foot apart. “Please Manda… stay.”

“If I am going to stay I need to do this first,” Amanda whispers before hooking her fingers into the waistband of Olivia’s sweat pants pulling the older woman to her.

She doesn’t hesitate to lean in and kiss Olivia. Amanda plans for it to be a short kiss but when she goes to pull away Olivia chases her lips. They stand there for a moment basking in the warmth that radiates from their chest until Olivia finally backs up to catch her breath.

“Better than my dreams,” Amanda whispers causing Olivia to roll her eyes.

“So you have been dreaming of me?” She asks with a cocked eyebrow.

Amanda nods her fingers making soft circles along Olivia’s hips. “Every day.”

Olivia goes to respond but then the soft patter of Noah’s footsteps stop her. Amanda thinks that Olivia is going to pull away entirely but she merely turns in Amanda’s arms to look at the little boy. “Aunt Manda is going to spend the night with us, is that okay with you?”

Noah grins pacing excitedly from foot to foot. “Does this mean that we all get to have a sleepover in your bed tonight?”

Olivia nods, a smile playing across her lips. “Why don’t you grab Eddie and then meet me and Manda in my room okay?”

Noah runs off to his room and Olivia turns to take Amanda’s hand. There is a moment where Amanda can’t believe that she is actually going to be staying in Olivia Benson’s room. Sure it is with a four year old sharing the same bed, but hell it is better than sleeping in her small bed all alone. Especially when Olivia hands her a t-shirt and a pair of boxer shorts to change into.

“The bathroom is over there if you,” Olivia stammers and then blushes when Amanda begins to take off her clothes. “Or you can get changed right here.”

“Not spending a single moment not by your side,” Amanda smirks before winking. “Especially when I know what it feels like to kiss you.”

Olivia’s cheek turn a bright red as she digs her own clothes out of the dresser. “You are too much sometimes, you know that?”

Amanda finishes pulling the shirt over her head before she leans over and kisses Olivia on the cheek. “You’ll get used to it.”

Olivia grins then as she piles her own clothes in the laundry basket and switches over to her pajamas. Just as the shirt settles around her bare thighs Noah walks in Eddie tucked underneath his arm. He runs towards Amanda grabbing her in a tight hug. The blonde leans down to kiss him on the top of his head returning the hug just as strongly.

“Hey kid thanks for letting me crash your sleepover.”

“You’re welcome but Mommy sleeps in the middle. She snores,” he says before running over to the bed.

“You really just want me in the middle so I have to endure you kicking me all night,” Olivia retorts, which makes Noah’s grin grow even wider.

Olivia runs over to the bed tickling Noah in his sides which makes his laughter fill the room. Amanda watches with a smile on her face as Olivia then showers the boy in kisses all over his nose and cheeks. She can’t believe that this life was almost taken from Olivia, and vows then to make sure more of these moments can happen between the three of them.

Finally when Olivia settles under the covers with Noah she beckons Amanda over. As she pulls the blankets around her Amanda hesitates for a moment wondering how to position herself when Olivia lays her head back against Amanda’s shoulder. Amanda’s hand finds Olivia's under the cover and she lets out a tiny sigh of relief.

“Goodnight Manda. Goodnight Mom,” Noah says as he curls himself around Eddie.

The two women say their goodnight to the little boy who falls asleep within a matter of moments. They don’t say anything, just let the silence envelope them like a warm blanket. Amanda isn’t sure how long they lay there before she whispers.

“Can I kiss you goodnight?”

She feels Olivia move in response so that Amanda is free to lay on her side. Amanda moves her hand to cup Olivia’s cheek studying all of the features she has been learning across the precinct for years. Olivia’s eyes glimmer in the soft light that comes through her curtains and she smiles broad enough that Amanda can see the roundness of her cheeks.

Amanda leans in to kiss her and this time when she swipes her tongue across Olivia’s lower lip she is granted access immediately. She teases the older woman for a moment before pulling back to kiss her gently on the nose.

“Goodnight Liv.”

Olivia’s eyes flutter open and she nuzzles closer to Amanda, one hand coming to pull her in by the hips. “Goodnight Amanda. I look forward to my good morning kiss.”

Amanda laughs, her hand running softly up and down Olivia’s spine. “I will give you as many kisses as you want, I promise.”

You blink your eyes slowly, trying to reorient yourself to your surroundings. There is a split second of peace when you realize that you are in Olivia’s bed, curled against her side, before you remember what is happening. She is tracing the bites along your back, counting them softly under her breath, as if trying to figure out the pieces to a puzzle that she doesn’t have a diagram for. You scramble to the edge of the bed and find the first shirt you can get your hands on so that you can put it on.

Olivia jumps at your sudden movement, visibly confused by your behavior. She reaches for your arm to pull you back but you yank it away from her as you get off the bed. The next time Olivia blinks, you’re wedged in the furthest corner of the room with your legs to your chest and your arms wrapped around your legs.

It is in these moments that you wish that Olivia weren’t as stubborn as she is. She only waits a couple of moments before wrapping the top sheet around her and following after you. The purple fabric cascades around her and you wish for a moment that you hadn’t fallen asleep at all. If you had been awake, you could still be nestled inside that safe cocoon instead of fighting back a panic that you haven’t felt in years.

“Baby,” Olivia says gently, stopping a couple feet in front of you. You can tell that she wants to reach out but she pauses, trying to figure out what to do next. “You were sleeping and I…I noticed that you have a lot of bites on your back.”

You attempt to force words out of your throat but they sit like an anchor in your throat that threatens to drag you under. Your arms move so that your fingers can dig into your hair, your nails scraping at your scalp to try and rid yourself of the memories that are floating to the surface.

There’s blood on you bare back. You feel it slowly running down your side, down your arm. You feel the pain of three different sets of fangs at different times as they sink into your skin. Their moans fill your ears, muting the sound of your weakened winces and cries. You’re so tired, and yet part of you is hanging on. You don’t know why, since the longer you hang on, the more your suffering continues. You reach up to wipe away a trail of blood that reaches your peripheral vision but it’s useless, your hand coming back covered in more blood.

“Y/N, Y/N,” Olivia calls out, her hand gently shaking your shoulder now to get your attention.

Your focus snaps back to her brown eyes that are riddled with fear. You look down to realize that you have clawed little marks into your forearms. Except this time there is no blood that rushes like in the memories. Nothing comes out because you don’t have a beating heart anymore. All you are is a monster.

“I’m here,” Olivia says, wrapping your arms around her.

She slots herself against you so that you can feel her warmth along your arms and through the t-shirt you hastily threw on. She raises a hand to gently force your head up to look at her. She lets her thumb run slowly up and down your jawline as she searches your eyes for what could be going on.

“Talk to me,” she pleads, her voice cracking.

You lean your forehead against hers so you don’t have to look her in the eye. “I really wish you hadn’t seen those,” you murmur.

Olivia can feel the dread pulsing across the bond stronger than she’s ever felt any other emotion. Her hands wrap around your neck to make sure that you stay pressed against her. Before the question even leaves her mouth, she is terrified of the answer but she knows that she has to ask.

“What are they from?”

You shake your head before your fingers get the chance to curl around her hips. “No. No. We aren’t talking about this. No.”

Olivia moves back to try and catch your eye but you take this time to nuzzle into her neck instead. You wrap your arms around her tighter causing her to momentarily lose her breath.

“Please, don’t make me talk about this,” you whisper into her neck. “Just forget you ever saw them at all. Please, I’m begging you.”

The resolve in Olivia wavers for a moment but she can’t let it go. Not when she can clearly see that keeping it inside is slowly poisoning you. Instead, she lets her fingers curl through your hair so she can make gentle circles along your scalp.

“Whatever happened to you is not your fault. What happened to you doesn’t make you the monster,” she murmurs, tilting her head to kiss your temple. “Please tell me what happened.”

You know that you can’t tell her what happened. The words have made it clear that they will stay stuck in your throat no matter how hard you try to force them out. So you do something that you promised yourself you would never do: transfer thoughts to Olivia.

Your fingers come up to cradle her temple and her body jolts as you open the pathway to your mind for the first time in decades.

“Are you sure?” You ask again.

She simply nods, and you can feel her body brace for whatever is about to happen.

-~-

The street you walk on is dark, with the oil lamps offering minimal light. When you had set out earlier, it hadn’t been nearly as bleak. When the storm clouds had rolled over the moon, it created a different scene that you weren’t prepared for. It wouldn’t have been nearly as costly if you had been keeping better track of time, because then you would have made it home before they started to prowl the streets.

Vampires weren't just fairy tales back then. They were monsters who ruled the streets and took whatever they wanted. Those who questioned their power were killed on the spot, those who went along with what was asked often fared a much better fate. Sometimes. Which is why you didn't fight when a pair of hands snuck out of the darkness and snatched you. You merely closed your eyes and tried to brace for the impact.

It is here that you first feel Olivia fighting back against the memory. She doesn't understand why you didn't fight back. Why this version of you seem so pliant.

You reach across the bond to explain: Back then, saying no to men was not a choice. No was a death sentence.

Olivia shudders at the confession. She forgot that while your body hasn't changed, you have endured years of a world she had no access to. You think about stopping there to spare her the cruelty that you know follows. She reads your thoughts and places a hand over yours so you can’t remove it.

You show her the three men who drag you through the woods then. Vampires with blood still running down their face and a void in their eyes that can't be fed. Their hands rip at your dress until the breeze rolls across goosebumps that seem to cover every inch of your body.

Olivia has to endure every brush of their hand as they take what was never theirs. She writhes at the way your focus collapses when they begin feeding off of you. They keep you right on the edge of consciousness long enough to torment you again and again. She sees the blood that drips down your limbs and fill your mouth when you bite back screams. Olivia feels every detail of your pain until you finally go still.

The stillness makes her heart race and her mind fill with fear because this is the closest to death she has ever seen you be, despite knowing that you make it through. Her fear only settles when you awake in a body that is both yours and not at the same time. The first words you hear as a vampire and the last one she hears of the memory is a grainy voice crackling with laughter.

“Welcome to the world of the undead, my pet.”

You let go of her temple once the story is done. As Olivia snaps back into her body, you feel her tremor from having to readjust but she doesn’t let go. She nuzzles her face into your neck and you feel the way her tears wet the shirt you put on.

“Thank you for sharing that with me. I’m so sorry they did that to you,” she murmurs, squeezing you closer to her.

“You don’t think I’m a monster?” You ask with a tremor in your voice.

She pulls back to cup your cheek gently and press a kiss to your nose. “I think you are one of the most amazing people I have ever met.”

“I don’t deserve you, Olivia Benson.”

“You deserve the world,” Olivia corrects you, “I am merely trying to hand it to you.”

You laugh, leaning in to kiss her. “I love you.”

Olivia smiles, reaching down for your hand. “Now come back to bed with me.”

Right before you are about to get under the covers, Olivia stops you and reaches for the hem of your shirt. She pauses to search your eyes for consent. You give it to her with a simple nod. She pulls the shirt over your head and throws it out of easy reach. She nuzzles her head against your shoulder as you lay back down again, placing a soft kiss to the bite that occupies that space.

“I thought you said you couldn’t sleep,” she whispers as she places more kisses along your back.

Your body vibrates as she finds another bite and gives it another open-mouthed kiss. Your hand curls into the sheet as her hand begins to make small circles down your side.

“I didn’t know I could sleep. There were rumors that we could go into a sleep-like state, but I guess I just never felt safe enough to let myself get there.”

You feel Olivia smirk against your skin as she moves to kiss further down your back. “Are you saying that you feel safe here?”

“I’m with you, so of course it feels safe.”

You feel Olivia’s heart fluttering through the bond and it soothes the ache that has gown in your chest since she found the bites. The bites that she is becoming well acquainted with as she kisses down your back. With every bite she murmurs a phrase that sends your thoughts spiraling.

You have beautiful eyes and a smile that lights up the room. You make every day brighter. You are the kindest person I know. Your strength and compassion inspire me every day. Your smile makes my heart sing. You are my star in the darkness. You bring out the best in me. You are my biggest support. You are so wise. You make forever seem like something I can commit to. You are my safe place. You always know the right things to say. You show me what it is like to be truly cared for. You make me feel like I deserve to be alive. You are not a monster.

Fifteen in total. A kiss to erase the horrible memories that are associated with each bite. It doesn’t absolve you of all the thoughts running in your head but they act as a replacement, something to ease the pain that lingers there. It is the first time since they appeared that you haven't felt like a monster.

She pulls on your shoulder until you are laying down. She moves to lay across you placing a soft kiss to your mouth. “I love you.”

You murmur back “I love you,” as she kisses down your jaw. She skims her teeth along your neck until she gets to your pulse point and you think she is going to bite you. You moan at the thought, suddenly turned on by the idea, but she continues on.

She kisses down your chest until she gently flicks her tongue over your nipple. You groan, your chest arching towards her. She takes the hint and moves a hand to cup your breast. Her thumb flicks your nipple as her mouth begins to suck on the other one.

“Liv,” you whimper as you feel the familiar coil building in your stomach.

She grins against your skin as she switches breasts. Olivia may have never slept with a woman before, but she’s a quick learner and is determined to make your thoughts fade into something lighter and softer. It’s already working by the time she starts to leave open mouth kisses by your stomach.

Your legs fall open to accommodate her but she determines that it isn't enough. Her hands grab your thighs and spread them further apart. You jump as her warm finger slides across your clit.

“I can't believe I'm the one who gets to make you feel like this,” she murmurs as she kisses your inner thigh. “My heart, my soul, my life…all yours.”

Your chest aches at her words and you reach for her hand to find a way to ground yourself. She takes it with a smile, letting her fingers curl around yours. She leans forward to place a soft kiss on your clit.

“You are the most amazing person I have ever met,” she whispers.

You think about telling her she is wrong, that you aren't a person at all, but she silences these thoughts by tentatively swiping her tongue along your core from entrance to clit. You moan softly when she hones her focus on your clit.

“That’s it baby. Right there,” you encourage her.

You feel pride flutter across the bond when she realizes that she is doing a good job. You put a hand in her hair when she swirls her tongue around your clit. You worry for a moment it will startle her but it does the exact opposite. She speeds up, her swirls turning to quick, firm flicks.

“Shit I'm,” you choke out fingers scraping across her scalp. “I'm going to cum baby.”

Olivia moans against you at your warning and presses herself closer to you, her tongue dipping into your entrance as you finally let go. You think that will be the end but her tongue returns to your clit to make room for her fingers that curl inside of you.

“Oh shit. Shit. Shit,” you growl as you feel yourself approaching another orgasm.

Your hips grinds against her and with how her fingers curl against your g-spot perfectly, you know you won’t last long.

“I love you. I love being yours. I'm yours forever,” you tell Olivia as you pull on her hair.

She moans into you and that is when you fall apart. During your haze of the second orgasm you realize Olivia is cumming too with her free hand between her own legs. When she pulls away there is an easy smile on her face. She kisses each of your thighs before sliding up to lay next to you.

“Are you sure you haven't done this before?” You ask teasingly.

“Never,” she smiles as she curls you to her. “You make everything safe, easy.” She kisses your forehead. “You're the only one for me.”

You place your ear on Olivia’s chest, listening to the way her heart beat sounds in your ear to help you drift back into that same place of safety you felt the night before. You don't know how to tell her that you listen to her heart to remember how to feel real. To remind that little monster crawling around your head that there is someone whose heart beats perfectly for you. It is with every thump that you feel like maybe you can last one more second.

Olivia’s fingers trace gently up and down your spine before her curiosity finally boils over to break the bubble you have created. “What happened to the men who turned you?”

“I killed them,” you state simply. You then add, “well, two of them.”

You refuse to look up in case you have shattered everything you have built and rush to explain. “Newborn vampires are particularly…aggressive. They are hard to control and those who are turned during acts of violence often seek revenge. Roberto, the one who you heard at the end, used to this advantage. He let me hunt the other men down and I…I….”

You pause then, your stomach turning as you remember the violence you had unleashed upon the men. It was well deserved and not even a fraction of what you had endured, but it didn't mean that you had to remember it with joy.

“I killed them,” you murmur, heartbroken, “and when I was done Roberto unleashed me on others. Other vampires. Men. Women…children.” Your fingers dig into Olivia’s hips but she doesn't move, she just holds you closer. “I became his pet, a monster who did whatever he asked.”

“Where is he now?” Olivia asks.

“It’s been years since we have crossed paths. When I started to control my instincts and fight against him, we battled. It was scrappy and I almost won, but he got away. I tracked him for months, but when the trail went cold I gave up.”

You can feel Olivia’s anger over the bond. It consumes her rational thought and you know she wants to hunt this man down for herself. You move your head to look at the blackness that consumes her vision. You lean up to kiss her but even then, it takes a few seconds before her body melts into yours.

“Let it go, Liv. He isn't worth it,” you murmur when you pull away.

Olivia shakes her head. “He hurt you. He killed you.”

“And if he hadn't, I wouldn't be in this bed with you,” you remind her, which makes her heart clench. “Please Olivia, just stay in bed with me.”

You can tell the thought still lingers in the back of her mind. You know she won't let this go easily. Olivia is as stubborn as they come, but the chance of her actually being able to find and hurt Roberto is so slim you try not to worry. You already worry enough about Olivia while she is working but at least those are humans she is dealing with. Not some power hungry vampire.

Finally Olivia relents and kisses your forehead. “I love you baby, more than anything in the world.”

You smile nuzzling closer to her feeling the demon finally settle in your mind. “I love you too Liv.”

She wraps her arms tighter around you until she feels your body still. She panics for a moment, afraid something happened to you so she pushes in her mind to find the bond. It isn't perfect, she is limited in her human ability but she finds a strand of it lingering. She pulls at it gently to feel the happiness and love that radiates from your side of the bond. You merely sunk back into that place of trance like sleep that Olivia still can't believe you are safe enough to reach. She kisses your forehead, her fingers still tracing the bites scattered along your back. She vows then that she won't stop until she finds the man that made you believe that you were a monster.

-

Taglist

Olivia tried to make light of it, keeping up her good spirits, but you could tell that it was starting to weigh on her. It’s all you can think about when you are getting ready for bed that night until there is a sharp knock on the door. 

“Maya, what are you doing here?” You ask when you figure out who it is through the peephole.

“Fixing the teachers’ messed-up method of deciding who would sleep with who,” she responds, sliding her hotel key in your hand. “Olivia has been a wreck all night. She doesn't know how to sleep without you.”

You look back into the room where Bridget waves you off. “Go. Go. Maya and I will be fine.”

You curl the key in your hand before slipping out into the hallway. It doesn't take you long to find Olivia’s room. Once it unlocks, you slip inside to find her curled on the bed, wrapped in one of your hoodies.

“It’s fine, Maya, I'll see her…” She stops when she notices that it is you in the entryway.

She drops the remote to the TV, scrambling across the bed. Olivia launches so hard into your arms that you have to take a step back not to lose your balance. 

“Hi, baby,” you murmur as she nuzzles into your neck.

Her arms cling tighter to you as she places soft kisses along your neck. “Hi, my love.”

When she pulls back, you see there is an embarrassed tint to her cheeks. “I'm sorry for making a fuss. I haven't slept without you since our first date. I didn't know what to do.”

You push back a strand of her hair before kissing your forehead. “Well, luckily, you don't have to find out. I'm here now.”

She lets out a hum of pure joy before taking your hand and pulling you to the bed. You settle under the covers while Olivia turns on a show you two have become addicted to. As she settles back against the pillows, her hand automatically reaches out for yours. Your fingers curl through hers, and you realize a part of you is glad that Maya switched you.

You have become spoiled with having Olivia next to you every night. You had spent all day thinking about what you were going to do without her soft snores to help you drift off to sleep, but now you didn't have to worry. 

Now, as she lays her head on your shoulder, your body relaxes into a sense of normalcy. It is in these moments that you see glimpses of what a future with Olivia would look like. What it might be like in ten or twenty years to be curled up on the couch watching TV while children run and play in the background or animals prance from room to room. It hasn't been long since Olivia captured your heart, but you know there is no one else for you.

As one episode ends and another begins, Olivia’s free hand begins to wander. It drifts across your hips and then dips below your shirt. Her fingers make small circles as they make their way up your belly. Finally, they skim along the bottom of your bra that you had forgotten to take off for the night. She lets out a huff of disapproval.

“It’s late, baby, you should get comfortable.”

You let out a huff of laughter. “Comfortable to you is me sleeping naked.”

She nods eagerly, pulling at the hem of your shirt. “I like feeling you against me, what can I say?”

You roll your eyes but move to take off your shirt. You would be lying if you said you didn’t like sleeping next to Olivia naked. You toss it gingerly over the side of the bed and look over to her. “Come on, you get comfortable too.”

It doesn't take long for all your clothes to be piled together with Olivia’s. She lets out a content hum when she pulls your bare back against her chest.  Her arm wraps tightly around your waist as she presses a soft kiss to your shoulder. 

“This is much better,” she murmurs. 

Your hand lies across hers, and you let out a content hum. “Yeah, this is much better.”

She slides a leg between yours and presses herself tighter against your back. The hand at your waist doesn’t take long to start roaming, fingers tracing slow, random lines and patterns on your skin. Your stomach muscles quiver under her touch, and you feel her chuckle vibrate against your back. You simply smile and close your eyes as you bask in her touch. 

Your teeth sink into your lower lip as her hand slowly travels higher and higher, her index finger tracing the underside of your breast. Your lips part with a quiet sigh as she cups it, the warm weight of it fitting in her hand. You can tell she’s touching you simply to touch. There’s no sexual intentions behind it. 

It doesn't stop your stomach from clenching as she gently swipes her thumb over your nipple once, twice, three times before taking it away. She attempts to nuzzle even closer to you, and that is when you realize something is off. 

“What’s wrong, baby?” You ask, unable to move to look at her because of the way she clings to you.

“I don't like sleeping in unusual places,” she murmurs. “It doesn't feel safe.”

“You slept fine the first night that you were at the house,” you point out to her as you try to understand the situation. 

“That was different. I was really tired and you were there holding me all night,” Olivia remarks, kissing your shoulder gently. “Besides, I just…I have just been in my head a little bit. It’s making the normal things seem a lot more nerve-racking than usual.”

“What do you mean?”

Olivia pauses, then her hand tightens around your waist. “I miss my mom.” She sighs then. “I know it is crazy because of what she did that caused me to leave. I just…”

Her breath hitches, and suddenly she doesn’t think that she can finish the sentence. You fill in the gaps for her. “You’re allowed to miss your mom and worry about her, Olivia. It’s your mom.”

“But why do I miss her when all she does is hurt me?” Olivia whispers.

Your hand curls around hers, and you lean back into her as if that alone could bring the comfort that she seeks. It seems to help slightly as she lets out a heavy sigh that rolls over your shoulder. You wish that you could take all of her hurt away and show Olivia how important she actually is. 

“Because you still love her even though she’s hurt you. I can’t imagine how confusing it must be, though. To love someone who has hurt you. But you’re allowed to feel what you’re feeling and I’ll be here to help you through it. My parents too, if you’ll tell them.” 

You make a genuine attempt to look back at her this time, and you’re partially successful because you manage to see a little of her face. “Everyone deserves a mother’s love,” you whisper, bringing your intertwined hands to your lips. “And my mom has plenty to give. But I want you to know that you are allowed to miss your mother and that you will always be safe with me.”

You don't have to see her to know she is smiling, probably with tears in her eyes. She gives away her happiness in the way her body seems to melt against you. 

“I love you,” she whispers into the dark room.

“Not nearly as much as I love you.”

-~-

The next day is full of museums, restaurants, and sightseeing that keep you and Olivia separated. You still have fun running around with your friends and some of your former teammates, and make sure to take lots of pictures, but the time you get back to the hotel all you want is Olivia. You are practically vibrating by the time Maya comes over for the switch.

As soon as you open the door to Olivia’s room she is pulling you inside. You let out a large giggle as she lifts you off your feet and carries you to the bed. She silences your laughter with a kiss as she lays you down. 

“I can’t wait for the day we share a last name and don't have to be separated like this,” Olivia murmurs when she pulls away from the kiss.

 For a moment you forget how to breathe. Olivia had never said something so specific about a future together. She had mentioned always loving you, always being with you, and always creating new memories with you. This, though? This was a solid plan that sent butterflies through your stomach.

Before you can overthink it you blurt out, “I can't wait to be a Benson.”

Olivia stalls at this, her pupils blowing wide. “You want to be a Benson?”

You nod biting down on your bottom lip to gain some courage. “Yeah. You deserve the chance to create a legacy you are proud of. I want to be part of that legacy.”

You see Olivia melt in front of you. There is a red blush that creeps up her neck and to her cheeks as tears well in her eyes. She cups your cheek, kissing your forehead, then your nose, and then your mouth. This kiss is more intense than the first one. She pulls down on your bottom lip until you release a whimper. 

“I can’t wait to be a Benson with you,” she says as her hands grip your hips. “I love you.”

You can’t respond because she leans down to kiss you again as she pulls down your pants. You lift your hips to accommodate and moan when Olivia slides her tongue in your mouth. Your hand goes to curl in her hair as her fingers start mapping out the inside of your thighs. You are forced to pull your hand away when she pulls at the hem of your shirt, throwing it and your bra across the room. 

You try to pay attention to where they go but you get lost as Olivia moves to kiss down your jaw. She gets to your pulse point biting down when you let out a large yelp. She pulls back to place a hand over your mouth. 

“Baby, there are like twenty of our classmates on this floor, and as much of an ego boost I would get from them knowing how good I make you feel, I really don’t want us to get interrupted and for you to get sent back to your room.”

You nod against her hand in a promise to be quiet. She smirks and you know that there is a challenge behind those perfect brown eyes. Olivia wants you to stay quiet but she also wants to make it near impossible to do so. 

She resumes kissing down your collarbones and across your chest until she gets to your breast. It doesn’t matter that she has been in this spot hundred times before. Olivia wants to make sure that she has every inch of your skin memorized. She licks, sucks, and nibbles along the top of your breast until you are arching off the bed towards her. 

She presses herself hard against you so that your hips get pinned to the mattress. It is in that moment she decides to capture your nipple in her mouth. You clap your hand over your mouth this time to stifle a moan that threatens to rip out. 

You can feel Oliivia smirk against your skin as her tongue swirls your nipple. Her free hand comes to cup the other one, her thumb brushing over it three times before she pulls. Your legs involuntarily wrap around her as your back arches off the bed. 

It takes a little effort as both of you are strong from hours of working out to be good volleyball players, but you’re able to push against Olivia’s attempt to pin you down to grind against her for a little relief. Your lashes flutter when you start to grind just right, the friction enough to take the edge off your arousal. You exhale sharply. 

“Oh yes,” you whisper so softly that Olivia barely hears it.

Olivia doesn’t care that you are squirming, she takes her time to leave a hickey on your breast before she moves to the other one. Your hand moves to her hair this time trying to encourage any movement but also to prove a point. You time it perfectly so that when her teeth graze your nipple you claw your fingers against her scalp. She moans low into your skin and you let out a soft giggle. 

“Gotta be quiet remember?” You whisper as you force back your own moan. 

Olivia’s eyes flick up to you and you see a fire burning there. You smile down, mouthing an ‘I love you’. It makes her smile again and she abandons her spot to kiss down along your stomach. You have to bite down on your bottom lip and she nips and sucks little spots down to your hips. 

She spreads your legs, taking her time to kiss down your inner thighs until she is inches from where you need her the most. You know you must be dripping from the way her breath stutters and her fingers dig into your skin. She leans forward to press a soft kiss to your clit and you jump slightly.

“Absolute perfection,” Olivia murmurs before she licks a broad stroke against your clit.

You let out a stuttered breath, one hand curling into the sheets, the other pulling at her hair gently. Your eyes flutter shut as she sucks lightly on your clit and you raise your hips to press harder against her.

“Feels so good,” you murmur.

Her eyes flick up to you as she skims her teeth along your clit. You jump a soft moan escaping before you silence it. Your eyes flutter close and Olivia chooses this moment to move her hands between your legs. As she slides two fingers inside, you have to release the bedsheet to bite down on the inside of your wrist. Your other leaves her hair to curl around the one keeping your hips still. She tangles her fingers in yours and your back arches as she sucks on your clit.

With more space you begin to meet her thrusts your hips pushing off the mattress. She can tell you are close as you clench around her fingers your chest heaving with the effort of staying quiet. For a moment she debates extending your pleasure and slowing her movements but she decides against it when your thighs tighten around her head.

She instead curls quicker and sucks harder until you fall over the edge of your orgasm. You cum biting your wrist to keep yourself from screaming. She doesn't give you a second to breathe as she continues to twist and curl her fingers inside of you.

“Liv, shit,” you grunt and then you are cumming again.

This time when you tighten around her fingers you push her away allowing for some reprieve from the sensations burning across your skin. Olivia kisses each of your thighs before she finally pulls her fingers out. You watch through half lidded eyes as she takes the fingers that were inside of you and sucks on them, thoroughly cleaning them off with her talented tongue. 

Once her fingers are clean she crawls up the bed to curl against your side. She moves a sweaty strand of hair off your forehead to kiss your temple.

“I love you baby.”

You nuzzle into her humming at the happiness that radiates in your chest. “Not nearly as much as I love you.”

When you feel like you can breathe again, you move to your side and push Liv’s shoulder down onto the mattress. You smirk as you kiss her.

“Your turn,” you whisper into her lips. “Think you can be quiet?”

Olivia nods her head but you can tell by her blown pupils that it is going to be near impossible. Olivia has always been incapable of being quiet and you have taken to sleeping with her record player going every night so that it can cover up some of her more enthusiastic moments.

You kiss along her jaw smiling when she automatically moves her head to the side to allow you access. Her breath stutters as you lick at her pulse point and then bite down. You only stay there for a second before you continue a path of open mouthed kisses down her chest.

Olivia seems like she might be able to stay quiet until you become determined to leave a hickey on the curve of her breast. The minute you bite down she moans loudly, her hand coming to curl in your hair. You try to ignore it, leaving the red mark to take a nipple in your mouth.

Her whole body squirms and she whimpers. “Yes baby. Just like that.”

You gently skim your teeth across her nipple and she releases a loud shit that finally makes you pull away. She is panting on the bed, eyes unfocused. 

“I can be quiet, please come back” she pleads.

“I know you’ll be quiet,” you reassure her as you lean over the bed and grab your shirt. You shove it lightly into her mouth. “Cause you are going to bite down on that so I don't have to stop.”

You don't wait for her response, just put your mouth back on the breast you hadn't gotten to. Olivia breathes heavily through her nose as she tries to adjust to her new predicament. When her next moan is muffled by the fabric you smile, realizing that you finally can get to work. 

Your hand slides between her legs that are already spread waiting for you. You don't take it slow, you merely start swirling her clit hard enough that her thighs shake. Her fingers curl back in your hair pulling as you leave another hickey on the underside of her breast.

She is already worked up from watching you cum so it doesn’t take long for her to cum as well. Her stomach twitches as the coil snaps. You wait for her to go over the peak before you take the two fingers that were on her clit and thrust it inside her.

Your eyes flick up to see her bite down on your shirt that barely contains the moan that rips from her. Her hips grind and thrust against you encouraging you to go faster. You only pause for a moment to slide a third finger inside of her. 

The new addition has her hips moving frantically and you merely let her set the pace of the thrusts. You swirl her nipple with your tongue as you press your palm against her clit. Between her thrusts and your hard press side to side it doesn't take long for her second orgasm to come hard and fast.

Her whole body shakes this time, her thighs closing around your hand. Her nails scrape against your scalp and you hear every hard breath that she forces out. The pleasure extends for a couple of moments before her body goes limp.

You gently move your hand out of her which causes her to whimper. You take your shirt from her mouth noting the large wet stain on it. You replace it by putting your fingers inside her mouth which she licks clean. When she is done you kiss her, letting her tongue slip in momentarily to remind you what the two of you combined taste like. 

After the kiss is finished you pull Olivis close to your side. She wraps and arm around your waist holding you so close that there is no space between you.

“I love that you can’t be quiet,” you say, kissing her cheek, “and I can't wait for all our future neighbors to know what my name sounds like when you scream it.”

Olivia rolls her eyes despite how hot her cheeks feel, nuzzling closer to you. “Smart ass.”

“Oh you love it.”

She nods in agreement and places one final kiss on your neck. You pull the covers higher around you both and, within a few minutes, both of you are fast asleep.

-

Taglist

Olivia tried to make light of it, keeping up her good spirits, but you could tell that it was starting to weigh on her. It’s all you can think about when you are getting ready for bed that night until there is a sharp knock on the door. 

“Maya, what are you doing here?” You ask when you figure out who it is through the peephole.

“Fixing the teachers’ messed-up method of deciding who would sleep with who,” she responds, sliding her hotel key in your hand. “Olivia has been a wreck all night. She doesn't know how to sleep without you.”

You look back into the room where Bridget waves you off. “Go. Go. Maya and I will be fine.”

You curl the key in your hand before slipping out into the hallway. It doesn't take you long to find Olivia’s room. Once it unlocks, you slip inside to find her curled on the bed, wrapped in one of your hoodies.

“It’s fine, Maya, I'll see her…” She stops when she notices that it is you in the entryway.

She drops the remote to the TV, scrambling across the bed. Olivia launches so hard into your arms that you have to take a step back not to lose your balance. 

“Hi, baby,” you murmur as she nuzzles into your neck.

Her arms cling tighter to you as she places soft kisses along your neck. “Hi, my love.”

When she pulls back, you see there is an embarrassed tint to her cheeks. “I'm sorry for making a fuss. I haven't slept without you since our first date. I didn't know what to do.”

You push back a strand of her hair before kissing your forehead. “Well, luckily, you don't have to find out. I'm here now.”

She lets out a hum of pure joy before taking your hand and pulling you to the bed. You settle under the covers while Olivia turns on a show you two have become addicted to. As she settles back against the pillows, her hand automatically reaches out for yours. Your fingers curl through hers, and you realize a part of you is glad that Maya switched you.

You have become spoiled with having Olivia next to you every night. You had spent all day thinking about what you were going to do without her soft snores to help you drift off to sleep, but now you didn't have to worry. 

Now, as she lays her head on your shoulder, your body relaxes into a sense of normalcy. It is in these moments that you see glimpses of what a future with Olivia would look like. What it might be like in ten or twenty years to be curled up on the couch watching TV while children run and play in the background or animals prance from room to room. It hasn't been long since Olivia captured your heart, but you know there is no one else for you.

As one episode ends and another begins, Olivia’s free hand begins to wander. It drifts across your hips and then dips below your shirt. Her fingers make small circles as they make their way up your belly. Finally, they skim along the bottom of your bra that you had forgotten to take off for the night. She lets out a huff of disapproval.

“It’s late, baby, you should get comfortable.”

You let out a huff of laughter. “Comfortable to you is me sleeping naked.”

She nods eagerly, pulling at the hem of your shirt. “I like feeling you against me, what can I say?”

You roll your eyes but move to take off your shirt. You would be lying if you said you didn’t like sleeping next to Olivia naked. You toss it gingerly over the side of the bed and look over to her. “Come on, you get comfortable too.”

It doesn't take long for all your clothes to be piled together with Olivia’s. She lets out a content hum when she pulls your bare back against her chest.  Her arm wraps tightly around your waist as she presses a soft kiss to your shoulder. 

“This is much better,” she murmurs. 

Your hand lies across hers, and you let out a content hum. “Yeah, this is much better.”

She slides a leg between yours and presses herself tighter against your back. The hand at your waist doesn’t take long to start roaming, fingers tracing slow, random lines and patterns on your skin. Your stomach muscles quiver under her touch, and you feel her chuckle vibrate against your back. You simply smile and close your eyes as you bask in her touch. 

Your teeth sink into your lower lip as her hand slowly travels higher and higher, her index finger tracing the underside of your breast. Your lips part with a quiet sigh as she cups it, the warm weight of it fitting in her hand. You can tell she’s touching you simply to touch. There’s no sexual intentions behind it. 

It doesn't stop your stomach from clenching as she gently swipes her thumb over your nipple once, twice, three times before taking it away. She attempts to nuzzle even closer to you, and that is when you realize something is off. 

“What’s wrong, baby?” You ask, unable to move to look at her because of the way she clings to you.

“I don't like sleeping in unusual places,” she murmurs. “It doesn't feel safe.”

“You slept fine the first night that you were at the house,” you point out to her as you try to understand the situation. 

“That was different. I was really tired and you were there holding me all night,” Olivia remarks, kissing your shoulder gently. “Besides, I just…I have just been in my head a little bit. It’s making the normal things seem a lot more nerve-racking than usual.”

“What do you mean?”

Olivia pauses, then her hand tightens around your waist. “I miss my mom.” She sighs then. “I know it is crazy because of what she did that caused me to leave. I just…”

Her breath hitches, and suddenly she doesn’t think that she can finish the sentence. You fill in the gaps for her. “You’re allowed to miss your mom and worry about her, Olivia. It’s your mom.”

“But why do I miss her when all she does is hurt me?” Olivia whispers.

Your hand curls around hers, and you lean back into her as if that alone could bring the comfort that she seeks. It seems to help slightly as she lets out a heavy sigh that rolls over your shoulder. You wish that you could take all of her hurt away and show Olivia how important she actually is. 

“Because you still love her even though she’s hurt you. I can’t imagine how confusing it must be, though. To love someone who has hurt you. But you’re allowed to feel what you’re feeling and I’ll be here to help you through it. My parents too, if you’ll tell them.” 

You make a genuine attempt to look back at her this time, and you’re partially successful because you manage to see a little of her face. “Everyone deserves a mother’s love,” you whisper, bringing your intertwined hands to your lips. “And my mom has plenty to give. But I want you to know that you are allowed to miss your mother and that you will always be safe with me.”

You don't have to see her to know she is smiling, probably with tears in her eyes. She gives away her happiness in the way her body seems to melt against you. 

“I love you,” she whispers into the dark room.

“Not nearly as much as I love you.”

-~-

The next day is full of museums, restaurants, and sightseeing that keep you and Olivia separated. You still have fun running around with your friends and some of your former teammates, and make sure to take lots of pictures, but the time you get back to the hotel all you want is Olivia. You are practically vibrating by the time Maya comes over for the switch.

As soon as you open the door to Olivia’s room she is pulling you inside. You let out a large giggle as she lifts you off your feet and carries you to the bed. She silences your laughter with a kiss as she lays you down. 

“I can’t wait for the day we share a last name and don't have to be separated like this,” Olivia murmurs when she pulls away from the kiss.

 For a moment you forget how to breathe. Olivia had never said something so specific about a future together. She had mentioned always loving you, always being with you, and always creating new memories with you. This, though? This was a solid plan that sent butterflies through your stomach.

Before you can overthink it you blurt out, “I can't wait to be a Benson.”

Olivia stalls at this, her pupils blowing wide. “You want to be a Benson?”

You nod biting down on your bottom lip to gain some courage. “Yeah. You deserve the chance to create a legacy you are proud of. I want to be part of that legacy.”

You see Olivia melt in front of you. There is a red blush that creeps up her neck and to her cheeks as tears well in her eyes. She cups your cheek, kissing your forehead, then your nose, and then your mouth. This kiss is more intense than the first one. She pulls down on your bottom lip until you release a whimper. 

“I can’t wait to be a Benson with you,” she says as her hands grip your hips. “I love you.”

You can’t respond because she leans down to kiss you again as she pulls down your pants. You lift your hips to accommodate and moan when Olivia slides her tongue in your mouth. Your hand goes to curl in her hair as her fingers start mapping out the inside of your thighs. You are forced to pull your hand away when she pulls at the hem of your shirt, throwing it and your bra across the room. 

You try to pay attention to where they go but you get lost as Olivia moves to kiss down your jaw. She gets to your pulse point biting down when you let out a large yelp. She pulls back to place a hand over your mouth. 

“Baby, there are like twenty of our classmates on this floor, and as much of an ego boost I would get from them knowing how good I make you feel, I really don’t want us to get interrupted and for you to get sent back to your room.”

You nod against her hand in a promise to be quiet. She smirks and you know that there is a challenge behind those perfect brown eyes. Olivia wants you to stay quiet but she also wants to make it near impossible to do so. 

She resumes kissing down your collarbones and across your chest until she gets to your breast. It doesn’t matter that she has been in this spot hundred times before. Olivia wants to make sure that she has every inch of your skin memorized. She licks, sucks, and nibbles along the top of your breast until you are arching off the bed towards her. 

She presses herself hard against you so that your hips get pinned to the mattress. It is in that moment she decides to capture your nipple in her mouth. You clap your hand over your mouth this time to stifle a moan that threatens to rip out. 

You can feel Oliivia smirk against your skin as her tongue swirls your nipple. Her free hand comes to cup the other one, her thumb brushing over it three times before she pulls. Your legs involuntarily wrap around her as your back arches off the bed. 

It takes a little effort as both of you are strong from hours of working out to be good volleyball players, but you’re able to push against Olivia’s attempt to pin you down to grind against her for a little relief. Your lashes flutter when you start to grind just right, the friction enough to take the edge off your arousal. You exhale sharply. 

“Oh yes,” you whisper so softly that Olivia barely hears it.

Olivia doesn’t care that you are squirming, she takes her time to leave a hickey on your breast before she moves to the other one. Your hand moves to her hair this time trying to encourage any movement but also to prove a point. You time it perfectly so that when her teeth graze your nipple you claw your fingers against her scalp. She moans low into your skin and you let out a soft giggle. 

“Gotta be quiet remember?” You whisper as you force back your own moan. 

Olivia’s eyes flick up to you and you see a fire burning there. You smile down, mouthing an ‘I love you’. It makes her smile again and she abandons her spot to kiss down along your stomach. You have to bite down on your bottom lip and she nips and sucks little spots down to your hips. 

She spreads your legs, taking her time to kiss down your inner thighs until she is inches from where you need her the most. You know you must be dripping from the way her breath stutters and her fingers dig into your skin. She leans forward to press a soft kiss to your clit and you jump slightly.

“Absolute perfection,” Olivia murmurs before she licks a broad stroke against your clit.

You let out a stuttered breath, one hand curling into the sheets, the other pulling at her hair gently. Your eyes flutter shut as she sucks lightly on your clit and you raise your hips to press harder against her.

“Feels so good,” you murmur.

Her eyes flick up to you as she skims her teeth along your clit. You jump a soft moan escaping before you silence it. Your eyes flutter close and Olivia chooses this moment to move her hands between your legs. As she slides two fingers inside, you have to release the bedsheet to bite down on the inside of your wrist. Your other leaves her hair to curl around the one keeping your hips still. She tangles her fingers in yours and your back arches as she sucks on your clit.

With more space you begin to meet her thrusts your hips pushing off the mattress. She can tell you are close as you clench around her fingers your chest heaving with the effort of staying quiet. For a moment she debates extending your pleasure and slowing her movements but she decides against it when your thighs tighten around her head.

She instead curls quicker and sucks harder until you fall over the edge of your orgasm. You cum biting your wrist to keep yourself from screaming. She doesn't give you a second to breathe as she continues to twist and curl her fingers inside of you.

“Liv, shit,” you grunt and then you are cumming again.

This time when you tighten around her fingers you push her away allowing for some reprieve from the sensations burning across your skin. Olivia kisses each of your thighs before she finally pulls her fingers out. You watch through half lidded eyes as she takes the fingers that were inside of you and sucks on them, thoroughly cleaning them off with her talented tongue. 

Once her fingers are clean she crawls up the bed to curl against your side. She moves a sweaty strand of hair off your forehead to kiss your temple.

“I love you baby.”

You nuzzle into her humming at the happiness that radiates in your chest. “Not nearly as much as I love you.”

When you feel like you can breathe again, you move to your side and push Liv’s shoulder down onto the mattress. You smirk as you kiss her.

“Your turn,” you whisper into her lips. “Think you can be quiet?”

Olivia nods her head but you can tell by her blown pupils that it is going to be near impossible. Olivia has always been incapable of being quiet and you have taken to sleeping with her record player going every night so that it can cover up some of her more enthusiastic moments.

You kiss along her jaw smiling when she automatically moves her head to the side to allow you access. Her breath stutters as you lick at her pulse point and then bite down. You only stay there for a second before you continue a path of open mouthed kisses down her chest.

Olivia seems like she might be able to stay quiet until you become determined to leave a hickey on the curve of her breast. The minute you bite down she moans loudly, her hand coming to curl in your hair. You try to ignore it, leaving the red mark to take a nipple in your mouth.

Her whole body squirms and she whimpers. “Yes baby. Just like that.”

You gently skim your teeth across her nipple and she releases a loud shit that finally makes you pull away. She is panting on the bed, eyes unfocused. 

“I can be quiet, please come back” she pleads.

“I know you’ll be quiet,” you reassure her as you lean over the bed and grab your shirt. You shove it lightly into her mouth. “Cause you are going to bite down on that so I don't have to stop.”

You don't wait for her response, just put your mouth back on the breast you hadn't gotten to. Olivia breathes heavily through her nose as she tries to adjust to her new predicament. When her next moan is muffled by the fabric you smile, realizing that you finally can get to work. 

Your hand slides between her legs that are already spread waiting for you. You don't take it slow, you merely start swirling her clit hard enough that her thighs shake. Her fingers curl back in your hair pulling as you leave another hickey on the underside of her breast.

She is already worked up from watching you cum so it doesn’t take long for her to cum as well. Her stomach twitches as the coil snaps. You wait for her to go over the peak before you take the two fingers that were on her clit and thrust it inside her.

Your eyes flick up to see her bite down on your shirt that barely contains the moan that rips from her. Her hips grind and thrust against you encouraging you to go faster. You only pause for a moment to slide a third finger inside of her. 

The new addition has her hips moving frantically and you merely let her set the pace of the thrusts. You swirl her nipple with your tongue as you press your palm against her clit. Between her thrusts and your hard press side to side it doesn't take long for her second orgasm to come hard and fast.

Her whole body shakes this time, her thighs closing around your hand. Her nails scrape against your scalp and you hear every hard breath that she forces out. The pleasure extends for a couple of moments before her body goes limp.

You gently move your hand out of her which causes her to whimper. You take your shirt from her mouth noting the large wet stain on it. You replace it by putting your fingers inside her mouth which she licks clean. When she is done you kiss her, letting her tongue slip in momentarily to remind you what the two of you combined taste like. 

After the kiss is finished you pull Olivis close to your side. She wraps and arm around your waist holding you so close that there is no space between you.

“I love that you can’t be quiet,” you say, kissing her cheek, “and I can't wait for all our future neighbors to know what my name sounds like when you scream it.”

Olivia rolls her eyes despite how hot her cheeks feel, nuzzling closer to you. “Smart ass.”

“Oh you love it.”

She nods in agreement and places one final kiss on your neck. You pull the covers higher around you both and, within a few minutes, both of you are fast asleep.

-

Taglist

Now with your lips pressed against hers, Olivia feels like she can breathe. For the first time in six years, it feels like there is a little piece of hope in the world. Which is what makes her panic, because she knows the moment that you have time to think, this all stops. So she curls her fingers through your hair and swipes her tongue across your bottom lip for access. 

You give it willingly, and she presses you harder against the wall. Your hand curls in her shirt, trying simultaneously to push her away and pull her closer. Finally, the part of you that craves for her body to melt against your wins and you feel every curve. She is so close that you wonder if she can feel the way that your heart is beating out of your chest, or the way that your legs shake as they struggle to stay upright. 

Finally, when breathing is no longer a thing either of you can ignore, she pulls away just enough to brush her nose against your cheek. Her hand finds yours, and she takes it gruffly before pulling you inside. You think that is when there will be a pause, a minute to remember what the hell you are doing, but you don’t allow yourself the minute to think. Instead, you pull frantically at the sweater that you have been wanting to take off her for hours. 

As it falls to the floor in a puddle, she scrambles to pull at your hoodie that you have been trying to drown in. There is a moment her breath hitches as you reach for her leggings, but she allows them to be ripped down her hips before she steps out of them. Your shirt follows, and you giggle for a moment as it gets tossed over the TV that is still playing the latest Disney movie Viola has been obsessed with. 

Olivia smiles then, the tension in the room playing between desire and a joy that you didn’t know could live inside of your heart anymore. She pulls you into another kiss while simultaneously backing you towards the bedroom. You trip over a stray toy that Viola left on the floor, and she has to pick you up to stop you from falling. 

It is when your legs curl around your hips that the real world comes crashing back down. Your daughter may not be existing in these walls right now, but this is her home. The one she has been dreaming of ever since she knew she had another mother who loved her. A home where she relied on routine and a stability that you and Olivia were holding together with tape and glue. You couldn’t do this; you couldn’t risk the one thing that you knew Viola relied on.

Olivia can see the way the panic builds in your chest. Her arms tighten around your back as she pauses her steps. “Please, give me a chance to worship you.”

You could say no, she would stop immediately, but you don't want to. You want one more moment to be pulled into Olivia’s orbit before the world falls in around you. So you nod.

This time, everything comes softer. She walks quickly to the bedroom, placing kisses on your lips and down your jaw. She closes the door with a quiet click and gently sets you on the bed. Your fingers timidly reach out to unclasp her bra, which she lets slide to the floor as she shimmies out of her underwear. 

You want to touch her, to trace the new scars that litter her body, but she doesn’t let you. Olivia sinks to her knees, fingers hooking in your waistband as she peppers kisses along your collarbones. You lift your hips and allow your pants to find their way to the floor. They are met with your bra shortly after, and then it hits you. Olivia hasn't seen you since before Viola.

Her fingers trace the stretch marks, her eyes filled with a wonder that makes your heart flip in your chest. Her gaze flicks up to you, causing your breath to halt. You think that she will say it then, I love you, but instead she gives you a compliment that blurs your vision.

“You are the most beautiful woman I have ever met.”

She moves back to kiss along your chest, one hand coming to cup your chest as the other continues to map out your stretch marks. Your breath hitches, and your head falls back as she takes a nipple in her mouth, swirling her tongue over it greedily.

“Olivia,” you whimper when she pulls and twists the other between her fingers.

Your hips arch towards her, but she takes her time. She sucks and nips along your chest, never staying in one place for too long. When she switches sides and gently nips down on your nipple, you shudder, letting your fingers curl into her shoulder. 

It’s an orgasm so small you barely register it, but Olivia does. Even after all these years, she still knows the signs to look for; she has been playing them in a loop in her daydreams. 

She knows that as your breath tumbles forward, she can move on. She leaves open-mouthed kisses along your stomach, determined to have her lips touch every mark that now occupies the space. 

“Olivia, please,” you whine, fingers curling in her hair. 

The whine sends a pool of wetness between her own legs, and she debates for a moment if she will continue this, but she knows she can't tease you too long. You have opened a door that may slam shut with a simple gust of wind. Olivia wants to take advantage of the chance while she can.

Her fingers gently pull apart your thighs, moaning when she sees your clit already glistening in the low light. She places a soft kiss on your inner thigh before murmuring. “I have missed this.”

She doesn’t give you time to respond, merely leans forward to lick and suck your clit. Your hips jump at the sudden friction, and she has to use her hands to keep your hips towards the mattress. Your hands curl in her hair, keeping it pushed aside just enough to notice she is staring at you.

“Oh…oh,” you whimper, eyes fluttering closed at the rush of emotions that wells in your chest.

Before Olivia would have stopped right then. She wouldn't have continued until you kept your gaze locked on her. Today, she doesn't know if she could survive you looking at her. So she redoubles her efforts, swirling and sucking on your clit until your thighs are shaking.

Your hand on the mattress twists in the sheets, and you rock your hips forward in time with Olivia’s tongue. 

“I'm… I'm…shit. Liv. Liv. Liv. Liiiiivvvvv.”

You cum screaming her name, your thighs locking around her head while you fall over the edge. Olivia can’t breathe for a second, but she doesn't stop. If this is the way she is supposed to go, then she will die a happy woman.

It is only when you unclench your legs and push her gently that she comes back up for air. Your chest heaves as you attempt to catch your breath, and you fall back on the mattress. Olivia rises from her knees, crawling onto the bed. She pulls you up next to her, and you lie on your side looking into brown eyes you once knew in minute detail.

She goes to speak, but you don't want to break this bubble that has been crafted around you, so you cup her cheek and pull her in for a kiss. She moans into it when your hand comes to knead and pull at her breast. Not to be outdone, she slips a hand between your legs and begins to swirl your clit. You jump at how sensitive you are, and you move your head to bite on her neck. 

“Fuck,” she groans as your teeth graze her skin and your hand sneaks between her thighs.

You match her pace, swirling her clit hard and fast. You can hear how wet she is, and it is a symphony that mixes with her moans. You tease your fingers down and swirl her entrance, but it is Olivia who makes the first move.

She slides two fingers inside of you, and your whole body grinds down against her. You mirror her movements, curling two fingers inside of her while your palm grinds against her clit.

“Yes. Yes. Right there,” she groans into your neck, and that is when you feel it.

She is crying into your neck as she matches you thrust for thrust. You are crying too suddenly, aware of the hot tears that rush down your face. It’s a sadness and a joy that is so intertwined that your body doesn't know how to compensate. You both escalate closer to a euphoria that has been denied for years. Which tumbles over minutes later with Olivia chanting your name like a prayer.

When you crash at the bottom, your body shakes out how cold the air suddenly is. Olivia pulls the blanket from the bottom of the bed around you, curling you protectively against her chest. She kisses your forehead, and that is when she says it. The one phrase you have been both desperate and afraid to hear. 

“I love you.”

“No. No. No. I can't do this again,” you protest, breaking from her arms. “I can't let another person get close and take another piece of me.”

“But, I'm not trying to take a piece.”

“No one plans to, but it's only a matter of time before I'm too much or I'm just sort of good enough, and then I'm done for. They leave, and I'm left with another gaping hole. I can't do it.” You say while rushing to find clothes to put on. “I already gave you a piece, Olivia. I gave you the biggest, most important piece and you…you…”

You choke back tears, unable to finish the sentence. It is Olivia’s voice that adds to the description with her own tears falling down her face. 

“I destroyed it.”

You nod, unable to add more words because it would mean pushing past the broken pieces of your heart that are beginning to fill your chest. You merely pull on your shoes before you head for the door. 

“Please, I know…I know this is all a mess, and I don’t deserve another chance, but I can’t,” Olivia stammers, trying desperately to clamber out of bed. “I can’t live without you. Please let me try to fix what I have shattered.”

You pause with your hand curled around the doorknob trying to decide who you should listen to. The demon on your shoulder telling you to run and never look back or the angel on your shoulder begging you to give Olivia another chance. The thing about your angel and demon…the demon makes a way more convincing argument. 

“I need a smoke,” you murmur.

“Will you at least come back?” Olivia asks.

You look back at her then, her bare body barely covered by the navy blue sheet that she pulled around her. Her bronze skin glows in the faint light coming from the fairy lights behind her that she put up purely because she knew it helped your nightmares. She is a contradiction full of sharp edges and soft curves. So you give her something you don’t know you have to give, and you nod, a promise that you will come back the moment that you remember to breathe again. 

It comes back in pieces. A breath when you close the bedroom door. Another breath when you reach for your house keys. A couple when you walk down the stairs to the bottom floor. The biggest one when you step outside and feel the breeze on your skin.

You don’t immediately regret leaving, but there is a piece of you that wishes you had stayed inside where the world was safe and quiet. There was a peace being wrapped in Olivia’s arms that you hadn’t allowed yourself to feel in years. But it was the type of safety you had learned not to trust. So you push forward, cutting down an alley that you know will drop you right off at the bodega where cigarettes are the cheapest. 

You are only able to take two steps before Nicholas steps out in front of you. You startle back at the sight of his bright auburn hair and stumble over a trash can that you had previously stepped over. Your hand reaches back to catch your fall, and you grimace as you hear a distinct crack as it hits.

“Nicholas.”

“Aren’t so scary now, are ya? No Ma to protect you,” he grins as he leans down to grab your ankle. 

You scramble to grab anything that may help you and land on a piece of metal nearby. You swing as he curls his nails into your ankle, but your arm is wrenched back as Michael grabs the pole. You tilt your head back to look at him.

“Well, shit,” you murmur, realising two things. You know exactly who took Galina, and you won’t be coming home to Olivia anytime soon. 

“Boss wants you,” Michael says, raising the pole in his hand. “Said that you had to come alive. Not that we couldn’t rough you up a little.”

I do love you, Olivia. I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you.

Is the last thing you think before the world around you goes dark.

-

Taglist

It takes all your self-control not to strangle the man, a side effect of the strained bond, but the anger becomes overtaken by the fear that follows when you can’t feel her within the city limits. You search the limits of your bond, trying to find her, but instead, you feel nothing. At least when you two were arguing, you could still pinpoint where she was. This is a kind of absence that makes your skin crawl. 

Your final resort is to wait outside her apartment door. Her scent is faint, showing that she has not been inside in a couple of days, but you don’t know where else to wait for her. You sit with your back pressed against the door, being completely ignored by all of her neighbors who walk by. You don’t know how long you sit there before it becomes overstimulating. 

The scents of every human in the building try to push their way past Olivia’s scent, which you attempt to cling to. You can smell her faintly under the door, but mostly you have been keeping one of her shirts pressed to your nose. She “accidentally” left it the other day when she slipped on your shirt to head out after her call. The smell is fading, but it is enough to keep you at bay while you wait. You just hope that she shows up sooner rather than later.  

Your forehead presses against your knees, trying to block out everything, when the elevator dings. Normally, you ignore it, but this time you can smell the person who steps off the platform. Your eyes shoot up to find Olivia running an anxious hand through her curls. Her thoughts bombard you in an onslaught of panicked thoughts. She is exhausted from the case, but mostly she is terrified about you. 

She is going to think I changed my mind about her moving in. She is going to think I left her, but I couldn’t get the asshole to confess. If only she had a fucking cellphone, I could have called her. What do I do? Where is she going to be?

You shoot to your feet, suddenly nervous as her gaze locks on yours. She blinks rapidly as if confirming that you are actually standing there and then breaks out into a sprint. She hurdles her body into you, and your arms immediately wrap around her. You breathe her in, letting the ache in your chest settle.

“You’re really here,” she whispers, her hands desperately clinging to your neck. “I was just about to go looking for you.”

“I am,” you mumble. “I'm sorry for intruding on your space and showing up unannounced. I just…I hadn't seen you in a couple of days. I wanted to make sure you were safe…and it sounds so silly now.”

“It isn’t silly at all,” she reassures you, never once loosening her grip. “I have been worried about you, too. I didn’t want you to think that I had changed my mind, but I couldn’t tell you that because you don’t have a phone.”

Your nose curls at the mention of the futuristic technology. “You mean those little brainwashing machines that everyone carries around in their pockets? Sounds awful.”

Olivia can’t help the laughter that spills out of her. “I love you.”

Your vision blurs, and a thrumming starts under your skin. The bond that was starting to disintegrate due to the distance comes back stronger. Soon, Olivia is all that you can smell, her presence trumping every other human in the building. You feel the beating of her heart as if it were your own. 

“Say it again,” you say, convinced that you must have misheard her. 

“I love you,” Olivia repeats, her cheeks burning a dark shade of red.

“Not as much as I love you,” you respond before smashing your lips to hers. 

The kiss is frantic, teeth crashing, until you tug down on her bottom lip. She lets out a large moan, which shoots right to your core. It also makes you realize how exposed you both are. You know her neighbors have been oblivious to your presence, but that doesn’t mean they should have free access to the show that is unfolding. You pull away just far enough to still feel her hot breath on your lips.

“You ready to show me around my new home?” You ask in a teasing murmur. 

There is a rush of emotions that courses through Olivia as she nods. It has been years since she shared her space with someone. There is a moment of anxiety that runs through her as she tries to remember if she even cleaned the apartment before she left. However, with you looking at her like she had delivered you the stars and the moon, it doesn’t really matter.

“Our home,” she says, tangling her fingers in yours. 

She pulls the keys from her pocket and slides them into the lock. There is a moment when the door swings open that you feel a rush of butterflies against her stomach. They are instantly soothed as she pulls you inside. 

Her apartment is exactly how you imagined it in your head. There are pictures of her and the rest of her squad scattered around, some books piled on tables, and case files spread everywhere.  Finally, your eyes catch onto a hoodie that is draped across the back of her couch. 

“Hey, I have been looking for that. When did you steal it from me?”

Olivia merely shrugs with a mischievous look in her eyes. “Doesn’t matter now, does it. You live here and so do all of your things.”

Your fingers curl into the loops of her slacks, and you pull her flush against you. Her arms automatically go to wrap around your shoulders like they were made to be there, which, honestly, they have been. Every part of Olivia seems to slot against you like a puzzle that finally found its missing piece. You gently nuzzle your face against her, encouraging her to meet your lips in a kiss. 

This kiss is just as desperate as the one in the hallway. Olivia attempts to fill it with all the words she doesn't know how to say. You don't need the explanation, though; you see the thoughts rushing through her mind. For once, Olivia can see the light at the end of the tunnel, the way through the darkness; instead of being drowned by it, she sees hope.

You move back to see Olivia’s pupils blown wide. Her cheeks burn a bright red, and her chest shakes as she tries to catch her breath. Her large inhales and exhales show the bite mark that has finally started to fade. The sight of your old fang indents is enough to send you into a spiral.

This is the desperation that is supposed to come with a bond. This all-consuming need to be touching and feeding off a partner. It is the only way to curb the desire that consumes every cell in your body after the initial connection. 

“Excited, my love?” You tease, already knowing the answer.

“More than excited,” she giggles softly. In a much quieter voice, she adds. “I’ve never been with a woman before.”

There is a shame that lingers in her thoughts after she admits it. You can tell that she is worried she won't be able to satisfy the desire that she knows lives inside of you. You merely smile at how wrong her worries are. Olivia could do next to nothing, and you would feel like the luckiest vampire alive. All you want is her. 

“That’s okay,” you say softly. Your hands move from her waist to her upper arms, stroking the bare skin and the hem of her sleeves. “The easiest way to explain it is it’s a lot like masturbating, you’re just doing it to someone else. But I‘ll show you and talk you through it.”

“Show me?” Olivia asks nervously.

“I'm assuming you have a mirror,” you say casually. Olivia nods, and you take her hand gently. “Then let me show you.”

It only takes a couple of seconds to pop Olivia’s full-length mirror off the door and prop it against the dresser. You settle Olivia at the edge of the bed in view of the glass. Her eyes immediately lock onto your reflection as you move to your knees.

“I can see you,” she whispers, amazed at this new information. 

You laugh as you slowly unzip her boots and toss them to the side. “You have been relying on Google vampire lore too much, my love. I can see my reflection.”

“Does this mean we can take a picture together?” She asks softly as you pull off her socks.

You pause to look up at her. Of all the things she could be asking right now, all she wants is a picture. A picture of you. Which from her thoughts alone you know she craves desperately. To have a piece of you she can take with her wherever she goes. So you give in, even though pictures are a complicated part of vampire life.

“Yes…we can take pictures together,” you reassure her, your hands gently opening her thighs. “We can even start now if you are interested.”

Olivia’s cheeks burn as you work to open the button of her slacks. “I…I…would rather just focus on you right now.”

“Next time, then,” you say as she lifts her hips to help you pull down her pants. “Also, the focus tonight is on you, baby.”

You spread her legs further apart, kiss up her inner thighs with soft open-mouth kisses. Olivia’s hands clutch at the sheets next to her hips as she tries to calm the beating in her heart. You give her a gentle bite at the apex of her hip that makes her whimper. 

Just as she thinks you are about to pull off her underwear, you sit up on your knees instead. Your hands fall to her waist as Olivia leans down to kiss you again. Your hands slowly slip beneath her shirt, fingers making lazy patterns on her skin. You feel her stomach muscles jump beneath your cold touch, goosebumps forming as your hands push her shirt further up. 

Her whole body stills when you pass over a scar along her ribs. You choose not to ask about it, merely lean forward to kiss it softly. Her breath hitches, and you wonder how long she has gone thinking her scars make her broken instead of strong. 

“You are gorgeous,” you murmur when you finally get her shirt over her head. “I love you.”

Her face is a beautiful pink as the compliment settles in her bones. “I love you too.”

Your hands go to unclip her bra, and you moan when it falls away, fully exposing her to you. You knew she was gorgeous, but you never knew she would look like a goddess sent down on this Earth just for you. That thought sends another moan down your lips. It is followed shortly by Olivia’s moan when one hand goes to cup her breast, your thumb gently flicking her nipple.

“So. Fucking. Perfect,” you growl.

Her fingers lace through your hair as you leave open-mouthed kisses on one breast while your hand kneads and pulls the other. Her eyes flick between looking down at you, your fangs barely poking out as you scrape her skin, and in the mirror where she can see you nestled between her legs.

“Baby,” she whimpers when you bite down gently on her nipple. 

Her hips arch towards you, and your free hand pushes her back towards the bed. You pull back slightly, kissing the breast you were just giving attention to. 

“I'm taking my time,” you murmur, kissing lightly on her other breast. “It’s not a race.”

Oliva wants to protest that yes, it is in fact a race. The kind of race where she needs you inside of her immediately, otherwise her skin may catch on fire. 

You grin at her thoughts, finally kissing down her stomach when you feel like you have given her chest ample attention. Her fingers gently scrape your scalp, attempting to encourage you to be faster. It doesn't work.

Instead, you attempt to memorize every inch of her skin with soft kisses and tiny scrapes of your teeth. Olivia’s legs are shaking now, her hips clenching around your body in an attempt to find any relief. You offer her none, content to map out everything Olivia has to offer you. You only pause when she whimpers in impatience.

“You are doing so good baby,” you murmur before your fingers slide to the hem of her underwear. “Now lift your hips.”

She complies eagerly, betraying how excited she is. You toss the underwear to the side, separating her legs even further apart. Your tongue comes out to lick your lips as you realize how wet she is.

“You are dripping, Liv,” you murmur, your finger gently swiping through her folds. 

Olivia stutters out a moan, her head tipping back as her curls cascade down her back. “It’s all for you.”

“Only me?” You question before you can stop yourself.

Her eyes flick down to yours as her hand goes to curl around the one that is resting on her hip. “Only you. I'm yours. Only yours.”

You grin at these words, and the last self-control you clung to slips through your fingers. You grab one of Olivia’s legs, throwing it over your shoulder, which catches her off guard for only a moment before you start licking her clit. 

“Oh shit,” she moans, her fingers tightening in your hair, caught off guard by the quick movement.

Olivia has been eaten out before, but never like this. Never with someone she loved. Never with someone’s tongue pressing hard against her clit and then gently slipping inside her. She bucks her hips against you, her eyes torn between watching you in the mirror and tugging your hair.

It is only when she bites down hard on her bottom lip to stop a particularly loud moan that you stop. She whimpers at the sound loss of your tongue on her, and her body involuntarily clenches around something that isn't there.

“Don't hold back,” you tell her, watching as her chest heaves from trying to catch her breath. “I want to hear you. You sound sexy, and I love knowing that I'm the one who does that to you.”

She merely nods, her thoughts flustered by the fact that you easily slipped one finger inside of her. You click your tongue before sliding in a second, momentarily curling them so her hips jump towards you.

“Come on, baby, I told you I want to hear you. Now give me what’s mine.”

She moans this time as your fingers curl to that perfect spot inside her. “All yours,” she pants, fingers curling back around your hand. “Please.”

She doesn’t even know what she is begging for, just knows that the plea forces you back to her. You don't hold back this time, sucking on her clit in perfect sync with the bump of your fingers.

Olivia’s eyes are glued to the mirror now. Her one leg shakes around your shoulder while the other one extends towards the floor, trying to stabilize herself. Her chest and cheeks burn a bright red as she works hard to control her breath. 

The most interesting part of the image in the glass is you, though. The way your body moves in sync with hers, hair tangled in her fingers to bring her closer and closer to the edge. Which finally spills over when you bite down gently on her clit.

Her whole body arches up to you as a series of whimpering moans falls from her mouth. You think about stopping until you realize she is still moving against you. Even after your fingers slow, she continues to grind against your face like she can’t get enough.

“Don't stop, don’t,” she whines, collapsing back onto her elbows, mirror entirely forgotten. “Don't fucking stop.”

You grin before redoubling your efforts. Your fingers thrust hard against her, stopping for only a moment to add a third to the mix. You can tell that alone sends her closer to another orgasm as she clenches around your fingers. It comes seconds later when your tongue presses down hard on her clit. Her body arches off the bed, and her thighs shake.

“Oh god…oh shit…oh god,” she moans out as her body rides and then crashes from her high.

When her body finally relaxes, you pull out of her gently. She grunts at the loss, whimpering when you place one final soft kiss on her clit. 

As you stand, she grabs for your wrist weakly. She pulls you towards her so that she can wrap her mouth around the three fingers that were just inside of her. Your eyes flutter close as a moan escapes you, but you recover quickly.

“You know,” you murmur, leaning down to kiss the side of her mouth. “My name isn’t oh god, but it sure does sound good when it leaves your mouth.”

Her laugh is shaky as she gently slaps your arm. “Shut up.”

“Never,” you grin, kissing her gently. “You did amazing, baby.”

Her cheeks burn at the compliment, eyes watching you as you go to stand up. “Where are you going?”

“To get you cleaned up.”

The pout that forms on her lips is instant, her legs coming to wrap around you so you can't move. “It’s my turn.”

“Olivia, you don't have to,” you tell her as you watch her body struggle to find equilibrium.

“I want to make you feel as good as you just made me feel,” she protests. “Now get undressed and get up here.”

You know you should put up more of a fight, but with her leaning up on her elbows, her chest rising and falling rapidly, and her pulse thudding against her neck, you can’t say no. She moves higher on the bed so she isn’t hanging off the edge and watches as your clothes join hers on the floor. Her eyes trace every curve of your skin, and for once, you feel adored by the person you are about to sleep with.

“You are absolutely stunning,” she murmurs, her eyes never leaving yours as you crawl next to her. “I can’t believe you are all mine.”

The words make her body vibrate with a joy you never knew you needed. Your hand comes to cup her cheek as you both lie on your side. 

“Yours, forever,” you promise, leaning to kiss her. When you pull away, you murmur, “I'm never leaving you.”

The words release something in Olivia that pushes past her own exhaustion and morphs it into something of a hungry beast. She kisses you frantically, pulling down on your bottom lip until you moan.

It continues like this for a while until Olivia’s hand finally drifts towards your chest. She cups your breast experimentally, feeling the weight of it for a moment before she squeezes. You moan into the softening kiss when she pulls at your nipple. At first, it is hesitant, trying to figure out what you like.

“Harder,” you whisper as she gains more confidence. “Just like that, baby,” you moan when she pulls harder and rolls it between her thumb and index finger.

She kisses along your jaw as her hand continues to work on your breast. Your hand curls into her hair when her teeth nip harshly just beneath your ear. You are so lost in the sensation of her lips and teeth working down your neck that you don't even notice when her free hand slips between your legs. 

Olivia expects to find heat radiating there, similar to what she is experiencing, but instead, she is met with a chill. Despite being used to how cold you feel, her concern is immediate.

“I’m okay,” you reassure her, your grip in her hair softening so you can briefly run your fingers through it. You moan when her hand strokes your inner thigh, and the temperature difference makes your legs spread wider in search for more. “I know it feels odd.” 

She finally looks up at you then, and for once her eyes don’t give her away, but the bond does. She feels a little guilty for reacting the way she did. She should have known you would be cold everywhere. You both part your lips as if to respond to one another — presumably with different responses — but Olivia discards hers in favor of a hot, open-mouthed kiss against your breast that makes you relax against the mattress. 

The moment her fingers find your clit and her mouth latches to your nipple, you moan loudly as your chest arches toward her, and your hips grind against her hand. Your fangs extend fully to compensate for the arousal that shoots through you. Your hand curls tighter into her hair as she finds a rhythm. Your legs twitch, and Olivia can't help but steal glances upward at the desire that is coated across your face. 

“That’s it, baby, keep doing that,” you moan, opening your legs wider to try and get Olivia to go where you need her the most.

She takes the nonverbal hint and automatically slides two fingers inside of you. Your back arches as you start trying to rock into her. Any worries that Olivia had when tonight started have completely washed away. She curls her fingers inside of you, matching the rhythm that you had earlier for her.

“I'm so close,” you tell her, and then groan when her thumb comes to flick your clit in time with her thrusts. “That’s it, baby. That’s it. Don't stop, baby. Don't stop.”

You cum seconds later, your body curling towards her as your pleasure crashes over in waves. You can tell she wants to coax another one out of you, but you gently pull at her wrist.

She pulls back, concern flickering for a moment before you pull her into a soft kiss.

“It’s been…awhile,” you admit, pecking her lips one more time. “One is enough for me today.” She nods in understanding as you curl her towards you. “You did great, baby.”

“I had a great teacher,” she teases, making you both laugh. 

—-----

Once you are both cleaned up, you lie in bed curled against each other. Her head rests on your chest, her fingers tracing nonsense patterns on your skin while she finds her way back to her body again. Your coldness helps accelerate the temperature drop of her body, so you adjust the covers tighter around her. She doesn’t seem to mind, though, and you realize that she never really does. 

Ever since the first time you fed on her, she has always wanted to be touching you. At first, you thought it was the bond, but it goes much deeper than that. Olivia touches you to make sure you are real. To make sure that you aren’t going to disappear in the night and never come back. Your hands circle tighter around her as if to prove that you aren’t going anywhere. That lying here, curled in bed with her, is the only place that you want to be.

“Penny for your thoughts,” you whisper, kissing her softly on the top of the head. 

“I just can't believe you are real…that this feels so right,” Olivia says.

You hum in agreement. “I can't wait to be here when you get home every day.” You kiss her forehead gently. “To hold you while you sleep every night.” You kiss her lips. “And to be able to kiss you every morning before you go to work.”

When you pull away from the kiss, there is a dreamy look in Olivia’s eyes. “I can’t believe that you are mine.” She lays her head back on your chest as her whole body begins to relax again. “I love you.”

“My love, I have been waiting centuries for someone like you. It should be me who can’t believe my luck right now,” you say as you tuck the covers tighter around you. You place a kiss on the top of her head as you squeeze her one more time. “Now get some sleep and know that I will always love you.”

You can feel the way Olivia’s heart flutters at the words. You don’t need to go into her mind to know the words have struck home. She is happy, she is loved, she is safe, and that is all it takes for her to drift off to sleep.

-

Taglist

As soon as you had heard, you had asked Olivia if it was finally time to look into that research she had been watching when you weren’t around. She had gently reminded you that it was one time and that as soon as you were alone for the night, with no risk for interruptions, you’d watch the porn together.

You had been pestering her about it for so long that you had forgotten how nervous you actually were to watch it. You knew what porn was. You weren’t that much of a prude, but it had always felt like a solo pastime. Now you had no idea what to do with your facial reactions, let alone your body, as you sat on the couch next to Olivia.

She is dressed in a simple tank top and shorts that seem to hug her curves in all the right places. You would think that after so many months together, you would have gotten used to seeing her like this, but you still haven’t. Your heart races as you watch her grab for the remote and flick the TV on.

You think that you know what is coming but when loud moans fill the room, you still jump. Olivia’s hand instinctively reaches for yours, her thumb swiping across the back to calm your nerves.

“Your dad really needs to turn down the TV after he is done watching sports,” she murmurs, and you can’t help but let out a giggle.

Your eyes flick to the screen, where two women not much older than you and Olivia are already undressed and lying across each other.

“Oh. My. God. They really just get right into it,” you say, which causes Olivia to laugh.

Her hand tightens around your thigh, and you can’t stop the shiver that follows. She leans in to press a kiss to your cheek. “They call it porn without a plot for a reason.”

“I knew that,” you grumble, “I just didn’t expect it to be so abrupt.”

Olivia moves your hair behind your ear to expose the column of your neck. She trails kisses down from your jaw and then nips lightly, causing you to jump.

“Just watch,” she whispers as she pulls down gently on your earlobe with her teeth.

A small whimper escapes your lips as she continues to leave open-mouthed kisses down your neck. One hand curls into her thigh while the other grasps for the couch pillow that you are pressed up against. Your breath stutters and your eyes close for a moment when she reaches a particularly sensitive spot.

You don’t know how she notices, but the moment your eyes close, she stops. Her mouth moves inches away from your ear, so she is barely louder than the moans that still come from the TV.

“I believe that I told you to keep watching.”

“Liv,” you grunt as your eyes flick back to the TV.

One of the women has her fingers pumping in and out of the other one, and all you can think about is how desperately you want Liv’s fingers inside of you. However, her hands seem content to stay exactly where they are. You reach out for one of them and try to drag it over to the waistband of your shorts, but she pulls it away gently.

“Touch yourself,” she commands simply.

You turn your head to look at her for a moment, but she uses two fingers to tilt your head back towards the TV.

“You wanted to know how I did my research; I am showing you.”

You know that fighting against her is useless. When Liv gets on a power trip, there is no stopping her, not that you really want to in this situation. There is something that makes your heart race when you think about watching the TV at the same time that Olivia is watching you unravel for her. So with one final deep breath, you slide your own hand in your pants.

You keep one hand on Olivia to ground yourself, but as the woman on TV arches her back, you start to circle your clit. You gasp as you realise just how wet you have become in this short time. You feel yourself clench around nothing as Olivia leans back into your ear.

“All I could think about watching this was how I wanted to make you arch off the bed like that. To have my fingers curling inside of you as you clutched the sheets.”

You moan, eyes trained on the TV as your fingers dip down and your knees fall further apart so that you can slip two fingers inside of you. Your back arches off the cushions slightly as you feel yourself clench around your fingers. Olivia takes advantage of the new position to suck at your pulse point.

You set a rhythm that follows the one on the TV of your fingers gently pumping in and out of you until you feel the knot starting to form in your stomach. You can feel Olivia’s eyes on you, but don’t look over, worried that the action alone would make you combust. Instead, you try your best to follow the movement on the TV as more moans tumble from your lips.

“God, you are so fucking beautiful,” Liv whispers, nuzzling into your neck. “I love watching you come undone for me.”

“Shouldn’t you…you,” you pant, trying to catch your breath, “be watching the TV too?”

Olivia lets her fingers gently curl through your hair so she can bring another part of your neck closer to her lips. She sucks gently before responding. “Why would I watch that when my favorite show is right in front of me?”

Your skin burns at her words, and you feel yourself tumbling closer to the edge. “Shit… Liv. I’m I’m…”

“I know, baby,” she whispers, pulling down gently on your earlobe again. “Let go for me.”

Your moans mix with the ones coming from the TV as your orgasm washes over you. With your pants and underwear constricting your movements, continuing to thrust isn’t easy but you push through, ignoring the ache in your wrist to extend the pleasure.

You whimper when your fingers curl just right and your thumb rubs over your clit. The leg closest to Olivia twitches suddenly, like it wants to close around your wrist. She’s quick to lay her hand on your thigh and, in turn, spread you a little wider. Your head presses into the couch cushion as a quiet moan tumbles out of you.

“That better, babe?” Olivia questions sweetly, her voice taking on a certain tone that makes you feel a warmth in your belly.

“Yeah,” you whine. “Just like that.”

You pray that maybe, maybe, she’ll see the message between the lines and keep talking to you as you watch the women on screen. The woman being fingered is well on her way to orgasm two, and the woman fingering her is teasing her bare breasts with peppered kisses and longer, open mouthed ones.

Suddenly your hand feels a little too confined and, against your body’s wishes, you stop what you’re doing to fix your predicament. You remove your hand from your pants, your fingers shiny with cum, and stretch your wrist for a moment before you’re quickly tugging your pants off your hips.

“Was getting a little too crowded,” you chuckle, suddenly a little self conscious now that the post orgasm haze is starting to dissipate.

“Never hesitate to make yourself comfortable, Y/N/N,” Olivia reassures you as you settle back on the couch again.

The hand holding your leg open starts to roam a little, running slowly up and down your inner thigh as your hand drifts back down. Instead of resuming what you had been doing, you decide to give your clit some attention. You’re rewarded with a burst of pleasure and your hips arch toward your touch, your head turning to the side.

“You’ll miss the good part baby,” Olivia says as she tilts your head toward the TV once again. Your eyes are closed, so it doesn’t matter, but you want to see what she’s talking about.

“Keep talking,” you blurt, your cheeks growing hot the second the words leave your lips.

Olivia smiles. “Do you like it when I talk to you?”

“Yes,” you gasp as you rub your clit faster.

“You’re doing so well, baby,” she praises, her index finger grazing your outer lip on one of her passes down your thigh. Your hips subtly turn toward the touch but she retracts it. “Look how good you’re making yourself feel.”

“Not as good as you do,” you admit.

The timing of the woman on the TV’s moan is perfect because it sounds like she’s agreeing, and the two of you chuckle.

Your lips part as the woman on top finally takes the bottom woman’s nipple in her mouth. You feel your nipples tighten into stiff peaks as you imagine Olivia doing the same to you. You want to look over and ask her to do exactly that, but you simply feel too shy to ask and you aren’t sure your mouth can form the words.

But Olivia’s always been good at reading people, and she’s gotten better at reading you over the past few months.

“What do you want, baby? Tell me what you need.”

Her free hand picks that moment to run along your clothed belly, slowly making the trek upwards. Testing to see if you can get what you want without a word spoken, you arch your chest toward her touch and lick your lips.

Olivia gets the message, but that’s not what she asked.

“Tell me,” she repeats, her voice dropping a little lower.

“Suck, please,” you manage to whimper, your brain suddenly fuzzy on details.

The hand running up your torso back tracks to the hem of your shirt long enough to pull it up and expose the breast closest to her. She places a single kiss near your nipple before taking the hard bud in her mouth, soothing it with her tongue before she sucks hard.

“Oh yes, Liv—“ you moan loudly, your eyes snapping shut as your second orgasm crashes into you.

This one feels more intense than the last, and it’s not long before your hips are squirming. Olivia pins them down with one well placed hand as she swaps her attention to your other breast. You barely register it as your orgasm seems to pull you under and make you unaware of the world around you for one long, endless minute.

Your chest is heaving by the time your hand pulls away. Your eyes flutter open and you discover the woman on screen is as out of it as you are. You chuckle deliriously as you look at Olivia, who is looking up at you while peppering your chest with kisses.

“You still missed the best part,” she murmurs against your skin.

“Mm mm,” you shake your head briefly as you inhale through your nose. “The best part was you in my ear, you touching me.”

You smile as Olivia immediately blushes at your words, her cheeks taking on a shade of pink that compliments her skin tone beautifully. Your teeth sink into your lower lip as she grabs your hand, the one you’ve been masturbating with, and proceeds to suck and lick the your cum covered fingers clean. You hum briefly at the fresh arousal that shoots to your core.

“You are trying to kill me, aren’t you?”

Olivia laughs, her hand reaching for the remote. “I wanted a taste.”

Your hand grabs her wrist before she can fully reach the remote. “What do you think you are doing? It’s your turn now.”

Olivia grins, taking in the way that your chest still shakes a little. “Are you sure you are up for it?”

You nod your head yes and then point towards the TV. She turns to look at what is happening, and you can’t help but notice the way that her eyes widen. The women on the screen have changed positions so that one is lying down and the other is riding her face. Your cheeks burn at the thought of Olivia’s thighs wrapping around your head.

Being between Olivia’s legs is not something new for you. You love eating her out more than anything else, but to have her on top in complete control of what is happening sends your head spinning. Oliva finally tears her eyes away from the TV and turns back towards you.

“Lie down.”

Her response is simple, yet it carries enough authority that your mouth suddenly goes dry and you lie back on the couch so your head is near the arm of it. You watch as she pulls her shorts down with ease and toss them with your pants. Her tank top follows shortly after. She makes a little show of crawling over your body and your breath catches at the beauty of her, at how aroused she is in this moment. She leaves a couple of kisses on your bare chest and one at the base of your neck before her thighs are suddenly on either side of your head.

Olivia thinks that she knows what is coming when she finally positions herself over you. However, the moment she sinks down, it’s an entirely new sensation. Your hands wrap around her thighs keeping her pressed to you. She falls forward, one hand curling into the arm of the couch while the other grips the back.

“Oh, oh,” she whimpers as she begins to rock her hips against you.

You pause for a moment, trying to gauge if she is in pain which makes her groan. Her hand curls into your hair. “No don’t stop. Please don’t stop.”

A quiet, breathy moan leaves her lips when you continue to lick in tune with her rocking. For a minute, that’s how things go; Olivia rocks while you lick, soft whimpers and quiet “Ohs” leaving her lips from how good everything feels from this angle. Even your breathing is like a continuous, teasing vibration that helps the pleasure slowly build.

You love her like this. You love it when she basks in how good you’re making her feel. You love that you get to watch her as she turns to watch the film, her lips parting with another moan either from whatever is happening on screen or because you decided at that moment to start flicking her clit.

“You’re doing so good,” she encourages before glancing down at you. “Just like that.”

You squeeze and stroke the soft, smooth skin of her hips as you watch her watch the film. You can’t turn your head to see what they’re doing, so you have to rely primarily on Olivia’s reactions to know just how good it is because even your ears are preoccupied with Olivia’s thighs pressing against them.

You feel her thighs suddenly tremor against the sides of your head when you begin to leave sucking kisses against her clit. You moan against her at the sensation and are rewarded with a much louder moan from her, her cheeks a dark shade of pink when she looks down at you. You don’t need her to speak to know she liked that. You simply smile against her and keep moaning against her as your noisy sucking kisses morph into a steady suck.

“Oh shit,” she moans loudly, one hand reaching down to grip your head while the other gropes her breast. Her orgasm has already started, the two of you can feel it, and yet she still warns, “I’m gonna cum,” just as it amps up.

She throws her head back as a cry fills the living room. She presses down harder against your face to grind and draw out the pleasure as long as she can. She unknowingly restricts your breathing by doing this and for a moment you feel the panic swell in your chest, but you trust her and you want her to enjoy the moment as long as she can, so you push down the panic and you focus on her.

Eventually her grip on your scalp relaxes and you inhale loudly through your nose the moment pulls her hips away enough that you can breathe again. You take a couple of seconds to steady the beating in your chest before placing a soft kiss to the inside of Olivia’s thigh. Her legs wobble as she tries to find purchase to stand but you don’t let her get far.

Your arms wrap back around her hips pulling you down towards your face once more. She loses balance for a second, laughing before she moans. She is sensitive this time. You can tell in the way she whimpers with every rock of her hips. Your face drips from her most recent orgasm and you feel it slowly rolling down your chin but you don’t care.

All that matters right now is bringing Olivia to another one as quickly as you can. When she becomes distracted with rocking her hips again you loosen one of your hands and trail it up her stomach. As you begin to suck her clit you let your fingers pluck at one of her nipples. She curls forward at the sensation her nails once again find a way to scrape across your scalp.

“Baby,” she whimpers, her eyes fluttering close as she leans her body over the arm of the couch. “I’m not gonna.. Shit shit… I’m not gonna last long.”

You redouble your efforts, determined to prove just how right that statement is. With a couple more sucks and a sharp bite down on her clit she comes again. This time it comes out in a rush that coats your face. You don’t stop until Liv’s legs are shaking around your head and she forcibly pushes herself up.

She stumbles slightly but you are quick to reach up and grab her. You don’t know how you manage it but finally you two are lying down next to each other with only a thin blanket wrapped around you. Olivia is still panting her head nuzzled into your neck. You let your fingers draw random patterns along her back until she finally calms down.

“I see now why you liked the research so much,” you tease.

You don’t have to look over to know that she is rolling her eyes. She places a gentle kiss on your neck. “Doing the real thing with you is better than any research.”

-

Taglist

You learn more about each other and attempt to start the relationship over. You can tell that Olivia is trying but you can't shake the fears that wormed their way into your non beating heart.  You think that you are holding it together…until you aren't.

It starts out early in the day when you hear people trample around the property looking for more evidence. They haven’t been around in days, so you conclude that some new leads may have led them to come back out to look for more evidence. They are so loud that even over a mile away you can hear every step they make. No matter how hard you try to block them out, you know every tree branch that snaps without your permission. 

Their scents flood your nose without your consent, reminding you how hungry you are becoming again. Deer have been even more sparse and the guilt over feeding off Olivia has made even the easiest to catch animals unappetizing. It doesn't matter that they are necessary for survival. It’s the fact that you have to take a life in order to stay “alive” and that seems to give voice to the monster within that’s been quiet lately.

By the time the day bleeds into nightfall, you are overstimulated and further in your head than is safe. Part of you is hoping that today is the one day that Olivia is stuck at work and won't be able to come. It would be easier than explaining the thoughts racing in your head. 

Thinking maybe being stuck indoors is part of the problem, you head for the roof of your house, one of your favorite places to sit and think. You perch on the ridge and tilt your chin skyward so you can watch the stars fight against the city lights for attention. They barely twinkle and a part of you feels that pain. The pain of working so hard to be seen in a world that is constantly outshining you.

You feel a hitch in your breath and you know it's starting. It’s been years since you had a panic attack, but they never change. It doesn't matter that you don't need to breathe anymore. Once the symptoms start, your body fights for it. Your chest shakes and your fingers curl together, your nails digging into your palm. The pain brings only temporary relief and gives you enough control to fight against the voices in your head:

You will be found and you will be arrested. They’ll kill you the second they find out what you are. Olivia’s going to leave again. It’s inevitable. She’s proven she’ll go back on her word. Look what she said to you. At first she said she cared, and then she expressed regret for letting you feed. A monster is what you are. You destroy everything you touch. It’s what monsters do. Worthless. You’re selfish for feeding off of her.

The speed of your thoughts, paired with the range of topics they cover make you whimper and pull at your hair as if it will pull the words out by the root. You start to feel tears claw your way up your throat and you are useless in stopping it. 

Until the sound of her voice breaks through the haze. 

She sounds closer than you expect and you jolt upwards. She is standing on the porch below knocking on your door, still hesitant to enter unprompted after everything that has happened between you two. It’s just another reminder of how badly everything has shifted and adds another stone to the anchor that pulls you under.

“Olivia,” you say.

Part of you wants to tell her to go, that you’d rather be alone and it’s simply safer to stay away after all the foot traffic here today. Yet the thought of her walking away sends a pang through your chest.

“Y/N, I'm sorry I’m late,” she says, moving down the stairs so she can try to find you on the roof. “Interrogation ran a little longer than I expected.”

Trying to keep a brave face, a corner of your mouth curls up and you shrug a shoulder, replying, “It’s okay.”

Her brow curls in confusion as she tries to understand what is going on. In the three words you’ve spoken, she can tell something’s wrong. She can’t put her finger on it but she senses it, and that’s enough for her. When you don't immediately move to greet her like you usually do, her suspicions only grow.

“Are you going to come down?” She asks softly. “Or are you going to force me to find a way up to you?”

You can tell she’s already looking in the immediate surroundings for a path to come up to you. You shake your head once in disapproval. “Please don't do that,” you reply just before you jump off the roof. 

When you land a couple feet away from her, you notice she is holding a simple brown paper bag. She extends it towards you like it’s the easiest thing in the world.

“What is it?” You ask curiously.

“Something I saw while working today that reminded me of you,” Olivia says with a soft smile.

You don't remember the last time that anyone got you a gift, let alone one they picked simply because it reminded them of you. There’s a subtle tremor in your hand as you take the bag curling it close to your chest.

“Thank you.”

Olivia’s watchful gaze on you reveals how unfocused your gaze is despite the fact you’re looking right at her. She knows that gaze from the dozens of victims she’s encountered over her career and she wonders just how deep in your own head you are. Rather than point it out, she instead tries to find a way to read your thoughts like you’re so easily able to with her. A small furrow appears between her brows when she doesn’t find an obvious way. She realizes then that she must have restrictions on what she can and can’t do or feel with the bond unlike you. 

Deciding not to dwell on it, she extends her hand out towards you. “Come on, let’s go inside and get you warm so you can open it.”

You blink at her comment about warmth, not immediately noticing how it seems to slow down your racing thoughts. You let your fingers curl through hers. You barely get the door shut when Olivia decides to ask the question that has been burning her tongue since she arrived.

“Are you okay?”

You turn away from her, setting the bag on the table. “Yeah, I'm fine.”

The lie burns your tongue and you bite down on the inside of your cheek to keep at bay the rush of emotions. You want nothing more than to tell Olivia everything, but things still seem too precarious to let it all out. You know that once you let the darkness slip through your fingers, you’ll never be able to bottle it back up. 

“You just seem…quiet today,” she observes, walking over to you. It takes everything in your body not to flinch when she places a gentle hand on your arm. “I'm here if you want to talk about it.”

You know by the way she meets your gaze that she senses something is wrong. You may have more freedom to read her, but she has years of training and observation that has proven useful even on you. The bond just gives her access to your emotions. 

“There is nothing to talk about,” you say with a shrug before moving to build the fire back up. 

Your movements are rushed as you throw wood on the fire, the sight of tiny embers momentarily flying in the air as fresh wood hits burning wood a pleasant sight to see. You move to fluff the pillows on the couch, another mindless task to keep your brain occupied. You haven't even looked at the brown paper bag again. As curious as it has you feeling, it also feeds the anxiety still churning in your chest.

“Baby,” Olivia says before she realizes the slip of the pet name.

You visibly tense at her words. It should be a comfort to hear the name, but it only adds another stone to the anchor rooted in your gut. Monsters aren't worthy of people who love and care about them. Your fingers curl into the back of the couch for a reason even you can’t figure out. 

Olivia finally moves to stand next to you when she notices a tremor rush up your arm. She thinks about running her hand up your back, but she decides to go for the direct hit and reaches for your face. Her hand lightly tilts your face toward her. Her eyes look so concerned that you feel your chin tremor at the sight. The empathy that leaks from her side of the bond nearly makes your knees buckle.

“You can tell me what’s bothering you,” she whispers. “I'm not going to run away.”

You realize that’s the problem. You want her to run. You want her to find somewhere far away from the monster that lurks right beneath the surface. Yet no matter how hard you try, she keeps coming back.

“I feel selfish,” you blurt, letting your voice crack along with the words. “For making you come out here to see me when we both know the dangers. It’s not like I deserve—“ Your voice fully breaks and you try to at least whisper the rest of your thought but it’s like someone wrapped their hand around your vocal cords.  

Olivia moves your arm closest to her so she can stand between you and the couch. Her face is so close that you can feel her breath from her lips and see a few freckles that won’t let themselves be hidden by makeup. 

“You are not selfish, Y/N,” she says, the hand on your chin moving to cup your cheek. “I choose to come out here because I’m determined to show you that I want us to work, that I meant what I said to you. You deserve to have someone showing up for you. You deserve to be cared for.” She presses her lips to your forehead before leaning her forehead there. “And the bond decided that that’s my job, and I’m not gonna take it for granted.” 

The sincerity in her voice, the love that’s there, and the look in her eyes is all overwhelming but you can’t find it in you to step away. Your brain searches desperately for a response and your lips part like you have one, but nothing comes. Not a sound. 

“I walked away from you once,” she says, gently leaning into you. “I'm not doing that again.” 

“But the monster…” you murmur, but it isn’t really you. It’s your brain letting the thought slip past.

“You aren't a monster,” she says, her voice a little firm, “and I'm not going to let you convince me otherwise. When are you going to realize that I'm stubborn? When I want something, truly want something, I don't give up easily. You don't scare me and you never will.”

“I’ve known you were stubborn since the day we met,” you admit quietly, your voice only a little higher than a whisper before you chuckle briefly. “Thank you.” 

Olivia rests her hands on your waist, her thumbs stroking your hips. “You don’t have to thank me. I’ll tell you the same thing every day until you believe it if I have to.” 

You reach toward her coat and gently undo the few buttons before you wrap your arms around her beneath the coat. She’s warm inside the coat and you curl into it as she fully wraps her arms around you. You gradually squeeze her the further you curl your torso and she leans her head against yours. 

“You can hug me as tight as you need to,” she says the moment you quit squeezing. 

“As long as it doesn’t hurt you,” you reply quietly. 

You close your eyes as her warmth settles over your skin and seeps its way inside you. You focus on the rise and fall of her chest, on the steady beat of her heart. As you take in a lungful of air to sigh, the scent of her fills your nose and you feel the last of the anxiety leave your body and your thoughts finally go silent. 

You’re certain that minutes go by before you finally pull away, feeling far more relaxed than you have in a long, long time. Olivia leans over and plucks the brown bag you almost forgot about  from its resting spot. She shoves it gently against your chest.

“Now open it, please.”

Her hands return to your waist, not letting you move away as you open the bag. Inside of a sheer red baggie you pull out a beautiful bracelet. The chains are small with two loops between three star charms. Your gaze meets Olivia’s who is looking at you so happily that your chest swells with good emotion for a change.

“You’re my star shining in the dark,” she whispers.

Your mouth gapes once, twice, at her words before you finally stutter out, “Will you help me put it on?”

Olivia nods, unclasping it so she can adjust it around your wrist. Once she makes sure that it is securely locked she raises your wrist and places a gentle kiss to where it lays against your skin.

“I told you I was staying,” she whispers as her fingers curl through yours. “I meant it.”

You kiss her then, because nothing else can explain the warmth that she gives you in the parts of you that you thought you lost forever. It’s not a soft kiss, it’s the type of kiss to make up on lost time. Soon, she is letting out soft moans that you greedily swallow. 

“Y/N, please,” she whimpers as you begin to kiss along her jaw.

“Please what?” You ask innocently as your lips drift to her pulse point.

You stop at the fading mark, licking it gently. Her breath hitches as her fingers curl through your hair. When you pull away she lets out another whimper.

“I'm not hearing an answer to my question.”

“Feed off me,” Olivia breathes, breathless from kissing you. “Mark me. Don't stop until you’re full.”

You slowly run your free hand up her belly, between her breasts and stop at the base of her neck. With gentle guidance from your hand, you have her tilt her head just a little more to really expose her neck and you feel your fangs fully protrude at the mere sight of the muscles in her neck, not to mention the steady pulse of her blood running through her veins. You slowly run your thumb along the faded bite and she lets out a sigh that morphs into a soft moan. 

“You like when I do that?” You ask quietly. 

“Yes,” she sighs again when your thumb rests against her rapid pulse. “I don’t-I don’t know how to describe it. It feels good.” 

The hum you let out is half pleased, half curious as you leave an open mouthed kiss on her neck. The moment your fangs break her skin, she lets out a gasp and her whole body shudders. Her fingers curl in your hair as you pull her closer, your torso curling inward a little. You moan loudly when the first drop of blood coats your tongue. 

It’s been weeks since you last tasted her and you forgot how sweet she tasted. You were also too stunned the first time to notice how responsive Olivia is. Her grip on your hair tightens as her leg wraps around your hip. Feeding off humans always heightens whatever they’re currently feeling, and the way Oliva’s hips grind to find any relief against you, you have a pretty good guess on what her feelings are.

When she starts to shake you finally pull away, licking the wound to close it. She whimpers, shaking her head in protest. “I'm okay,” she says even as her voice wobbles. “Keep going.”

You leave the mark a little more prominent this time, placing a gentle kiss to it before you pull back. “You said till I was full. I'm full.”

Physically you are, anyway. Truthfully, you would never be full where Olivia was concerned. You would always be hungry for her.

Olivia studies you through a hazy gaze as she comes down from her high. “You sure?”

“Positive,” you reassure her before kissing her. “Now let me feed you.”

You lead her to the kitchen by your intertwined hands. Your new jewelry glints within the dim space and you smile briefly at it before letting her go so you can cook. As you move through the small space, Olivia stays close. In fact, you feel her finger hook through the loop of your jeans when you start to season some deer meat. 

“Can I ask you something?” She questions, moving your hair away from your neck. 

“Of course.”

“Why do vampires always go for the neck when biting someone?” 

You shrug the shoulder furthest from her after you flip the meat and space it exactly like you spiced the first side. “Because the neck is the biggest, easiest spot to go for, I suppose. The inner wrist,” you pause to gesture briefly to your own. “is a small but very intimate place to bite. And your thigh is always hidden by at least one layer of clothing, so the femoral artery is often out of the question.” 

“Would you bite me somewhere else next time?” She asks softly.

You turn to look at her for a moment. “You telling me that you don't like the bite on your neck?”

“No I love it,” she says adamantly. “You just said the other two spots are more intimate,” she pauses, a blush coming to her cheeks. “I want that.”

You feel your fangs painfully grow this time not because you are hungry but because her words send your head spinning. You look down at her wrist that is still brushing against your jeans.

“You wouldn't be able to hide that one as easily,” you murmur, instantly drawing a pout from Olivia. You lean over to press a soft kiss to her cheek. “I could be convinced to bite your inner thigh though.”

There is a rush of desire and excitement that radiates across the bond with Olivia. You can practically feel the way her blood rushes through her veins as if already trying to prepare for another feeding. You focus on finishing the dish you made for her, ignoring the way your body reaches for her call. 

“It will have to wait till you get your strength back though.”

“How much blood can you take from me at one time?” Olivia asks and you can already see the next question forming on her lips.

“Safely? A pint, at least,” you answer matter of factly. “But baby… I'm full,” you add as you lead her over to the table. “Right now it’s time for you to eat and get some sleep.”

“I'm not tired,” she protests as she sits. 

You go to move to the other side of the table but Olivia pulls you down next to her. You wrap an arm gently around her shoulder so that you can play with a couple strands of her hair. She hums with delight, moving her head to lean against your chest.

“Do I need to remind you that I can also feel what your feeling?” You say as you place a kiss to the top of her head. “I haven't felt this tired since I was an actual human.”

“Do you sleep like a human does?” She asks around a mouthful of food, moving her head enough so she can look at you. 

“Not exactly,” you reply as you twirl a strand of her hair between your fingers. “I can get into a very relaxed, almost meditative state and that is usually restful for me. Do you ever sleep?” 

Olivia chuckles around her mouthful of food before swallowing. “Yes, but years of being a detective has taught me how to operate with very little to no sleep.” 

“Have you been getting good sleep after I feed off you?” You raise an eyebrow, the side of your finger gently stroking along her temple and disappearing into her hair to snag a different piece to play with. Your lips curl upward when her lashes flutter at the gentle touch. 

“A few hours, at least,” she shrugs. 

You let out a small hum of disapproval. “Shoot for longer, and make sure to eat high iron foods for the next couple of days.” 

“Yes doctor,” she teases as she gathers another bite of food on her fork. 

You refrain from asking any further questions so she can finish her meal in peace. You simply keep her hair away from her face by subtly playing with it and alternate between watching her and staring at the beautiful bracelet she so thoughtfully bought for you. She called you her star in the dark without knowing that you love the stars. It’s part of why you love to sit on the roof or climb to the top of a tree, so you can be that much closer to them.

You tell her to leave her dishes right on the table for you to take care of later when she finishes eating. The little cabin in which you call home has been long abandoned, never connected to water or power, so you have to do everything “old school;” boil water to clean any dishes you dirty whenever you make meals for the homeless or Olivia, light a fire within your stove in order to cook, use oil lanterns for light, etc. 

Olivia refuses to admit that a full belly has left her feeling even more tired than you feeding from her did but you can feel it through the bond. You’re not comfortable letting her leave when she’s so tired and she’s equally not comfortable leaving you after what happened earlier, so you offer up the only solution left: she stays the night. 

After adding a couple more logs to the healthy looking fire just to be sure it’ll stay all night, you wordlessly take her by the hand with a gentle smirk and kiss the top of her head before leading her upstairs. It’s the only place in your home she hasn’t been to yet since it’s the most private place. Much to your relief, you find the upstairs to be warm thanks to the healthy fire burning away downstairs. Unsurprisingly, it is dark since you don’t leave the lanterns burning and you’ve been particularly careful about leaving any curtains even a little pulled back for fear of being discovered. 

You light the lantern on the dilapidated nightstand beside your bed, casting the small room in a dim golden glow to reveal a sheet covered mattress that’s piled with blankets Olivia is familiar with. 

“It’s not much,” you acknowledge apologetically, “but it’s all I have to offer.” 

Olivia kisses your cheek before nuzzling into your side. “All I want is to sleep curled up next to you. The rest doesn’t matter.”

You smile softly at her words and let her climb into the bed first before getting in with her, her head resting comfortably in the pocket of your shoulder with an arm draped over your chest and a leg tucked between yours. You pile the blankets around the both of you trying to trap as much warmth as you can.

“Can I ask you something before you drift off to sleep?” You ask after she finally seems to have made herself comfortable. 

“Hm?” She hums.

“….How’s the case going?” 

Olivia stiffens enough for you to feel it. She knows that while the case brought you both together it also almost tore you apart. Her grip tightens around your waist as if telling you not to leave. You place a gentle kiss on her forehead to try and soothe her worries.

Eventually she speaks. “Not well. Our evidence is running out and nothing new is showing up. He has gone oddly quiet…and it’s concerning.”

You run your fingers through her hair as she talks, knowing that it is one of her favorite ways to calm down. “I believe in you and your unit. You are going to find him. I'm sure of it.”

“Thank you,” she murmurs, adjusting so she can hide in your neck. “I have been thinking that maybe…” she pauses, trying to find the courage to continue. “Maybe you should move in with me.”

Her suggestion blindsides you. Your eyebrows go up and your lips part as you look down at the back of her head, but she continues to speak before you can respond. “Your bed isn’t as comfortable as mine. You deserve to rest in a comfortable bed. I have heat so you wouldn't have to be so worried about me all the time. You can make sure I'm sleeping and well fed. Plus then there won't be strain on the bond.”

Her list of reasons — which are all pretty good ones, you have to admit — cover everything but the real reason she wants you close: She's terrified. She knows that whoever has committed these murders is lurking in the shadows, waiting for his perfect moment to strike again. You grab her chin gently to pull her in for a kiss to stop the incessant talking.

“You sure you want me invading your bachelorette pad every day?” You joke after pulling away.

“I'm not a bachelorette anymore if you haven't noticed,” she grins, her worries soothed for the moment. “I'm yours.”

You beam back at her using your arms to pull her closer. “Then yes, I'll come live with you.”

You don't know whose excitement is stronger in that moment, your or hers. There are still some lingering doubts in your mind but they are washed away when Olivia picks up your wrist to kiss your bracelet.

“My shining star,” she whispers before curling back against you.

Within moments she is fast asleep, the exhaustion of the day bleeding into safety as you hold her. You stay awake to watch her. On the couch, there was never room to truly enjoy what it was like to have her in your arms. Now you can feel the way she subtly shifts closer to you whenever she moves. You can see the way her brows crinkle and soften when she is dreaming. 

During a particular dream she begins to smile and you dip into her dreams to see what it could be. You are plopped inside of her apartment where you can see you and her relaxing on the couch. Olivia’s head is in your lap while you play with strands of her hair. The TV has something on but it's so low you can't tell what it is. All you can focus on is the bite mark that is fresh on Olivia’s wrist.

Of course she would still be dreaming of it even after you said no. You laugh softly, pulling out of her dream to kiss her forehead.

“Stubborn,” you murmur against her skin. You lower your voice to add, “I love you Olivia Benson.”

You don't know how many hours pass but it was enough for you to slip into that meditative state you told Olivia about. The sound of her phone slicing through the peace and quiet is sudden and momentarily painful to your sensitive ears. Olivia merely flinches awake, fumbling for her pants pocket to pull it out. 

“Benson,” she says curtly, sounding very awake for having just been sound asleep. Her hand comes to wrap in yours as she listens to the person on the other line. She’s so close that you’re able to hear the entire conversation. She has yet another new case on her hands and the scene is close by. 

“Yeah, I'll be there in 20,” She hangs up the phone and lets herself melt into you one last time. “I have another case.”

“I heard,” you murmur, already displeased that she has to leave. “Let me get you to your car.” 

You’re relieved to feel the house is still warm when you pull the blankets back. You can still hear the fire quietly snapping and cracking. There is a piece of you that will miss that sound, but you know the alternative will be better. Especially when Olivia strips out of her shirt to throw on one of yours.

“Are you stealing my clothes?”

She smiles as she pulls it down her stomach, watching the way your eyes linger along her chest. “Yes, now I have a piece of you I can carry with me.”

You roll your eyes, but can’t help but grin at her. When she is dressed, she takes your hand and pulls you out the door. She looks back at the cabin, but you don’t spare it a second glance as you step out of the house with Olivia, since you won’t be in there anytime soon. You have some things to do before your move, like remove any evidence that you were ever here. 

The weather seems to be at war with itself as you walk Olivia to her car. You can feel the first signs of spring trying to break through winter’s stubborn grasp. The walk to her car seems quicker than in times past, and you can sense the urgency in Olivia’s body language and in her thoughts. 

And yet she still stops for you when the two of you reach her car. 

“I’m going to come back, Y/N,” she promises, one hand reaching up to grab your shirt. Her fingers curl into it before she kisses you soft and slow. 

“I’ll always come back to you,” she murmurs when she pulls away, her forehead resting briefly against yours. 

And then she’s gone, the bond already longing for her return. 

-

Taglist

The darkening clouds feel like a representation of how Olivia’s absence makes you feel inside, and the cold bite of the wind is equal to the never-ending ache in your chest. It’s like a pressure in your head that won’t go away and a pit in your stomach that no amount of blood can cure. But you know it’s safer this way. 

Especially after the hurt you caused her. 

Her thoughts and her words still echo in your mind like a torturous loop. The monster inside of you won’t let you forget. You would have rather starved that day than know you had caused her that pain. You had known from the beginning the hurt she carried, but the monster inside of you hadn’t cared. All it did was get closer to her to deal the deadly blow. It was better that she left, that way you could remember that your heart was dead on the inside. 

‘It was for the best,’ you try to remind yourself for the umpteenth time. Something or someone is coming after you, setting you up for crimes you didn't commit, and the further she is away from the blowup, the better. It just meant that you had to deal with your body constantly feeling like a piece of it was missing for however long this bond would last. You had stopped sneaking off to see her after you had read her mind. The regret of feeding off her still put a pit in your stomach.

That didn’t stop you from wanting her, needing her, and craving her. Every time the wind whirled around you, all you could think about was how much you missed her warmth in your arms. When you closed your eyes, all you could see was the way her eyes shone in the light of the fire. You were helpless when it came to her. 

The ache in your chest swells at just the mere thought of her. You reach up and press on your sternum as if that will force the pain back into its enclosure when you hear her. She is quieter than most, but it wouldn't have mattered. Not when every cell in your body called out to her, begging for her to come closer.

You sit up to scan for her, and you know instantly something is wrong. There is a darkness to her that turns her normal smile into a grimace and her steps into heavy, uneven stomps. Your protective instincts flare, and you let yourself sneak into her mind. You’re met with the image of a child’s body surrounded by so much blood. More blood than what is normal in a human of that size. And the only thing that Olivia can focus on is a wolf stuffed animal clutched in tiny hands.

“Y/N,” she calls out, her voice cracking as you jump out of the memory.

You don't hesitate to jump down from your spot, landing only inches from her. She melts at the sight of you, like her body knows it’s finally safe and doesn’t have to be strong anymore. Within a step, she is collapsing into your chest. You curl your arms around her automatically, and the ache in your heart immediately grows dull.

You know that you shouldn’t be holding her, not when there is so much hurt that still lingers between you both, but you can’t stand by and see her suffer.

You pull back to press a kiss to the top of her head without thinking about it. It has become so natural to you that you don’t even think about whether she really wants it. All you can think of is trying to erase the memories that are in her head. “Olivia, it’s freezing out here. What are you doing?”

“Needed to see you,” she murmurs, her hand coming to curl in your shirt. “I-I couldn’t handle being away from you anymore,” her voice tremors, a mixture of the cold and emotions to blame. “I-I’m so sorry for what I said. I was an idiot, and I didn’t mean it. Please, I’m so sorry.”

“I can feel you shaking,” you tsk in a poor attempt to ignore the rush of emotion from the pain in her voice. You don’t know how to take the apology; you only know that right now you need to protect her. You pull her closer in a vain attempt to at least block the wind. “Let me get you inside.”

Olivia doesn't protest as you carry her up the stairs. It’s warmer within the walls, but not by much. The fire you put on hours ago has lessened, as well as the warmth it usually radiates. You set her down as close to the fire as you can, silently hoping the rug beneath her will be a helpful insulator in the long run. You rush around to build the fire bigger and collect the small mass of blankets you have to warm her up. 

You notice the tears in her eyes when you slide a pillow under her head. They are rolling down her face, staining the fabric underneath. Each one is like a sharp stab to your ribs.

“What's wrong, Liv?”

You see the hesitation in her eyes, like a child peeking around a corner as they watch a stranger move around in their space. As if she isn’t worthy to ask for what she wants. She bites down on her lip hard to stop herself from talking. 

The silence is worse than her tears, so you push her again. “You can talk to me, Liv.”

“I want you to hold me,” she says quietly, her eyes turned down as she braces for rejection. “I need you close.” 

You feel like an invisible force is clawing away at you as you reach forward to tuck the blankets tighter around her. “I can’t,” you whisper, even though it goes against everything your body is telling you. “My body can’t give you the warmth you need. You will freeze.”

She lets out a choked sob as more tears cascade down her face. Olivia had thought she was ready for the rejection, but the reality of it was so much worse.  “Please, I had a really bad day. I just want you to hold me. I need…I need you.” 

You realize something at that moment. She feels the bond, too. A duller version of it, but the ache you have been feeling for days has nestled inside of her too. Which means that forcing the separation has only made everything more exhausting for both of you. The guilt that washes over you is instant, and you feel like an idiot for not realizing the bond would go both ways, even though she isn’t a vampire. 

“I’m sorry. I was reckless that day, and I put you at risk. I just wanted to catch him so that you could be safe,” she explains between wobbly breaths. “I wanted you to see that you were worthy of being fought for. That you aren’t a monster, but all I did was ruin everything. All I ever do is ruin things.”

You close your eyes to push back your own tears. It’s the apology that you have been craving for days, but there is one problem. You are a monster. The more you keep pretending you aren’t, the more risk you put Olivia in. It doesn’t matter, though, because as she continues to shake with tears, all you can think about is holding her and keeping her safe.

You have her tucked under several layers of blankets to try to keep her warm. You peel away all but one and climb underneath, wrapping your arms around her. The next several breaths she lets out are labored and trembling, filled with emotion and relief at you finally being close. Even with the shivers still gripping her body, she clings to you with a white-knuckled grip and nuzzles her face in your neck.

Your face crumbles, but no tears come as you hug her closer, the ache in your chest replaced with an overwhelming surge of relief. Like someone had lathered a thick, soothing balm on the bond. Your torso curls around her, and you nuzzle your nose against the nape of her neck. 

“Wanna talk about it?” You whisper, unsure of what to say.

She shakes her head frantically, and you let out a soft sigh. It doesn't matter that you already read her thoughts; you wanted her to tell you. It felt important to have Olivia open up on her own, but with everything that’s happened, you know both of you have taken massive steps back in terms of trust and openness. 

“You shouldn’t have come,” you murmur after a minute of silence. “It’s cold and simply not safe.” 

Although you haven’t seen the man from the other night since you lost him in the dense woods, you don’t believe he has entirely left. There is still a chance that he is lurking around watching you even now.

“I can take care of myself.” She says stubbornly, and you can’t help but roll your eyes. 

“Right, how could I forget?” you respond curtly, attempting to pull away from her grasp.

“Shit, wait,” Olivia says, her fingers curling tighter in your shirt. “I…I want to tell you. I’m just scared. The stuff I see every day isn’t something that most people want to talk about.”

“Seeing dead children never is,” you murmur before you realize what you just revealed. 

Olivia pulls back just enough to look at you with her eyebrows knitted in confusion. “How did you…have you been reading my mind? Can you read my mind?”

You grimace, bracing yourself for her anger when you reply. “Not all the time. I have become skilled at blocking out thoughts of others. Yours are just particularly…loud.”

There is a long silence that follows your statement until you finally force yourself to look at her. You expect to find anger in her brown eyes, but instead, you find curiosity. You know this look on her face all too well. Olivia is attempting to figure out a puzzle in her head, but you know that you are the one keeping the last piece. 

“Is there a reason that I am louder than everyone else?” She finally asks. “Ever since you fed on me, I’ve felt…different. There is a piece of me that is always wondering where you are. When we were separated, it was torture, like something deeper than longing or desire.”

The reminder of the bite makes the pit in your stomach grow, but you know that you can’t keep this secret anymore. Olivia deserves the right to know about the bond. If she leaves after that, well then…then maybe living a life full of loneliness is what you deserve.

“After I fed on you, a bond was formed. Bonds are very rare. They only happen between soulmates and link them together in every way that you can think of. Their mind, heart, and body become intertwined, so separation is close to torture. A bonded pair is never away from each other for long; it makes them physically ill. I never thought that my feeding off you would form the bond. I didn’t even realize that I could bond with a human. I’m so sorry. Feeding off you was a mistake; I never should have done it.”

Olivia's eyes widen at your choice of words, and she stops your explanation with a gasp. “You were there that night.”

“What night?”

“The night that I said I wished you never fed off me,” she murmurs a red tint coming to her cheeks. 

The words spoken out loud hit you like a hammer to the chest, and you instinctively flinch. A panic settles into Olivia as she tries to explain. “I didn’t mean it. You have to believe me. I don’t regret you feeding off me. I want the mark. I want this bond. I want to be yours. I’m so sorry. I was angry and not thinking right.”

“Olivia,” you whisper, “maybe you were right. This bond is a curse.”

“No!” Olivia responds louder than she originally meant. “This bond is not a curse. You mentioned that the bond forms between soulmates. That means we are supposed to be together. I want to be with you. I want to learn what it means to be loved by you.” She pauses for a moment, adding in a whisper. “I want to know what it is like to stay when things get hard instead of running.”

You look at her trying to find any lie in her eyes, but there is only desperation. Olivia wants this more than you realized. “It’s not easy, but you’ll do it if you care about someone enough.”

“And I care about you,” Olivia whispers, her hand coming to gently cup your cheek. “I care about you more than you know.”

You press into her palm. “And I care about you.”

“So does that mean we can try?” She asks nervously. 

You hesitate for a moment before murmuring, “We can try.” Olivia's face broadens into a grin, and you can’t bring yourself to regret your choice. Not when this is the brightest she has looked in days. “The most important thing is that we do this together. One day at a time.”

“One day at a time,” Olivia nods. “I promise I won’t let you down this time.”

You shake your head, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead. “You didn’t fail me, Olivia. We just need to figure out how all of this works.”

Olivia smiles, and you take that moment to wipe away the last of her tears. Your hands linger on her neck, where you can feel her pulse below your fingers. The thought of the blood beneath you makes you realize that her veins are straining towards you, begging you to put your fangs in them. 

Your fingers gently push down the collar of her shirt to expose the teeth marks she keeps hidden. They are faint now, almost completely unnoticeable. Your thumb flicks out to trace it gently and Liv lets out a wobbly breath at the sensation. 

“It’s fading,” she points out quietly, and you immediately know what she is asking for.

“Liv, I'm not feeding on you when it's this cold.” 

You know that she has taken back her words, but you still can’t get them out of your head. You won’t take advantage of her in this cold, emotionally heightened state. When you feed off Olivia again, you want her to be sure. 

“Please,” she begs, pulling you from your thoughts. “I missed you. I miss looking in the mirror and remembering who I belong to.”

The plea only makes the guilt from earlier swell in your chest again. You bury your head into her hair, inhaling deeply while also trying to force back your fangs. The bond is partly to blame for your fangs protruding. A newly bonded pair often finds it borderline impossible to be away from each other, let alone keep their hands off one another. A lot of feeding usually happens, too. So although the ache of separation has been soothed, the intense craving to feed has taken its place. 

You kiss along Olivia’s neck, trying to soothe the ache in your fangs by gently nipping at the skin. Olivia’s hand curls into your shirt, and you can feel the way her entire body aches to have you close again. With each press of your lips, all you can think is: I have to wait, we have to wait.

You don’t realize that you have begun to say these thoughts out loud until Olivia responds. “I don’t want to wait. Please. I need something to remove this ache in my chest.”

“I know, Liv,” you whisper, kissing her neck one final time. “I promise, as long as you want me around, we won't be separated like that again,” you reassure her, “but I can’t feed from you right now. You need all of your blood to help stay warm.”

You can tell she is still pouting but your reassurance seems to have soothed her a little. “Of course I want you around. There is nowhere else I want to be.” You smile without realizing it, and Olivia asks nervously. “You’ll feed off of me soon, though?”

“Yes. Soon, I will mark you as mine again,” you say, gently massaging her scalp. 

You don’t realize how that sounds until the words are out there and you tense for a moment, glancing down to gauge her reaction. She pulls back a little to look up at you to presumably do the same, and you find yourself wanting to chuckle at the synchronicity of the two of you trying to navigate each other. 

“Does that mean…?” 

She doesn’t have to finish for you to know what she’s implying. Perhaps she isn’t as confused as you initially believe, but you’re still going to play it safe. 

“I just called you mine. Are those not the same thing?”

“You really…you really still want to after everything that happened?” She asks nervously. 

“We still will take it one day at a time…and there is a lot of building that we need to do,” you say thoughtfully, moving to lightly run your thumb along her cheek. “But that doesn’t change the fact that I want you to be mine.”

There is a grin on her face even as she rolls her eyes. “Say it again.”

“Olivia Benson, you are my girlfriend,” you murmur before grabbing her chin gently. “And I will do my best to prove I am worthy of being yours.”

You feel the way her energy shifts at the comment. The day seems to be slipping away from her thoughts, finally. Eventually, she stops shaking entirely. You think she has fallen asleep until you feel a soft kiss on your neck.

“You are worthy exactly the way you are,” she whispers. 

Her words strike deep like a bolt of lightning being shot into the endless darkness you had been stuck in for days. In its path is that warmth of hers that you had missed so much. You pull her closer and close your eyes, letting yourself bask in it as you sense her gradually drift off to sleep.

-

Taglist

These realizations don’t necessarily help her figure out how to work past this crack that has formed in your relationship. Instead, they fill her with a doubt that makes her nervous, anxious, and just a tad bit bitter.

It is this bitterness that you smell as you watch her from a hidden spot across the street from her apartment. You have posted yourself here every night just to make sure that she makes it home safe. It hurts to watch her come back from work exhausted, her shoulders curled into submission, and her feet dragging along the sidewalk. You wish that you could scoop her up in your arms and kiss away all that pulls her under, but you know that you can’t. Especially not when you hear a phrase come across the bond.

I never should have never let Y/N feed off of me.

The thought is loud and laced with such sincerity, sadness, and anger that you recoil, your face crumbling in silent anguish. You don’t wait to see if she makes it up to her apartment safely after that. You merely turn away and walk into the darkness, letting it consume you until you feel nothing.

If you had stayed, you might have heard Olivia immediately regret her own thoughts. You might have discovered that she had been repeating that phrase all day in hopes of easing the ache that had settled in her heart. It is like a sharp pain that she can’t shake, and it only gets worse the more she is separated from you.

Olivia knows that all of this could be settled if she went back to talk to you, but she can’t bring herself to do it. Instead, it is up to Melinda to give Olivia a push in the right direction and extinguish the embers that have settled.

Olivia comes into the morgue, her heels clacking against the linoleum, but that is not what distracts Melinda. Melinda is used to the anger that has replaced the soft detective that she once knew, but this type of anger seems different. It laces not only in the way that she talks but in the way that she smells. Melinda sniffs again as she turns her back to Olivia to grab a file to make sure that she is smelling correctly, when it hits her.

It’s a smell that has never once laced Olivia’s blood, but Melinda knows well. Another vampire.

“Are you even listening to me, Melinda?” Olivia asks, annoyed.

“I’m sorry, I just…are you using a new perfume?” Melinda responds.

“No...I mean, I haven’t been able to get back home and shower,” Olivia murmurs, suddenly self-conscious. “Do I smell bad?

“Not at all,” Melinda replies, realizing that Olivia knows nothing of the bond, which only makes her more confused. “It’s a good smell actually. Earthy.”

That is when she sees it. Olivia involuntarily rubs at her neck as if the word sparked something, and it reveals just a sliver of the bite mark. Melinda can tell that it is days away from fading, which is more concerning than anything else. A newly bonded pair can’t keep their hands off each other, let alone stop from feeding off the human one. Well, at least that’s how it worked when she had found her bond.

Melinda still remembers the way that her wife drank from her every day after their bond first formed. No matter how much Melinda’s wife had tried to stop, she couldn’t get enough. Melinda had loved every second of it. But Olivia? Olivia looked miserable. Which is the exact opposite of how she should look after a bond has been formed.

“Olivia, are you okay?”

Melinda expects Olivia’s normal answer, a curt I’m fine, when she is anything but. This time, though, Olivia’s face falls, and she shakes her head. The mask around her begins to crumble, and the strain of the bond separation is clear.

“No…no I’m not.”

Melinda takes Olivia to her office, where they sit down and talk about what has finally cracked Olivia’s outer shell. Olivia speaks of you highly, and Melinda can tell that she cares about you. She never once mentions to Melinda that you are a vampire, but it isn’t necessary. Melinda already knows. Not because of the bite still lingering on Olivia’s neck or the bond in her blood, but because Melinda knows you.

You haven't been a vampire nearly as long as Melinda but she still knows of you. She makes a habit of knowing new vampires that come around her usual stomping grounds. You happen to be one of her favorites. Your interactions have been minimal, but she knows that you are one of the good ones. You are the kind of vampire who makes her remember that not everyone she meets is a monster.

She doesn’t tell Olivia this, though. Instead, she listens to her friend admit for the first time that maybe she pushes everyone away before they can leave her.

“You haven’t given her a chance,” Melinda points out finally. “You automatically assume she is going to leave as Elliot did.”

“This isn’t about Elliot,” Olivia says defensively, which only makes Melinda shake her head.

“Isn’t it, though? Ever since he left, you’ve been different. I understand that he meant a lot to you, but Liv…you’re letting him taint everything else in your life.” Melinda pauses a moment to let the words sink in. “You’re somehow blaming yourself for him leaving when it was a choice he made all by himself. You deserve good things. You do realize this, right?”

There is a silence that fills the room. Olivia turns her head away from Melinda to control the emotions that try to break free from their normal boxes. Olivia knows somewhere deep inside of her that she is worthy of good things. She just doesn’t know what those good things are or if they will ever come to pass. It has become harder to imagine what those things might be, especially when an emptiness has settled in her chest that she can’t seem to shake. An emptiness that had only lessened when she was around you but has only seemed to dig its claws further into her over the past couple of days.

“Liv.”

Olivia puts up her hand to silence Melinda. “I get what you are trying to say, just give me a minute.” Melinda waits until Olivia takes a deep breath and turns back to her friend. “I don’t know how to fix this.”

“Talk to her,” Melinda emphasizes quietly, her gaze so gentle that part of Olivia doesn’t feel like she deserves it as some of her words to you echo in the back of her mind. “Words got you into this, but they’ll get you out too. Solidify your words with action. Keep showing up for her like you have been. You’ll never know what is possible if you don’t try."

“Actions speak louder than words,” Olivia acknowledges.

Melinda nods, “You know that better than anyone. But words matter too.”

So with an exasperated sigh, Olivia leans back in the chair and tries to figure out how she’s going to start the process of earning your forgiveness. She’s not expecting it to be easy considering what she’s said and how guarded you’ve been since she first met you, but she doesn’t want to abandon you. And more than anything, she wants this ache in her chest to go away.

As she sits with the comfort of a friend discussing her biggest regrets, you lie on the floor of your cabin, deciding what to do. The windows are shut tight, not even letting in the smallest glimpse of light. The fireplace is out and has been for days because there is no point in keeping the house warm when there is no one to keep warm anymore. So you sit in the dark and wait for the pain to ebb into something more manageable.

Yet every time you get close to moving forward, Olivia’s thought come rushing back to you. I never should have never let Y/N feed off of me. It’s a heartbreaking contrast to the pleading, sincere words she had said about caring about you too much to let you die. The sting of the words never fades, even after you repeat them over and over.

There is a tiny voice in the back of your mind that you can’t seem to shake. It is that same voice that was in the back of your mind the day that she came back. That voice that was buried so far under your pit of hunger that you had chosen to ignore it. That shitty little voice had been right all along. You never should have fed off her. You should have fought harder against her pleas. You should have let yourself wither into nothing so you could finally be released from this hell that has trapped you in a lonely existence. It was the only rightful end for a monster as cruel as you. Instead, you’ve succumb into a whole different kind of painful prison, where the bond between you and Olivia will ache, throb, and yearn for eternity.

-

Taglist

The end however is much quieter than one would expected. There is no cry from a newborn baby like there should be. Instead there is a deadly silence. A silence that expands and suffocates everyone in the room. You are too exhausted to think anything of it as you lay back against the sheets trying to figure out how to trace one breath into the next.

Galina still clings to you, her hand numb from how hard you are holding, but her eyes track her newborn granddaughter as she is taken to the corner of the room. “What is going on?”

The doctor and nurse talk in hushed tones but they don’t answer her directly. She waits for merely one beat of her heart before she calls out louder, sharper. “What is going on with my granddaughter?”

It is the nurse who finally turns around, her face petrified and pale. Her hands shake as she tries to explain what is happening. “She… she isn’t breathing right now. We are trying to figure out what the problem is.”

You hear the words through a haze that you can’t seem to escape from. Ever since the medicine kicked in like it was supposed to, you felt like one foot had been stuck in the clouds while the other is lost in the wind. Now you are exhausted, your body sore and shaking as you lie there. Everything feels too cold and hot all at once, and you can’t figure out how to breathe. It comes out in short little pants that do nothing to ease the headache that is pounding against your head. You know something is wrong but you can’t tell what and that makes the racing in your heart worse.

Galina’s eyes flicker between her granddaughter and you unable to figure out what she can do. It is the helplessness that makes her more afraid than anything. She has always been able to send you in the right direction, to lead you where you needed to go. Now she can do nothing but wait unil the world settles around her.

She doesn’t have to wait long as finally Viola begins to cry. There is an audible sigh as the whole room lets go of the breath they had been holding. The baby is wrapped gently in a blanket and brought over to you. You barely understand what is happening when she is placed in your arms. Your eyes flicker down to her and you wait for it to happen.

You wait for that magical moment where something is supposed to click into place. The click that lets you know your whole world has now been transported into one tiny human. The kind of feeling that vibrates through every part of your being and lets you know that all of it was worth it. The long nights, the miserable morning sickness, and the hours spent on the rollercoaster of uncontrollable emotions. Except that isn’t what you see when you look down at your newborn daughter. There is no magical click, there is no overwhelming warmth…no it’s worse. So much worse.

When you look down at your daughter, you feel nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Galina notices a moment too late that you are spiraling into a panic attack. After months of watching over you she has becom an expert on the signs. This time however she was distracted by the little bundle that was wrapped in your arms. She could tell immediately that Viola had your smile, a soft rounding around her lips that made her light up the room without even trying. Galina was going to tell you this when she noticed your expression.

Your face was void of any emotion at all. There is darkness that seems to crawl across your skin until it seeps into your eyes were it consumes them whole. Galina doesn’t hesitate to take Viola from your arms and hands her to a nurse to be taken to a nursery. Your fingers twitch for a moment when the weight of the baby is gone, but then they fall limply to your side.

It is only when the doctors and nurses have cleared out and the door clicks behind them do you start to fall apart. You have become skilled at making sure that you only break when there is no one around to watch. And Galina is left defenseless as it spirals before she can stop it.

Your breaths come in heavy pants now in such short bursts that you can’t seem to catch up no matter how hard you try. Your body rocks back and forth finding a rhythm that matches the quick beating of your heart. One of your hands come up to frantically tap against your clavicle that sound of the bone revberating as a constant thud in the otherwise quiet room. Your other hand comes to your thigh, nails digging into your skin so hard that you let out a small hiss.

“Malyshka,” Galina says gathering you against her chest, her hand sliding to stop your claws from sinking further into your skin. “I have you malyshka.”

She knows what will come next before it even happens. You struggle against her arms fighting with a strength that your weak body doesn’t have. She holds you tighter, her fingers curling into your hand so that you are unable to scrape it against any more parts of your body. The older woman clenches her eyes shut trying to clench back the tears that spring up. She doesn’t understand what is going on. Galina can only hope that it passes soon.

“I’m right here malyshka, I promise you.” Galina whispers against your hairline as you continue to fight against her. “I got you. We can do this. We can do this.”

She doesn’t know what she is promising anymore only knows that she wants all of this to stop. Which is something that doesn’t come for a couple more minutes before you finally go slack in her arms. Galina does her best not to let out an audible sigh of relief when your hand grips onto hers tighter and your other one falls from your shoulder to curl into her shirt.

“There you go malyshka,” she whispers kissing your hairline. “I knew you could do it.”

There is a long silence that follows as you try to piece together what is wrong with you. You know something must be broken inside of you to be feeling this way. What other explanation could you have for looking at your daughter and feeling horror instead of joy?

“I can’t do this,” you murmur voice cracking with every word.

Galina pulls back to look at you with confusion crinkling her brow. “What do you mean?”

“I can’t be a mother. I can’t do this,” you tell her and suddenly the damn that you have been trying to keep sealed overflows. “I look at her and all I can think about is how much of a monster I am. She is a perfectly blank canvas, not a single bad thing in the world has touched her, and I am going to ruin her. Don’t you understand? I can’t do this.”

Tears rush down your face and your body shakes as you begin to sob. You had always been nervous about being a mother but had put on a brave face because you knew that Olivia was already nervous. Mixing her genes with anyone else had been her biggest nightmare, and when you had finally convinced her that it would be okay, you couldn’t tell her that you also worried about what you would bring to a child. Now that child was here and Olivia wasn’t and you didn’t know what the hell you were doing.

“Oh malyshka,” Galina whispers wiping away the tears with swipes of her thumb. “When are you going to stop believing that you are a monster.” She leans down to place a kiss along your hairline. “You are the furthest thing from a monster and you aren’t going to ruin your daughter. Your daughter is going to grow up cherished, cared for, and loved in the way that you should have been. You will show your daughter what having a mother is supposed to be.”

When you don’t answer Galina hugs you back to her allowing her hand to run gently through your hair. “I know that you wanted Olivia here and I called her, I promise you that I did.” She lets the words hang for a moment but the sting of Olivia’s rejection is nothing new to you. It merely gets added to the checklist of pain that you are trying not to let drag you under. “She didn’t come but that doesn’t mean you are alone. I am going to be with you every step of the way. On the days when you feel like you can’t do it, I will. You are my daughter and I am going to make sure that you and my beautiful granddaughter are given the world and then some.”

“Thank you,” is all you can whisper in response.

Those two words truly can’t even begin to cover everything that you are feeling inside. But with exhaustion settling into your bones, it is all you can manage. You don’t know how you will do it, or if you should even be allowed to do it, but you vow then to try. To try and be the mother you and Olivia had spent hours talking about. To make a family that she would have been proud of if she had the decency to know that she had one at all.

-~-

Galina watches over you like a hawk, not allowing anyone in or out of the hospital room that she doesn’t give explicit permission to. Your mood improves slightly but not enough that she feels comfortable leaving you alone. You stay a couple of days to be with Viola while they run multiple tests just to make sure nothing is wrong.

You appreciate the extra care Galina is showing you but as the hours trickle by there is a different problem. You haven't checked in with Ayanna in days. You don't know how to even let her know you are safe when Galina is breathing down your neck until one day the hospital splits her attention in two.

A test is done for Viola that she must be present for and you are wheeled to another area for a scan. You can tell Galina doesn't want to leave you but you convince her to stay with Viola.

You are brought to an examining room and waiting behind the curtain is Ayanna. She immediately crushes you in a hug and you cling to her.

“You are safe,” Ayanna murmurs into your hairline. “You are safe.”

“You think child birth could hold me down?” You attempt to joke but then begin to sob.

Ayanna moves back just enough that she can wipe away your tears. “Viola is beautiful. I went and checked on her before I sent for you. You did good Momma.”

The comfort only spirals you into more tears. “Ayanna, please, get me out of here. I can't do this anymore. I can’t raise my daughter in this. I need Olivia. Viola needs a mother who isn't me. Please.”

Ayanna’s own face fills with a sadness that mirrors your own. “I'm tryin hun. I have been trying. Galina is making 1PP terrified. They said you are too far in for extraction when we don't have enough to get you out.” A sigh escapes her as she tries to hold back the tears in her eyes. “Please believe me if I could get you and Viola out now I would.

“I can’t do this, I can’t,” you choke out your whole body shaking.

Ayanna wraps her arms around you, pulling you tighter to her. She doesn't know what to say and just hopes she can fix everything by holding it together. She doesn't mention that extract wouldn't have made a difference. Not when she had tried to tell Olivia and had only gotten the door shut in her face.

-

Taglist

“What’s wrong?” She asks, a small furrow in her brow. 

“Uh, nothing,” you reply, briefly waving a dismissive hand. “Just thought I heard something outside.” 

You sense through your newly formed bond that she doesn’t entirely believe you — her eyes give it away too — but it seems plausible enough that she continues telling you about Fin. From the way she talks about him, you can tell they’re good friends. You’re glad she has someone like him in her corner. You know from a couple of fleeting thoughts that Olivia often feels like she has no one. You wish that you could tell her that you will be that someone for her, but you know right now, even with the bond, Olivia doesn’t believe that to be true. She is constantly waiting for the other foot to drop and for the fragile relationship you have built to completely shatter around her.

A couple of minutes pass by before you hear another noise, this one louder and closer than the last. This noise seems to catch Olivia’s attention, too. Both of you stand, but you’re quicker, crossing the room in a matter of a couple of strides to look out the window. The moon is small in the sky, so despite the lack of clouds, it’s still pretty dark out by human standards. 

But you can still see him. 

Standing a couple of hundred yards away is a human with a flashlight clutched in his hand by his side. He looks tall, close to six feet. He appears thin, but clearly has the strength to carry dead human bodies. 

“What is it, Y/N?” Olivia asks, standing close enough to you that your skin tingles at her warm breath fluttering across your skin. 

“Someone’s here,” you reply, your voice serious as you step away from the window and pull her with you. 

Olivia’s eyes widen with alarm, and she pulls away from you. “I have to go catch him. He could be the killer.” 

“Absolutely not,” you say quickly, harsher than you intended.

“It’s my job,” she snaps back. 

You see her flinch for the first time when you put yourself between her and the door before she can blink. “I’m not letting you go out there. You don’t know these woods like I do.”

“Then come with me! This guy has killed ten people now, Y/N. I need to get him off the streets,” she argues, gathering her things. “The quicker we catch him, the quicker your life can return to normal.”

“You can’t be certain it’s the killer. It could be someone lost in the woods. It happens occasionally, believe it or not.” 

Olivia scoffs. “Come on, you know that’s not true. The only person who could be here at this particular location is the killer. He could be looking for where to dump his next victim. Or worse, he could be figuring out how to hurt you.” 

She tries to step around you to reach for the doorknob despite knowing she won’t succeed. You merely grab her wrist and lead her away from the door. The simple action causes her scent to change to overwhelmingly bitter, enough to make your nose crinkle. You had smelled her frustration before, but this is something worse than anger. This is a flicker of hatred from being stopped from doing something she deemed important.

“You’re interfering with an investigation and my promise to you, Y/N,” she says, her voice low with warning. “Don’t make me restrain you.” 

You let out a dry laugh, which only makes her more upset. “There’s nothing here to restrain me with except the cuffs on your waist, and I would break those before you even fully had them on me.” 

“Then let me do my job,” she growls, yanking her wrist from your grasp and storming toward the door. 

You let her go this time, mainly to let her blow off a little steam. Before she’s at the bottom of the stairs, you’re already in the doorway. You want to give her space, but you aren’t stupid. She isn’t thinking clearly enough to do this all alone. 

“Don’t you care about your safety?” You ask as she pulls her gun from its holster and her flashlight from her pocket.

“The badge on my hip has an oath attached to it, and part of that oath is to protect and serve.” 

“This feels a little like that saying you humans have about calling the kettle black,” you admit as you walk down the stairs. 

You’re not looking at her but instead at the woods in front of you. The man is still standing there, watching the two of you interact. You can only pray Olivia can’t see him. 

“Forgive me for actually caring about you, too,” you say. “For wanting to protect you from things that you have no business getting involved in alone.”

“That’s rich coming from the person who didn’t want me to come around anymore,” she snaps. 

“For this very reason,” you say as you grab her by the biceps this time, forcing her to look at you despite her not being able to see you. “Plus, I thought we were past that. I was wrong to send you away then, but I’m not wrong when I say that you have no idea what you are doing and can’t do this alone.”

You won’t say it, but you wonder if her visits here have inadvertently led the killer to come into the woods this deep. You won’t put that kind of blame on her, despite how plausible it sounds.  You can’t even bring yourself to be mad at her reckless behavior. You wanted her here even before the bond formed, and now that it is locked into place, you can’t regret seeing her. 

“And if you go after him now, you could still risk exposing me, which goes against your promise to keep me safe.” 

You see the words hit her like a slap across the face, and you’re hopeful that you might have finally talked her off the ledge. Until you hear the crunch of snow and see the faint evidence of a flashlight across the snow in your peripheral vision. Olivia’s reaction is immediate. 

“NYPD!” She yells, her head whipping in the direction of the light. 

Again, she pulls out of your gentle grasp and takes off running in the direction of the mysterious figure. You have no choice but to follow after her since you know the layout far better than her and potentially even better than the killer. But the killer is wise enough to head in a particular direction that you know leads to denser woods. 

You quickly abandon traveling on foot in favor of jumping between the trees while keeping track of where Olivia is and where the killer is. It’s useless, though, because after a few minutes of chasing, the killer manages to disappear as suddenly as he appeared, as if he may know of a shortcut or secret underground system of sorts that you haven’t found quite yet. 

You jump to the ground and sniff around for him. You look for his footprints, a blood trail, anything to show where he went, but there’s nothing. 

“Detective?” You yell, looking over your shoulder. 

“I’m here,” Olivia pants.

“He’s gone.”

“Son of a bitch, how’d you lose him?” She questions, bewildered. 

You roll your eyes, feeling a renewed anger ignite in your belly. “These woods are dense, in case you haven’t noticed. It affects my speed.” 

“If you had let me go after him the second you heard him, I might’ve gotten him.” 

“Or maybe it would’ve ended the same way, or maybe you would’ve gotten hurt, and then what, detective? You can’t keep your promise to me and do your job if you get hurt. How would you explain to your squad that you were out here alone again, even after Fin told you to stop coming here?”

“Since when did we go back to you calling me detective?” She asks, her frown evident in her voice as she ignores the rest of your statement. 

“Since you gave me no choice but to follow you in a police chase.” 

“I was just trying to protect you, can’t you see that?” Olivia snips in defiance. 

“I said no,” you bark out. Olivia stares back at you defiantly. “I’m not worth all of this danger and hassle, Olivia. I don’t matter. You aren't risking your life for me.”

“Yes, you do, Y/N. You matter. You matter to me. Isn’t that enough?” Olivia asks, and for the first time, you hear a wobble in her voice. It’s not that which breaks you, but her devastating thought after:

Aren’t I enough? 

The thought is born with such a sad and broken tone of voice that you subtly recoil like the July summer sun just touched your skin. Of course, she’s enough, and that’s the problem. It’s making connections like this that have forced you to pick secluded areas to live for centuries. You wonder for a moment if your desire for close contact has caused you to lose your edge in remaining so well hidden. 

“You are enough, Olivia. You mean more to me than anyone I have ever met in my entire miserable life, and it is killing me to see you act like your life doesn’t matter. You call it your job and doing your duty, but you are being reckless. I can’t be there to rescue you every damn minute of the day.”

You regret your words the second you see how they hurt Olivia. In her mind, you see the image of a man clear as day yelling a similar phrase at her. Your non-beating heart still manages to sink as she visibly recoils and a hardness comes to her features, worse than tears. You could handle the tears, but no, this was a complete removal of feelings.

Hurting her again wasn’t your intention. You’ve sensed from the beginning the hurt she carries, and you don’t want to be added to the invisible list of people who have caused her grief. Now you went and have done exactly that, except this time you think you may have done it worse than all those who have come before you. 

“Well, don’t worry. You won’t have to ever come to my rescue again. I’m done,” she says with a calm finality before she turns away and disappears into the woods. 

You collapse onto the porch after following the bond’s urge to make sure she gets in her car safely. You think about running back out to her, but what is the point when you know that it will only make things worse. Despite what she said yesterday about caring about you, you knew that the end of your relationship was inevitable. You knew she would eventually see the monster that lives inside and would wise up and leave, and, after what you foolishly said to her, her walking away is what you deserve. 

-

Taglist

One Shots -

A Cozy Valentine's Haven | ♡ | ☾ Liv is called into work on Valentines Day, so you and Noah decide to make something special for her to come home too. 

Requests -

coming soon...

Headcannons -

coming soon...

Moodboards -

coming soon...

Taglist -

Jocelyn doesn’t do anything to you at first. You two are able to play your positions without having to do much communication, since any balls either of you hit will either go to your teammates at the net to hit to the other team, or one of you hits it hard enough to send it back over the net.

It’s after the first eight points when Olivia’s team starts to win that she starts in.

It’s innocent stuff at first, going after balls even after you yell “I’ve got it,” forcing you to back off a little and either she gets it or lets it fall. Since you yelled you’d get the ball, it makes you look bad.

Then she starts veering away from her position to start talking. It’s random words or snide comments about your skills to get some of your attention at the last second so when you hit the ball, the hit isn’t as precise. This tactic doesn’t always work, since you know how to block out distractions pretty well, but still, it has some effect.

“Y/N!” Your coach yells at some point.

Your head whips in her direction, your ears at attention.

“Get your head in the game, kiddo. I know you can play better than this. And Jocelyn? Knock off the distraction tactics. Your teammates, not rivals.”

Your heart initially sinks at your coach’s words, because you really are a good player. You’ve got potential for college scholarships. She’s told you so more than once and has even said she’d put in a good word or two for you with some colleges. You don't want her to think you can't focus. But knowing that she’s noticed Jocelyn’s tactics and is standing up for you lessens the ache enough that you’re able to smile, just a little.

“Yes coach,” you both reply.

And, for a little bit, everything’s fine again.

Until Jocelyn starts bringing Olivia into the equation.

“How did you even score a girl like her with the rumors that have circled about your violence?” She questions as the server on the other side of the net gets ready to serve. “She’s already got that shit at home. She doesn’t need it in her sheets, too.”

“Leave Olivia out of whatever you’re trying to do to me,” you snap your vision blurring for a moment.

“She’s the reason and you know it,” Jocelyn replies. “You drunkenly confessed to me so many times that you could never get a girl like her to notice you, and yet here we are. Even after I told you I wanted her, you still went after her. So what’d you do, huh?”

She’s not partially crouched anymore like she should be, and it instantly grabbed the attention of half the team. No one notices when another serve goes unanswered.

She walks closer to you and you calmly stand straight despite the anger and annoyance from her constant teasing. This side of Jocelyn you have seen before.

“I know what it is,” she says with a click of her tongue. She rubs her chin and points a finger at you as her voice lowers. “You didn’t get enough attention from your parents when you drank and Liv took you on as a charity case since she can’t help her mom.” She grins wickedly. “She does have a thing for fixer uppers.”

She’s standing close enough that you have a valid reason to push her back, but the anger inside has reached its boiling point. You grab her by the jersey with a white knuckled grip and shove her hard to the ground. Hard enough that you think you might have heard her head hit the ground.

Nobody moves until she grabs your ankle and pulls. You crumple next to her and she takes the first swing connecting with your cheek. Your fist follows shortly after her nose crunching under curl curled fist.

“Hey, HEY!” You faintly hear Maya, Olivia, and the coach holler over the sound of your blood pumping in your ears.

You have the overall advantage of her. You always have been stronger and quicker than her, so you get a couple of good punches in on Jocelyn before the coach is pulling you off. She got a couple of good hits and scratches on you too, but you’re too full of adrenaline to notice.

“I’m done.”

Your tone is firm and harsh, almost as harsh as your gaze directed toward Jocelyn, but there’s tears in your eyes. You shrug your coach’s hands off of you with more force than necessary and storm off towards the locker room. The evidence of the scuffle you just had on the court with Jocelyn weighs heavy on your skin and some of her skin and blood is under your nails.

“I got her, Coach,” Olivia says once you disappear.

She’s already walking toward the locker room before Coach can respond, but she knows she has her approval because it’s part of her job as the Captain to comfort her teammates. Not to mention, she’s always been told she has a gift of empathy.

She’s surprised to hear the sounds of shoes banging loudly against the metal lockers as she opens the door. Normally it’s Maya or even Jocelyn who acts like that when they’re particularly upset. She turns the corner in time to witness you throwing your knee pads against the lockers with all of your strength. The noise they make against the lockers is still loud, but quieter than your shoes.

Anger is still thrumming in your veins and it feels like it shoots out of your eyes like lasers as you glance toward Olivia.

“Not now, Liv,” you snap. “Just leave me alone.”

The mere thought of her or anyone else laying a hand on you only makes your anger worse. You feel it flare back up like a furnace that’s been given more fuel and you clench your fists. Your feet are on auto pilot as they lead you back to the showers, to the furthest corner of the locker room that also happens to be colder than the rest of the space, which is perfect for how hot you feel.

“I’m not leaving you,” Olivia says, following you like the stubborn girl she is. “You’re not in the right headspace to be alone.”

There’s a part of you that knows she’s right and you can feel that part of you react in recognition, but you pay no attention to it for the moment. It would be easier to be alone until the monster inside of you calms.

“You never get violent, Y/N/N. What happened?”

The cool tiles beneath your feet are a welcomed relief, but you suddenly wish it was an open field you were walking through so you could fall back into the grass and let it swallow you whole. Maybe then you wouldn't have to acknowledge the words hit a little too close to home.

“She wouldn’t shut up even after Coach intervened!” You yell, throwing up your hands in defeat. “She just kept talking and kept playing too close and kept trying to make me look bad. I couldn’t focus.”

“I will make sure something happens,” Liv promises, but the words feel hollow to the anger that is still consuming you.

“If she keeps up like this, I’m not going to the college scouting tournament,” you spit out. “It’s not fucking worth it.”

Olivia’s response is frantic. “No, you can’t do that. You love volleyball, and you’re one of our best players. You can’t let her ruin everything.”

You ignore her, trying your best to rein in everything that you are feeling. You can still feel the faint ache in a few areas of your body from where she harshly bumped into you more than once. For being assigned as your teammate during the scrimmage, Jocelyn surely treated you as the enemy today.

You lean against the wall furthest from Olivia and close your eyes, your blunt fingernails digging into your scalp on either side of your head. The sting of it feels nice. It dulls your anger around the edges and gives room for other emotions to have their moment of recognition. The very emotion you don’t want to give recognition to is, unfortunately, the one that takes center stage. You feel your throat tighten and your eyes well up with tears.

“You don’t get it, Liv. She wasn’t just talking about my volleyball skills.” You gulp before you force the other words out. “She told me I was nothing other than your pet project. Your fixer upper, as she called it. Something to practice on before you dump me for someone better.”

Your face crumbles in unison with your knees, and you slide down the wall as the first cry tumbles out of your throat. You know Olivia loves you, but there has always been a fear that she will go to find someone better. Someone who knew what they were doing, who didn’t have a past blurred by alcohol, who could give her everything that she deserved. Today, Jocelyn had taken your fears and made it clear that everyone else was thinking the same thing: Olivia Benson was way too good for you.

It is Olivia’s turn to feel rage building under her skin in a way that makes her vision go red. She takes a deep breath to expel it. Her feelings can wait; all that matters right now is convincing you that you are the best thing that ever happened to her.

“Can I touch you?” She asks as she sits in front of you.

Part of you wants to say no. You don’t trust yourself to not do something stupid again. But the adrenaline crash is so sharp that you’re shaking and touch always helps you, so you nod discreetly.

Her touch is gentle as she pulls your arms away from your legs. She gently reaches out to pull up your chin so that you are looking at her. With a gentle swipe, she cleans up the tears that have run down your face.

“That bitch has no idea what she is talking about. You aren’t some charity case,” she reassures you before leaning forward to kiss your forehead. “There isn’t going to be anyone after you. You’re the one for me.”

Her words bring fresh tears to your eyes and your chin quivers as you wrap your arms around your knees again to pull your legs tighter against your chest. Being shaky, even while sitting, makes you feel unstable so curling up as close to your chest as you can, since it’s the center of your body, helps you feel a little better.

“Come here, Y/N/N,” she whispers as she pulls you against her.

You melt into her embrace the second your nose nuzzles against her neck. Your arms wrap around her and the tears start to flow as she rubs your back with one hand, the other arm acting as your anchor.

“Baby, you saved me,” Olivia whispers against your temple. “You saved me from my mother, from the darkness in my head….you saved me. You aren't some charity case. You are my world.” She kisses your hairline holding you closer. “There is no one better than you.”

——————-

You and Olivia are back in the locker room packing up your things when the rest of the team eventually trickles into the locker room and grabs their things to leave. Jocelyn enters last. You realize a second too late that Olivia isn’t going to let this go. The entire time that you have been shoving your things into your backpack, her eyes have been on Jocelyn. You already feel guilty about all the chaos you have caused at practice, and you do your best to take her away.

“Liv, let’s go home,” you say, attempting to grab for her hand.

She ignores it instead, leaning over to give you a small kiss on the cheek. “I have something that I need to take care of.”

Moving with a speed she typically reserves for the court, she moves to slam Jocelyn’s locker closed. Jocelyn jumps at the noise and backs up at her sudden presence so close to her, which only works to Olivia’s advantage as her back hits a wall. Her anger is still evident, having just learned her punishment for her actions from her coach, but Olivia sees the fear flash across her face despite her attempt to mask it.

“Couldn’t handle me by yourself, so you had to call your girlfriend as backup?” Jocelyn sneers, looking over Olivia’s shoulder at you.

“Oh, she is fully capable of taking care of herself,” Olivia argues, but then smiles wickedly. “I really just needed to get this out of my system.”

An event that takes mere seconds unfolds in slow motion in front of you. Olivia’s hand clicks back before coming to punch Jocelyn right in the eye. She yells out in pain as her head is thrown back and collides with the wall behind her. You think that you gasp in shock, but you aren’t sure. The only thing that you can be sure of is how turned on you are in that moment.

“Calling Y/N a charity case is low even for you. Especially since we both know how you actually made the volleyball team,” Olivia sneers, moving her face only inches from Jo, her hands still tense like she is debating punching her again. “If you ever talk to my girl like that again, I'll make sure the whole school knows exactly what little Miss Perfect Jocelyn is capable of.”

Jocelyn gasps, covering her eye with her hand. “You wouldn't dare.”

“Try us,” smiles Maya, who is lingering nearby. “I know just the person to have a chat with who would spread the news across the entire school before lunch. I only need to show them the polaroids for proof.”

“How the hell do you know about ‘em, much less have them?”

“You know me. I’ve got connections,” Maya says.

“Now get the hell away from me,” Olivia spats.

Jocelyn runs out of the locker room, clinging to her volleyball bag like a lifeline. Maya says a quick goodbye, promising to follow her until she knows that Jocelyn won’t tell anyone. As the door slams behind them, you and Olivia are once again alone in the locker room.

“You could get expelled for that, Liv,” you say, your eyes still wide with a mixture of awe and panic from what you just witnessed.

She shrugs, wrapping her hands around your waist to pull you closer to her. “She doesn’t get away with treating my girl like shit.”

“I love when you call me that,” you admit quietly, the insecurity from earlier still clinging to your voice.

“Because you are my girl,” Olivia says, sliding her hands down to grip your butt before lifting you.

You squeal as your legs wrap instinctively around her hips, and your hands struggle for purchase around her neck. The hidden strength that resides in her limbs makes your belly swoop like you’re on a roller coaster and you feel a spark of arousal come to life in your core. “What are you doing?”

“Proving to you that you are my girl,” she murmurs as she walks you back to the showers, “and do something that I have been fantasizing about for weeks.”

Your back hits the tiled wall, causing your breath to stutter. “What is this fantasy exactly?”

“Taking a shower with you,” Olivia smirks, gently placing your legs down.

She flicks the water on for the showerhead without ever taking her eyes off of you. The water immediately soaks you both, and you laugh at the absurdity of it. She smiles, but you can tell that she is enjoying this. Whatever fantasy she had in mind is slowly unfolding in front of her.

Her fingers skim underneath your scrimmage shirt, pushing it up over your head. It lands with a wet plop on the shower tiles before she hooks her thumbs in your bra, letting it join the shirt within seconds.

“You’re so beautiful,” Olivia whispers, her hands coming up to cup your breasts. “I’m so lucky to be able to see you like this.”

You moan as she flicks her thumb over your nipples. You go to say something, but Olivia cuts you off when she pulls on one of them gently. It causes your head to fall back, allowing more water to roll down your face.

Olivia uses this new position to leave open-mouth kisses down your neck. Your fingers tangle in her hair as she bites down on your pulse point. It isn’t hard enough to leave a mark, but it still sends your thoughts spiraling.

She pulls away for a moment, kissing the spot before murmuring, “I love being yours.”

Your breath hitches and your heart swells at the statement, something deep inside of you melting more than you do when she calls you her girl. She takes this moment of reprieve to pull down your shorts. As they fall past your hips, her eyes widen and frantically look back up at you.

“Are you not wearing underwear?”

Heat burns your cheeks as you nod shyly. You swear you see Olivia’s pupils blow wide at this new information as her fingers begin to caress your bare hips. “If I had known this, we wouldn’t have left the house.”

You laugh, rolling your eyes. “Which is exactly why I didn’t tell you.”

She sinks to her knees, her hands resting on the front of your thighs. “You are going to regret that choice.” She punctuates this statement by biting down at the apex of your thigh.

“Liv,” you hiss when she bites down on the other side.

She merely smirks against your skin before pulling one of your legs over her shoulder. One of your hands claws at the tiles as the other curls in her hair to steady yourself. She turns her face slightly to place a kiss to your inner thigh.

“You are the best thing that ever happened to me,” she murmurs before leaning in to press a soft kiss to your clit. “You are perfect.”

The compliments are overwhelming and you find yourself gradually forgetting the entire incident with Jocelyn. Especially when Olivia begins to lick and suck gently on your clit.

Your eyes flutter close when you feel her fingers gently press inside of you. Your hand tightens in her hair trying to press her closer to you. She takes the encouragement and begins to curl her fingers in time with constant pressure that circles your clit.

“Liv…shit…Liv,” you pant as you feel the coil in your stomach continue to build.

Her teeth gently graze your clit and you pull hard on her hair in response. She moans at the action and the vibration against you makes you whimper. Olivia doesn't stop, only encouraged by your sounds and soon her free hand has to curl around your hip to keep you upright.

Just moments before you cum, your hips grinding against her face as she licks and licks at your clit, she suddenly halts her movements and your walls clench tightly around her stilled fingers, a harsh gasp forcing its way out of you at the feeling of the first wave of your orgasm abruptly stopped short. You look down at her, visibly confused and trembling with an orgasm on the brink.

“I told you that you’d regret not telling me about your lack of underwear,” she smirked.

You groan, leaning your head back against the wall allowing more water to pour down your neck. “I couldn’t—“ you pant, distracted momentarily by your achy, swollen clit. “I couldn’t find any underwear and didn’t want to be late.”

It’s not a total lie, but you had truthfully been hoping that Olivia might try to have sex with you in your volleyball uniform. So really, both of you got to fulfill a fantasy today in a way even if it hadn't started the way you wanted.

Olivia hums against your inner thigh, not entirely convinced with your explanation and your lashes flutter when her fingers curl.

“Please,” you whisper breathlessly, your voice barely louder than the noise of the shower.

“What was that, baby?” Olivia questions innocently, her brown eyes staring up at your gaze she often struggles to say no to.

“Please,” you repeat when her lips graze your clit and your hips buck against her.

“Anything for my girl,” she smiles briefly against your skin at your soft yet pleading gaze before her tongue finds your clit again.

It only takes a couple more licks and curls of her fingers to send you over the edge. Your knees buckle as your orgasm washes over you, your body vibrating with fingers tightening in brunette hair to keep yourself upright. Olivia doesn't remove her fingers, just lets you ride the waves of pleasure until you are panting and sensitive. Your eyes are closed, so you don’t notice that Liv has moved your leg off her shoulder and stood until she gives you a soft, slow kiss that makes your hands reach for her shoulders.

“There is no one else in this world I would rather be with,” she murmurs against your lips. “You are mine and I am yours.”

You blink your eyes open smiling at her. “I love you.”

“Not nearly as much as I love you.”

You let your hands fall to her hips, pulling her flush against you and that is when you feel the rough, wet fabric of her clothes pressing against your bare skin. You look down and realize her soaked clothes are clinging to her still.

“We need to change this immediately,” you giggle, pulling at her shirt.

You have her undressed in a matter of seconds, her soaked clothes joining yours as you sink to your knees. Looking up at her, your hands slide up her body as your lips find her inner thighs, one of your favorite places on her body to kiss because of the way her breath hitches when you do.

You lick her deeply from entrance to clit in unison with your hands groping her breasts. She lets out a quiet moan as you swirl your tongue around her clit again and again, her hand resting heavy on the back of your head.

“That feels good, baby,” she encourages with a sigh. “You make me feel so good.”

Her chest arches into your touch when you alternate between rolling her nipples between your thumb and forefinger and plucking at them. It’s not long before you start to flick her clit and her nipples in unison and her head tilts back against the wall as a deep yet quiet groan escapes her lips.

“You’re so good at that,” she praises. “Fu..fuck baby.”

You feel your chest swell with pride at her words, at how her thighs tremor on either side of your head and her knees buckle briefly and you moan against her, sitting up straighter on your knees in an attempt to help her stay upright without needing to move your hands.

Your hands only move away from her breasts when Olivia reaches for one of them to hold. She likes to hold one of your hands while you two have sex, you’ve come to notice. It’s like you are her anchor back to the real world before she starts to fly. Truth is, you like it too. It’s intimate, and sweet, and frankly a little sexy because sometimes she’ll grip it out of nowhere like she is now, her teeth sinking into her lower lip.

She doesn’t need to say what she wants or what she needs. You’ve always been a quick learner and you know by the way her breath shakes and high pitch her moans have taken on that she’s getting close. Your hand falls to her hip and grips there as you suck her clit and you moan in unison with her. The vibration of your moan only heightens her pleasure and pushes her over the edge with a soft cry of your name on her lips. Seconds drag by before her torso curls toward you and she moans loudly as her orgasm crests.

You stand to your feet when she pushes your head away and you hold her against you as she attempts to kiss you. She’s breathless from her orgasm so her kiss is only partly successful. She lets out a hum at the taste of herself on your tongue, and is soon forced to lean her forehead against yours.

“You’re mine, Y/N,” she says, her voice so soft and sincere that your heart clenches hard enough to bring tears to your eyes. “I don’t care who likes it or not and I don’t care what they say. You are it for me. My forever.”

-

Taglist

You though, you see her every time. You perch in branches making sure she stays safe in woods that now drip with blood. You find it cute that she is stubborn, but are infuriated by her recklessness. Well, infuriated that you care so much about it.

You just want her to be safe. Olivia wants the same for you. You just don't know why.

As days turn into a couple of weeks and Olivia sees absolutely no signs of life, she’s forced to approach the house for a closer look. With the investigation going slower than she thought it would and NYPD practically residing on every corner of your property, all of the local wildlife has left, making hunting very difficult when just stepping out of your house threatens to overwhelm you because of all the human scent. You have been doing your best to stay out of their way and off their suspect list but it is coming at a great cost.

You’re shaking and weak by the time Olivia finds you. You are curled on the floor furthest from all the windows. You didn't hear when Olivia knocked and then eventually let herself in. Instead you have been chanting: I don't feed off humans over and over. It’s barely working, especially since you don't remember the last time you ate, which only becomes concerning when Olivia fades in and out of focus in front of you.

“Get out,” you growl as her scent fills your nose, more intense than normal and almost overwhelming for your senses.

Your fingers curl as you will yourself to stay seated. It’s hard enough to have Olivia around when you are fully fed, but right now it’s unbearable. The bitterness of her usual scent is stripped away, instead replaced by a sweet concoction that sends your head spinning.

What you wouldn't give for one single taste of the blood that runs through her veins.

The thought terrifies you and you try to curl further into yourself. You can't feed off Olivia. You won't. Not when it comes at such a big risk.

“I know you are a vampire,” Olivia says as she steps closer, crouching down to invade your space, “and I know our presence is causing your suffering.”

You groan as your fangs pop out against your will at her scent’s close proximity and your head turns away to find a momentary reprieve. “If you know what I am, then you should leave.”

“And let you die here? No.” She says stubbornly.

“Olivia. Go, now,” you snap, your voice carrying a weak tremor now. “I'm begging you.”

“I'm not letting you starve,” Olivia repeats. Her hand comes to rest on your thigh and it’s like fire despite the clothing that separates her skin from yours. “Not when I care about you this much.”

Your eyes snap to hers, the unique lavender shade that once resided there now replaced with a stunning forest green as a result of growing more comfortable around her during her few visits. Olivia immediately gets entranced by the change of color. She thought the lavender was beautiful, but this… this color was better.

The ability to form words is momentarily lost to you. You forgot how stunning she was in your time watching her from a distance. Now her curls are full volume, framing her face that is full of concern. Olivia pulls her hair into a ponytail, exposing the pale expanse of her neck. You gulp as your focus hones in on the thrumming right below her skin.

“Olivia,” you choke out, your voice wobbling with desperation.“I don't feed on humans anymore.” You pause, closing your eyes to shut away the old memories threatening to overtake you. “Last time I almost didn't stop.”

“You’ll stop this time,” she says with such confidence you almost believe her. “Now please, let me help.”

She extends her hand out and pulls you to your feet. You are so weak that you wobble for a moment. Her hands grip your hips to keep you upright and your head spins out how overwhelming she is this close. You don't know if it is because you haven't eaten in so long or because of her presence and her scent, but you can't force yourself away from her.

“Please…” Olivia whispers desperately, tilting her head to the side.

You gulp but know fighting this is useless. You are starving, Olivia won’t leave, and without her you won't make it much longer. With her fingers digging into your hips again you let your fangs finish growing.

“Are you sure?” You ask as your hands begin to tremor in anticipation as you push back a stray hair.

“Feed off me,” she says in response.

The words send you spiraling and you gently reach out to trace the column of her throat. She gulps making the vein bulge. Your fingers curl involuntarily and her eyes flutter shut. It may have been decades since you fed off a human, but you don't remember any being excited in the way she is.

“Please,” she whimpers when your thumb brushes her again, “use me.”

With a final, dry swallow, you sink your fangs into her neck. You moan desperately the second her blood reaches your tongue, and it feels like you’re soaring. You can feel your body returning to normal strength and your brain fog disappears. As you gain more control you repeat the mantra: Stop, stop, stop.

Even with the words echoing in your head you get lost in it for a moment. Animal blood has sustained you but it doesn't replace the rush that comes with fresh human blood.

It isn't until she lets out a large whimper, one hand trembling on your hip and the other coming to curl in your hair that you realize you have lost track of time. You panic, thinking she is in pain and launch yourself away from her. The sudden motion makes her crumble to the floor with a resounding thud.

You don't hear her call out for you. You’re too caught up in your own thoughts. You bring your knees to your chest and rock back and forth while your chest heaves for air it doesn’t need. You can still feel Olivia’s blood coursing through your veins and your hunger has abated momentarily, but there is still a voice in the back of your head telling you that you should have drank more. You’re so caught up in battling against it that you jump when a hand lands on your shoulder, warm and soothing.

“I'm okay. I wasn't in pain,” she admits gently, her thumb coming to collect the blood that still drips down your chin.

She holds it against your mouth until you open up and lick the liquid off her finger. You moan as the metallic taste reaches your tongue. Her face burns red at the noise but she doesn't turn away. When she removes her thumb, you realize you haven’t closed your puncture marks and there is still blood gently pouring down her neck. It has created a path down the v of her shirt and it’s inches away from disappearing into her cleavage. Before it can, you lean over and lick up the trail of blood to the initial spot you bit her. Olivia’s breath audibly stutters at your boldness and once again she reaches to grab your shoulder to steady herself. You aren't alarmed this time and begin to flick your tongue across the bite.

“Aren't you still hungry?” Olivia asks, her fingers curling slightly into your shirt.

“I can survive off what I had,” you reply, kissing the spot gently. “I'm almost done removing the mark.”

She really does push you away this time. “No, don't get rid of it.”

Your brows twist in confusion. “But if I don't close it, it will scar.”

“I…I want to be reminded of who marked me,” she says quietly.

The shyness in her tone and the way she looks away has your body vibrating. You step closer, letting your fingers curl around her jaw. With a gentle pull her eyes finally lock on yours and then look to your lips. There is still blood lingering there, but it doesn’t bother her.

You don't know who leans in first, but suddenly you two are kissing. Her teeth pull down gently on your bottom lip, sucking it into her mouth and removing the blood that was there. You can't help the little moan that claws its way up your throat.

When you finally pull away, Olivia’s breath is shallow. You both stay still for several moments, your foreheads pressed together. When you finally move, it’s to press a soft kiss to her forehead.

“Let me get you something to eat,” you murmur, leading her over to the couch. “You will want to replace the blood you lost.”

She nods and watches as you duck into the kitchen, but is quickly hit with confusion. “Wait, you know how to cook?”

“I do,” you nod, moving around the room with a level of expertise no one would expect a vampire to have. “I cook meals for the homeless from the deer I feed from. I don't let anything go to waste.”

Olivia blinks, visibly caught off guard from this new information. “That’s really thoughtful.”

“Keeps me busy,” you shrug briefly.

And it helps them not feel so invisible. You know what it’s like to be alone, to have no one looking out for you or even anyone to talk to. You don’t just give them a warm meal. You give them a little love, a little support and strength to get through the day. In turn, you get that connection you sometimes crave so much.

“I make clothing from the animal hides too,” you continue as you spice up a piece of raw venison while waiting for your old fashion stove to heat up. “Hats, mittens, coats. Blankets, even.”

“Wow,” Olivia breathes.

She had known from the moment she met you that there was a gentleness to you beneath all the armor you put up to protect yourself. She didn’t realize how deep that gentleness, that selflessness, really went.

‘The world needs more people like her,’ Olivia thinks to herself.

You hear the words so clearly that you look over your shoulder at her to see if she actually said it, but one look at her face tells you she didn’t. Not verbally, at least.

You also realize she looks different. She has a glow around her now. A light that is lavender tinged with bursts of green. Your eyes widen subtly as the realization settles within you.

Feeding off of her has formed a bond.

Bonds are rare within the vampire and werewolf community, but anyone within them knows when they’re around an individual or a couple who shares one. There’s an aura that follows them, and it rests upon the individual or couple like an invisible mark that screams off limits.

It also means you become attuned to everything. You can feel her heart calming in her heart, her body shifting before she moves, and her words before they are spoken. You in turn feel a fierce protectiveness rise in you over any noise that rattles the house. You would have done anything to keep Olivia safe before, but now it’s a need, an obligation, buried deep inside of you.

The only unfortunate thing is: humans aren't supposed to be able to bond with vampires.

There are no laws against it. Just the unfortunate truth that eventually humans die and when they do the grief is so all consuming that typically the vampire follows suit. It becomes unbearable to exist in a world where a bonded no longer exists.

“I, um…I use every part of the animal I can,” you continue a little awkwardly as you cook. “I leave what I can’t use for the carnivores around here.”

The two of you carry on in conversation as you cook, and you watch in your peripheral vision as Olivia gradually settles into the couch, making herself comfortable. She perks up when you finally come over with a steaming plate of cooked venison and vegetables. You sit down beside her and lay a thick pot holder on the table in front of the couch before setting the plate on it.

“It looks like steak,” she admits, surprised.

“Well yeah,” you chuckle. “What’d you expect?”

“I don’t know,” she responds, looking over at you. “What’s it taste like?” Her cheeks burn when she realizes her mistake. “Wait, you can't eat it, that was a stupid question.”

You shrug, laughing lightly. “Some people say it tastes like chicken, others say it tastes like lean beef. It depends who you ask, I guess.”

Olivia cuts off a piece and blows on it until she feels it’s safe enough to finally eat. When she does, the pleased hum she lets out makes you smile.

“Tastes like steak,” she concludes after swallowing.

“Good, now eat,” you encourage, your eyes tracking her every moment.

You watch her while she eats, cataloging every twitch in her brow, exhale through her nose, and shift in her arms. You didn't feed enough to make her woozy, but you still watch her like you did.

While you watch, your hands travel along her arms in random patterns, coming up to brush along her neck and cheek. Now that you have touched her you can't get enough. You crave the calming heat from her skin and the way she smiles at you softly. It’s a side of her that you know people rarely see and you want to soak in it as long as you can.

“I'm okay, you can stop worrying,” she reassures you with a soft smile. “You should have eaten more.”

You choose not to tell her that you weren’t worried anymore, that you had simply been staring because she was beautiful, because the bond makes you feel every pulse of her heart, every flutter of her chest, every shift in her mind. Instead, you merely move forward to carefully brush a strand of hair behind her ear and shyly press a kiss to her temple. You can't help but grin when her breath stutters.

“It’s my job to worry after I feed off you,” you say softly, letting your finger gently fall to her neck. The mark is closed but not faded. You know she wanted this but you can't help but wonder. “Are you sure you won't let me heal this?”

“Leave it,” Olivia says quickly, a little panic in her gaze when her eyes widen. “I want you to be able to know where to feed next time.”

You let out a soft laugh at the absurdity of the statement. You have been a vampire for centuries and never once questioned where to feed. Her face burns when she realizes how silly she sounds so you choose not to tease her.

You let your thumb gently swipe the fading bite. “…You think there should be a next time.”

“Well…I…” Olivia stammers, a little distracted by your fingers now running up and down her throat. “I'm not going to let you starve.” She gulps her face turning red. “And…uh, I really enjoyed it.”

You smile, leaning forward to press a gentle kiss against her temple. The softness of her skin pushes away the guilt building in your stomach as you admit, “I enjoyed it too.”

Her face relaxes and you feel her heart slow as she moves closer to you. Your body thrums with appreciation at her warmth. You want nothing more than to hold her tightly to you for as long as she will allow.

“Can we cuddle?” She asks softly as if reading your thoughts. She feels a sudden urge, like an intense craving, to be close to you, to feel you around her.

You can't deny her, not when she has given herself so easily, and not with the fresh bond still thrumming under your skin. So you adjust on the couch to pull her against your chest. She hums as she melts against you. You pull up the blanket as she clutches your shirt tightly in her hand.

“Thank you,” you whisper along her hair line, “for coming even when I told you not to.”

Olivia laughs, nuzzling closer to you. “I'm not letting you go that easy.” The comment comes lighthearted but her thoughts betray her. I can't lose her. I can't lose someone else again.

-

Taglist