Im. So. Lonely.
I am truly alone.
Forever
No one wants me
No one can “deal” with me cause apparently I’m “too much” “too needy” “want to talk to much”
And what is happening now, is EXACTLY what happened 3 years ago.
A relationship changed to friendship and then abandonment. Slowly agonizingly painfully leaving me behind and really showing me that they didn’t even care in the first place.
Nobody wants me.
Nobody is there for me
I am alone and always will be.
I officially hate my life again, why do I keep trying this dating thing again when all it does is cause attachment, heartbreak, loss and depression for minimum a year.
Now to start over at square one.
But how can I when I only have therapy once every two weeks.
My life is depressing. I’m depressing. No one will EVER love me. Why do I keep trying and getting put back into this situation. It always ends the same, how have I never done anything about this.
Why do I keep making myself vulnerable for other people just for them to use me and take advantage of me for however long they need and then just completely *abandon* me cause they don’t “need” me anymore.
No one intends to stay in my life no matter how often and promising they are telling me they’ll always be here for me and will support me when I’m not doing well.
The second I start not doing well. People bolt. They run. They abandon me. They never cared about me. So why would they stay to help me.
I am always a disposable piece of shit. So now that I’ve been reminded of that, fuck everyone. I’m done. I will die alone. Being alone is my deepest darkest fear. And it seems like that is and will remain my reality.
