Important Ratings

Denji: Right View. Denji knows his actions have consequences, that death is not the end (easy when you're Hybrid) and that beliefs have consequences after death. But his refusal to strive toward non-violence holds him back and his conduct is still too vulgar to give him the right kind of resolve.

Aki: Right Conduct. By the end of his arc, Aki is ahead by four entire steps which is impressive considering his profession. He does not kill, take what is not given, display sexual misconduct or show materials desires. If he just dropped the meat and the liquor, he would be ahead of most of his population.

Power: Off the path entirely. It's like she's not even trying.

Himeno: Right View. Himeno is more than aware of actions having consequences, that death is not the end (Ghost Devil and her desire to be mourned by someone after death). But she makes no real effort to curb her violent tendencies or her vulgar conduct, leaving her stuck at the first step.

Arai: Right Resolve. I'll give Arai the benefit of the doubt and assume that outside of work, he strives for non-violence. However, his behavior in the Eternity Devil arc implies he lies to others about his true intentions so he's stuck at the second step.

Violence Devil/Galagli: Right Conduct. Violence has the potential to make it to the eighth step...but unfortunately, his mask feeds him poison so he can't qualify for the fifth step.

Kobeni: Right Speech. Kobeni is surprisingly observant despite her anxiety but her propensity for killing leaves her at the third step. She must curb her rage if she wishes to reach enlightenment.

Kurose: Right Resolve. Kurose displays too much propensity idle chatter to qualify for the third step. I assume he's not too violent out of work.

Tendo: Right Samadhi. Having shown no evidence of the previous steps in canon, Michiko Tendo is ripe for enlightenment. Good for her.

Quanxi: Right View. Despite her age, Quanxi is stuck at the same step as Denji due to her violent responses to issues. Shame on her.

Asa: Right Resolve. Asa, despite her attitude problem, isn't particularly violent but her abusive speech disqualifies her from the third step. She needs to work on how she talks to others.

Yuko: Right View. Due to her contract with the "Justice Devil", we'll never know how far Yuko's violent tendencies go. But she displayed enough to disqualify her from the second step.

Makima: Right View. She is killing understanding the consequences of her actions...but her plans involve too much violence. You think such a powerful woman would know better...

Kishibe: Right View. All these old people being so violent...a bad example for the younger generation.

Yoshida: Right View. Too casual with killing. Stop killing with tentacles if you want to get to the second step.

Reze: Right View. Can't stop killing. Too bad, a bomb would perfect for facilitating bojjhaṅgā.

Issei Hyoudou-7/10 Is fairly in shape and loves being openly perverse, if not obscene (but respects others' boundaries and drinks his respect-women-juice so he's tolerable). He could wear one and it wouldn't scar into one's brain for too long. Hell, a few would prefer that he wear it all the time.

Asia Argento-8/10 Baby girl, baby. Can wear this and only give Issei a half-boner. Everybody else will just see a perfect girl being more perfect.

Xenovia Quarta-10/10 Her body wasn't made for rompers. Rompers were made for her body. Fuck the Church and serve cunt, queen.

Rossweiss-8/10 Yeah, she'll take you to Vahalla in a fucking romper. The fuck are you going to do about it?

Ravel Phenex-6/10 Nothing wrong with her being in a romper, it's just...not for her. Can you manage in a romper? The correct answer is "No and get me more pineapple juice.".

Ingvild Leviathan-11/10 She kills you doing splits while riding on a dragon. It's the death we all deserve.

Zidane-5/10 He's very resourceful but let's face it: this man is extremely sociable and that's the source of all his strength. Without people, it's up in the air if he would have a better chance at surviving than the average person. Plus, he has alcoholic tendencies so...

Vivi Ornitier-5/10 A normally morose kid either way. Usually that would work against him but his cynicism should help him adjust to isolation quite easily. Still, it's up in the air.

Adelbert Steiner-7/10 A serious man used to being by himself since childhood, he'll definitely have better luck adjusting than the others.

Garnet Til Alexandros XVII-6/10 Not that much of a better chance than the others but she's a bookworm so she will at least have a hobby suited to isolation.

Freya Crescent-5/10 Nothing for her, nothing against her. It's up to fate...a lot like Six Dragons. Huh? Huh?

Quina Quen-6/10 They may be annoying, weird and have horrible taste in local fauna to eat but one thing is certain: Quina is a survivor. No matter where they are, only outside forces can outright spell their doom.

Eiko Carol-5/10 Her brattiness causes her a few points but no one can dispute this girl knows how to adapt. She pursues Zidane with the skill of a lothario (as creepy as that was) and is a great healer for the party at the age of 6. She has a surprising average chance of surviving alone in space.

Amarant Coral-5.5/10 Amarant actually prefers being by himself but...let's face it: he's better in a team.

Brahne Raza Alexandros XVI-5/10 Don't really know much about her besides she's greedy, she's corrupted by evil and her relation to other characters so for all we know, she might be an extreme survivalist. Who knows?

Kuja-4/10 His childishness really works against him here. I'm thinking he's the kind of guy who can't be bored for too long...

Garland-5/10 The guy needs to control everything so that works against him but he also shows dedication to a goal so that should save his sanity somewhat.

Zorn and Thorn-0/10 They'd die without each other. Automatic disqualification.

The Black Waltz-1/10 Whatever one's on the ship, they'd probably just end up breaking it. The main problem with having an Always Chaotic Evil species is that you can't trust shit around them.

Lani-5/10 Not sure how she'll do on her own. Ask Amarant, perchance?

Cress Albane-10/10 He's nice, hot, passionate, dorky and the universe seems to hate him. Gamers, we got ourselves another Jerma. He would have actually ended up breaking the meter if it weren't his black-and-white morality system. But, if Markiplier is still in business, Cress can make gangbusters on Twitch.

Mint Adenade-10/10 Sweet, hot, innocent and is a good friend. She will be waifued before the first second of her first stream. Plus, she knows how to cook so she can branch out if this whole video game fad ebbs a bit.

Claus F. Lester-8/10 Is a pervert but that works in his favor on Twitch, home of the nerds. He can actually get a good base of dudebro fans to support him. He also has a smart mouth which is a huge plus when playing in front of people. Also, he knows a lot about magic and dropping random obscure knowledge in the middle of a playthrough is a must-have for any self-respecting Let's Player.

Arche Klaine-8/10 Is cute, nice, cheerful and FUCKS so she should get as big of a fanbase as Claus. Not sure if being a tsundere will help her or not in front of an audience but weirder people have gotten popular (*coughs* Ninja *coughs*)

Chester Burklight-7/10 Can definitely stand to work on his personality but he's passionate and determined so you can expect he'll play a game all the way through until it's beaten, damn the cost. It'll at least be fun to watch fail again and again without giving up.

Suzu Fujibayashi-4/10 Really can only get by on the gimmick angle due to her ninja training causing her to suppress her emotions. Most people will probably only tune in to chat to each other on her streams and everybody else will just see her as a weird prop taught to play dem vidya games.

Tsubaki Yayoi-6/10 Is obsessed with justice so should have some legal knowledge and idea of courtroom decorum...but put Jin anywhere near the case and expect her to be held in contempt in the most embarrassing fashion possible quickly.

Amane Nishiki-5/10 Will always try to divert the details of trial back to himself. May pull it off but can get held in contempt rather easily and seems like he wouldn't care about the outcome of the trial.

Bullet-1/10 Nope. Her only hope is to shut up and let someone else do the talking...so she's doomed.

Azrael-5/10 Believe it or not, Azrael can be polite and even sensible outside of battle. As long as there is no one powerful enough to peak his interest in the courtroom, he has as much of a chance as any average person in representing himself (which is low in general but that's not the point of this list).

Kagura Mutsuki-6/10 The dude's a pervert and a slacker but let's face it: he has mojo. He should have a high chance of charming the jury even if the case is heavily stacked against him.

Kokonoe-3/10 Likely to immediately be held in contempt. Her score drops to 0 if Jubei is involved in the trial in any way.

Yuuki Terumi-0/10 NOPE. KEEP HIM. OUT OF. THE COURTROOM.

Kai-8/10 Fuckers like these prosper in situations like the Purge. Plus, we know he's determined enough to survive considering all the things he fights to get his wallet back. Try to mug this fucker. I dare you. Plus, he weaponizes Plot Armor so that's all kinds of based.

Marie Poppo-8/10 Just as adaptable as Kai but in the other direction. She steals so she's already used to crime, she can throw hands so she will protect her loot and...if you manage to get her another Marie will take her place. So, yeah...she's not that hard to get your shit back from but it's so complicated it's not worth it.

Tomomo-10/10 Don't fuck with dark magic, kiddos. And especially refrain from fucking with witches who can mess you up with a cotton swab. It would take all day to define her abilities so instead of saying she would win at the Purge, let's just say the government would pay her to stay out of it.

Mio-7/10 Knows fire magic and cheats. As long as Star Breaker doesn't get involved, she should be just fine during the breakdown of law and order.

Ellie-7/10 Big knife, sadistic tendencies and a super mode to pump her up, do not fuck with this wee one when you're looking for a bunny hood replacement. No one will feel sorry for you if you do.

Lulu-7/10 More of a random case but hey, the Purge is all about luck, right? Also, she gets stronger the more she gets hurt so that should serve her well.

Arnelle-6/10 Good at finding loot, not so much in combat. She'll do best hooking up with a group for protection than sticking it out on her own.

Maynie-6/10 I would rank her higher but honestly? To deal with her, you just need to Heal her so...she's hot shit until you throw a bandaid at her. That's kinda weak...also, you get less Stars with her so I'm gonna assume Stars are rep in a real world situation so having her on your team is going to make you look like a punk. She's almost more trouble than she's worth, honestly.

Halena-7/10 She can fight with a flagpole and she knows her directions so she's borderline invaluable. Hell, she don't even need your ass. Nobody gonna hurt her with those defense stats.

Cook-6.5/10 Also knows her directions and is fast and can fly! That's about it though. She should have no trouble keeping from dying during the Purge but if she wants actual loot, she should hook up with a group.

Hot Nickel Ball On A Pussy-6/10 Nothing wrong with this guy but nothing especially virtuous about him either. He gets an extra point for being excited about cunnlingus.

Are You Serious-7/10 Same here. Two extra points for sheer swagger.

White Is Right-1/10 He's racist. And rich. And uses both of those. Loses more points for engaging in incest willingly. A shame to the South.

I Have A Gun-2/10 Not racist but a dickhead without flow. Also, he shot children. Not cool, white boy who saved Hip Hop.

Nickelodeon Girls-5/10 A great example of Black and Grey Morality. This guy is emphatically not a pedophile but he's still a creep lusting after young women on a kids' network and whining to another creep about it. Still, seems mostly harmless.

STFU-5/10 This guy only gets an average score for having good bars but Jesus, chill. Aside from the suicide dare in the chorus, he actually wishes for the other person's children to die from cancer and for them themselves to die while their other children watch them get lowered in a grave. He looks like he's taking it back...then he says that he doesn't. And he should have said worse. Good song though.

Gays 4 Donald-2/10 Almost as bad as the White Is Right guy. We need a term that means "Uncle Tom" but for gay people. Milos Yiannopoulos is too long...may Big Gay Als?

I Do It For My Hood-6/10 Looks like everyone has a redeeming side. Turns out Politikz does everything for his hood. That hood includes his mama and his pets. He can be sweet after all. He loses points for having sex without a condom on, thus increasing the risk of unwanted pregnancies and STDs, under the delusion that he can repopulate an area that probably isn't experiencing a population problem but it's a nice gesture nonetheless.

Please Stop Calling Me Gay-3/10 What's wrong with being gay?! And he loses a point for slurring.

She's So Nice-4/10 This song is good and funny but the singer loses points for cucking and for misogynistic attitudes. If the hoes ain't worth a dime, you ain't worth a penny, homie.

Please Stop Touching My Willy-10/10 Sexual assault is never funny. There there, man.

Shirou Emiya-9/10 Shirou is devoted, loving, diligent and determined, rising to any challenge. He'll accept any kink while practicing SSC. He has enough stamina to rise to any challenge and enough philosophy issues to risk his being at the expense of himself. Thus, the perfect lover. He only keeps from being perfect due to having antiqued views on women and their capabilities in combat but, again, women have put up with men for having bigger issues. Shirou is the man you will want when your mage is too bitch-ass to give enough mana through a pact.

Kirei Kotomine-7/10 Kirei is an adequate lover. Experienced, willing to learn and a total daddy, Kirei will probably be the hook-up you will be bragging about for ages. He loses points for not being a good steady partner due to his inability to connect with others and some more for being too much of a talker. Also, he cuddles but only "ironically". You figure out what that means. Spoiler: it's unpleasant.

Shinji Matou-2/10 I don't even need to talk about this bedsore. He's lucky he even made the list. The only points he gets are for being a passable sub to a particularly rough dom but even then, good luck explaining SSC to him and I hope you like crying in bed. And out of it. And over the phone. And on any social media you frequent.

Souichirou Kuzuki-10/10 Oh fuck yeah. No explanation needed. Ultimate Husband, can please a centuries old witch, beats up his students...we got the ultimate lover. I honestly feel bad for whoever I have to rate next. Oh yeah: the glasses stay on.

Zouken Matou-5/10 Piece of shit old fucked up raisin. However, for such a monstrous person, he has genuine conviction that you can bet that he can get it up without Viagra. Also he knows magic and shit so that's a plus. Still, hope you like worms because that is a non-negotiable kink with him.

Issei Ryuudou-4/10 Average score. Below average below the belt but a good shoulder to cry on about how women are all evil. He can be made into a sub through time and effort. Magikarp sub.

Kiritsugu Emiya-8/10 Fucks like the world is ending and will raise your kid after he's finished. A kid. He'll raise a kid after he fucks you into heaven. Not necessarily yours. But mathematically, it all balances out. Also, you probably shouldn't share a bed with him so cuddling's out. He seems like a sleep-puncher. And a sleep-choker. And a sleep-shooter. He'll probably just kill you in general because you're secretly dooming the world with your existence or something. But his dick is bomb so no worries!

Atrum Galliasta-3/10 Pussy bitch that can't please a woman without paying her. I was actually going to rate him lower than Shinji but there's no onscreen evidence of him forcing himself on anybody. He grinded girls up to make crystals but the other time makes someone more evil for some reason.

Byakuya Matou-1/10 There we go. Fuck him. And his bitch-ass hand.

Gilgamesh-5/10 Calm down. We know that, canonically, Gilgamesh's dick is huge but pay attention to this quote to Saber: "You are a hateful woman. You defied me to the very end. But I shall forgive you. Some things are beautiful because they cannot be obtained." Oh yeah, Jojo was right: Gilgamesh don't like you. He just likes the chase. Also, he don't go down. That costs him a lot.

Archer-6/10 Seems like a good bratty sub as long as you're a good master. Otherwise, that dick might as well be a stone wall because that's all you're getting.

Lancer-7/10 Supernaturally pretty, a poet and knows how to take a beating. Perfect for a hookup but if you're looking for partner material...yeah, you can do better.

Berserker-8/10 Docile to you and you only. Huge dick, huge muscles, huge everything else. If you can handle him, there's hardly a better fuck you can ask for.

Assassin-6/10 He can give it but he can't take it. Plus, he lies as easily as breathing. This man is a hoe and you know he ain't gonna be loyal. Get you some but if you're looking for a connection, keep moving.

True Assassin-8/10 Doesn't talk back, follows orders to the letter, breaks others hearts for you...Ultimate Sub. Rather polite so you can take him to meet the parents. Also knows how to fuck hard but quietly enough that you don't get complaints from neighbors.