little out of character update!

         “You really should consider changing your password. ‘ Oncology1234 ′ ?” There is that non-stop tease in his voice whenever he knows he can make Wilson squirm just a little bit. “Your viewing history is as about as bland as those ties you wear.” Oh, don’t worry. He’s already checked. Pops another piece of the pastry in his mouth, not worrying about the crumbs as he grins, pleased at Wilson’s clear enthusiasm for this new-not-new hobby.

He shrugs noncommittally, but he’s certainly got a list in his head. “Maybe a little flirting with 13 and the Boss, but I’m thinking it’s either Henry Jenkins, one of the members of the medical board,  Leo Holbrook, attorney, not much of a looker if you ask me, but to each their own, or Harry Wendt, her plumber. Fix some of her busted pipes, if ya know what I mean.” House says, over theatrically with a nudge and a wink at Wilson. “She’s really feeling the whole biological clock situation. Wants a kid. I think she’s getting desperate.”

               “If I’m right, I double dog dare you to ask her out on a date.”

The jab about her pipes does make him laugh just a little, and he’s not particularly proud of that, but the maturity of the room was set to about the level of a middle school health class learning about the reproductive system so he didn’t have a lot of room to feel shame at the moment. He nibbles on a little more of his snack, shaking his head.

“She doesn’t want a kid from me. That would make things complicated because we work together and if she was going to do that, she’d just get a kid from you. I wouldn’t even be able to get my foot in the door, but if you acted like a mature adult for about twenty minutes, I bet you could have her eating out of the palm of your hand.” A pause, “--if she wasn’t too suspicious of the mature adult routine to play along. Depends on how bad she really wants that kid.”

He couldn’t think of any other possible way to spend his free* time. The cases were boring, hardly worth even lifting a pinky let alone using his team, even the whiff of the patients lined up for him to go take a gander at for clinic duty was so far down on his list it was practically off it. No, spying on Cuddy with Wilson joining in was just about a regular Wednesday afternoon.

Eyes light up with amusement as he hands the other half of the poptart to WIlson as he briefly imagines an entanglement of Lisa Cuddy and some unnamed woman. Interesting, and it quite tickled his fancy, and a knowing smirk as he leaned back, brushing the crumbs off his shirt.

Hadn’t even thought about Remy Hadley; in fact, House had practically long forgotten her name and thus when WIlson brought up the H initial, he had to go back in his rolodex of a brain and remember who he was associating it to.

              “A betting man.” House drawls, “— after my own heart.” He tells him dramatically, propping one leg up, and then hefting his bum leg up after. “Makes me question what’s on your pornhub history.”

“Please tell me that that doesn’t mean you’re going to go snooping later, god...” not that there was anything too... exciting in there but that didn’t mean he was particularly thrilled about the idea of House reviewing everything he’d watched. He brings the Poptart to his mouth to take a bite out of it, hewing thoughtfully for a few seconds.

“So who do you think it actually is? Any running theories on who the mystery suitor could be, or are we putting all our money on thirteen?”  At this point, he could see them both being a little disappointed if it wasn’t some girl on girl action, though he doubted either of them would be surprised.

House slides down comfortably on one of the chairs in the exam room, hooking his cane to the arm as he offers the other earpiece to Wilson. He’s not exactly listening to the younger man, instead clicking something on the earpiece and takes out a pop tart he’d gotten from one of the hospital vending machines. Knows James Wilson needs to go onto his moral high ground for a while longer before House finally interjects.

                 “Usually,” he begins patiently, as if explaining to a person hard of hearing, “– she’s as easy to read as those chapter books you insist on reading to your sick kids, but have you seen those tops she’s been wearing? How she slips away hoping to go unnoticed with those phone calls? Leaving right on the dot, rushing out while dabbing an extra layer of lipstick?” He settles back in his chair, legs sprawled out as he intertwines his hands and lets them rest on his stomach.

               “Other people are boring,” he drawls, “Now Cuddy has either decided to try and figure out what life is like as a hooker, or she’s trying to impress some boy toy.” he breaks the pop tart in half as he stuffs it into his mouth, continuing to speak with mouth half-full. “– bribed the IT geek to let me take a look at her calendar. She’s meeting with ‘H’. Now,” he says, finally looking over at his friend. “Are you staying with me to the bitter end?”

He listens intently, allowing his memory to be jogged as the events described flit through his mind. She has been acting differently. He muses on it for a moment as he drags a chair to sit near House, and slides the bud into his ear too. A sign he’s now entirely on board for this time killing activity, as though he wasn’t from the start. It was important to put up a good front, to at least pretend in passing not to be quite as enthused with these antics.

“Are we sure it’s not a girl toy. Maybe she’s given up on men, and we do have an ‘H’ that swings that way.” Not that he actually really thought that would end up being what they found out, but it was a pretty entertaining thought. “They could meet in her office pretty innocently, too, wouldn’t draw much attention.”

❛  if  you  want  me  to  trust  you ,  you’re  gonna  have  to  tell  me  the  plan .  ❜  - wilson;  @impathize​

              “ — you know,” this is drawn out while house bends forward as much as he can to place a small – suspicous-looking-hey-is-that-a-listening-wire button underneath cuddy’s desk. his long arm manages to press it into place and house grins triumphantly as he straightens back up, leaning on his cane before he looks over at wilson.  “ — sounds more like a personal problem,” he motions for the oncologist to follow him as he pulls open the door and limps quickly back out into the hallway.

once he’s certain he’s put enough distance between the office and himself, he slows down just a tad, a look of proud satisfaction still lingering on his expression. “ — for a man that let me take $5000 without blinking an eye, you’re being awfully pushy.” he says, as he practically pushes wilson into an empty exam room where he pulls out another device, plugging it into his ear. “cuddy’s been sneaky all week. time to see what she’s up to.”

He allows himself to be led down the hall and is only mildly surprised when he’s all but tackled into an empty room, taking a moment to re-steady as he watches an earbud slide into place, an amused expression ghosting across his features. Never a dull moment.