I didn't sign up for this

wvell then uh. another topic. do you like sharks?

Ai. Sharks are great. I used t' have a few that lived with me. Until th'grubs came along.

wve could drop the convwersation all together if you cant do it sober.

No, 's fine. You're the first livin' bein' I've talked to outside my timeline in a long while. Anythin's a better topic than nothin'.

yeah thanks for not asking. thats the only question i dont wvant asked. anywvay, back to being bad parents.

A'ight, droppin' the subject. I feel like 'm goin' to need a drink t'continue this conversation. Heh.

yeah youre missing a lot. its a long sad sad story full of creepy old men, dicks, anger, and heads.

Huh. Well I would say I got th'time, but 'm pretty sure you won' want to talk 'bout it, so I won' ask. 

okay, let me tell you something. sure, i messed up with my first kid by kinda dying and traumatizing him, but you know, you can fix them at anytime.

I'd love t'keep talkin' about fixin' wrigglers an how much 've fucked up but. You died? I feel like 'm missin' somethin' again.

wvhat? do you not lovwe your kids or something?

They're more annoyin' than anythin' t'me most the time. I try, I swear I do, but I ain't made for parentin'. I messed up raisin' Cronus, 'm worried Eridan will be the same.

i adore her. the little girl is my sun, moon, and stars. spend all my time protecting her.

That's precious. 'm glad she's got a lusus like yourself. You sound a lot better at parentin' than me.

yeah you got that part right, im a robot. anons are weird and do horrible things to your body like make you fleshy to havwe an egg that turned out to be a wveird yet adorable robot troll cross mix.

Oh right. I keep forgettin' anons exist, since we don' really get 'em. D'you at least like the lil offspring?

im human made so im used to the wvay they handle things and their culture and morals. so almost human.

"Almost human" is a good enough reply for me. I feel like ‘m missin’ somethin’ but ‘m not gonna ask too many questions.

ask wvay. i personally lovwe questions. wvhats the thing you think youre missing?

Well 'm assumin' you're a bot? By your url an "human made" an everythin'. So 'm just kinda tryin' to piece together how you could have a wriggler. 's that rude a me?

im human made so im used to the wvay they handle things and their culture and morals. so almost human.

"Almost human" is a good enough reply for me. I feel like 'm missin' somethin' but 'm not gonna ask too many questions.

so uh… howv are you? wvhats up? wvhat are you up to? other generic greeting questions expressing interest?

Heh. 'm fine, guppy. Jus' tryin' t'keep track of the little ones. 's this the part where I go throwin' th'same questions back? 

It's a long story involvin' psionics an' douchebaggery. I won' bother you with the details. Greetin's though. 

As much as I don’ wanna admit it, ‘m gettin old. They don’ trust me to live much longer an they don’ want me to go without a descendant. So suddenly ‘m on grub duty an it fuckin sucks. 

✃ —▬ While as h9rri6le as that s9unds, at least they gave y9u s9mething t9 d9, c9rrect..? S9.. H9wever, I th9ught that seadwellers lived s9 much l9nger. Was I wr9ng t9 assume s9? Either way, a j96 like that d9es n9t seem s9 6ad.

'm not exactly enjoyin havin somethin to do. I miss doin my job.  Well, we do. But not in my line of work. It's complicated, but I probably only woulda gotten a couple more sweeps of what I like doin. ...It does to someone who doesn' like grubs for anything other than salad dressing.

Actually, I was - am? - a privateer. ‘m the furthest thing from a pirate, lad. I worked for the empress like some kind a’ loyal pet. An now ‘m a fuckin grubsitter. 

✃ —▬ That s9unds.. Incredibly unf9rtunate. H9w 9n 6ef9rus did that happen? I d9n’t understand h9w such an esteemed pers9n like y9u c9uld have let that happen. Did s9mething happen f9r y9u t9 land up taking care of grubs?

As much as I don' wanna admit it, 'm gettin old. They don' trust me to live much longer an they don' want me to go without a descendant. So suddenly 'm on grub duty an it fuckin sucks. 

✃ —▬ Ah, yes. I did. I was just l99king f9r m9re pe9ple and I f9und y9u. It’s a pleasure t9 meet y9u, Dualscar. I have heard st9ries a69ut y9u. I hear that y9u’re an amazing s9rt 9f pirate, is that right?

Actually, I was - am? - a privateer. 'm the furthest thing from a pirate, lad. I worked for the empress like some kind a' loyal pet. An now 'm a fuckin grubsitter.