fickle heart

✦ Ties and Suits were made for her.

take your pills, 2018: explores the positive and negative effects of Adderall along with the pressures to take these types of stimulants to stay ahead at work and school.

the most unknown, 2018: a documentary film that sends nine scientists to extraordinary parts of the world to uncover unexpected answers to some of humanity’s biggest questions.

inside einstein’s mind, 2015: retrace the thought experiments that inspired his theory on the nature of reality.

what the health, 2017: critiques the health impact of meat and dairy products consumption, and questions the practices of the leading health and pharmaceutical organizations.

american experience: tesla, 2016: meet Nikola Tesla, the genius engineer and tireless inventor whose technology revolutionized the electrical age of the 20th century

icarus, 2017: a documentary which chronicles Fogel’s exploration of the option of doping to win an amateur cycling race and happening upon a major international doping scandal when he asks for the help of Grigory Rodchenkov, the head of the Russian anti-doping laboratory.

Habits I’m glad I picked up in 2018: - knowing my worth & standing up for myself - being able to look at situations and realise that I am in the wrong - becoming more of a giver - looking after my health & fitness because of the endorphins and not for the skinnyTM - finding a good balance between eating healthy and having treats - saving almost everything and becoming more money conscious - having good time management and allowing myself to have a life outside of school work - overcoming situations my anxiety couldn’t handle eg. joining a sport and driving a car - putting my mind to picking up things like the guitar & poetry in my own time

habits I want to pick up in 2019: - sticking to commitments - being a better at being independent - not letting my parents’ anxiety become my own & setting realistic expectations of myself - not letting my parents’ effect my mental health  - running to clear my head - developing a healthy relationship with my devices and social media by having at least 3-4h each day without a device. - not waiting for things to happen and making them happen

Declutter Clean up your room, your drawers, organize your school stuff… It may sound overwhelming, but trust me, once you begin it’s easy. Start new year fresh and clean! 

Get a journal! Journals are a huge cliché, but they are seriously worth all the attention. Going through 2018 with bullet journal/planner made it much much easier. You don’t have to plan. You can just doodle or write your memories down. 

Recap on 2018 Did you set goals for this year? How did they go? How many new people did you met? What were the top 10 memories of this year? In which area(s) did you improve? What challenges did you have? How did you overcome them? 

Set new goals! Not to be mistaken with resolutions! I think that goals are actually here to stick around. Improve your life. Set your goal, but don’t aim too high. It’s okay to take tiny steps. Then make it into smaller ones, so it’s not overwhelming.  For example, my goal for 2018 was to learn to love myself. Sounds overwhelming, right? So what I did was write down all the areas that drag me down and improved upon them. I set things like: meditation, stretching, no more body checking, not watching diet videos on youtube etc. So first goals, then smaller parts of your goals, then the steps you will take for them. One at a time.

Spend New Years Eve however you want to. It’s okay to not go to party. It’s okay to stay at home with your cat and watch the TV. Not everyone thrives from big groups of people and noise. It doesn’t make you any less valuable.  So get your cozy socks on and have no shame in staying in! 

Reminder: You don’t need the new year to do any of these! I just find it a good time for new starts. 

Because I don’t care about coming up with resolutions that feel so ideal in the present but so torturous in the new year

I don’t want to burden the year that hasn’t even begun yet with all the things I couldn’t do this year

Or be unrealistic about things that will take me longer than a year to achieve

Tasks and hard things can keep away

I’m going to enter 2019 knowing the happy things

Happy Goals 2019

1. Pick one poet I studied in high school and really study them.

2. Get my typewriter fixed or buy a new one.

3. Learn to do my hair (just leaving it open doesn’t do it anymore).

4. Start wearing home slippers all the time. Not just for the first week I buy them.

5. Fill an entire journal with illustrations.

6. Pet a dog. (It’s never too late!)

7. Go away for a few days from the life I know.

8. Buy flowers. For my space. As a more regular thing, not a rare gesture.

9. Indulge in more creative writing activities. While keeping at the self introspective ones.

10. Get rid of mementos.

11. Move from isolated words to basic sentences in Korean.

12. Perform spoken word more often. Even if I think my voice shakes.