live free

The first time I tried to kill myself I laid in the bathtub for two hours working up the courage to put my head under the water and not come up for air. I tried once, but my reflexes wouldn’t let me do it so I grabbed the bathmat to force a suffocation once I was submerged but then my mom came home and I didn’t want her to be the one to find me. The second time I tried to kill myself was a year later after I was raped. I took a lot of pills, but it just made me sick. I haven’t attempted since then. I’ve thought about suicide a lot over the years. The last time I thought about killing myself was just over a year ago. I laid in my bathtub for 4 hours crying contemplating swallowing a whole bottle of pills, ones stronger than before, ones that would do the trick. I called my sister and she talked me out of it. I’ve been thankful ever since. Since then, I’ve been taking steps to help myself and to not fall into that place again.