I have no where to vent and I don't want to use social media to do it, but I don't know where else to go. I definitely don't believe in going to a therapist because I feel it's impersonal. I feel they are just following a script and are not really empathetic to my feelings, yet I need to get this off of my chest. I don't want to tell my brother about my issues because he has his own and I won't burden him. Anyways, the person I'm dealing with is bluntly selfish, self absorbed and boring. Boring in every way, especially sexually. Frankly I don't even know why Ive been with her for so long. She only cares about herself and posting on IG. She doesn't even share any intimate details to me, whenever she's on a trip or hanging out. Her followers are always the first to know about what she is doing. I remember she went to get her hair done and she sent me a pic of her hair almost completed and told me that she will surprise me when it's completed. Moments later I went on IG because my sister sent me a DM and afterwards I just started to mindlessly scroll the timeline. All of a sudden I see a picture of her with the final style of her hair, lol. Now the surprise is that everyone following her knew her hairstyle before I did. It seems petty, but it made me feel some type of way. Today she went to Philadelphia and posted so many pics of her trip to IG and sent not one personal picture to me. When she came home I asked her how was her trip then asked why I didn't get a pic of her and her mom having fun and she told me, " you know I don't take pics"..... 😳 Ooooook I thought and left it at that. Beyond that, she didn't even call or text to find out how our son is doing and what is he up to. I am involved with social media and I post pictures, but I always send her special texts or pictures of myself and our son. Pictures that I feel are special and should be only for her. Besides her selfishness, she is very self absorbed and unaware of her environment. She really does not worry about anything except for her well being. Of course a person must be concerned about their self, but when there is a family involved, all of that is out of the way. There are times that our 18 month son will be on our dresser about to fall and she will be sitting right next to him on her phone interacting with whoever and not see that he will fall. It's sad because even though she is there watching our son while I am cooking or doing chores, I still have to make sure our child is ok. Its such a hard time doing this and I'm tired of being omnipresent in our household. Parenting is not an option for her when she is on the phone and she's on the phone more than most times. Through these issues, she's also dry and boring. 98% of our sexual encounters are initiated by me. She doesn't do anything to arouse me. She doesn't role play, act lusty, talk dirty, nothing. Before we have sex I have to scan some internet porn to stimulate my mind because she is so numb. She's only missionary and her head game is smfh. If it wasn't for an active imagination on my end, I wouldn't reach my goal. I thought it was me why she is dull, but after living with her for four years, I see that she is complacent just surfing the internet. Well this rant is over and I feel a bit better, but I'm about to gather my feelings and let her know that I'm moving on.
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