Lyra

When you finished, you took a deep sigh. You stretched your back, eyes closed, reaching for the towel, but before you could grab it he beat you to it. “Here, let me help” He tugged your hair behind your ears then began wiping your face with the towel. 

In between wiping your face he’d gently place tender kisses on your forehead, on your nose and finish on your lips, giving it a longer kiss. Your body stiffened, guilt eating you alive.

“My beautiful girl,” he murmured, almost to himself. When he was done, he tossed the towel aside and helped you fix your hair, “open your eyes now, I’m done” he said softly.

As you opened your eyes to meet his hazel ones, you saw his face drop. He stepped away, the warmth from his hands leaving your cheeks. 

“No..” he breathed. “No-no, no” Water began to collect at the bottom lid of his eyes.

“Baby I can explain-” He raised his palm up to stop you, “I don't want to know” his voice was on the verge of breaking. His raised hand was shaking and all you could think about was you being the reason for it.

“Did you really have to do it again hm?” He cried. 

“I tried, I really did. I promise” You sharply sucked a breath. Your breaths were now matching each other’s paces. Nanami fell to his knees, burying his hands in his face. “You promised me to stop!” He lashed out, his face wet from the tears. He clutched your shirt tightly burying his face in it, as he sobbed harder. 

“I thought you loved me enough to stop” He whimpered, lowering his face. 

“I do love you” You reached for his cheeks, cupping them. He let go of your shirt, his palms falling to the ground. You lowered your body down with his, lifting his chin up to face you.

You tried to focus on his eyes, read them but your mind was blurred.  “Look, look at my eyes” As he took one look at your eyes, anger took over him. In one sudden motion he pushed your hands away from him, causing you to slam down onto the hard tile as the room spun.

The pain barely registered. You looked around the room, feeling like you were in another universe. You tried to stay focused, focus on Nanami. 

“Do you know what you look like right now?” He whispered. You sat up, trying to push your weak body across the tile to be closer to him. When you looked at him, his expression folded from hurt to terrified. 

“My mom looked like this,” he confessed, his lips quivering. More tears slid down his face.

Your chest tightened at his words. You tried to save yourself, but in doing so, you harmed a part of you he loved. You saved yourself but abandoned him.

“She used to wash her face, try to act normal, tell me that I was dramatic,” he laughed weakly, “until I was proven right but at what cost?”

He stood up abruptly, wiping his tears. “ I refuse to relive this again” He turned around and left the room.

—;

You couldn’t stop the tears from pouring from your eyes at that moment. You buried your face in his chest, sobbing violently. He became concerned but still wrapped his arms around your figure, bringing you closer. 

“shh it’s okay” He reassured, thinking you were crying about the nightmare. “It was just a nightmare” he continued, placing kisses on your head to calm your sobs. 

“It feels real…” you murmured from his chest. “I’m in pain, Nanami,” you admitted. At this he furrowed his brows and broke the hug. 

“You weren’t having a nightmare?” it sounded more like a statement than a question, but his eyes were searching for answers in yours. You shook your head, sobs leaving your lips. 

“Do you love me?” You moved your body from touching him. Silence filled the room to the point where your breathing felt too loud.

He reached for your hand, but you yanked it before it could make contact. He seemed hurt by your sudden action as he returned his hand to himself. He looked down and sighed, “I do, I hold very deep love for you” He finally spoke, breaking the silence in the room. 

“Please just-” He reached for your hand once again, but you moved further away. “Are you in love with me?” You asked, interrupting him. Your eyes became blurry, more and more tears rolled down your cheeks, as you waited for an answer. 

“There is another woman right?” You scoffed when he once again lowered his head, staring at his palms. “I see the way you look at me, the way you hold me, the way you feel so distant even when you tell me you only love me. I kept quiet, thinking I was overthinking it but the longer I keep quiet, the more you become distant. Instead of keeping quiet and living this new way of you loving me, I want you to be honest with me. Please”

A tear slipped from his face and landed on his palms. 

Nanami was crying. 

Nanami didn’t say a word. He couldn’t bear to tell his beloved for years that his biggest fear had happened. He couldn’t face the fact that he had fallen out of love with you, the person he couldn’t picture a future without, the person he had promised himself to love and the person he promised forever with. You were his happy ever after, and seeing you in pain, crying because of him broke his heart. 

He wanted to wipe your tears, tell you what you wanted to hear. That no, there is no other woman, that he couldn’t hold love in his heart for another woman, that you are the only woman in his life, but he couldn’t. There was nothing for him to do other than watch you realise the truth and cry because he hurt you. 

“I didn’t want this…” He sobbed, burying his head in his hands. “Fuck, I really didn’t want this to happen. I tried to brush my feelings, to fall in love with you all over again but… I couldn’t” He spoke, “I hate myself for loving someone else, I hate how she consumes my mind and my heart. I hate how I can’t look at you the same. With the love like you deserve. I’m sorry” 

You covered your quivering lips in shock. You opened your mouth, wanting to say something, anything but nothing seemed to come out.

Even though you deep down knew it, you weren’t prepared for hearing it come out of his mouth. A part of you wished you were delusional and you guessed that’s what you hoped he’d say. That no such thing was happening and it was all just in your head.

But no. You were faced with the truth you always knew was going to happen, but never knew when.