The Hype Awakens

I watched ROTJ a couple of nights ago (both theatrical cut and ‘special edition’) and I decided to list a few random reflections, just because Star Wars is life.

> This movie refers back to the first Star Wars way more than I remembered. Opening shot of a Star Destroyer, droids walking around on Tatooine, another Death Star, seedy environment with a bunch of awesome alien puppets, etc.

> Speaking of Death Stars, I agree that having a second Death Star is kind of lazy and underwhelming in this movie. It doesn’t ruin it for me, but I feel like Lucas and the story group could have come up with something even cooler and more original (although I don’t really know how you’d top the original Death Star in terms of drama and menace tbh)

> I FREAKING LOVE JABBA’S PALACE. When I first saw the movie (it was the second Star Wars movie I saw) Jabba instantly became my favorite character. He’s just so massive and imposing and freakish. I love the background characters in the palace as well. It’s basically a perfect one-up to the cantina on Mos Eisley. 

> Did you know Dengar was in Jabba’s Palace? Seriously, look it up! He’s in a bunch of the shots during the Lapti Nek sequence when Oola starts fighting off Jabba. I geek out every time I see his beautiful toilet paper head. I love me some Dengar.

> There’s also a shot from Jabba’s Palace where you can clearly see a Trandoshan in the background. It might have been cut from the final movie (I saw it in a Lapti Nek music video on YouTube) but it really looks like Bossk. Maybe Boba and Dengar weren’t the only bounty hunters chilling with Jabba?

> I love to hate Salacious Crumb. He’s stupid and annoying. I wish R2 would have buzz-sawed his head off instead of just shocking him. I do take solace in the fact that he gets blown up in Jabba’s barge, though. I’d rather listen to a Jar Jar Binks Christmas album than that annoying monkey thing laugh. Ugh.

> Speaking of god-forsaken abominations that deserve to burn forever, “Jedi Rocks.” “Jedi Rocks” (the song that replaces Lapti Nek for ROTJ ‘special edition’) is the embodiment of every STD known to man combined with the screams of dying children. No, I’m not exaggerating, it’s that bad. This is easily the worst special edition change. It’s not Greedo shooting first. (Even though that sucks.) It’s not even the giant Ronto covering the screen in Mos Eisley. (Even though that sucks as well.) This is the worst thing ever. CG Sy Snootles hates you. CG Joh Yowza eats babies. Those are scientific facts. The thing I hate most about this abortion of a scene is that it completely ruins the otherwise dramatic scene of Oola the Twilek slave girl rebelling against Jabba. Now it’s interspersed with gross up close ups of screaming aliens that look like they were made by a three year old on MS paint. FUCK THIS SCENE. Think I’m blowing this out of proportion? Just watch the scene. I’ll wait. 

> Anyway, Oola is awesome. You stick it to Jabba, babe. I like to think that after ROTJ, Oola became a symbol for slaves to rally beneath and there was a massive slave revolt across the galaxy. If only.

> I love ROTJ Luke. You really see him come full circle in this film. No more Tatooine farm boy, oh no. This dude’s been chilling on Dagobah, hitting space blunts with Yoda, and picking shit up with his mind. It’s easy to forget that Luke was toeing the line of the dark side throughout the movie, but damn. In his first scene he pulls a Darth Vader and chokes out Jabba’s guards! Seriously, I love black clad bad boy darkside-using Luke. 

> Okay, I’ll admit that a droid torture chamber has always been a stupid idea. That will never make sense. 

> I don’t mind the special edition changes for the Sarlacc. It looks a lot less... Freudian.  

> I don’t really get why Boba’s death pisses some people off. Sure it’s an underwhelming way to kill off such a cool character, but that was always the appeal of the scene for me. Han’s the kind of guy who’s just lucky enough to take out a ruthless bounty hunter by accident, you know? (Seriously, though, there’s no way Boba Fett is actually dead. Disney’s gonna pull an Expanded Universe and resurrect his ass any day now.)

> I love how Lando is part of the squad now. I bet Luke and Lando had some legendary bro hangouts while Han was frozen. When Han came back, I bet he got jealous that they were such good bros. I bet that’s what happened. 

> I love OG Yoda a million times more than Prequel Yoda. Both are great, but OG Yoda just radiates wisdom and power even though he looks goofy, while Prequel Yoda looks wise and powerful and all the decisions he makes are really dumb. Seriously, the Council just let Sidious rise to power right under their noses. Ugh. I guess Yoda grew wiser as he aged. 

> OOOH YEAH, LOVE ME SOME EMPEROR. Seriously. Such a great character. He’s basically the template for every sci-fi/fantasy bad guy, just like Vader. 

> I love Ackbar, but Nien Nunb would probably have to be my favorite Rebel alien. He’s butt-ugly and has a creepy laugh, but that just makes him adorable and goofy. Seriously, he just literally shows up out of nowhere as Lando’s co-pilot. Maybe he and Lando are best buddies now. I bet Nien totally makes Lobot jealous. Don’t cry, Lobot. I still love you.

> PRUNEFACE <3 <3 <3

> Mon Mothma is great. Star Wars needed some more chicks, jeez. All we had up to this point was just Leia, Toryn Farr, and freakin’ Wioslea. Is Mon the head of the Alliance? Can we assume she is? 

> Damn, the speeder bike chase was way more brutal than I remembered. Scout Troopers were just getting wasted left and right. I totally want to buy a Black Series Scout Trooper figure now.

> I really like Wicket. I can kind of take or leave the rest of the Ewoks, but Wicket has the perfect combination of personality and interesting design to be a worthy supporting character in the Star Wars saga. Plus Warwick Davis is just great. And he’s going to be in The Force Awakens! (Davis, not Wicket. Unless...)

> The baby Ewok is hands down one of the cutest things of all time. 

> UGH EWOKS I JUST DEFENDED YOU STOP TAKING UP SO MUCH SCREEN TIME GEEZ

> As little as I care for the pointless Ewok feast/sacrifice sequence, Han’s reactions crack me up every time. I want a gif of him trying to blow out that fire.

> It just hit me that Ewoks are literally the same thing as Minions. (Just with less boring designs.) 

> I think that it is mandatory for all Imperial officers to walk around like they just crapped themselves. Relax, for god’s sake! It’s not like you’re going to be force choked by Vader! What do you think this is, Empire Strikes Back?

> I love LOVE the scene where Luke gives himself up to be captured. It’s really the closest we see to a normal father/son interaction between Luke and Vader (besides the last few ones) and it’s pure gold. Part of me wishes that Leia could have had a scene like this with Vader after she found out the truth. How cool would that have been?

> While I prefer the original Death Star as an overall concept, I think I enjoy watching the Death Star II battle even more. It’s so fast-paced and flashy, yet you really get the sense of the battle tactics that Ackbar and Lando are coming up with on the fly. Also NIEN NUNB. 

> B-WINGS ARE SO AWESOME that’s all bye

> I don’t mind the shield generator mission/battle on Endor, but it’s a little underwhelming, kind of like the story people needed something for Leia, Han, Chewie, and the droids to be doing while Luke and Lando did all the important stuff. I’d much rather have Han, Chewie, Lando, and the droids in the Falcon while Leia and Luke take on Vader and the Emperor. No wait, that’s really dumb, sorry.  

> Have you heard the theory that Captain Rex was one of the Rebel commandos on Endor? I’m not joking. Just look up ‘captain rex in return of the jedi’. Prepare to have your mind blown. I actually wouldn’t mind if this became canon, because the current Legends story is that the bearded Rebel is named “Nik Sant.” You know, like Saint Nick? Cause he has a beard? The guy who came up with that name probably also named Sy Snootles and Sleazebaggano from AoC. Hack.

> The music that starts when Luke just starts going crazy on Vader is so awesome. I get chills every time I see that scene. I also love the part where the Emperor tempts Luke one last time and Luke looks at Vader’s severed machine hand and then at his own. A little heavy handed (no pun intended), but I love Star Wars for the drama, not the subtlety. 

> By the way, does anybody else feel kind of sad when Vader’s lightsaber falls down the shaft when Luke cuts his hand off? It would be kind of awesome if Luke kept it. It would follow the whole darkside/lightside tightrope walking that Luke has done throughout the film and it could be a cool way for him to come to grips with being Vader’s kid. Idk, but seeing Luke wield a red lightsaber WITH his green one in The Force Awakens would totally make me geek out. (Which I will inevitably do anyway.)

> Maybe it’s just me, but I think that it would be awesome if Luke got a bunch of scars on his face from the Emperor’s lightning. Not like, Cantina heckler dude scars, but a couple around his face to make him look like even more of a badass. Those Skywalker kids and their sexy scars. Love it.

> I used to hate the dubbed “no... NO!” that Lucas added a lot more. I don’t really mind now, but it reminds me of the scene ruining “NO!” from RotS. And that’s no good.

> B-WINGS ARE AWESOME OMG HAVE MY CHILDREN B-WINGS UNGH

> Can someone make a “Shrek is Love Shrek is Life” adaptation with Nien Nunb? I would watch that. (Or with a B-Wing?)

> I wish that Pruneface appeared again after the Death Star II briefing scene. It would be cool to see him interact with the main cast, because according to EU/Legends, he was kind of a cantankerous guy. I wonder what he and his friends were doing during the battle? Maybe he was a pilot.

> The A-Wing dude who suicided into the Executor definitely did so on purpose. I think that he realized that his ship was about to explode, so he just went for a heroic sacrifice. Poor guy. I read a fan comic that someone did about him that kicked ass. It’s called “Green Leader” by Daniel Warren Johnson. I suggest you check it out.

> I love how Luke just drags Vader’s body through the Death Star with no one taking any notice. No one’s like “Oh my god, Lord Vader, are you okay?” To get out of the Emperor’s throne room, Luke would have had to take the elevator with his dying dad. That’s pretty awkward. Pretty surprised there isn’t a Robot Chicken sketch about that. (It’s probably the ONLY SW-related thing there isn’t a Robot Chicken sketch about.)

> As much as I hate the special edition changes, can you imagine how much worse it would be if Lucas put Hayden’s face on Vader’s death scene? That would SUCK. Not as badly as “Jedi Rocks”, but it would SUCK. 

> “Jedi Rocks” is the only music change in RotJ that I hate. I actually prefer “Victory Celebration” to “Yub Nub” as a closing song. “Yub Nub” is fun, but “Celebration” just has that epic feel and finality to let you know that the greatest trilogy of science fiction movies ever is coming to a close.

> I don’t mind Hayden replacing Sebastian Shaw as Anakin either, other than the fact that it’s kind of disrespectful to Shaw, especially since Shaw died only a few years before the special edition edits. Not quite as disrespectful as dubbing Temuera Morrison over Jason Wingreen, but still pretty insensitive. That being said, it’s not cringe level bad. Anakin’s just standing there staring and smiling creepily, just like he always did in the Prequels. Perfection.

> You probably already knew this if you’re a Star Wars fan, but you can hear a Gungan (probably Jar Jar) saying “Wesa Free!” during the scene where Naboo is shows celebrating the death of the Emperor. Remember what I said about the special editions not being that bad? Forget that. 

I just watched ROTJ and the Ewoks totally did not ruin the movie for me. That being said, way too much time was wasted on them. The whole “Luke, Han, and Chewie are going to be eaten by space teddy bears” scene was pretty much useless. The fact that the Ewoks defeated the Empire doesn’t really bother me, although I wish we could see more competent stormtroopers (maybe in TFA?), but what can you do? 

I don’t think Ewoks were the precursor to Jar Jar that Star Wars fan should have seen as a warning sign. Ewoks are cute, fuzzy, and a little bit silly, but they still kick ass. Jar Jar and his CGI pals from the Prequels and Special Edition edits have none of the screen presence and tactile charm of the Ewoks. 

Me on the inside: Why is Bernie Sanders being so overlooked as a presidential candidate? I mean I know Hillary is a big deal, but Bernie just soothes the soul. Like people are taking Donald Trump more seriously than Bernie, and Trump doesn't even know that a small woodland creature has nested upon his cranium!! It's just that I love Bernie so dearly. He was a civil rights activist and a gay rights activist and a women's rights activist back in the sixties when people didn't know that the moon wasn't made of cheese. And and and he just cares so much about the people and about the future. He's appealing to us and not corporations because he actually believes in America without having to act like a jingoist to let us know that he does. WHY CANT AMERICA FEEL THE BERN?!