Im-The-Funny-One

tumblr is like wading through everyone else’s garbage until you find something good and go “ah. this is good” and take it and display it in your own garbage pile

No but this is actually me with every little petty issue I have

anyone else feel like their spirit is ancient and they’ve been carrying the weight of its heartbreak for an eternity

My dad’s literal first words on holding me for the first time were “ …she’s done this before, and she’s not happy to be back.”

That is such a badass thing to say about a newborn

i went into a gamestop from another reality today

What happened?

so, i only went in to get the shiny silvally code. should’ve taken like a minute or two at most but i was in there for upwards of ten. it was deeply unsettling right off the bat when i walked in because it was quiet. like really quiet. the tv that plays the gaming news and the speaker that plays the ads weren’t running. the cashier says hello and i get in line to wait. it is dead silent. nobody in the store is making any noise except for the cashier, who is typing. she’s helping a little boy sell 12 PS4 games. the boys mom is walking back and forth behind him sipping her gas station brand cup of coffee. literally just walking back and forth from one end of the store to the other. all the while the entire store is silent, the kid is silent, the mom is silent… all 5 of the other full grown adults in this store are silent. and i’m the only one in line behind this kid, these other adults throughout the store are like standing in one space just staring and being quiet. they weren’t browsing, they weren’t talking. nobody was making any noise. i wasn’t making any noise. i was standing there thinking about how eerily silent it was in this gamestop and wondering what the hell was going on - hyper aware of every move i made because i didn’t want to make a noise and break the silence. this carried on for literally 10 minutes before another cashier came in through the front door and loudly exclaimed “i can’t leave you alone for five minutes.” he called me to the counter and asked me what i needed help with. it was like immediately the ambient noises of gamestop all returned at once and i stepped forward to get my code.

my favorite part of this is the implication that not only was the first cashier somehow responsible for the eerie silence to begin with but also that this has certainly happened before

It’s interesting that Laffy Taffy has been around for almost 60 years, yet they still can’t seem to be able to produce a wrapper that comes off in less than 6 pieces.

[distantly] THAT DOG

i like being alone but i want someone to be alone with, if that makes sense

LMFDLAO VBNJKDFXVCG

ive never said 1 coherent thing in my life