Brain Throw Up

I do not see what others see. People tell me I’m average. Some may say I’m beautiful. But I am blind. Blind to the beauty that people see, blind to the pretty face that haunts me everyday. I do not see, I only here. Here the voice echoing through my chambers, the devilish tones ramming me. Squeezing me. I’m battered relentlessly by it, it wants to change me. All I am is a host. A host to this virus eating me away till I’m nothing but a skeleton. I beg to it. I beg at it’s feet, claws slashing me up and down, my savage hunger ripping me apart. I beg the voice to save me, save me from the monster within me. I beg as the heat of the monster’s breath comes nearer and nearer, till it’s upon me. It pounces. Claws rip my skin till nothing but bone is left. The voice has abandoned me, disappointed in me. My blood screams, my heart races and then suddenly stops. The monster rips it from my chest. It is blackened, withering in it’s paws. Did the voice do this to me? A paw slams my chest. I’m beaten continuously. I’m beaten till my blackened withered heart bleeds. Bleeds one single drop, that forms into more paws. The cycle continues. I can’t withhold my yells and screams. I forfeit to my abusers. I fall to the floor, fall in a pool of my own blood. I wait. I wait until hands are no longer abusing me. Everything is now still. Nothing moves, nothing breathes. A slow pulsating grows in my head, grows till it’s hammering. I’m now bombarded by words and phrases. Reality! No more! You’re done! You’re pathetic like this! Just do it, just do it, just do it! You must!!!! I give in to the words. I feel myself heal. My skin stitches itself together, my blood reenters my body, and I’m rewarded with a shining silver heart. I feel my mouth open, giving in to the pleasure. My tongue marvels at the taste, the ease my body’s in. I enjoy these minutes. I bathe in them. It’s back. The pleasure suddenly leaves, and a bruiting force slams into me. The voice is louder then ever, battering me with it’s hateful insults. It demands me to abide by it’s rules. I do not disobey. I give in to it’s power. I’m trained. I’m conditioned. I run from the hungry monster, I slowly fold myself in more and more as time goes by. I’m now nothing. I have know one, all those who loved me have left in frustration. I’m a skeleton. The virus has taken everything away from me. My final order. I wither. Wither like my broken heart, wither like hunger. I slowly start leaving this world, entering a new one. I collapse to the floor. A blade strikes me. I do not recognize the person who plunges it in my flesh. The virus has one. It marvels at my old broken body, it crosses my thresh-hold. It molests me. I let it take over, and I drown. I drown slowly, pools of my failures wash over me, till my head is under. I hit the bottom, and I’m relieved with the open arms of death.

This song is just too perfect.

This is one ofsuperwoman's greatest ideas. Shut out to her. Xoxoxoxoxoxoxo.

You wish this was your village. Admit it! Yeah, yeah. I know I'm amazing

Pitying or thinking a blind person is week. Arg! This makes me want to break something. You have no idea how annoying this is. Do I look like I’m made of sugar? No lie, someone will throw paper, aiming for the garbage can, and they’ll hit me by mistake. Then I’ll be surrounded by people going “o my god. Are you ok? I can take you to the nurse. O my god is that blood?” Yo!!! I get smashed in the stomach in sparring at least 4 or 5 times per taekwondo class. Your smothering me. This doesn’t just happen with kids. This happens with adults. Aren’t you guys supposed to be the role models? Another example of smothering is when I’m doing something like roller coasters. “Hi my name is Jessica, and you can’t ride this ride because you can’t see and you won’t be able to find an exit if something happens. Try a more tame ride. Maybe the swings.” AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m 13, not a 4-year-old. Liability? Forget that. If I get hurt it’s my problem. I’m not a grumpy 60-year-old who sues anyone who makes my life harder. Of course I don’t yell that stuff at them. I calmly say “my blindness doesn’t affect my ability to do anything you guys can.” Seriously. I’m not a china doll who needs taking care of all the time. One time an adult, not giving more information, didn’t want me to sit in a wobbly chair because they thought I would hurt myself. Another example is when my friend told me to shut up, and she got in trouble. You know how your joking around with your friends and you tell each other to shut up in a playful way? Well, that is what was going on, but the adult warned her not to say that to me. If that was any other kid, the adult would have let that just pass by them, not care at all. But with me, it’s like the person I’m talking to just said something nasty to the president. We’re in America, right? Well, what happened to equality? I AM A NORMAL PERSON!!! You can think you are the smartest person in the world, but most of you know nothing about this. Hope you learned something reading this.

Good morning everyone. So after my case a verbal vomit, I think I'm cured. I should be able to type better by the end of the day. Again, still using dictation. Typing on the iPhone is just a big pain in the butt. can't find my Bluetooth keyboard, so I decided just type up on my computer. what sucks but that though is I can't multitask. I have to actually sit down. So, I eat a lot. Let's be honest I'm going to keep it real. I eat a lot. but for some deranged reason, I just had one little piece of this breakfast cake for breakfast. I think my brain is trying to starve me. Because I felt full. Not anymore now. But it's too late. Sorry brain! I've done terrible things, and I've done a lot of things to upset you. Including running you into the wall. But please, do not starve me. I Will wear a helmet for you. Just do not starve me. and let's be honest. We need each other. Without my face you'd be hopeless. not really one people like to look at. This face though, people love it. so let's continue our relationship.

As the title suggests, good night. i've been slaving away at my phone for about 40 minutes now. Time to put it down. Curse social media. It should be more like Midea so that you'd be so ugly that I never want to see you again. So many layers that I get lost in your flab maze, then come back alive somehow, learn my lesson never get on you again. oh, this isn't just explain social media. This also explains eating mars bars and googling pictures of Beyoncé.made no sense, but I rode it anyway.