ILLUMANATING

Her heart aches, for something that was out of reach.

One thought she'll succeed, the others thought she'll flop. She sat in silence— Wanting to be heard. Not once she was heard, Seen nor reached upon. She cared for others while no one cared for her. She is hurting, yet she smiles. Oh, what a clown she is. Pretending to be fine, happy and okay, when she's broken, crumbling. She longed to be held, though it was impossible. She sat in the rain, feeling the warmth she crave. A warmth she'll never get. What a fool. She thought it was love, she was only confused. A misguided girl. No one corrects her, She does. Her own teacher, Her own doctor, Just herself. Yet, she still wondered if she can be still held.

She whispered among the wind— as it carries her words. She stared longingly for the stars, wishing to be held. She cried with the rain; it felt comforting. She loved him, but it never felt right. She stared in the distance— in silence and sorrow. Her heart ached, yet she still clung on.

You were a stranger, yet my book is all about you. All I did was observed you— and still, I fell. You seemed so perfect; how could I stop myself from falling? I lingered for you— yet it was impossible. You're too far too reach; just like the moon. Beautiful, yet distant. Still, I love admiring you. No matter how far you are— I'll catch up.

Your eyes are like stars, I would stare at them for hours. I would get lost in them and don't want to found again. Your voice that's music to my ears, I would listen to you for hours. A never ending talk with you. If home was a person, it'll be you.

All just because she loves him.

The aches lingers— yet he still hoped.

He yearned for her— but he knew she was gone.

She felt sorrow, She yearned for the past. But it was already gone— yet it still lingered.

She wanted to be at the top, But she was tired. Yet, she still tried. But was it worth it? She skipped meals, Ignored herself, Ignored everyone. Just to study. She worked, Day and night. Yet, it never felt like it's enough. She stared at the ceiling, Wondering why it was like this. She thought and thought. She was second, Again. She hated it, But she knew she couldn't do anything. She felt weak and useless, She wondered if she is still needed. She wanted to be at the top, But she was tired. Yet, she tried. Was it worth it? She wondered, Was it all wroth it? She yearned to be at the top. She knew she was broken, Useless, unstable, weak, and problematic. But she still went on. She did everything, Ignored everyone. Even herself. It was tiring, But she didn't want to give up. She went beyond her limits, It only made it worse. She only wanted to be the number one, the top. But she was too tired. Too tired to try, yet she still did. She wondered, all over again. Was it worth it??

It was hard, yet she tried She fought even though she was tired. She wanted to give up but she knew she couldn't. She wanted to be seen, To be cared for, To be loved. But there was never a day she felt like it. She felt like a clown, Pretending to be okay, Always smiling and laughing. But deep down, she was already in pieces. She tried to fix herself. She failed to do so. She asked for help, She was ignored. She wanted to be seen, To be cared for, To be loved. But there was never a day that it happened. She hoped. She waited. Seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years, decades. But it never came. She wondered, But it hurts. She tried to heal, But the pain came back. She felt like the pain was her friend, Always there, Always watching. She wanted a friend, But they left her. Only pain stayed, As always. She wanted to be seen, To be cared for, To be loved. But it never came. But will it come once she's gone? She thought, Carefully and slowly. She made a decision. She did it.... She only wanted to be seen... To be cared for... To be loved... But it really never came... Not even the day she disappeared... She woke up. Feeling nostalgic. She felt unreal. She stared at the mirror, Wondered why was she still alive. Then, it really came true... But it still never came... It never did...