allie (taylor's version)

Feeling his nails dig into your hips, you moaned, "I could say the same about myself."

"You're so beautiful," JJ whispered against your warm lips, sparks coursing through your body at his words, your hands reaching for his blonde locks, tugging at them, eliciting a groan from him.

JJ pulled away from your lips, placing kisses on all over your neck before sucking on your sweet spot, the action getting you weak in the knees. "Oh fuck, this feels so good, you feel so good, JJ," You moaned as he continued sucking on your sweet spot, your words making JJ's eyes darken.

In a swift motion, JJ wrapped your legs around his waist and carried you to your room, throwing you onto the soft mattress before he climbed on top of you. He kissed you, all over your body, sucking hard enough to make marks. The sensation made you feel wonders.

Getting up for a brief moment, the two of you helped each other discard your clothing before his lips found their way back to your body, you savoring the sensation as much as possible, since you weren't sure when you'd see him next.

"JJ," You moaned as you felt him kiss your bare stomach before he went lower and lower until his mouth touched your spot, the familiar sensation feeling euphoric.

This was always how it went. He came to see you, you spent time getting lost in each other, exploring each other's bodies, before it all went back to the same. You both pretended that you didn't even know one another - like you were strangers.

At first it was exciting, the thrill of having a secret relationship was electrifying to you, but now? Not so much. Why? Because you had fallen in love with JJ. You were completely enchanted by him.

Whether it was his luscious blonde hair or his ocean blue eyes, you didn't know - all you knew was the fact this routine you and JJ had, was exhausting. The little "rendezvouses" you guys shared, were mind-blowing, of course, but after that, you felt nothing but hurt since you thought that he liked you only for your body.

Every time JJ acted like he didn't know you - as if you were nothing to him - a gut-wrenching pain filled your body, but you knew that the mere thought of having just a part of him, even if it was just physically, was more than enough to make you do it all over again. If getting even a small fragment of JJ meant ruining yourself, you would destroy yourself a million times over.

In a way, the whole situation was self-destructive. It was as if you dug yourself into a hole from which you couldn't crawl out of.

Perhaps it was because you felt alive whenever he was around even though you felt worse than dead when he left.

And you wanna scream

Don't call me "kid"

Don't call me "baby"

Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me

"Well, that was fun," JJ whispered in your ear, after you guys had just finished, him laying beside you on your bed.

"Yes, it was," You smiled, the events still replaying in your mind, a look of genuine happiness clearly displayed on your face.

"Well, I should go," JJ got up, beginning to grab his clothes and putting them on, "John B and the others will be wondering where I am."

Your face fell upon hearing JJ's words. Your good mood was swept away as if a storm had hit you. Tears began to well up in your eyes, which you tried to blink away. Why did JJ have to leave? Couldn't he stay with you for a little while at least? Did he just want you for the sex?

JJ noticed the sudden change in your mood. "Y/N?" he asked softly, approaching you, the softness in his tone making the tears in your eyes fall down, "Hey, hey, hey, what's wrong?" He took both your hands into his as he looked at you worriedly.

You stepped away from him, pushing him away slightly. "I can't do this anymore JJ," You whispered. You couldn't do it anymore. JJ had to choose - it was all or nothing.

"What?" JJ widened his eyes in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, I can't do this anymore JJ," You're voice cracked as you broke down, sliding down onto the floor, "Us! It hurts too much."

"Baby what are you-" JJ said as he walked towards your form. His chest tightened. It was impossible for him to lose you - not before he even had you completely.

"Don't fucking call me baby JJ!"

"Then explain this to me Y/N!" JJ exclaimed. "Tell me why you are acting like this!"

"Are you that fucking oblivious JJ?" You pulled yourself away from him, sobbing, "Can't you see it? I'm in love with you!"

JJ stared at you for a few seconds, gaping, trying to comprehend what you said. You were in love with him?

"I know this was supposed to be a no strings attached thing, but I caught feelings J. And I know that you don't feel the same way, that's fine.. but I think its best if we just end-" You ranted, when JJ cut you off by kissing you passionately, pulling you as close as he could to him, his hands placed firmly on your waist.

This time, his kiss didn't feel sexual, but it felt soft and gentle - it felt genuine and loving, as though he reciprocated the feelings you had towards him.

"I'm in love with you too Y/N," JJ broke the kiss before he rested his forehead on yours before he intwined your hands together, "I want to be with you."

What? He wanted to be with you? If he did then why did he always leave you? You couldn't believe this, was he lying to you?

"If you really fell in love with me, why did you always leave me after we had sex even when I asked you not to?" You asked, not entirely trusting him.

"Y/N," JJ began, "I was stupid, okay? I thought you didn't love me like I loved you. But clearly I was oblivious. Please believe me when I say I love you."

You sniffled, "You're stupid JJ. And you're not lying, are you? Because if you are, I will kill you, you know that."

JJ laughed slightly at the threat.

"Yeah, baby," JJ smiled, before placing a kiss on your nose, "I really do love you."

"I love you too," you said. Maybe JJ was lying, maybe he was not. But you were getting what you wanted right in front of you and you weren't going to say no.

You placed your hands around his body, nestling your head in the crook of his neck, hugging him, JJ's familiar scent comforting you. You were finally happy.

Later that night, JJ asked you to be his girlfriend and you said yes. He even said that he'd take you on a date the next day.

He was having a nightmare again.

These nightmares had been going on for a few days and you were honestly worried. What was bothering your boyfriend so much that he was having such terrible nightmares?

Unsure of whether or not to wake him, you glanced at JJ, watching him for a few seconds. Finally, you noticed a small tear rolling down his cheeks, and decided to wake him up.

"JJ?" you shook him, hoping he would get up. It hurt to see him in this state - looking so broken.

Still in his sleep, he turned to the other side.

"JJ?" you called once again as you shook him harder, causing him to awaken.

JJ lunged up, gasping for air. Confused, he looked around him for a moment before catching sight of you, as fragments of what happened in his nightmare came flooding back to his brain, causing him to feel a sense panic.

You looked at him, worried. This wasn't good - these nightmares he'd been having. they had taken such a toll on his mental health that even the other pogues had noticed something different in him and the way he acted.

Your eyebrows furrowed as you looked at JJ, worried, before taking his hands into yours and kissing them softly. You gazed deep into his ocean-blues before saying, "JJ, I understand if you don't want to tell me about these nightmares you've been having but please do something about them. You have them so frequently now that it's scaring me - it's not healthy."

His body trembled as his eyes filled with tears - you had never seen him so vulnerable before. You knew how hard this must be for him so you leaned closer to him and hugged him tightly as he broke down in front of you.

"Just breathe baby, I'm here for you," you said softly, playing with JJ's blonde locks.

JJ calmed down after you played with his hair and held him for a little while. He took a deep breath, then looked at you, his eyes red from how many tears he had shed. "Y-Y/n," he stammered, "These nightmares I'm having - they're about you."

He was having nightmares about you? You frowned, but gestured for him to continue.

JJ continued, "I'm scared y/n. I'm so fucking scared. I'm used to my father hurting me and I'm okay with it, but in my dreams, you come in and he hurts you too. Y/n, here have been many instances when he has almost killed me. What if he does something to you when I am not around? What if I can't protect you and I lose you forever?" His breathing became rapid before he broke down again in front of you.

"Oh love, don't worry about me," you soothed with a kiss on his cheek, "I love you so much. Nothing will happen to me, okay? Besides I can kick your fathers ass easily, I have a black belt in karate you know."

Your last comment made JJ smile slightly, which in turn made you smile.

JJ moved closer to you and kissed your sweet lips, as he spoke with a soft voice, "I love you, Y/n."