In other news, I’m making chicken tonight and the recipe technically calls it “marry me” chicken, so I hope at least one of my kids pops the question.

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In other news, I’m making chicken tonight and the recipe technically calls it “marry me” chicken, so I hope at least one of my kids pops the question.

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“Time takes time you know”
“The word “faith” is better translated as “confidence” and “trust” because it is about something inside you and not external.
I need massages.
It is literally impossible to be a woman. You are so beautiful, and so smart, and it kills me that you don't think you're good enough. Like, we have to always be extraordinary, but somehow we're always doing it wrong.
You have to be thin, but not too thin. And you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy, but also you have to be thin. You have to have money, but you can't ask for money because that's crass. You have to be a boss, but you can't be mean. You have to lead, but you can't squash other people's ideas. You're supposed to love being a mother, but don't talk about your kids all the damn time. You have to be a career woman but also always be looking out for other people.
You have to answer for men's bad behavior, which is insane, but if you point that out, you're accused of complaining. You're supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you're supposed to be a part of the sisterhood.
But always stand out and always be grateful. But never forget that the system is rigged. So find a way to acknowledge that but also always be grateful.
You have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line. It's too hard! It's too contradictory and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you! And it turns out in fact that not only are you doing everything wrong, but also everything is your fault.

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Wim Hof is the Gordon Ramsay of ice.
Trying to be pouty for no reason at all… #readyformyactingcareer #frownyface
Why. is. this. so. funny. ?
Can you die from consuming too much cheese? #askingforafriend
“I’m trying to elevate small talk to medium talk” -Larry David

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Are pictures worth less now that we have social media? #1000words
This couple walks by and I over hear her say, “yeah I don’t remember what it was called- something like The Bar that Is Always At Your Moms House”
Anthony Bourdain said: "Eat at a local restaurant tonight. Get the cream sauce. Have a cold pint at 4 o’clock in a mostly empty bar. Go somewhere you’ve never been. Listen to someone you think may have nothing in common with you. Order the steak rare. Eat an oyster. Have a negroni. Have two. Be open to a world where you may not understand or agree with the person next to you, but have a drink with them anyways. Eat slowly. Tip your server. Check in on your friends. Check in on yourself. Enjoy the ride."
I love clapping along, but it doesn’t have to do with feeling like a room without a roof…
Only in America would you blow leaves around with a leaf blower…

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“Before you sit, make sure it will fit”
I can’t make this sh*t up… the flight attendant just said it and #thatswhatshesaid
Not many liked this post 😂
I like it though…