quiet.

i’m not gonna know all the answers anyway. i can’t be the only person you rely on. but i keep suggesting to confide in other people, or asking other people to reach out to you, and no one does anything. i’m the one that has to figure it out. i’m the one who has to fix it. in every horrible situation i find myself in, it will always fall on me while i watch everyone around me get a little uncomfortable and sit back and freeze up and do nothing. why is it always me. i’m tired. i can’t even get a break. i wake up to this shit. i’m tired. i’m tired. i’m tired

i don’t want this to keep happening. i don’t want to keep getting close to people that really understand me, just to eventually end up in the same place of being their sole emotional comfort and having to constantly put my feelings aside to figure out everything for them. and it’s not even always their fault, i’ll ask my other friends to support me or help them as well but they just don’t. i’m sick of feeling like everything will always fall apart the minute i stop feeling okay while someone else is struggling. i always have to have it together for them. fuck.

why am i always doing this shit by myself

when the childhood friends trope stops being comforting

i wish i could do more right now but i cant

there’s always something you could’ve done better. there’s always something you’re not seeing. there’s always something you aren’t considering. there’s always something you’re doing wrong. there’s always something to feel guilt for. always something

man i just hate living. not even in an “i wanna die” way, it’s just so stupid how we’ve been constructed to live. idk how to look forward to existing in this world sometimes. it’s so stupid

i’m going to have an episode

we are reaching extreme coping levels

no amount of medication could fix this part of me