Bitterly Glittery

@ihopeyoudontkill Here’s your Christmas Present for the @fander-secret-santa ! I hope you enjoy!

Your request: Patton Angst

Hehehehehehehehehehehe…….. >:3

It’s a Human!AU. Hope you don’t mind!

Fandom(s): Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders, YouTube

Warnings: Fire, character death, self-hatred, self-deprecation, suicidal thoughts, suicidal ideation, suicide, possessiveness, insanity, abusive relationship, non-con elements, kind of nsfw

Ship(s): Romantic Royality and Romantic Logicality

It had been almost two years. Two years since Patton had lost Logan, the love of his life, to a simple, yet earth-shattering mistake. He could still smell the smoke, hear Logan shouting his name and yelling at him to get out of bed and run. Patton had obeyed, leaving his boyfriend to fend for himself in the fiery flames that engulfed the small apartment they had shared for three years. Patton had heard Logan scream, but like the coward he was, he’d kept running. Logan had made it out alive, severely burned and unable to speak. Patton had hoped, prayed that he would live, but he watched Logan die as he was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance.  Patton had been devastated, certain that he would ever fall in love again, and then Roman had to come in and screw everything up. 

Logan was Roman’s younger brother.  The two had been thicker than thieves until Patton had entered their lives, tearing the two of them apart as Logan left Roman in the dust for his love. Roman had never hated Patton for that. Quite the opposite, in fact. He hated his brother for taking the man he loved away, for cutting him off from even building a friendship with Patton. Roman wasn’t used to emotions to the point where he despised them, but the things he felt around Patton were different. He had felt a sickening sense of happiness along with immense grief the day he found out his brother had died in a house fire and was more than willing to provide a shoulder for Patton to cry on. Patton was his, all his, and his dumb-ass dead brother couldn’t take him away now. If Patton had known that, he wouldn’t have even looked at Roman. He wouldn’t have let himself love again. He wouldn’t have let himself move on. 

Patton moaned softly in his sleep, kicking his legs slightly in distress. His fists were clenching the mattress tightly and tears forced their way through his eyelids. Roman watched him silently, fingers gently trailing up and down Patton’s bare chest possessively, not caring that his lover was in such a distressed state. He was his, all his, and no one could take him away. 

“N-No…noooo,” Patton whimpered, swatting weakly in the air and nearly smacking Roman in the face. The possessive man rolled his eyes and pressed a kiss to one of Patton’s tear-stained cheeks, nuzzling into his neck and sighing softly. 

“Wake up Patton, dear. You’re dreaming again,” Roman whispered, pressing kisses to Patton’s neck. The other man shivered and wrapped his arms around Logan, pulling him down gently to press against him, to feel his warmth and smell that familiar scent that had comforted him so many times before. 

“I….I’m sorry I woke you. I just h-had a bad dream,” Patton hiccuped, burying his face in Roman’s hair. Roman hummed, pressing kisses to Patton’s forehead, a gesture telling him to continue. Patton took a shaky breath and closed his eyes, swallowing hard and trying not to cry. 

“It was about Logan.” Roman stiffened, eyes flashing dangerously, but Patton didn’t notice. “It was the night of fire, a-and…and I was in the house, but I wasn’t burning. T-Then I…Then I heard screaming, and I turned around, and I saw Logan burning alive and-” Patton sobbed, stopping mid-sentence, trembling so badly he couldn’t speak. Roman got up off of him, staring down at him coldly. Patton wiped his eyes with a shaky hand, looking back up at Roman regretfully. 

“I-I’m sorry love, he was your younger brother…I-I shouldn’t say…I didn’t mean to upset you,” Patton whispered, biting his lips, tears still making their way down his cheeks. Roman’s mouth twitched slightly and he bent down, capturing Patton in a lip-crushing kiss. Patton gasped, frozen at the unexpected motion, slightly fearful at Roman’s almost animal-istic passion. 

“Mine,”Roman growled, moving from Patton’s lips to his neck. Patton let out a choked gasp as Roman bit into his shoulder and he tried to push him off, his heart racing in his chest. 

“R-Roman, stop!” Patton cried, eyes wide and fearful. He tried to sit up and scramble away from his lover, terrified. Roman shoved him back down against the bed, mouth twisted into a snarl. Patton’s eyes filled with tears again. This wasn’t his Roman, his lover, his comforter, his protector. This was a monster. 

“Roman, darling, please-”

“Shut up!” Roman hissed, grabbing Patton by the hair and yanking his head up. “Don’t ever, ever mention his name again. You are mine, not his. He’s dead, and you’re mine. No one will ever take you from me.” Roman’s snarl had turned into a coo and he cupped Patton’s face in his hand, nuzzling against his cheek and kissing it gently. Patton shoved him off, scrambling out of the bed, not even hearing Roman’s angry shouts as he dashed downstairs to the basement. He turned on the light, tears streaming down his face. 

He was so stupid to think that Roman loved him. He had just used Patton, as a toy, a pawn. He never cared about him. Patton didn’t blame him, either. After his first love’s death, he was an emotional, obsessive mess. These thoughts ran through Patton’s head as he stumbled over the rough ground of the dirt-floor basement, falling to in his knees in front of a chest of oak. He flung the top open and searched through it desperately, pushing past dish towels and rags until he finally found what he was looking for. 

Eyes wild, Patton pulled out the shiny, brand-new looking gun, the only thing of Logan’s he had ever managed to save. After checking to make sure that the gun was loaded, Patton turned off the safety and pressed the barrel against his head, tears making a soft dripping sound as the fell from his eyes down to the floor. With his breathing ragged, he placed his finger on the trigger. 

“I’m coming, Logan,” Patton whispered. 

They all popped into existence at different times. They all have different birthdays.

Imagine a fic in which over time they all eventually find out when each others birthdays are and one or more of them try to come up with and give a present at least once.

Roman gets a new, shinier crown with dark red gems all around it from Virgil, who acts all shy like it’s not a big deal, like it’s not really all that great, BUT IT IS! IT IS IT IS IT IS!!! Logan gets nice new sets of clean and less worn out whiteboards, whiteboard erasers, and whiteboard markers from Patton. Three of them pitch in to make a Jack Skellington costume for Virgil to wear on Halloween and it has tiny personal details on the inside that only he can see, symbols representing the others: a smiley face, a star, and a pencil.

But no one knows what to get Patton. He’s not even expecting anything!

After a week of private discussion without him on the matter, they decide on just having a little party. A SURPRISE party! Not just any surprise party though!!

One with onesies. Picture the one Logan was shown wearing, picture Virgil wearing A RACCOON ONE, LIKE MINE, picture Roman’s being a fox or maybe even Disney’s Robin Hood fox will the green outfit design on it. (Damn I hope that exists……………..) And Patton arrives, sees them, and just stares in confusion. His own has been discouraged. What now?

R: “Go on, get with the theme!”

V: “I helped set up the pillow and blanket fort…”

L: “You can wear whatever you want. Hugs, at least for the time being, are also allowed.”

Patton is actually genuinely 100% happy for the first time in months.

BECAUSE THEY DECIDE THAT THE BEST GIFT WOULD BE ALLOWING HIM TO BE AFFECTIONATE AND JUST CHILL IN HIS FAVORITE ITEM OF CLOTHING WITHOUT ANYONE DISPLAYING DISAPPROVAL.

They play board games, innocently roll around and accidentally cause the fort to fall apart, watch some old cartoons, have a brief tickle fight and eventually get tired and just go to sleep wrapped in too many blankets that were part of the fort. Before getting totally comfortable, they can tell Patton needs reassurance that he can be so close to them, that they want it too, and they give him that reassurance.

R: “We love you so much.” [grabby hands]

V: “Of course we want you here, we threw you this party!”

L: “There’s a time and place for these things. It’ll take some future discussion, for sure, but I promise you will never go too long without touch again.”

He settles in between Logan’s legs, being held, the other two at their sides.

In unison, “Happy birthday.”

So I haven’t seen this mentioned yet, and it’s not really that huge of a thing– but this is just one more element that proves Dean’s absolute hopelessness.

When the angel (but at the time, we knew her as the drunk girl complaining about her “roommate” Becky) was standing by the Impala, she was obviously touching the car– Dean saw her touching the car; and even though my first instinct was to say “Hey! Hands off Baby’s glass” … Dean didn’t say a word. He watched this absolute random person do whatever she wanted, say whatever she wanted, and he just rolled his eyes and continued watching her smudge up his beloved baby’s windows– when in the past, he’s pulled his gun on people for doing much less to that ‘67 Chevy.

And since when does he ever let his baby get that dirty? Even in the worst of times, he took care of his car; and when he didn’t he had good reason: like being dead or a soulless demon.

So, losing everything … losing Cas not only made him neglect his baby, it made him not even care if other people mistreated her.

He doesn’t care because– what’s the point?

This stranger could do whatever she wanted in the thick layer of dirt that covered Baby’s beautiful paint, because to Dean, that’s all he is …

Dirt that covers what’s supposed to be good.

Dirt that takes away the shine.

Dirt … in the end, he’s as good as dirt.