Grief and Loss
A loss is a loss. It doesn't matter if it is the loss of a loved one, a career, a divorce, a move, the loss of a beloved pet or friend, even the end of a relationship. No loss is greater than the other as they all can cause us to experience some type of grief. In the past two years I have gone from losing my dad, to taking care of my youngest sister a month after he passed, to losing her within six months of my dad. To this day I still struggle with choices I made. Taking my sister off life support and watching her take her last breath. To staying all night with my father as he transitioned making sure he was as comfortable as possible. I wanted to be with my father as he left because he was here for me when I was born. In February I had to make the decision to put my beloved Grace down as it wasn't fair to her, suffering for the sake of us to have her in our lives. I believe grief is normal. But sadly we are ill prepared to go through it as we were never equipped to deal with it. Grief is about having a broken heart, not a broken brain. One can still think intellectually to try to heal oneself, but the head is the wrong tool to use to heal one's heart and recover. First of all we have to give ourselves permission to mourn. To publicly acknowledge the loss, to feel free to speak about the loss and receive support in your own way and time and not feel badly about it. Sometimes this entails tears, silence, memories and strong emotions. I can remember thinking why is the world continuing as usual, can't people see my world has stopped. Grief is never clean. It can be quite messy. People who are grieving are often misunderstood. Feelings can be easily hurt and assumptions are made. During one's grief recovery some will not care about what they were once passionate about. I believe this to be true as I haven't really used my camera in nearly two years. No one can tell you the right way to mourn as it is quite personal. One will have good days and then there will be bad days. Something can trigger a memory and you feel as if you are right back where you started, but you aren't. It's just a roller coaster ride of emotions and yes, the pain from the loss can feel the same. You will find that people you once thought to be your friend have abandoned you. People don't like to be around tears or sadness. And that's okay. One will find others that are supportive and will listen to you as you tell your story again and again as you try to process the loss. I know for myself I went into isolation. I didn't want to talk to anyone for fear of crying as I always thought crying was a sign of weakness. I now know it is a sign of deep love. I couldn't even bring myself to enjoy my happy place last summer as I felt a sense of guilt for being there. I am still going through this journey and I hope as time goes by I will become stronger. I know people cannot be empathetic unless they have experienced what you have, but they can at least try to be sympathetic. Have a little compassion and try not to become frustrated with the person who is in mourning. I would never wish the pain and sorrow I have felt on anyone. If anything I would hope to help the person who is suffering a loss. Having lost all but one from my family of origin has made me appreciate my life even more. Maybe this year I will even catch a Tiger's game. But until then, I will continue my journey. Good days and bad, it's all part of the game of life.
