Drinking in the Moonlight

He had so much trust in Akashi despite everything Akashi had put him through. Oreshi himself foresaw the canon event in which he would be defeated by the loved ones whom he had betrayed and abandoned, so he didn't even bother to care for Bokushi at all... until Mayuzumi came into the picture.

A/N: I do not use Tumblr anymore, but I have yet translated another excerpt from the novelisation. I believe newer fans still deserve to obtain materials that have not been publicised online, hence I make this translation. Also I will be highlighting parts that may have some significations that could be analysed deeper/have nuance that's lost in translation. Also keep in mind that I try to maintain the direct wording so some places may not sound very linguistic.

(continues from Part 2)

At this rate, Rakuzan would lose.

Shirogane hesitated. But there was no time to deliberate.

"...Substitution. Aka—"

Just then, Mayuzumi, who had been sitting next to Akashi, stood up, cutting off Shirogane’s voice.

"...Wait a second."

Mayuzumi said this, then looked down at Akashi with a scornful gaze.

"Pathetic."

Mibuchi and the others froze at his blunt words. Mayuzumi continued regardless.

"Did you think I’d offer comfort or encouragement? Not a chance. For such a big talker—is this really all you’ve got? I don't think so."

Mayuzumi hadn't intended to spur him on.

It was simply a case of someone who discarded others the moment they became useless now finding himself discarded in turn. Yet, he didn't feel any sense of "serves you right." He simply disliked Akashi's silent, passive attitude.

But Akashi remained there, gazing blankly downward. It was impossible to tell if he was even listening.

Mayuzumi spat out the words, heavy with contempt.

“Besides…… who are you?”

Akashi's heart gave a violent jolt at those words.

They were words someone had once said to him.

His consciousness began to blur. At the same time, memories resurfaced.

He watched them, feeling as if he were peeking into events through a window.

👨‍🦰🏀AKASHI'S POV🏀👨‍🦰

------‐-

My future had been decided even before I was born.

The house known as a prestigious family was not a place of peace, but a place where I was educated for that predetermined future.

I was given everything from birth, but there was one thing I couldn't have.

Freedom.

It was taken away from me in exchange for success.

However, Mother persuaded Father and gave me one thing.

That was basketball.

--------

The large brown ball I touched for the first time, too big for my small hands, felt strangely warm.

When the ball bounced, my heart bounced too. (A/N: 'kokoro' was used here, which is the more emotional/spiritual aspect of the heart than the 'shinzo' which was used earlier to describe the heart as a physical organ. It's a nice and subtle wordplay)

I became free, only while I was playing basketball, watched over by Mother’s smile.

But where is that smile now? (A/N: It's so sad how he uses the present tense both here and at the part where he said 'Mother is smiling'. As if he is still looking for her, missing her.)

Suddenly, a voice came to me.

“You are my weakness.”

I was startled.

It was the same voice.

—The same as my own.

As if urged on by that voice, memories began swirling.

-------

Mother is smiling, inside a black-framed photograph surrounded by white flowers.

Illness had taken Mother away.

Because it happened so suddenly, I couldn’t even cry.

The many white flowers were so pure that, even as a child, they made me realise that I could never go to the place where my mother was. (A/N: this is a very crucial part in the excerpt because it shows Sei's own feelings of inadequacy, self-criticism, and the thought of being undeserving of 'Heaven'- the place where his Mother now resides. Also the word they used for 'pure' was 清浄 which implies a sacredness to it. It is used a lot in Buddhist context in reference to 'the pure land' and has spiritual weight.)

These were memories of another self I had somehow forgotten.

Born into a distinguished family, I had always stood above others and had been obligated to win. Even after losing the mother who had given me my only respite, I was not allowed to stop.

Basketball was the only refuge Mother had left behind.

The time I spent chasing the ball was always freedom.

The victories I seized through hard practice were purely joyful and a source of pride.

And then, I gained irreplaceable teammates.

Daiki Aomine.

Shintaro Midorima.

Atsushi Murasakibara.

Ryota Kise.

Tetsuya Kuroko.

But they began to bring their talents into bloom, one after another. Their growth became a fear that they would become impossible to handle, and an anxiety that I would be left behind.

And yet, the intense internal conflict within my other self solidified my existence.

While feeling a terror so strong, my other self still tried to reach out to no one.

The feeling I first experienced during my one-on-one match against Murasakibara.

A primal sense of crisis, as if my very being were being erased.

What is gained through victory is lost through defeat.

“Who…… are you?”

I remember Kuroko saying that clearly. Slightly frightened, his voice trembled as if it were about to fade away. I smiled and answered.

“I am Seijuro Akashi, of course.”

I was born in order to win, in order to keep winning.

For victory, I didn’t care what had to be sacrificed.

Because if I lost, I would lose everything.

“You are here. Forever.”

I turned back. My other self answered while sitting on a hard stone.

“That was my intention. But now, the premonition of defeat is making you creak.”

“What do you know?! You, who have fallen into being a weakling!”

It made me angry. Being told that by someone with the same face as my own, with that knowing look.

My other self continued calmly, paying no heed to me.

“Yes. I suppose I didn’t understand. I tried to hold onto them by winning- those who were irreplaceable. I knew no other way. That weakness gave birth to you.”

“…………”

“You sought only victory, cast aside everything else, and lost sight of what you were trying to become strong for. ……And now, you are about to repeat the same mistake.”

“――!”

It was a strange feeling.

My other self knew me better than anyone. Since I had been born from the self before my eyes, that might have been obvious.

But while I was the one on the surface, I was alone.

The team now was something I had built up. But my other self knew everything through me.

The other me. (A/N: It's this 'もう一人の、僕". More like 'the other one, me'.)

“Our sins will surely never disappear. I had thought that, if we were to lose, that would be fine too. —But it seems things won’t go that way after all. ……Maybe it’s because the opponent is Kuroko. I can’t hold back the urge to win.”

My other self stood up.

That meant the end of my time.

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