SickTwisted

The coldness creeps through the boards like water trickles down the river. The silence is broken but only by the aircrafts that pass by above. There is sadness in gloomy days like this when the sun is hiding behind the clouds and the light shines gray to a dull blue to somehow match the way you feel. Love stories seem like the work of naive souls but yet you somehow cling to the hopes that there may be a perfect story written just for you. Music seems loud and just drowns out your thoughts there is no escape from the uncomfortableness you feel. Your heart seems to jump, leaps right into your throat, you swallow back down just to survive from the choke. Your brain is feeding you lies that you just love to hate but you cannot tell the difference there’s no fighting your fate. Your wrapped up in blankets but your not hidden well. you live everyday wondering if this is your hell?

I miss you in words that I have a hard time explaining.. The way the moon misses the stars on a gloomy, cloudy night, The way the earth misses the sun when the warmth is broken by the winds cold breathe. I miss the memories that time holds that grow more faded everyday. There is a certain emptiness life will now know, a scar that tells a story of how I loved you so.

Tar and decay, battered and bruised, blood stained and lipstick fuzed, tears stream but they aren’t for you, they’re lies I told myself were true..

The shadows surround me as my eyes wander. The air is thick and filled with a deep silence that resonates off itself and climbs deep into your ears. Throat is tight and body is numb. all I can feel is the roof of my mouth with the press of my tongue. I get the sensation the enemy is near. I'm ready for battle but struck with doubt. I'm strong yet weak. an intense fight with a magnificent defeat. It's overwhelming and frightening there is no escape. alone with my murderer. running from fate. There is no way around this and there is nothing to try to do. It's all inevitable this story was written before I was told I had a choice. I can change small details but the outcome is the same. Alone in my room going insane.

We take trips to places that nobody goes. Animated eyes and ice on the roads. Stomachs full of acid and smoke filled lungs. Slaving away while living in my bed. Fighting my own wars as I go in my head. Tongue tied with swift lips. Eyes boil as the shit spits. Empty glasses, full of vein. Lifeless masses. learn from pain. Follow the path that leads to the light your arms will grow heavy but still you must fight. The heart beats weak but the will is strong. Mouth full of junk and the clock is ticking. I placed my bet but who is winning?

is it real?

but alas there’s a confusion i’m part of the show. 

I did love you.

my heads next for the shot.

When the sun left it said it wasn’t coming back.. at first I didn’t believe it, How could it possibly do that? But as the night grew old the sky remained dark, empty and cold. Did the sun know we couldn’t survive without the day? Was there something I should’ve done? What was I to say? What is a world without its sun? I’ve searched far but yet found none…. This is the saddest of stories a life long promised, now dead and done. A ship now sinking going down like the sun.

To the woman that has your heart, I hope she knows how we fell apart, I hope she can see all the things I could never be. I hope she fills the shoes I never could, I hope she does everything and more than I ever would. I hope she see's just what your worth. I pray that she encourages you and builds you in all the ways that I lacked. I hope she loves you so good there's just no turning back.

I walk out to the cold air.. It's not winter but there is snow everywhere... The sun is gone, it hides behind the gray. There's nothing for miles just more clouds that make their way. I run around mindless.. Trying to find the meaning of the day. I'm trapped in eternal blindness, are we meant to live this way? I find peace where I thought there was none. I find peace in the power of not needing anyone.

time cannot fade. we fell off track but the beams have been laid. I went through this madness but my dues have been paid..

I put you on a pedestal, you’re the one that fell off. Your head is held so high you honestly forgot where you came from. I hope everything in life goes well for you.. just don’t ever forget what you’re really made of. It’s so sad to see. Is this really you? is this what you really are? I thought you truly cared but your lips whisper Runaway, run far….

The days have passed so fast they’re almost like dreams. snow has kissed the earth and soaked in. Leaves fell but grow again. this winter was longer than the last. Another year is approaching, another year of coping. The brisk wind hits my face I feel numb, adding to the void of this place.