an eternity, yours

You've been concocting a plan to escape for as long as he's kidnapped you. The passage of time has long become something of the distant past, and the only way to tell time is through a glimpse of the sunlight or lack thereof through the curtains, or when Lohen tells you it's time for bed. A way to make you depedent on him, no doubt.

He's spoken of an expedition to Nod-Krai, departing soon. How soon, he's smart enough to not say, but you've been biding your time. Sixteen days since he's said that, you've counted with each day you've woken up, and he has started to pack his clothing and essentials. You know it, because you've been helping him, all while he laments the inability of bringing you along.

Internally, you can only smile with relief for what's to come.

Once you leave and make it out of Mondstadt, you'll set yourself on a path to Fontaine. You've heard that the laws there are far stricter, and punishment is meted out with efficiency. Perhaps if you can hide there, Lohen won't be able to kidnap you as easily as he did, assuming he'll be able to find you at all.

The house is emptier now, his boxes of belongings long transported to the carts. You can't help the smile on your face as you prepare breakfast for you and him. This will be the last time you do such a thing.

"So happy to see me go already?" Lohen's voice purrs into your ear, making you flinch. He laughs, a crude sound, as his hand snakes around your waist, chin resting on your shoulder. "At least wait until I'm out of the door."

"There's no reason for me to show you respect when you haven't shown me any in the first place." You hiss back, wishing you could slam his stupid face into the open fire. What a wonderful sight that would be, you think wistfully.

"You break my heart, my love." Lohen sighs, fingers trailing over your clothes. An uncomfortable shivers runs down your spine, and you know Lohen felt it from the way he presses himself impossibly closer into your back.

"As if you had any heart to begin with," you scoff, closing the open fire and wiggling out of his grip to place the food on the table. He hums, pulling out a chair and beckoning you to take a seat. You take the seat reluctantly, reminding yourself that if you suffer just a little longer, you'll be free again.

"Oh?" Lohen murmurs to himself, a contemplative looking crossing his face, but just as quickly as it appears, his expression is back to the same irritatingly cocky smile he always dons.

Breakfast is a quiet affair, for the most part. Lohen attemps to play the part of doting husband, feeding you with a lazy grin, while you have no choice but to comply. He makes an offhanded comment abour how you haven't tried to poison him lately, but you pay it no mind. The only thing he wants out of you is a reaction, and you refuse to give it to him.

When he leaves, he takes a long and demanding kiss from you that leaves you dizzy and numb, bidding you farewell and a command disguised as a playful nudge that says behave.

All alone in the house, you start packing your own essentials, shoving the few clothes you don't despise and medicine and mora you may need into a random bag you found in the closet. You sheath a knife and stuff it in, before causing chaos within the house. Maybe if you can make it look like someone else kidnapped you, Lohen would be too busy searching for them instead of you.

In the chaos of the house you've grown to despise, you wait for night to fall, the bag held tight to your chest. Freedom was within reach, after god knows how long it's been…

Tears well up in your eyes just thinking of it. Has Barbatos finally heard your pleas? After all, it's ironic to be held captive in a nation that prides itself on freedom. You miss seeing the dandelions, the starry sky from Starsnatch Cliff, feeling the breeze from the wind. All of these little pieces of happiness, ripped away from you all because of the greed of one man who claims to be a knight.

You sneer at the thought as you wipe away your tears. It's been long enough, you think. Lohen would've already arrived back by now, but you're still all alone. Standing up, you approach the door tentatively, almost afraid that Lohen would be waiting behind it all so he can play a cruel joke on you.

To your relief, no one stands behind it. Chewing on the bottom of your lip, you step outside as quietly as you can, closing the door behind you. Your surroundings are undoubtedly still Mondstadt, but you plan to change that soon.

The exit is sparsely guarded, allowing for an easy escape from the city walls. Seeing the greenery, despite the dimness of the night, sends a new wave of tears to your eyes. Fresh air, the dandelions swaying, the gentle breeze of the wind… this, is home.

Sentimentality outweighs your urgency as you decide to make your way to Starsnatch Cliff first, as a final goodbye. The path is the same as you remember, and there's a lightness to your step you haven't felt in forever.

The walk is nothing of note, but this sense of normalcy is what you've missed most. There's no Lohen breathing down your neck, forcing you into activities you don't want to do. You don't need to keep living on edge, afraid of what he may do to you, living by his rules in a house you've only known as a cage. Your life… is finally beginning to be yours again.

You've always enjoyed sitting on the cliff, admiring the countless stars in the night sky. There's something therapeutic about it, seeing the clouds shift while the stars sparkle in their unreachable sky. You wish you could be a star, too.

But you're only a human. And no human as insignificant as you will ever get the eminence it takes to sit amongst the stars.

These self-deprecating thoughts harshly tug you back into reality. Your time is running out, and you need fo move quick. Who knows if the expedition team could be making a detour for something they've forgotten, and you simply can't take that risk.

You wipe the remaining tears in your eyes as you stand, and along with your tears you wipe away any thoughts of worthlessness that may linger. You can drown in a tub of self-pity once you've managed to get to Fontaine.

With a deep breath, you take in the sight again for the last time. Maybe in another life, this cliff would be all that you know.

Whispering your own goodbyes, you turn around, ready to truly start your journey, when you walk into a person. Your mouth instinctively opens to apologise, but the familiar uniform makes your mouth dry and the blood drain from your face.

"Did you have fun? Admiring the sky for the last time, I mean." Lohen's voice is scathing despite the chill emitting from his body. You can hardly bring yourself to meet his eyes, but his hand forces it anyway.

His eyes swirl with too many and too little emotions all at once, but his grip on your chin tells you enough about his real feelings. The red in his eyes glow in the darkness, a warning and a death sentence all the same. All of a sudden, you regret even thinking of this foolish plan.

"How does it feel, for the plan you've thought of so meticulously, to be torn to shreds before it could even be fully realised?" Lohen's other hand grips your wrist so harshly you fear he may break it. "Answer me."

No words form nor leave your tongue despite his demand, your mind long gone the moment you saw him. What was there for you to say, really? Even if you tried to assure him that you were going to go back, the sheer mess inside wasn't going to do you any favours. And even if you were truly going to go back, there's no way that Lohen would go easy on you. You broke the most important rule — never, ever, leave the house.

"Nothing to say?" Lohen murmurs, annoyance laced in his words. You can vaguely feel the sharp bite of ice creep up your arm, but your body has started to go numb.

Please, Barbatos, allow me the dignity of death before I fall back into his arms once again.

"That's fine. You'll need to save your voice for what I am going to do to you." Lohen leans in close, his warm breath on your ear. "Because you have made a very, very grievous mistake."

You get the same chill you do with winter with Lohen, the slow beginnings of a frost that subtly decreases in temperature until it's too late to escape, but you've always blamed it on his vision — after all, it's only natural that wielding a cryo vision would lead to a change in their holder's body, right?

But every time you look into his eyes, you find yourself believing it a little less.

It's unreasonable for you to feel such a way about someone who has been nothing but kind and helpful to you, despite what the other knights say about him. Lohen has always kept in touch with you however far he may be, sending you letters accompanied by exotic gifts, and when he's in Mondstadt, he always accompanies you home, no matter how late it gets. Anyone would say that he's being a gentleman, and how lucky you are that someone such as Lohen cares so deeply about you.

Logic says that you should agree, but instinct urges you to stay far, far away from him.

You like Lohen, you really do, but no matter how much you try, the little voice in your head that pleads for you to hide from him just won't shut up. It lingers on each and every thought of him, like smoke from a bygone flame, and when he's in front of you, it blares like an alarm, like it is doing right now.

"Was my exploits in Nod-Krai so devastatingly boring that you've resorted to daydreaming?" Lohen's voice tugs you back into the realm of the living, sat across from you with a smile on his face. His eyes cut into you, and although they hold an amalgamation of colours within them, the red is the one that stands out the most.

The red sits in the epicentre of his eyes, the colour a stark difference from the rest of his appearance. It stands out amongst the mix of whites and blues, and for a reason you cannot put into words, it makes you feel uneasy, like a prey knowing it is surrounded by predators.

"A-ah, not at all, Lohen. My mind's been drifting these days, so it's my fault…" You barely manage to answer, fingers fiddling with the drink in front of you. The warmth of it isn't enough to dispel even a little bit of the cold, from the winter or from Lohen, you don't know.

"Oh? Has something, or perhaps someone, been bothering you while I've been away?" His voice has the slightest tinge of what you've come to recognise as excitement, probably excited at the prospect of potentially having a reason to fight. Normally, you might've found this exasperating, but all you can feel now is a sense of restlessness.

"No, nothing of that sort." You shake your head quickly, hoping to douse the embers before they turn into a fire. Lohen tsks in response, taking out his knife and inspecting its gleam in the sunlight. Your heart starts to pound.

"Must be the changing season, then." He sighs, putting it back in its sheath. Somehow, your heart only begins to beat faster than before, and all the blood rushing to your head is starting to make you feel lightheaded.

"I'm sorry, Lohen, but my head is starting to kill me. I, uh, think I'll be going now." You stand from your seat, wiping off invisible dust from your lap. His gaze follows your figure, and the telltale signs of the formations of an uncomfortable pit in your stomach only motivates you to make your way home faster. "Maybe we can catch up another time, when I feel better?"

"Of course." Lohen rises from his own seat, offering his arm for you to take. "You don't look so well, so allow me to walk you back. I would hate for anything to happen to you."

You stare at his outstretched hand while an internal battle rages inside you. The logical side, backed with evidence and trust, says that there's no reason not to take his arm. That it's nothing he hasn't done before, that you can trust him. The irrational side, backed only with gut instincts, begs you to leave alone. That his eyes are hiding something, a blizzard threatening to freeze you over.

Lohen continues to look at you, arm outstretched, eyes expectant. The red in them is even stronger than before, you think.

Against your growing feelings of anxiety, you link your arm in his and allow him to lead you home.

When did you fall asleep?

Your eyes open with a yawn, your sight blurry and your head pounding. Your surroundings are exactly as your room, but the window tells you that night has long fallen, and the bed feels heavier with an unknown guest.

"Awake so soon?" An all too familiar voice is spoken too close into your ear, the sound doing nothing but stoking the panic forming in your chest. To your right is Lohen, his chin coming to rest on your shoulder, his arms wrapped around your waist.

Your tongue is too heavy in your mouth, and all you can make are sounds you hope come across as confusion. This was a misunderstanding, it had to be, right?

"You collapsed during our walk back, and I carried you back. You gave me quite the scare, you know." His voice is lighthearted, every bit truthful, but you don't believe it, not at all. Because if it was true…

Then how did he get into your house, without knowing the lock code?

"Ah, you don't believe me?" He pouts, but his eyes are fiery with excitement. "That's a shame… but you're right."

Lohen gives no warning as he pins you back down to the bed, eyes glowing in the darkness. The beginnings of frost crawl up your arms, and it's so cold it's starting to burn.

"Don't worry," Lohen whispers into your ear, before sinking his teeth into the bottom of your lip. Iron fills your mouth as he licks his lips, and you can only pray to the archons above that death is a quick affair.

"I'll take very, very good care of you."

whatever, you grumble to yourself, pausing at an intersection. even after all this time of working here, the hallways still confuse you. you look at the map on your phone, something you've made a habit of keeping open after you got lost for the nth time, and scrutinised the passages. where was training room 7…?

"you look a little lost, miss manager." a familiar voice echoes through the hallway, and it makes you sigh with exasperation. unfortunately for you, you happen to know exactly who it is.

behind you stands michael kaiser in all his… well, you would say glory if you were as starstruck as you were when he first came to blue lock, but after dealing with him for those few months, he's more like an annoyance.

"lovely seeing you here, kaiser." your words drip with sarcasm, your face a clear indication that you are less than pleased about his presence.

"you're so cold. and here i thought we were friends?" kaiser teases, throwing his tattooed arm around your shoulders.

"we're about as much as friends as you and isagi are…" you huff, a pleased smile overtaking the frown when you see a dark look cross his face. isagi, you sure have no shortage of people out for your blood…

"anyway, what are you doing, looking so lost in your own facility?" he pointedly ignores the jab, choosing instead to annoy you relentlessly. first hugo, now kaiser, who's next, itoshi sae? all these new gen xis sure are pain in the asses!

"just trying to find a training room, you know how it goes." you show him the map, pointing at the room. he takes a look, squints, and then looks back at you.

"you know i can't read this, right?"

you look at the map again. it's all in japanese. oh…

"sorry…" and now you're both lost as you try to pull up the map with english. this really is your life, huh?

hugo had just finished some practice with loki and charles in one of the training rooms and stepped outside to refill his water when he heard two voices echoing through the halls of blue lock.

one was undoubtedly yours, he would know it just from the way you breathed, but the other was… male, and unfamiliar.

hugo deduced that it wasn't one of the japan players, you would be speaking in japanese if it was, and the accent from the male didn't sound french, so you weren't speaking to anyone from france, either…

quietly, hugo moved closer to where you and the mystery man were, hiding behind the wall. he could hardly make out what any of you were saying, catching the occasional english here and there, but not enough to understand the context. which, to him, kinda looked like…

no. he doesn't even want to think about it.

still, hugo can't help but take a very long peek at you. your back, and the man as well, was turned to him, his arm slung around your shoulders. upon seeing the blonde and blue strands of hair, hugo instantly knew who you were having this… rendezvous with.

(it should be him right there…!)

michael kaiser, a fellow new gen xi. he's heard of the german, with his strikingly fast swing speed, and hugo begrudgingly acknowledges his aptitude to be a striker. but what he does not acknowledge is how close he is to you.

he grimaces just imagining how close your faces are. your heads are practically touching from how close you're both looking at… whatever it is that you're looking at together, and it makes hugo feel hot.

this heat is vastly different from the one he usually feels with you. it is far from warm and comforting. no, this one feels like a fiery blaze, so much so his hand is holding the poor bottle even tighter than he ever would.

hugo closes his eyes and attempts to calm himself, breathing in, and breathing out. japan sure is hot in the summer, that's probably the reason why he feels like this, not to mention he was just training. yep, definitely the reason he feels like this.

(when he peeks back at you again, the fiery blaze comes back just like it never left.)

"how about i —" you start, but kaiser cuts you off. maybe he could learn a thing or two about listening to others…

"no, we are not telling anyone about this." about what, this rendezvous? hugo hopes, prays, even, that that wasn't what he was referring to. it couldn't be, right? surely loki and charles would've told him that you were a taken woman, let alone by michael kaiser of all people!

in hugo's little mental breakdown, he fails to process the words that follow after.

"do you want to stay lost forever?"

"no, but i'm not having people find out that i got lost! and this is all your fault, of course."

"what, are they going to leak it to the press that michael kaiser of the new gen xi can't read a map?" there's a short pause where neither of you speak, and then you snort.

"that would be a pretty funny headline, actually…"

hugo just mentally clocked back in and now he's about to clock back out again. what do you mean a funny headline? that yours and kaiser's relationship gets revealed??? he feels so lost.

"what the hell are you laughing at?"

"…nothing. anyway, i think i figured it out. the training room should be just ahead." hugo feels sick. you were going to a training room? with kaiser? just the two of you? just what on earth would you both need to be in the same room for?!

he has to put a stop to this madness. if there's anyone going into any room alone with you, it's him!

but how does he do it without sounding like a weirdo…?

the bottle in his hand makes a small wheezing sound. oh right, what he originally came to do.

hugo straightens his posture and takes a deep breath, before revealing himself from the corner. his steps are just a smidgen louder, boots clacking against the floor, as he walks to the water fountain as casually as he can.

"hey." he nods to you and kaiser, twisting the bottle cap open. you stare at him with what looks like confusion, while kaiser returns the nod. hugo's eyes linger on the arm still on your shoulder. "what are you guys doing in the hallway?"

"we just, uh, happened to see each other and got caught up talking about the neo-egoist league days!" you flounder with a shaky smile, eyes darting between him and kaiser.

hugo gives you a doubtful look.

you fold instantly.

"we're also lost…" kaiser scoffs and rolls his eyes, mumbling something about "folding under zero pressure" under his breath.

"ah, i see." suddenly, hugo's chest feels a lot lighter. he turns the tap off and twists the cap back onto the bottle. "do you need help?"

"i think we're fine… the training room is up ahead, if i'm looking at the map right." you gesture to one of the rooms while kaiser's eyes flit between him and you, arms now crossed over his chest.

"oh, i think i get it." kaiser grins, smirking. you look at him with what might as well be a question mark written all over your face, but all he does is continue grinning, and pats you on the back.

"hmm, i think i'll go on ahead. don't want to be caught getting lost with you again." kaiser turns around to leave, waving off with a flimsy wave of his hand. you're still standing in the same spot, confused and mildly worried about what that pat on your back meant.

hugo stares at kaiser's leaving back. was he that obvious? he thought he was being subtle…

"i'm sure you have training to get back to, uh, vivien, so i'll just go on ahead…!" you try to remove yourself from the situation, but hugo shakes his head in refusal.

"it's fine, i'm taking a break. i'll walk with you so you don't get lost." he leaves no room for argument, already standing next to you, waiting for your next move.

realising that you won't be able to shake him off, you deflate in acceptance and walk toward the supposed training room 7 you've been searching for.

lagging just a few steps behind, hugo watches you walk as though you flutter, like a shy butterfly. ah, he's been trying to find a word to describe you, and just watching you like this, it appears as though it was only waiting for him to make the connection. that's what you are to him — his papillon.

"thank you for coming with me, you really didn't have to…" you start, a nervous smile playing at your lips. your eyes are set on the ground, head hanging low, and hugo thinks you just look so adorable, it makes his chest heat up with the warmth he has come to associate you with.

"it's no problem," he replies, his hand subconsciously finding your chin to tilt your head up so he could see into your captivating eyes.

"and next time, you should let me know when you're lost. i'll come find you no matter where you are, and i'll lead you back to your flower, mon papillon."

(charles and loki had come out to see what was taking hugo so long to refill his water. what they didn't expect was to see him holding your chin like that.

who knew hugo actually had rizz?)

the unnecessary cherry on top to the missed goal is loki scoring another one all by himself with what little time that was left. if earlier was a public humiliation ritual, then you're not sure what this is because it blows out of the water by more than a few magnitudes. you just know that the locker room is going to be screaming bloody murder from all corners.

the egregiously large scoreboard hammers in the final nail to the coffin of the match, a blaring JAPAN VS FRANCE 2 - 4 rubbing salt in the fresh wound. would it be unprofessional of you to run away into the tunnel before the teams did?

as entertaining as the thought is, you are glued to your spot to watch the teams wave their final goodbyes. or rather, france waving theirs while japan hangs in despair. you can see loki yawning while hugo trails behind him, unintelligible words exchanged between them, no doubt about blue lock's shortcomings. in this state, you're not one to disagree.

isagi stops hugo from behind, an all too familiar look on his face that tells you he's far from defeated. sometimes you really wonder where he gets the audacity from, but that's blue lock's and by extension japan's poster boy, you guess. whatever words are being said result in what looks like a smile from hugo, and something about it makes you feel like you're seeing the eighth wonder of the world. when he turns around to follow the rest of his team into the tunnel, his eyes immediately search for you.

even among the crowd of people, he spots you within seconds, locking eyes with you. he's bathed in the afterglow of a win, the smallest smile on his face. his eyes seem to sparkle in the stadium lights, and… was hugo always this… pretty?

he doesn't approach you, of course not in such a public setting, but you can faintly see the movement of his arm as if he was trying to reach out to you. the distance between you however isn't one that can be overcome by the length of an arm, so instead his smile speaks for him. right before he enters the tunnel and disappears from your sight, his lashes flutter and the quickest wink is sent your way.

now, your face isn't warm from embarrassment anymore, but still warm from something else…

(must be the summer heat, you try to reason, but when you remember that cheeky smile, your face warms all over again.)

for some reason, hugo feels free in a way that winning a match hasn't given him in a long time.

he shouldn't feel this way, at least not to the extent that he does, after losing to isagi in a one-on-one. blue lock imploded on itself at the end, this much was to be expected, but that wasn't what has hugo feeling so… happy, is that the word for this?

ah, it must be because you were watching him, just like he wanted you to. and this time, you didn't run away.

hugo wanted to speak to you, to ask if he impressed you. to hear your voice call him, to see himself reflected in your eyes, to feel your hand in his again. quietly, he laments that he didn't get your contact.

the locker room is loud with celebration, everyone patting each other on the back and cheering loki's last goal. normally, he would at least participate, but this time, hugo can only sulk to himself. you were just here, he could've asked for your number…

"why do you look like you're sulking?" charles's voice pulls him back to the present, wide eyes staring at him with a towel hanging on his head, head tilted a little like a curious dog.

"…i'm not."

"you tooootally are!" the blonde giggles. "lemme guess why! hmm… it's cause you didn't get her number, right?"

"…"

"i'm right!" charles grins, before waving his phone in front of hugo's face. "weeeeeell… lucky for you, i have it!"

it would be a lie to say that hugo didn't perk up even just a little bit at his words. however, something in him said that asking for it from another person didn't feel quite so right.

"and i can give it to you for the low price of —"

"no thanks." hugo stands from the bench, phone in his pocket, and towel around his neck. charles's face morphs into one of surprise, and hugo can just about see the gears in his head turning, and mouth forming into an 'o' shape.

"you're gonna ask her yourself?!"

the answer is clear from the moment hugo stood up, and for some reason, his heart is pounding faster than it ever did for the entire match. only when he walked through the locker room's doors and into the tunnel did he realise that he, of all people, did not have a plan. first, for how he was going to find you, second, how he was going to ask you. what if you were in the japan locker room? there was no way he was going to check there, even he knows it would be insanely crazy if not disrespectful to do that. should he just wait outside like a weirdo…?

but just as destiny had planned your first meeting, destiny had predetermined this meeting too.

right outside france's locker room hallway, there you stand, outside of japan's locker room hallway. you have yet to notice him, engrossed in writing something on your tablet, so hugo takes this moment to admire you in your element.

your brows furrow in concentration, unconsciously chewing your bottom lip while your hand grips the stylus in your hand. small sounds of confusion from you are like music to his ears, and hugo can't help but think, wow, i really am in love with her.

apparently, hugo doesn't know that the connection between his thoughts and his mouth are but one in the same, and so those very same words he was just thinking of echo through the hallway.

"je suis vraiment amoureux d'elle." the words spill out before hugo even realises, and for a brief second he wonders who managed to read his thoughts. when it registers that it was in fact his own voice, his face suddenly feels a little too warm.

you stare at him, mouth agape. oh, the earbuds must've translated what he said…

"um, i wasn't wearing my earbuds… what did you say?" you ask timidly in english, hugging the tablet to your chest.

oh. so you didn't know what he said…

"don't worry about it," hugo dismisses your question, choosing to keep his thoughts to himself as they should have been in the first place.

"in that case, i'll be going…!" you make a move to walk into the labyrinth of hallways, but before you can, hugo catches your hand.

"don't go yet," he very nearly pleads, voice breathless. when it comes down to it, hugo is just like any other person; shy, and afraid of rejection from the one he loves.

you stop in your tracks, turning to face him. a sense of deja vu washes over him, and he's reminded of your first meeting.

"is there something i can help you, mr hugo?" hugo shakes his head in a wordless reply, still trying to find the words to properly say what he means.

"call me vivien." he murmurs, closing his eyes briefly, finally finding the words to say.

"i want to know you, far more than just this. so… could we exchange contacts?"

in hugo's defence, he's never done this before. (please go easy on him.)

"ah, um… o-okay…" hugo reaches for his phone at lightning speed, the keypad already open. you take it with nervous hands, typing in your number and handing it back.

now, you're both staring at each other, unsure of where to go from here.

"i gotta go… i'll see you around, hu— vivien." you correct yourself and give him the tiniest of smiles, disappearing behind the hallway corner. only after you leave does hugo let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

on the screen, your numbers stare back at him like the beginnings of a victory.

(when hugo went back into the locker room, charles pounced on him and immediately asked what took him so long and how it went. if the pink on his cheeks weren't enough to speak, then the way he held his phone to his chest was enough of an answer.

while you hid behind the corner of the hallway, desperately trying to calm your beating heart, and trying to figure out how you went from being someone he disliked to… whatever this is.

is this what they call psychological warfare?)

(next part)