skinny diaries

Just saw this girl walk into where I work and I know her from highschool and she's so fucking thin and pretty. Just when I was starting to feel good about my body and looks, I see her in person and she's stunning. Ugh. It's not her fault, not at all. I'm just pathetic and I weigh 60kg. My goal isn't 55kg anymore, it's gone back down to 45kg. I don't care. God I hate myself, especially since I'm sweating like a fucking pig at work and then I see her, dressed so pretty, dyed hair, nice dress. I used to have hair like that... I have dresses like that.... But nothing could compare to her. My 5kg drop means nothing to me now. I shall be restricting even more and working out even harder. Fuck, I want to scream and cry

This new job is incredible! Ive dropped 5kg. I'm at 60kg and I've stayed at 60kg for weeks now and I just weighed myself and I'm almost at 59kg! I'm getting closer and closer to my goal weight!! And my body is more toned and my stomach is flatter as I have to use my stomach muscles to push trolleys, and my butt is bigger and more toned. I'm so so happy. I just ordered lunch but I'm scared to eat it because I don't want to ruin my flat stomach but we'll see how it goes. I'm so proud of myself for working so hard. It is possible. I really didn't think I could change but it is possible.

I had nothing to eat all day and my stomach was growling so loud and when my boyfriend got home from work we got KFC cause we were both starving and I feel so sick after eating all of it. 1119 calories. One thousand, one hundred and nineteen calories. I feel so huge and sick, I want to cry.

I can't stop thinking about all the times I've given up. I'd be skinny by now. I'd have such a nice body by now if I just didn't give up all those times. I hate myself