tenacious comeback

“Pineapple is…pineapple is totally worth that enzyme, though. Especially if it’s on pizza, that just makes it better. I wouldn’t eat any tomato leaves or bitter almonds, though. I, uh…I do know there’s cyanide in the latter.”

She grins and picks up the apple again. “Well, if it’s…if it’s to be metal and badass and say fuck capitalism, then-” She eats the rest of the apple in one bite. 

“Right, and tomatoes are part of the same family as deadly nightshade - also known as belladonna. Monch carefully! And not bitter almonds”

“It’s better to be cautious all the time with what you con...”

Goodbye apple, we barely knew you

“I, uh…I don’t think that’s likely. It’s harder to get people excited for fruit salad than it is to get them excited for candy.”

She just continues to stare at the half-apple for a few seconds, almost fearful. “Yeah, I, uh…I never knew that apples were trying to kill us. That’s simultaneously fascinating and terrifying.”

“A lot of fruit have internal mechanisms that makes them undesirable for eating when you think about it; just think of pineapple, who can produce an enzyme, known as bromelain, who can dissolve meat. Tomato leaves can cause upset stomaches. And finally, don’t eat bitter almonds. Just don’t.”

“Suit yourself! The more I know about it, the better.” 

“Healthier, yeah. Tastier, though…nah, I don’t think so. Candy is, like…it’s way more flavorful, and there’s so many different kinds that it’s hard to get bored. Apples are, like…they’re not all the same, but they’re really similar.”

Aria just stares down at the half-apple, quietly setting it down on a nearby table. She picks up a napkin, spits out what remains of the apple she’d been eating, and throws it out.

“…uh…whoops.”

“I find them healthier and tastier; once you get the real good stuff, there isn’t an amount of artificial flavorings and sugars that can make you forget it, you know. I’d rather have an holiday that’s fruit-salad themed.”

“Can we have that happen?”

“Yeah, it is!” She’s having too much fun with this. “But it’s, like…it’s tasty fat. Cronchy.”

“It’s not just about candy, but that’s part of it.” She nods and accepts the apple - she’s not gonna turn down free food, after all - and then bites into it, eating about half of it at once, core and all.

"I know I’ve eaten some revolting stuff but...I’m just gonna bleach my happy little mind, if you don’t mind. The less I know about the deep-fried butter, the better.”

"Apples are still tastier and healthier than most candy. You won’ catch me dead handing kids licorice or chalky stuff...Rockets, they call it.”

“‘Cause it tastes good.” She grins impishly. “Like…it’s all crunchy and savory on the outside and soft and a bit sweeter on the inside. It’s, like…it’s really, really good.”

“I mean, yeah, but they can still give away candy. Splatoween is about giving away candy and eating it.”

"It’s nearly pure fat, Aria! And, deep-fried, you just send it into more grease and I just....no.”

“It’s not just about candy....wait. You’re hungry, aren’t you?”

“I mean, that’s a good question, honestly. Inkling food is definitely, uh…definitely a bit different. Some of the stuff I’ve seen in supermarkets looks mind-blowingly unhealthy, and that’s coming from someone who ate a stick of deep-fried butter once.”

“I mean…it’s not the whole point of it, but it’s, like…it’s a point. Splatoween without candy is like…it’s like trying to draw a square with three sides. Most of the sides are there, but you need four for a Splatoween.”

“Deep-fried butter...why”

“I, uh…I’m not so sure most of them are gonna be thrilled, especially the Inkling kids. I think they all expect candy.”

“I mean…yeah, it is, but…like…Splatoween is for candy. That’s, like…the whole point of the holiday.”

“It’s Trick or Treat - apples can absolutely count as treats, especially for Inklings. Goodness, their diet is already way too rich in sugar; how are they even surviving with all of that processed food.”

“I mean, uh…yeah, they’re really cronchy, but I’m used to people giving out, like…candy and stuff on Halloween. I don’t think many kids would be excited to get an apple unless it had caramel and stuff. I…I do take care of my beak, too. How else would I bite with it?”

"Well, you got nature’s little candy right here! But, if you don’t want an apple, it’s fine; plenty of these left for everyone else! I’m sure kids are gonna be *thrilled*.”

“Wait, you’re just…you’re just giving out normal apples on Splatoween? What?”

“They’re very sweet and cronchy, everyone LOVES apples.”

“Are they caramel apples?”

“No, they’re caramel-free apples. They’re all the rage.”

“You mean like Old Man Cuttlefish? Sounds about right!” 

Doctor Cillian Hamelin has one true passion, scuba diving around Poni Island to protect the reef’s inhabitants, the rest is secondary, including his duties as Poni Kahuna. 

Oh, it’s not that he’s neglectful, he’s simply extremely scatterbrained - a trait that makes him the butt of most people’s jokes.

He can go away for weeks at the time, sailing away on his little Slowpoke-shaped boat, for the sake of personal research. 

While he was closely affiliated with the Aether Foundation at one time, their association with Team Skull (Information gotten from a fellow kahuna) made him reconsider his alliances, and he mostly works solo these days.

unknown sender : so i like know we never actually talked but i’m a friend of baptiste too 

unknown sender : i’m sure he’d be proud of what you’re doing

unknown sender : once security is down, i’ll come see you

unknown sender : baptiste left a gift for you