ichi-go ichi-e.

unfortunately i have been guilty as charged for unfollowing / breaking mutuals with people who legitimately did nothing wrong, but they just post about a life that im too envious to constantly have to bear witness to. certain realities are painful to have to confront. like oh so you get to spend a lot of time in nature and be surrounded by trees and nature and shit. that’s nice. unfollowed 🤣 in fact i think my desire to live somewhere remote is so strong that when i encounter people who clearly live that lifestyle i can’t bear it. i can’t watch them live the life that’s supposed to be mine, it hurts too much. i hate being a city dweller , i hate america, i hate the roads . i hate how ugly things are here. i hate my job, i hate this economy, i hate that i can’t afford things, i hate i hate i hate!!!! i wish my mom had me in the hiroshima mountains

the lesbian couple that lives upstairs have a tiny fluffy dog named peligro. and you have to imagine that hearing them calling peligro every day and then finally seeing the dog was like a real face to name moment. and i actually burst out laughing.

idyllic life today. fresh sheets, mopped floors, french toast with fruits, an electric game of chess , herbie on the cassette player, all the windows and doors open, incense burning, endless cups of coffee , et cetera.

sometimes i feel bad about myself but mainly i try to keep it pushing and focus on staying grateful grounded and true , honest always, pushing myself and others to grow, be challenged, be better, be inspired. i try to keep my heart open and my spirit alive and never let fear of being disliked dim my light, my sparkle, my shine. my fire. i don’t glow i burn

today some lady was like is it so crowded because the odyssey came out? i said it’s crowded because it’s a saturday in july. like huh? i don’t understand when people who are out and about contributing to a public spaces crowdedness complain about it being crowded. like the call is coming from inside the house my guy. you are the crowd.

my auditory processing was so bad today i legit the whole day couldn’t understand anything anybody was saying to me 🧑‍🦯😭😭 this is straight up how and why i legit thought i was stupid or slow for most of my life and getting my adhd diagnosis has been tremendously helpful for realizing that no i’m not stupid or slow i just can’t process what ur saying bc im trying to focus on listening so the words aren’t processing AT ALL. also why im. a writer i understand the written word most efficiently. when ppl speak i feel like the processing goes manual mode