cracked lenses & cold hands

     “ i’d really prefer not to say... don’t like getting into the middle of stuff, y’know? but if you need to know, not overly fond of my theatre friend down the hall there. sometimes i think about life if i hadn’t agreed to cover the play freshman year... it’s kinda my fault though --- not like i’ve told him to back off either. so --- ”

                 @icelensed​

Despite her drunken stumbles, Anika’s sanity of not driving home or walking away with a stranger was still intact. She was a stupid drunk, but not foolish enough to where she endangered herself … For the most part, anyway. Eyeliner and mascara streamed down her porcelain face, and she limped down the sidewalk. Not because she  INJURED  herself — oh no. A  HEEL  had broken off her left shoe, and this caused her to look like a madwoman. On the surface, Anika appeared to have no direction as to where she was headed. She swayed when she walked, tripped over herself and the pavement. It was a shock she didn’t fall on her head yet. Anika’s infamous brown suede jacket with white fur lining was slipping off her bare shoulders, revealing the ruby-toned halter top she wore underneath that.

Finally, the intoxicated Anika arrived at her destination. “Shit!” she cursed as she tripped up the small flight of stairs. Goodness, she was a mess … Anika knew the way to Clarke’s apartment. It was a place she was all too familiar with. There was no shame as to how loud she would be, so Anika banged on his door loudly. “Clarke —-!” she hollered through the wood, her forehead leaned up against its surface. There was no answer. “Clarke, open up. I’m lonely …” She sounded like a five-year-old, abandoned on the playground because no one wanted to play with her. Anika let out a sigh, realizing how exhausted she was, and fell to the floor in front of the door, leaning her head against it. 

     clarke ambles down the street back to his apartment, a slight smile on his face and camera cradled close to his chest. he's not drunk --- not even close to it, only intoxicated with some fresh memories and something warm blooming in his chest. he takes his time going home, breathing in the cold clear air and the faint tones of a house party block away accompanying him on this way. the only thing that would've made his walk better was some falling snow on a clear night. but, he reflects, as he trudges up the steps and fumbles in his pocket for his key, it was not a bad night at all.

“Hey, now,” Anika started and she rose to her feet, pushing in her seat like a decent person. This was something she definitely wasn’t. She feigned an offended look and placed a hand on her chest. “I’m trying to keep my figure for the summer still. I need to have that banging bod that’ll fit in a bikini and make everybody go cuckoo.” 

Under the rug went their painful secrets and things were back to normal again . . . Or so it seemed. She wished that they could be honest with one another like ordinary people. But the student body at Lockwood was hardly that. Anika slipped her hand away from his. “You’re hungry already?” Her brows wrinkled together gently. “I mean, I’m hungry. But not starving.”Already, she began to load up her bag full of notebooks and textbooks.“Where did you have in mind we go eat? There’s this new vegan restaurant that opened down the road. What do you think about that?” 

“Like, six maybe? Hold on,” she pulls out her phone to double check the time. She herself didn’t really notice the time that she left her apartment, just that it was early enough that the streets weren’t yet bustling, the only people she ran into was a few joggers and some kids rushing to the library for an early study session. “Yeah, six,” she says, standing up from where she was crouching, holding her hand out to help him up. “What are you doing here anyway? Your portfolio?”

She walks over to where she’d dropped her bag, dropping her phone inside and moving to pull off her jacket. She didn’t know if Clarke was going to stay or not but she wasn’t in the mood to brave the cold again so soon. “Is it a secret or can I see?” She always enjoyed looking at other people’s projects. She liked the way they saw things, how they displayed the world in their own way through their art or photography or films.

     6 am? clarke pauses for a long moment to do the math -- five and a half hours? he'd gotten a later start than he'd wanted thanks to some not completed unwanted distractions. " ugh --- 'm staying here," he  can't help but grumble again, electing to lean back against one of the table legs rather than put in the effort to stand --- even with the offered assistance.

“may 2019 go by faster than scarlett johansson picking up movie roles. now a white winter is great for photoshoots so i’d absolutely love that.” mona instantly thinks of a million different photo ops around campus in the fresh snow. she leans in closer to the screen to get a closer view. “the right has a better depth perception and is easier on the eyes, for me, at least. which team were you rooting for?”

     " the amerks --- the ones in white. this was before they changed to darks at home after christmas --- " clarke turns the laptop around again to look at them again, nods in agreement, " and that's a good point. i hadn't considered that. " he enjoys having fresh eyes on his work having spent far too long staring at it himself to the point of the images being seared to the inside of his eyelids. " so what's your plan for the semester? more boring gen eds to put you to sleep? "

There he was, shutting her out again. Anika watched as his eyes closed, struggling to keep whatever it was away from her. But why? Why couldn’t he trust her enough to tell her the truth? Like, why couldn’t she trust him to let him know her own skeletons as well … ? Perhaps it was better this way. Still, she hated it.

Anika’s lips quirked upward, echoing his grin. “If you say so.” She brushed her thumb over his digits. “But if anything else feels off, you come to me right away. You’re one of the few people in this place that I actually trust.”

     " i know. i know. " clarke sighs, a gentle exhale as he puts the conversation away to be discussed at a future time. " you are too, y'know. " and yet they both hold things too close to their chests --- anika and her tarot cards and clarke with his unlabeled usbs ; it seems almost improbable their closeness and the secrets they keep.

“i’m tired of this cold weather, i’ve never even been a fan of the cold to begin with and yet this begs the question; why go to school with the high chances of snow during wintertime? well-” she lightly scratches the back of her neck. “sometimes if you’ve lived somewhere for a while it’s hard to relocate y’know? but i feel like i can still complain on how much slush weather there is, which is far too much.. sorry, were you saying something before i went on my tangent?”