Can't win them all but it would be nice to win...

i genuinely love parfaits because they're so versatile. mix anything with yoghurt and some sort of biscuit and you've got a parfait. shit it doesn't even have to be yoghurt it can be cream too. amazing. beautiful.

my favourite treat ever is what I call "pantry parfaits" it's what I make when I don't have enough ingredients for a fancy parfait with fresh fruit.. i also made a tiramisu parfait one time when I didn't have enough ladyfingers to fill a full tray. it's amazing. (⁠◠⁠‿⁠・⁠)⁠—⁠☆ <- parfi seal of approval

mim. *hearty laugh* sos. kay, now let me-HOW AM I GONNA GET MIM WHEN I ONLY HAVE A BUCKAYEYUP? well you gotta SUCC and you gotta SUCC ᴀɴᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ɢᴏᴛᴛᴀ SUCC  ᵃⁿᵈ ʸᵒᵘ ᵍᵒᵗᵗᵃ seis. I CAN’T SEIS, I’M DWITCH. not with that attitude you 𝖇𝖎𝖌𝖊𝖚𝖗 𝖋𝖗𝖊𝖊𝖗𝖋. [break for chuckling]       DON’T YOU CALL ME A FRrᵣ rᵣʳᵣᵣ ₐᵃₐᵃₐᵃₐᵃᵃₐ ᵃₐᵃₐᵃₐᵧʸᵧʸᵧ ᵧʸᵧ ᵧ ᵧʸᵧ ᵧʸ I’M SWIS. you better. FUF. and then, you better BRRROOB, cause if you don’t BROOB, you’re NOTHING but a NOTHING and then the NOTHING becomes a NOTHING and then you’re NOTHING as a 𝓙𝓞𝓙 and then you’re NOTHING 𝓢𝓞𝓢 and then you think you’re thatthe top and you’re the Bottom and you’re a 𝚝𝚘𝚙 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚋𝚘𝚝𝚝𝚘𝚖 and youRearAvoovavoovavsusadSON. shis. I’ve been epIC, pa-

Stop, drop, and roll also works when you are wet. It sort of spreads the water over the floor

walking down the street with my 250 year old transgender elf gf and the other elves are glaring at her whispering cradle snatcher... predator... creep... and she grips my hand a little tighter, I wordlessly squeeze her hand back and stretch, revealing the handle of my dark killing blade, and they swiftly scatter and hide in their homes. she smiles, and I swear to you, she's more radiant than the sun, more precious than life itself, and she tells me "you're so widely feared for someone your age,"

it’s always “I understand why you have an autism diagnosis now” and not “thank you for explaining the entirety of the Chernobyl nuclear disaster to me, I really enjoyed hearing about the Chernobyl nuclear disaster”

I often complain about my life but one thing I am grateful for is that I've almost never been shot at with a cannon. That happened all the time in the old days and it seems like it sucked a lot

I must not fuck with my cuticles. fucking with my cuticles is the cuticle fucker.

btw with email u dont have to lick the envelope. i know a lot of people have been doing that and its fine and all but you dont acrtually have to do that with email.