marie

Ok so funny story I didn't track my calories today but I had a small binge today. I know that it was under 1500 so I didn't gain any weight or even eat above my maintenance, but I still feel shitty about it because I ate a lot in one sitting :(

This might make me a fake anorexic but personally I will NEVER count the calories of fruits and veggies. I will never cross the line of making myself feel guilty about genuinely nourishing my body. No matter what my illness has convinced me, I will never bring myself to believe that fruits and veggies could ever have a negative effect :)

I'm actually feeling so so good right now. I lost over a pound overnight and it's not a lot but on day 1 it's really reassuring that I can do this :)🌼

Not enough people talk about being fat with anorexia, or any ed in general. I haven't been below 150 lbs since I was like twelve, and I've been on tumblr hating my body for at LEAST that long. My ugw is 120 and I see these (beautiful and worthy!) people on here at like 116 and their ugw is like 90. All power to them, and EVERYONE'S ED IS VALID but it makes me feel so invalid and even more unworthy, because, it just feels like, it's so in reach for them. And for me, it's like, it's been a pipe dream to be thin for as long as I can remember. And I know it's like that for a lot of you guys, too. I love you so much and you are so valid in your eating disorder whether your starting weight is 100 lbs or 350 lbs.

i took a really long break from tumblr, and i need to lose weight and this is the only thing that works. my boyfriend needs to stay with me, and the only way he'll do that is if i feel worthy. the only way i feel worthy is if im losing weight. he deserves a more athletic and pretty girlfriend, and i deserve to feel better about myself. im starting my job this week, and the smoothie i have there is the going to be one of my two meals a day. i have one <200 snack a day, and a meal that with that, adds up to 1000 calories or less. i HAVE to stay under 1000. it's not super sustainable, but i'm going to force myself. i'm doing it this time. follow along on this blog if you want to :)

I lost 1.5 pounds over night :)

I can't handle seeing you. I can't handle your sweet disposition, or the way you say my name as if I am your sun. Because you are my sun, and my moon, and all of my stars, and I can't be yours. I want to, too much. I want things too much. I want you too much.