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CREATING & CURATING ✨
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petition for things to stop
A lil demonic today and what !?
I recently rollerskated with a couple of friends & skaters in a commercial for a local restaurant.
Just the other night I was wondering when they were going to upload the video.
Today I saw a friend who was a part of it & they sent it to me, we can’t upload it yet but the serious joy !! just to see how it came out ! <333
They mentioned sending the video to their mom and we laughed at how you really gotta make sure they keep it secret despite the excitement, my heart stung a bit.
Later on the thoughts circled,
We don’t have that relationship anymore.
And when I thought about sending it to my friend and her mom, it felt like a stretch.
I honestly don’t know if it’ll be back again.
It reminded me of the times where I wasn’t sure who to write down for an emergency contact while signing medical forms.
It stings. I know it won’t always.
Yet I’m grateful for now, because throughout this time I’ve connected with friends on a deeper level & right now they’re my family.
It’s different because I don’t feel I need to shrink or hide.
It’s new, it’s still gonna hurt I’m sure. Maybe just less over time.
In this, it’s the anniversary of my dad’s passing.
God fucking damn lol.
I guess it’s a lot at once, I feel my friends pulling some of my weight for me whether they’re aware of it or now.
They hold me up when I really don’t want to much anymore.
It gets hard to go out, but it’s like they take shifts inviting me places and taking me with them to classes, events, shows, restaurants.
In this, I’m very fucking lucky & very away that I’m not alone
And that I must’ve done something right in deserving people like this, while letting go of people I call family but have never felt myself around.
Oof. It’s summer
I’m tired of trying to arrive at this “version” of myself that’s “ready” for love or the experience of connection & getting to know someone that I feel deeply for
It doesn’t mean I’ll settle or go for the guy who checks off certain safe & non-avoidant boxes, someone who wants to do the most-only to keep arriving at the conclusion that there’s no passion, I don’t want him and I can’t force myself to, or knowing this from the start and trying to give someone a chance that I know will never keep my heart in that way
Plus. These people deserve someone to look at them in that way, someone who loves being in their presence and actual spark.
But yeah, I’m gonna open my heart up to the experience again
I’m a lover girl by nature, I always was.
Got hellAA hurt and jaded for a while, I started to hurt people back. but I don’t deserve that
To feel beneath or affected or any less than because of this
Opening up the idea to dating again
Opening up my heart,
And with that, still never settling

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And then you can’t even say shit about bc people start trying to put you in a jacket and shit. Like omg it’s so strict???
So strict 🙂↕️😹😹
Not even exaggerating
I wish I could turn it off too
sun is alone too, but still shines.
Lmao I love the comments cuz wtf and ?

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Beirut

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𝔞 𝔭𝔢𝔞𝔠𝔢𝔣𝔲𝔩 𝔥𝔞𝔳𝔢𝔫