we built this town on shaky ground

im sick of positive reassurances. im sick of being told “it will get better” and “stay hopeful”. im tired of hearing “your family loves you”, “heres the national suicide hotline”. im so fucking tired of it. just let me feel this way. let me feel empty and upset and tired and hopeless. let me believe im worthless and disgusting and a bad person. i dont need to be reassured that im not, i just need someone to be there for me, as a hand to hold, as i deal with this by myself. i dont need “good samaritans”, i dont need generic positivity quotes, i just need to know theres someone i can rely on, someone in my corner who is supporting me without ever saying a word about it. being there for someone who wants and needs it helps a lot more than a suicide call service.

You pulled me out of the darkness, and then you left me in a new hell.

i wish i could jump 5 years in the future for five minutes to see if it’s worth it