I Can Be Your Jedi Writes!!

The perks of being sick, besides the fact I don’t have to go to work. I get to snuggle into my boyfriend's old Princeton hoodie while having my lower half burrioted in a fuzzy blanket. I’m laying on the way over-priced leather couch that he just had to have. “It’s classy sweetheart, and I am a classy man," he had said when the delivery guys dropped it off in his great room. I’m warm in the little cocoon I’ve created and my eyes slowly close and I drift off for yet another nap. 

My senses start to come too when I feel the fuzzy fabric moving, the feeling of his large hand rubbing the soft fabric up and down my calves that are now draped over his lap. I slowly blink awake, glancing at the wall clock on the far wall, it’s too early for him to be home. The sun has just started to descend. I stare at his sharp profile. The strong jaw, his Romanesque nose, and those pouty lips. Those lips that should be a sin to be able to kiss. I mean, technically they are a sin. He is a sin. He is the definition of sinful. 

I turn my head seeing that Twilight happened to be the movie playing. His eyes focused on the images moving in front of him. He hated vampire movies, always complaining about how Hollywood portrays them. I see the remote sitting on the coffee table, in the same spot I left it. I lean forward reaching for it when his hand snatches it before I can even lift my arm. 

“Now, baby girl…” he says, smirking and raising an eyebrow looking at me, “Bella is just about to tell Eddie boy what he is”

Maximus Phillips, senior sales manager, my boyfriend…and a vampire. Now you see, dating my boss was never part of my plans. And dating a vampire definitely wasn’t on my life BINGO card, but here we are. 

“Max, give me the remote” I sniffle, sitting up and pulling my legs away from him

“But this is the best part” he puts his arm around me, pulling me close, rubbing his nose along my neck before placing a kiss to my pulse point

He is trying to distract me, and god damn it…it’s working. He sucks on the delicate skin he can reach. His hand sliding up my arm, his fingers grip at the material and pull it out of his way. A little nip has me meaning his name. “Mmmm Maaaax”, he nips at my skin again, and I feel him smile. Knowing Max it is probably more of a smirk. His hand slides around my throat, keeping me in place “shit foooooocmmmcus” I think, as I wrap my fingers around his wrist 

“I know what you are”

“What are we baby girl?” Max asks, he sharp teeth grazing against my skin

My free hand grips his thigh, waiting for him to sink his fangs into me. “A vampire…” I say in unison with the movie. 

“That’s right” he presses his lips against my skin

I open my eyes and see remote sitting next to him, I slide my fingers up, lacing them with his.  I run my hand up his thigh, leaning into him more. Hoping and praying that he is still laser focused on my neck. My hand flies from his leg to reach for the remote. Before I can even realize what happened he is sitting on the lazy-boy, remote in hand. Almost teasing me with it. 

“You gotta be quicker than that baby girl” he smirks. Turning his attention back to the movie. 

“Max, please.  Can we just watch something else” I beg 

I watch Max, he throws his head back in laughter shaking his head as Edward sparkles in the sunlight. “This is the skin of a killer” the TV says,  he laughs at that even harder. “This movie is full of lies” 

“Aren’t they all?” I groan. I knew this was going to happen, I didn’t mean to fall asleep. But really this is all his fault, he came home early 

“I don’t fucking sparkle in the sunlight, in fact I don’t know a single vampire that does” 

“Well yeah, because you turn into a pile of dust” I smile at him

“How many bad vampire movies have you seen?” He questions, taking off his dark charcoal suit jacket, setting it over the armrest “I don’t turn into a pile of dust, and I don’t catch on fire either”

“The daylight ring protects that” I watch as he stands, undoing the knot I’m his red tie, and pulling it from around his neck.  He drops it into my lap, walking to the covered floor to ceiling windows on the far side of the room, “Max…Max, what are you doing?” 

“Showing you what happens to me in the sunlight” pushing a few buttons on the wall, the dark blinds begin to rise, letting the setting sunlight fill the room. 

He starts to unbutton his white dress shirt. He stands in the middle of the windowsl, letting the sun hit his entire body.  My eyes are locked on to him. His fingers slowly finish unbuttoning his shirt, “now sweetheart, I want you to watch…” he slides the silver ring off his finger. It makes a clink when it hits the hardwood floor beneath him. 

“Max, don’t…you don’t have to do this” 

I honestly have no idea what is going to happen. I mean he wouldn’t put himself in danger of melting, burning, turning into dust or wax..no wait that’s a witch. He gives a wicked small, while he lets the shirt fall to the ground. I sit and wait, and watch. He’s right…nothing happened. No sparkles, no smoke, no turning to dust. 

“I told you baby girl, nothing was going to happen to Daddy” he smirks.

“Don’t call yourself that, it’s weird” I say, watching as he bends down to pick up his ring. He slides it back on his finger before picking up his shirt. There’s a faint glimmer from where the sun was hitting his back. I cough, trying to hold back my laughter. I end up coughing harder than I probably should have. 

Max is sitting next to me in the blink of an eye. A hand rubbing up and down my back. “Sweetheart, are you ok? Baby?”

“I’m…cough..ok” I get out finally 

Max pulls me close, pulling my legs over his lap as I snuggle into his chest. The sun had warmed him slightly.  He was never ice cold to the touch but his body was always cooler than mine. Never even breaking a sweat when we fooled around. I turn my head up to look at him, I barely open my mouth “and no, I can’t read your mind” I swear I could almost hear his eye roll

“But, you just did” I smile, resting my head on his chest, “the movie does have one thing right”

“That we vampire’s are incredibly sexy” 

It’s my turn to roll my eyes. Confidence was something he didn’t lack. Nope, not one bit. Maximus Phillips knew he was attractive and he made sure everyone knew it too “it’s part of my charm” he would always say. I lace my fingers with his and set them on my lap. “I was going to say moody…” I grin turning my head to look at him, “but, sure sexy weeks too”

He frees his hand from mine, tucking his fingers under my jaw tilting my head up. He slowly brings my lips towards his. His eyes looking into mine, his tongue darting outs, quickly wetting his lips. A sinfully playful smile before they crash onto mine.  It starts slow, gentle; his hand slowly moving to wrap around my neck. Licking the seam of my lips I let him in before quickly pulling back, “it’s alright baby…I can’t get sick…remember” 

And he says he can’t read my mind. His thumb brushing the delicate skin just below my ear. I close my eyes and look down at our joined hands. Max leans forward, resting his forehead against mine. 

“You sure you can’t find minds?” I sigh

“Maybe, just yours” he shrugs grinning from ear to ear

He places a quick kiss on my check and returns to watching the movie. I put my head back on his chest, his hand on my thigh. His thumb gently rubbing soothing circles while his other hand rubs my arm up and down. It’s gentle moments like this that I forget who and what he is, a man who can flip and switch. A man who is incredibly capable of snapping my neck with just a flick of his wrist if he wanted. 

“Ugh…” he throws his head back, groaning and yet another vampire cliche “our eyes don’t change colors.  They especially don’t change based on what we eat. Baby, why do you watch this crap?” it wasn’t a question though 

It was a good question, I don’t really know why. Maybe because it was nostalgia, maybe it was because at the time, I thought it wasn’t just a cheesy vampire movie. Did I know at the time that a handful of years later I would actually be dating a vampire? No, it definitely wasn’t on my life’s ‘bingo’ card. I didn’t even believe vampires were a real thing…not until Max Phillips walked into my life. 

“But they do, I mean not like that…but yours do” 

He shakes his head, “they stay this awful shade of brown…they always have been” he kisses the top of my head before I turn to look up at him

“They are always brown, yes, but sometimes they are lighter. They have a honey color to them, sometimes they have a speckle of gold to them especially when you look at me and tell me you love me.  Then, sometimes…when you are just about to ya know, they are almost black.” my hand holding on to his broad shoulder, he stares down at me and I see that little fleck of gold I was just telling him about.  I scrunch my face, trying to hold back a sneeze but it doesn’t work. I have been holding it back for too long. 

I closed my eyes, and sneezed all over his face before I could get my elbow up to cover my nose. I open my eyes to Max's face, something between annoyed and shocked that I actually sneezed on him. 

“You sneezed” he comments

“Thanks, I didn’t realize that's what I did” I roll my eyes at him “wait, you can’t say it can you? You can’t say bless you…” he shakes his head no, “you can’t say God either can you?” 

“No, I can’t say it, but I sure as hell can make you scream it…just before mine” he smirks, pulling away from me and going back to watching the movie

“Max…gross” I shake my head, wiping my nose on the sleeve of his hoodie and laying my head back on his chest. His laugh, deep makes his entire body shake and it’s moments like this. A domestic moment with him that makes me forget he's a vampire. 

The perks of being sick, besides the fact I don’t have to go to work. I get to snuggle into my boyfriend's old Princeton hoodie while having my lower half burrioted in a fuzzy blanket. I’m laying on the way over-priced leather couch that he just had to have. “It’s classy sweetheart, and I am a classy man," he had said when the delivery guys dropped it off in his great room. I’m warm in the little cocoon I’ve created and my eyes slowly close and I drift off for yet another nap. 

My senses start to come too when I feel the fuzzy fabric moving, the feeling of his large hand rubbing the soft fabric up and down my calves that are now draped over his lap. I slowly blink awake, glancing at the wall clock on the far wall, it’s too early for him to be home. The sun has just started to descend. I stare at his sharp profile. The strong jaw, his Romanesque nose, and those pouty lips. Those lips that should be a sin to be able to kiss. I mean, technically they are a sin. He is a sin. He is the definition of sinful. 

I turn my head seeing that Twilight happened to be the movie playing. His eyes focused on the images moving in front of him. He hated vampire movies, always complaining about how Hollywood portrays them. I see the remote sitting on the coffee table, in the same spot I left it. I lean forward reaching for it when his hand snatches it before I can even lift my arm. 

“Now, baby girl…” he says, smirking and raising an eyebrow looking at me, “Bella is just about to tell Eddie boy what he is”

Maximus Phillips, senior sales manager, my boyfriend…and a vampire. Now you see, dating my boss was never part of my plans. And dating a vampire definitely wasn’t on my life BINGO card, but here we are. 

“Max, give me the remote” I sniffle, sitting up and pulling my legs away from him

“But this is the best part” he puts his arm around me, pulling me close, rubbing his nose along my neck before placing a kiss to my pulse point

He is trying to distract me, and god damn it…it’s working. He sucks on the delicate skin he can reach. His hand sliding up my arm, his fingers grip at the material and pull it out of his way. A little nip has me meaning his name. “Mmmm Maaaax”, he nips at my skin again, and I feel him smile. Knowing Max it is probably more of a smirk. His hand slides around my throat, keeping me in place “shit foooooocmmmcus” I think, as I wrap my fingers around his wrist 

“I know what you are”

“What are we baby girl?” Max asks, he sharp teeth grazing against my skin

My free hand grips his thigh, waiting for him to sink his fangs into me. “A vampire…” I say in unison with the movie. 

“That’s right” he presses his lips against my skin

I open my eyes and see remote sitting next to him, I slide my fingers up, lacing them with his.  I run my hand up his thigh, leaning into him more. Hoping and praying that he is still laser focused on my neck. My hand flies from his leg to reach for the remote. Before I can even realize what happened he is sitting on the lazy-boy, remote in hand. Almost teasing me with it. 

“You gotta be quicker than that baby girl” he smirks. Turning his attention back to the movie. 

“Max, please.  Can we just watch something else” I beg 

I watch Max, he throws his head back in laughter shaking his head as Edward sparkles in the sunlight. “This is the skin of a killer” the TV says,  he laughs at that even harder. “This movie is full of lies” 

“Aren’t they all?” I groan. I knew this was going to happen, I didn’t mean to fall asleep. But really this is all his fault, he came home early 

“I don’t fucking sparkle in the sunlight, in fact I don’t know a single vampire that does” 

“Well yeah, because you turn into a pile of dust” I smile at him

“How many bad vampire movies have you seen?” He questions, taking off his dark charcoal suit jacket, setting it over the armrest “I don’t turn into a pile of dust, and I don’t catch on fire either”

“The daylight ring protects that” I watch as he stands, undoing the knot I’m his red tie, and pulling it from around his neck.  He drops it into my lap, walking to the covered floor to ceiling windows on the far side of the room, “Max…Max, what are you doing?” 

“Showing you what happens to me in the sunlight” pushing a few buttons on the wall, the dark blinds begin to rise, letting the setting sunlight fill the room. 

He starts to unbutton his white dress shirt. He stands in the middle of the windowsl, letting the sun hit his entire body.  My eyes are locked on to him. His fingers slowly finish unbuttoning his shirt, “now sweetheart, I want you to watch…” he slides the silver ring off his finger. It makes a clink when it hits the hardwood floor beneath him. 

“Max, don’t…you don’t have to do this” 

I honestly have no idea what is going to happen. I mean he wouldn’t put himself in danger of melting, burning, turning into dust or wax..no wait that’s a witch. He gives a wicked small, while he lets the shirt fall to the ground. I sit and wait, and watch. He’s right…nothing happened. No sparkles, no smoke, no turning to dust. 

“I told you baby girl, nothing was going to happen to Daddy” he smirks.

“Don’t call yourself that, it’s weird” I say, watching as he bends down to pick up his ring. He slides it back on his finger before picking up his shirt. There’s a faint glimmer from where the sun was hitting his back. I cough, trying to hold back my laughter. I end up coughing harder than I probably should have. 

Max is sitting next to me in the blink of an eye. A hand rubbing up and down my back. “Sweetheart, are you ok? Baby?”

“I’m…cough..ok” I get out finally 

Max pulls me close, pulling my legs over his lap as I snuggle into his chest. The sun had warmed him slightly.  He was never ice cold to the touch but his body was always cooler than mine. Never even breaking a sweat when we fooled around. I turn my head up to look at him, I barely open my mouth “and no, I can’t read your mind” I swear I could almost hear his eye roll

“But, you just did” I smile, resting my head on his chest, “the movie does have one thing right”

“That we vampire’s are incredibly sexy” 

It’s my turn to roll my eyes. Confidence was something he didn’t lack. Nope, not one bit. Maximus Phillips knew he was attractive and he made sure everyone knew it too “it’s part of my charm” he would always say. I lace my fingers with his and set them on my lap. “I was going to say moody…” I grin turning my head to look at him, “but, sure sexy weeks too”

He frees his hand from mine, tucking his fingers under my jaw tilting my head up. He slowly brings my lips towards his. His eyes looking into mine, his tongue darting outs, quickly wetting his lips. A sinfully playful smile before they crash onto mine.  It starts slow, gentle; his hand slowly moving to wrap around my neck. Licking the seam of my lips I let him in before quickly pulling back, “it’s alright baby…I can’t get sick…remember” 

And he says he can’t read my mind. His thumb brushing the delicate skin just below my ear. I close my eyes and look down at our joined hands. Max leans forward, resting his forehead against mine. 

“You sure you can’t find minds?” I sigh

“Maybe, just yours” he shrugs grinning from ear to ear

He places a quick kiss on my check and returns to watching the movie. I put my head back on his chest, his hand on my thigh. His thumb gently rubbing soothing circles while his other hand rubs my arm up and down. It’s gentle moments like this that I forget who and what he is, a man who can flip and switch. A man who is incredibly capable of snapping my neck with just a flick of his wrist if he wanted. 

“Ugh…” he throws his head back, groaning and yet another vampire cliche “our eyes don’t change colors.  They especially don’t change based on what we eat. Baby, why do you watch this crap?” it wasn’t a question though 

It was a good question, I don’t really know why. Maybe because it was nostalgia, maybe it was because at the time, I thought it wasn’t just a cheesy vampire movie. Did I know at the time that a handful of years later I would actually be dating a vampire? No, it definitely wasn’t on my life’s ‘bingo’ card. I didn’t even believe vampires were a real thing…not until Max Phillips walked into my life. 

“But they do, I mean not like that…but yours do” 

He shakes his head, “they stay this awful shade of brown…they always have been” he kisses the top of my head before I turn to look up at him

“They are always brown, yes, but sometimes they are lighter. They have a honey color to them, sometimes they have a speckle of gold to them especially when you look at me and tell me you love me.  Then, sometimes…when you are just about to ya know, they are almost black.” my hand holding on to his broad shoulder, he stares down at me and I see that little fleck of gold I was just telling him about.  I scrunch my face, trying to hold back a sneeze but it doesn’t work. I have been holding it back for too long. 

I closed my eyes, and sneezed all over his face before I could get my elbow up to cover my nose. I open my eyes to Max's face, something between annoyed and shocked that I actually sneezed on him. 

“You sneezed” he comments

“Thanks, I didn’t realize that's what I did” I roll my eyes at him “wait, you can’t say it can you? You can’t say bless you…” he shakes his head no, “you can’t say God either can you?” 

“No, I can’t say it, but I sure as hell can make you scream it…just before mine” he smirks, pulling away from me and going back to watching the movie

“Max…gross” I shake my head, wiping my nose on the sleeve of his hoodie and laying my head back on his chest. His laugh, deep makes his entire body shake and it’s moments like this. A domestic moment with him that makes me forget he's a vampire. 

Thank you to @theewokingdead for the beta

**This is written as a  first person, and it's my first time writing in first person, so please be gentle with me. I also include Frankie's POV which will be Bold

Frankie Morales, 25, a talented pilot, Army Vet and now sticker enthusiast. I don’t think I have ever spent so much time in the sticker aisle. We’ve been here for at least an hour and I am sure the pile of stickers in the basket are already at fifty bucks.  But I can’t help it, he’s excited, he’s smiling and I see the old Frankie. The Frankie before he got hurt. 

“Lex…Lexi they have vampire teeth!” he races over to me dropping the stickers into the cart joining the helicopters, military helicopters, cats, cat paws and of course who could forget catfish. And because that wasn’t enough he added tropical fish to the pile as well. 

“I‘ve created a monster” I sigh to myself. I start to think this crazy thrown together idea might actually work. I’ve never been in his shoes. I don’t know what he deals with, what he has dealt with. But I do know a reward system works. It works for the kids who come into the doctor's office. Get the shot, get a sticker or a sucker depending on the doctor. 

Frankie walks back towards me with one more package of stickers, fire trucks. I look at him and he just shrugs, the other stickers made sense. They all fit him; cat, fish, helicopters, “what?” He shrugs “when I was a kid, I thought about being a firefighter”

“You’ve always wanted to help people?” I ask 

He pulls the brim of his worn out baseball cap and drapes his arm over my shoulder, a small nod. Over the years I have been able to learn his mannerisms and his ‘I don’t want to talk about it’ look. This was that look. Hat pulled down, eyes on his feet, biting his bottom lip. 

“Think we have enough?” I ask quickly changing the subject

“Maybe” his voice still soft 

15 packages of stickers and $50 dollars later, I hope this plan works. I know he is going to have to eventually go to classes, especially when that voice gets loud. But it’s day four and I still have some hope. We stop for some takeout. Pizza, it was quick, easy and who doesn’t love a good slice of pizza. 

I lean back on the couch, Frankie finishing his slice and pushes his plate away. He picked the movie tonight…his choice of movie completely shocked me. The final scenes of ‘Bridesmaids’  starts to play, as the two characters start to sing “Hold On”. Frankie leaning against the arm rest. His hand tapping against his leg as he hums along. I can’t help the smile on my face as I watch him. He slowly starts to sing the words. Quiet at first until that first chorus hits.  

“…things will go your way, if you hold one for one more day…” he sings along, eyes closed fully in the moment. 

I will be fully honest with you. When I told Frankie he could pick the movie tonight. I was expecting Top Gun, Saving Private Ryan, maybe even Green Mile. I never would have guessed that he liked the RomCom genre. I turn to face him, he has my attention as he continues to sing. It’s only when I giggle that he opens his eyes and looks at me. 

“What?” 

“Nothing,” I smile. It was cute, he was relaxed, he for another brief moment was the old Frankie. I want to keep him like this “uhm so you know I start work tomorrow” 

“I know” he sighs. He sounded disappointed 

“Can I have your phone?” I ask 

Without hesitation he reaches into his pocket and hands it over to me. I touch the screen and it lights up with what else but a helicopter as his photo. I touch the screen again and enter in the passcode “it’s your birthday” I hear him say. 

“I know” I look up and smile at him. 

I asked him once, why it was my birthday. Instead of his girlfriends, or his…or literally any other four digits he could have picked. I don’t want to forget your day, he said. He rubs the back of his neck, a tell that he doesn’t know what to say next. 

She’s right, it’s been her birthday since the day I met her. She was one of the few who listened when I talked. Cared how I was feeling, she was the only one to send me care packages and letters when I was away. My own girlfriend never sent me a care package. 

I watch, she has her tongue peeking out of her slightly parted lips. She was concentrating, she looked beautiful, but she always did. I don’t know why I handed my phone over so willingly. But the truth is, I would do anything she asked me to. I’d take a bullet for her with no hesitation. 

“Ah-ha, there it is” she says and I can’t keep his eyes off her. 

“What are you doing?” I finally asks

I watch as her finger slides up the screen, “deleting your friend George” she responds matter of factly. “Frankie, I trust you. I do. But you're going to be alone. I just…I don’t want you to feel like you need to contact him” 

She was right, smart even. It had been a few weeks since I had talked to ‘George’. But I didn’t think she knew how easy it would be for me to get something if I needed it. George wasn’t his only source. I didn’t want to use, I wanted to be better. But the struggle of staying clean was getting harder as the drugs left my system every day. 

“And I’m adding my work number incase you can’t get me on my cell” she clicks the button on the side of the phone and hands it back over. “I also think…it might be good to find a class or two to go to while I’m at work” 

“You don’t want me to be alone” I groan. The mere thought of having to go around in a  ‘share your feeling’ circle had me panicking. I watch as Steve’s name flashes across the screen asking if he has been ok. It’s been well over a month since I had texted him for a supply. And no, despite my best efforts he wasn’t ok 

“You know you could always call Nicole” I don’t know why I said that, I really don’t want him to call her, “she’s a nurse at a rehab facility. She would know what to do” she would and that’s what I hate the most. She would know how to help him in more ways than one 

“Lex, you know you can have meaningless sex with someone. You don’t have to like the person…” 

I pretend to be shocked by his statement. My number was a lot smaller than Frankie’s. Ok he probably had double maybe triple the partners than me. I know you don’t have to be in love with the person, I know you don’t even need to know their name. But call me old school, I like to have it mean something. 

“Yeah, I know that, but thanks for reminding me” the words sound a lot harsher than I intended. “Look, I’m just saying you're going to be on your own, and I’m proud of how far you’ve come. But I don’t know what I’m doing and I don’t want to worry.” 

I remember the day I found him slouched at the picnic table. If I would have been a few more minutes we might not be sitting here right now. I really don’t want to think what would happen if I don’t get to him in time and he OD’s while I'm at work. 

I keep checking my phone to see the time. My body is at work, and I am going through the motions, checking patients in. Answering phones. But my mind, my mind is at home with Frankie. I wonder what he is doing.  Has he had lunch, did he take a shower, did he change? Did he do a line of coke, did he call Nicole? 

I reach for my phone when the bell on the door chimes. My head still down when Laura elbows me in the rubs and I look up seeing a drop dead gorgeous man walk in the door. Short brown hair, styled in that way where it looks he ran his hands through it after a shower and called it good.  It looked so soft. Sun-kissed skin, a Romanesque nose.  Wearing a suit that fits his shoulders and muscles just right. He had a profile that romance novel authors write about.

“That’s the new sales rep I mentioned” Laura whispers as he walks closer to our receptionist desk

“Good afternoon ladies” he says with a smile that you just know gets him exactly what he wants every time. His voice is like butter, and damn can someone be attracted to a voice?

I smile at him, glancing at Laura who looks like she is about to pass out 

“Hi” she says, batting her eyelashes at him, “what did you bring us today?” 

“Just some new test gowns for patients. They are easier to tie when alone” he smiled again and I swear there is a twinkle in his eye 

“Oh hi, I’m Dave. I don’t think we’ve met before” he looks at me and I am pretty sure my heart stops with the way he’s looking at me 

“Al…Al” why can’t I remember my name 

“Alex” Laura coughs

“Hi…hello, yeah I’m Alex. Alexandra” I return his smile and shake his outstretched hand. My heart beats faster as our hands touch and my face feels hot 

His hands are soft, gentle but strong. I don’t know why but I don’t want to let go of his hand. After what I am sure is an extremely awkward amount of time he is pulling his hand away. I could be imagining it, but his eyes stay locked on mine. “It was really nice meeting you Alexandra. You ladies have a good afternoon and I’ll see you next week” 

I don’t say anything, I just sit there and nod like. Weirdo while Laura waves bye to Dave as he heads out the door. 

“Who the fuck was that?” I ask once my brain starts to function again 

“Dave’s our new sales rep and we’re in love” she smiles “he just doesn’t know that yet” she twirls her long blonde hair around her finger. 

Laying on the couch, my hands under my head.  I’m counting the little black specks I find on the ceiling. 

3,452

Did the day always go by this slow?  It feels like it’s been 12 hours…I look at the clock. It’s been three. It wasn’t even time for lunch yet. I was beyond bored, if I was in rehab I would be looking for excuses to not go to the round table therapy. Finding new ways to avoid talking, waiting for Nicole to co-I closes my eyes. 

After a few moments I sit up and make my way to his room, still sitting on his desk untouched was the stack of pamphlets that cop gave me. I pick one up and start to look at it. ‘Let us guide you’. I roll his eyes seeing a picture of a business type man, standing with his hands in his pockets in the front of a podium. 

“Nope” I pop the ‘p’ not even bothering to open it and drop it in the trash

The next one, a few men and women in military fatigues. In big bold letters, ‘FIND YOUR HIGHER POWER’ a class for veterans run by veterans. I rub his face, the VA rehab didn’t work and this for sure wasn’t gonna help. “No, thank you” I toss it in the trash with the other one. 

It felt like an hour had passed, I knew she should be home soon.  I looks at the clock on the night stand, it was 20 minutes.  There was a small part of me that wanted a hit.  She’s at work, she’ll never know.  My hands twitch, I pick up his phone, my fingers hovering over Steve’s name…

I know I shouldn’t, I’ve been trying to stay clean.  I wants to stay clean, but every fiber in my being wants a little fun.  A notification appears, a new text message and my heart stops for a brief moment.

I was ready for the day to be over, I wanted to go home.  I wanted to check on Frankie, make sure he was doing ok.  But, I still had hours to go, calling him every hour felt like I was babying him and I didn’t want that, but I was also worried that being alone the temptation was going to be too much.  I deleted George, but I knew he had others, I knew if he wanted it bad enough he’d find a way. 

     Me: Hey, How’s it going?

     Fishie 🐟: Have hours always ticked by this slowly?

     Me: Valid question, I don’t know.  But it feels like I have been here for a week, and I still have two hours left. 

     Fishie 🐟: It feels like you have been gone for a year.                          I need paint.

Crap, why in the hell does he need paint? What did he do?

     Me: Why? Franklin, what did you do?

     Fishie 🐟: I fixed the hole in the wall

     Me: Thanks, you didn’t have to do that.  

     Fishie 🐟: Well I am the reason there was a hole, I needed to fix it

I can’t help but smile, my heart melts a little at his words.  I remember that night, it was the first time I think I was scared of him, what he could do.  The anger in his eyes, the way his nostrils flared.  He’s never hurt me, he’s never laid a hand on me, except for our awkward hugs.  But I have never seen that look, the look of rage, horror and pain.  I can honestly save it’s a look I hope to never see again.  I responded telling him I will stop on my way home and I would grab some dinner for us. 

With paint in one hand, and a bag of food in the other I walk in the door, shouting a little ‘honey, I’m home’ kicking the door closed behind me and making my way to the kitchen to set the bag of food.  He didn’t respond.  I don’t know what I was expecting, Frankie running out and wrapping me in a hug.  Frankie squealing with excitement, I don’t know.  Really I was expecting anything to let me know that he heard me. I set the food on the table and go in search of Frankie.  

His bedroom light is on, I move closer but I don’t hear anything.  I turn to the open door and find him lying on the bed.  Not sure if he is asleep, I tap on the door gently before I step in.  I know it's my house and all, but he still deserves respect for his privacy and me not just walking into his room.  I thought I was being quiet but his head instantly lifts up to see me walking into his room before lying down again. 

“Do you know how many little black specks there are in this room?” he asks his voice flat

“What?” I look up to the ceiling, honestly I didn’t even know there was black speck in the paint.  I never changed the ceiling paint color when I moved in.  It was white and I just kinda left it

“There are 2,873…” he says sitting up, “and there are 3,452 in the living room” 

“Hmmm” I comment still looking up, what do you know if you look close enough there are little black specks

“There are 643 in the bathroom” he moves closer, wrapping my entire body into a bear hug, “I was really fucking bored without you” 

I don’t know if I should smile or be seriously concerned about this. I wrap my free arm around his waist returning his hug.  He took a shower today, and he smells amazing.  He smells like Christmas.  Cinnamon, fennel and pine.  There’s also something so uniquely Frankie that I can’t put my exact finger on it.  He has clean clothes too I notice, and while the counting of the little black specks has me worried.  I am proud of him for taking small steps without me telling him to shower.

“I got a surprise for you” I grin and pull back from the hug

“More stickers?”

“Why don’t you go to the kitchen and find out” 

I watch as he all but runs to the kitchen, I stay by his bedroom and he cheers when he sees the bag of Thai food on the table. ‘THANK YOU’ I hear him yell.  The feelings I get are indescribable, it feels like he has been living here with me for years. As each day passes I think I am falling in love with him.  I can’t fall in love with him, my brothers will kill me if I did. 

“I found a NA meeting place…class?” he says putting more food on his plate

“That’s great” 

“It’s a few nights a week.  The paper said I can go once a week or to all of them” 

Maybe having something planned in my schedule would make the day go faster.  Knowing I had something to do might help my mind not think about it.  I was so close to texting Steve for a few rocks.  Just a few…enough to get by until Benny was home again.  Hell I was close to texting Nicole just to have something, or someone to do.  I’ve been living with Alex for a little over a month, and while things were good I wanted to go home.  Benny would give him my space, I could get fucked up and Benny would never notice.  That, and I was falling for Alex. I can’t fall for her, she was off limits.

“I think that’s great” she smiles at him.  She’s proud of me, the smile on her face says it all, “maybe you can find ways to help fight the urge.  Find out how I can help you” I nod “cuz I have no fucking clue what I am doing”

The next day wasn’t any better.

Lunch had rolled around and Laura had left me alone at the desk. It was a slow day, so the workload was pretty easy. I finish up a phone call when the little bell on the door chimes letting me know someone had walked in.  I love up and see Dave walking towards me, damn was he hot. I smile at him and put the phone down.

I notice he doesn’t have anything in his hands this time, like he did yesterday.  Maybe Laura and him were really a thing. 

“Hey Dave, Laura is at lunch if you wanna come back” 

“I actually came to see you” his lips curve up, and there was that damn gleam in his eyes again

“Oh?” Was the best response I could think of at the time

“So, I know we just met and this sounds kinda crazy but…” he starts

“Here’s your number so call you maybe” the fuck was that Alex I think

He laughs, ok maybe that response wasn’t as bad as I thought.  Why did I become so socially awkward when a handsome man was standing in front of me and I think he was flirting. 

“Something like that, I was wondering if you might like to join me for dinner on Friday?” he asks 

Wait, is he serious? Did he just ask me out?  Is this really happening?  I think my brain stopped working for a few moments, then I heard his voice again “Alex?”

“YES” I say a little to loudly, he chuckles “yes, Dave that would be great”

We exchanged numbers, he said he’d pick me up on Friday around 8 for dinner. 

I stood by the front door, adjusting my hair one last time before Dave was to arrive.  Frankie watched me like a hawk from the couch. Ever since I told him about my date, he had been weird.  Not wanting me to leave his side when we were home. I didn’t know what was going on, he was being clingy and we weren’t even dating. 

“Where are you going?” He asks

“I have a date, I told you” I sigh 

“And your wearing that?” 

She was in a little black dress.  The hem stopped mid thigh, it hugged every single one of her curves perfectly.  The deep v-neck not leaving much to the imagination.  The small strings holding it together in a complicated, twisting pattern down her back.  There was no way I was going to let her be going out of the house like this.  I didn’t know Dave, but I didn’t need to know exactly where his thoughts were going to be seeing her dressed like this. Her hair was effortlessly curly tonight, flowing like a wave down her shoulders.  She looked like an angel in every sense of the word. Her makeup was simple, enhancing her beauty and I was jealous of this guy getting to take her out. 

“Yes, is there a problem?” She slips into her black stilettos that only enhanced her long toned legs

“Yeah, there is” I was angry that she was going out with this man who was probably better than me in every way. “You look like a…a…” I stutter

“A what Francisco?” She hears a car pulling into her driveway and she grabs her dark green leather jacket

“Fuck, you just..ugh…you like Iike your asking for it” I finally says and the doorbell rings

‘Shit, did I really just say that?’  I wanted to be Dave, he wanted to be the one taking her out for dinner.  I wanted to be the one she was wearing a dress like that for. My heart has belonged to her, but I am to much of a dumbass to do anything about it

“Fuck you, I’ll be back later” her words laced with anger as she opens the door.  “Hey Dave, lets go” her voice suddenly cheerful as she slams the door closed behind her. 

Strike two…at this rate I might as well pack up my shit and leave before she gets back. She is the one working, she is the one providing for me while I sit in my room feeling sorry for myself counting stupid little black specks of paint on the ceiling. I went to one class and hated it.  I reach for my phone on the coffee table

“Hello?” The voice on the other end answers

“Hey, wanna get fucked up tonight?” I ask

“Never thought you asked.  I got some good stuff, meet at Hangers?” 

“Yes please. Let’s do this, I need to forget” 

Talking with Dave was easy. The conversation flowed and there was never an awkward moment.  Dave told me about his time working for the FBI, crime scene detective but things weren’t working the way he wanted to, he felt trapped and wanted something else.

“So now you try to convince people to buy overpriced medical supplies?” I grin  

“I can be very convincing when I want to be” he smiles, “I convinced you to go out with me” 

“Fair” 

I should be enjoying my time with this handsome man sitting in front of me, I shouldn’t be thinking about Frankie.  But that is exactly what is happening. We’ve had a rough few days, ever since I told him about my date that afternoon and I hate that we got into an argument before I left. Dave had asked if I wanted to go for a short walk around the lake and with my mind only half functioning I agreed to it.  His fingers slowly intertwine with mine. 

We stop in front of a little fountain with a small stringed band. A violin, a cello, and a harp play lovely music.  Dave spins me and places a hand on my waist as we sway to the music. I placed a hand on his shoulder, there was a part of me that thinks he had this entire thing planned. It was too perfect, then there’s the hopeless romantic in me that is loving every minute of it.  We continue to dance as more couples join us. 

“I use to be in a band” his lips brush over my ear sending a shiver down my spin

He pulls back smiling at me, my fingertips gently playing with the short hair at the nape of my neck.  He leans in closer to me and I close my eyes waiting for our lips to touch when I hear the undeniable ringtone ‘Highway to the danger zone…’ begins to play from my back pocket.  Trying to ignore the call, I pull Dave’s face closer when the song begins to play again.

“Shit, I’m sorry” I shake my head and back away from him.  I don’t even look at the name on the caller ID to know it’s him. “What do you want now?” I answer a little annoyed

“Ms. Miller?” 

“Very funny Franklin” I don’t hear a laugh from the other end “Frankie?” 

“Is this Alex” the voice says again, it’s hard to hear over the music and crowd hum in the background 

“Yes it is, is everything ok?” sudden panic washing over me

“Hi, I’m Clint, down at Handlebars, and your friend here is very intoxicated and might be on some kind of drug. But he is trying to start fights with other patrons. I do what I can to not call the cops, but ma’am he is getting out of hand, and I need you to come get him” the voice becomes clearer

“Fuck,” I pinch the bridge of my nose, “I’m not close its going to be a little bit before I can get there” 

“We have him sitting outside at the moment, but if he tries to punch someone again, I will have to have the police involved” 

“Can I talk to him for a minute?” I ask 

Why was he doing this?

A couple lines of coke, two beers and a half dozen of tequila shots later I was feeling pretty damn good. I was currently in the bathroom, with some blonde chick's lips on my dick. I knew I wasn’t going to last long after all the shit I’ve  taken but damn did it feel good. 

“Shit…” I mutter, gathering her hair in a fist behind her head, bracing myself against the sink with the other. One more deep throat by her and I was a goner.  My cock still pulsing as she lets me go. Standing up, she wipes her face before leaning in giving me a sloppy kiss. 

“That was fun…” she pats my cheek, “…find me again some time” she flips her hair back unlocking the door she steps out leaving me alone. Pants still around his ankles, heart racing as I try to catch my breath. 

I reach over and locks the door, grabbing a paper towel I turn on the water and clean myself up.  I look at myself in the mirror, my eyes red with dark circles below them. I look like I had aged 15 years from just this morning. I should be feeling great, I finally had cocaine back in my system, I was buzzed, and I just got a free blow job from Kitty? Maybe that was her name. Frankly I didn’t care, I also forgot the minute her lips touched mine. The only thing I could think about was how disappointed Alex was going to be in me. I should go home. 

I step out of the bathroom and make the trek back to the bar next to Steve. Walking past the set of pool tables I stumble into a big burly biker. Leather vests, tattooed arms, a bandanna wrapped around his head with a long salt and pepper beard. 

“Watch where your walking” the man grunts 

“Make me fucker” I slur 

The large man shoves me from behind making me stumble into a table full of empty glasses. I turn around, bringing my fist back. I go to punch the man who shoved me. My hand moved slowly then my brain was working and the large biker threw his own punch hitting me on the check. A gash opens along my cheek and blood begins to flow. A bouncer steps in pulling us apart. He drags me outside, and sets me on a bench around the corner of the building. 

Steve is nowhere to be found and now a young punk looking kid is yelling at me for disturbing the peace inside his bar. Demanding me to give him my phone before threatening to get the police involved. Begrudgingly I unlock the phone and hand it over. 

“Ms. Miller” I hear him say 

Shit…strike three. 

The man handed me my phone back, I shoved it in his pocket. And with that he was gone leaving me alone with the bouncer. I lean back, head hitting the brick wall behind me. The high I was feeling moments ago, now fading realizing that there is a 95% chance that Alex was not going to forgive me. 

“Thanks, I am so sorry” I unbuckle my seatbelt

“Are you going to be ok?” Dave asks placing a hand on top of my thigh

I take a deep sigh, honestly I didn’t know. I was having fun, it was turning out to be a good night, then Frankie called. I was angry, I was frustrated, I was upset. But I don’t want to drag Dave down with me. I turn my head to face him, giving him a quick kiss to his check. 

“Yeah, I’ll be good. Thank you again” I say opening the door 

“Call me when you get home” I nod and close the door. 

I walked into the bar, stopped by a burly man who I guessed was a bouncer. “Can I help you?” He asks 

“Yeah I’m looking for uhm Cliff? Clint maybe…the owner he has my friend” I couldn’t remember the name of the man now that I was here. Hurt, anger, disappointment so many emotions and I was going to have to keep them in check when I got to Frankie. Clearly being the ‘friend’ wasn’t working and I was going to need a different approach. 

“Are you Mrs. Miller?” The bouncer asks 

“Ms. but yes” 

“Outside, to the right. Let him know he’s now allowed back. Gary doesn’t want to press charges but your friend is trespassed from here” 

‘Press charges? He’s trespassed? Fuck what did he do?’ My thoughts are racing, did I really want to know. He had been in a mood since I told him about my date, and yet here I am recusing him yet again. 

I walk back outside and look to the right, not seeing right away. I walk down to the edge of the building and turn the corner, finding him sitting on a beat up wooden bench with a large man acting like a bodyguard. He was the size of a tree, his arms were massive and I’m fairly sure he could squish someone like a bug if he wanted to. 

Frankie in his usual tan colored Carhartt jacket, his favorite black baseball cap pulled down low. He turns my direction when he hears my heels on the pebbles. He has a long gash on his left cheek, dried blood under it. He continues to sit there, more anger floods my veins. 

“There she is, there’s my goal” 

I stop in front of him, my arms crossed over my body. This is where the relationship changes, I will no longer be sweet, it’s time to lay down the law and get his ass clean. 

“Get up” my voice is stern

He doesn’t move, he continues to sit there. A small smile pulling on his lips, acting as if he isn’t a complete fucking disaster. He raises his arms and makes grabby hands, beckoning me to come help him. I shake my head no. 

“Get the fuck up Morales” I cross my arms, he needs to know I’m upset and his little act isn’t going to help me. I swear I hear the tree of man chuckle at the situation playing out in front of him. 

“Help Me” he turns his head looking at me with this sad puppy eyes, this eyes he knows I can’t say no to

“No. You got into this, now get up” I am trying to not break, but he knows what to do to get me to break 

Groaning, he places his hands on the edge of the bench and pushes himself up. He sways where he is standing. He looks at his feet, his mind willing his feet to move. Putting his left food in front of the right and he stumbles. Before thinking I move to him. My heels make us the same height and easier for him to lean against me. Wrapping his arm over my shoulder I wrap mine around his waist. Adjust his hold on me he leans his head against mine, “I knew you’d catch me” he slurs 

“You’re on thin ice Francisco, don’t push it” I groan as he leans all his weight into me

“I’m Cielito” he says softly

“Where’d you park?” I ask, my hand readjusting around his hip as he holds me like a cutch and we stumble in the parking lot 

He shrugs, “don’t remember” his face is towards me, I scrunch my face as he reeks of alcohol 

After what feels like an hour of wandering around this parking lot, his truck finally comes into view, of course Frankie would be back in the back, in the middle of nowhere. Sighing a ‘thank god’, I hope he didn’t hear.  I stop by the passenger door, and I lean him against it, praying that he doesn’t fall.  Reaching into his coat pocket I pull out the keys and unlock the door. I grab him by the waist and turn his body into the truck. 

“You could at least by me dinner first” he chuckles adjusting his body in the car

“Shut up Francisco, you still have the first aid kit in here?” I ask looking under the front seat before moving to the back

Before Frankie can answer I pull out a little red box, his head leaning against the headrest. I watch as he struggles to keep his eyes open. With the first aid open, I rip open the wet-nap. I take his chin and gently turn his head towards me so I can see what I am doing better. The street lamp offers minimal light. I clean the dried blood on his cheek, and expect the gash. Tossing that at Frankie’s feet, I grab a towel from the kit and as carefully as I can dap the area dry. He flinches in pain. Finally I open the antibiotic cream, and rub a line of it over the cut hoping to keep it clean for the moment.

“It doesn’t look like you need stitches” I tell him, “what the fuck happened?”

“I got punched” he mumbles “asshole”

“Yeah, I can see you got punched, what did you do?” I ask again

“He shoved me, then I tried to punch him and he hit first” he rolls his eyes “are you mad?” 

Honestly, I didn’t know anymore. I was angry at him. I thought we were doing well, but that just proved to me this little sticker thing was a dumb idea from the start. I was sad, I was hurt, disappointed, but with all these feelings, the word mad didn’t come up anymore. I was worried about him. 

“I don’t know…” I turn his body forward, reaching behind him I grab the seat belt and lean over his body to hook it in. “I really don’t know anymore” I sigh and close the door 

The drive home was silent, he had his head against the window and I couldn’t tell if he was asleep, or just trying to ignore me. He tried to tell me how unsafe driving barefoot was, but driving with those heels and this truck was more dangerous than whatever gross shit was on his floor.  

“How much did you drink?” I ask

“A couple beers, half dozen shots of tequila…” he pauses, “also…did a few hits of coke” 

“Frankie…” I sigh

Before I can ask him, he begins to tell me he didn’t mean to. He wanted to forget, he wanted to numb the pain. He didn’t know what else to do, so he called a friend. They did a few lines, then went into the bar. I know I shouldn’t, but I feel guilty. I feel like his slip is my fault. Maybe I shouldn’t have gone on a date. Work was one thing, but me going on a date made me feel worse. I wasn’t there when he needed me.  

“Are you mad?” I ask again, but he doesn’t look at her, he can’t handle it. 

I wasn’t worried about her being mad.  No, mad I could handle that. However, the answer she gave me, that’s the answer that hurts the most. Disappointment, it was worse than being mad or angry. I could work with those. But, disappointment was the worst. I was now at rock bottom. I shake my head, and lean against the window. Closing my eyes and praying they wouldn’t re-open. 

I feel her hand on my shoulder, gently shaking me “hey sleepy head. Time to wake up, we’re home” 

I groan and lean further into the door trying to escape her touch. My eyes stay closed “sleepy time here” 

“You aren’t sleeping in your truck, let’s get inside. You think you can help me?” She asks

“Oomppf” I groans, when the door I’m leaning against opens, the seat belt doing its job and keeping me up right in the car

Alex reaches into the truck and unhooks the seatbelt, grabbing my hands and she helps me slide out of the truck. She draps one of my arms over her shoulder, and wraps one around my waist, letting me lean against her.  Our height difference isn’t much, but she is supporting most of my weight. 

“Step…” she says and I lift a foot. The two of us stumble up the steps and my head is hurting. I really wish she would have just left me in the truck. 

We stop at the door, my arm moves, readjusting my grip holding on to her. Standing at the front door holding on to me with one hand, while the other fumbles with his keys trying to find the house key. I know I shouldn’t laugh but watching her struggle makes me chuckle. 

“Oh you think this is funny do you?” She’s frustrated and I just made it worse

I knew laughing was bad, but I couldn't help it when she was still struggling with the keys. She turned her focus to me, eyes narrow as she glares. She was cute when she was flustered. I press my lips together. Trying to hold back another laugh. It didn’t work as my eyes locked on to her and I snorted and laughed more. Laugh lines forming at the corner of my eyes I knew I was breaking her down and it would be impossible for her to stay mad at me. 

“If I let you go, you're not gonna fall are you?” She asks, her voice something between concern and anger. I just shrug, I probably would fall but she doesn’t need to know the truth 

Annoyed with my answer she sighs. I moved closer to her, she was warm, despite her anger and frustration with me. She was safe. She felt like home. I lean against her still struggling with the door. Finally, after a ten minute fight with the door she gets it opened. We stumble into the dark house. Thankfully getting the door locked on the inside was a much easier battle. 

“Alright Franklin, let’s get you to bed” 

My hallway is definitely not big enough for two people to walk side by side especially when one of the people is drunk. I try to position myself in front of Frankie, both his arms over my shoulders as his chest rests against my back. 

We reach his room and I move him towards his bed. I turn him and help him sit down. His hat had fallen off someone along the journey into his room. I slide off his jacket, turning to hang it in the chair. In slow motion Frankie begins to fall back “no..no…no” I grab his arm just in time keeping him up right on the bed. If he fell backwards I knew trying to undress him would be impossible.  

“Ok arms up” I say, he follows my order and lifts his arms above his head. 

“So bossy” he mumbles as I take the shirt off and toss it towards his dirty laundry pile. 

My hands rest on his broad shoulders. The muscle definition is still very evident in his biceps. I pray he doesn’t notice my eyes wander down his bare chest, briefly holding at his tattoo. I’ve never really looked at it this close. 

His hands reach for the hem of my dress, slowly beginning to lift it higher on my thigh. “You’re turn” he says before I catch his wrists 

“You’re drunk” I say softly and he shrugs

“Didn’t stop some people” 

I’m sure it didn’t, Frankie never had a problem getting girls, but I don’t know thinking about him being with others makes me slightly jealous, I shake my head and let go of his wrists. 

I bend down in front of him, his hands resting on my shoulders as I untie his shoes. He takes the hint and works with me to get his shoes off.  I start to stand up, “what about my pants?” he almost falls forward giggling. Good to know he still thinks this is funny “I don’t like pants” 

I roll my eyes and lean forward reaching for his belt buckle. I undo it and the button to his jeans. He falls back lifting his hips just enough for me to slide them off tossing it with the shirt. “There, are you happy?” 

He shuffles under the sheets, before I can go he grabs my hand “stay?” He asks. I don’t even have to look at him to know the look he’s giving me. Batting his eyes, his bottom lip quivers, using his big brown eyes to his advantage 

“Frankie, I can’t…” I sigh 

“Please?” 

I squeeze her hand, he doesn’t want to be alone. “Just till I fall asleep?” I add 

“Fine, just tell you fall asleep” I watch as she slides off her leather jacket and sets it on the back of my chair. Turning the light off, she shuffled back to me

I slide back, giving her enough room to lay down. I’m on my side, has my arm out. She lays down using my one arm as a pillow and I drape the other over her. She pulls the cover up. My hand resting on her hip. I lean into her resting my forehead against her temple breathing in the familiar scent of her shampoo. Hints of cherry and strawberry fill my senses. It smells like summer, it smells like home. 

Her hand rubs up and down my forearm in a soothing fashion. I feel so comfortable with her here. It’s where I want to keep her. 

“He’s not good enough for you” I say softly 

“What?” She twists her head to look at me

My eyes open to see hers staring at me, “Your date tonight” 

“You don’t even know him” she sighs 

“No one will be good enough for you Alex” I grip her tighter pulling her closer to me. I lean in closer to her. I want to kiss her, I want her to know how I feel. As much as I don’t think the guy she went out with today isn’t good enough, I know I’m not good enough either. 

She sighs again, turning her head to stare at the ceiling. Her finger tips brush over my skin. My thumb strokes her hip over her black dress. A black dress I wished was on the floor. 

I lift his head, leaning closer. I stick out my tongue and lick the side of her face. From check to temple. When her hands go still on my arm, but don’t move away I smile and lay my head back down. 

Twisting her head to look at me, I watch as she smiles back at me. My smile widens, I know my dimple appears and she shakes her head, “did you just lick me?” 

“I did…” I sigh and close my eyes again. Sleep just on the horizon. I hear her ask me why, “to say your mine. Like when you like something when your a kid you don’t want someone else to have” 

“Frankie” she sighs 

“You’re too good for him” and by him - I really meant myself. 

ANN: A huge shout out to @musings-of-a-rose for helping me with this and giving me confidence to post this in first person. I am still terrified of it. @theewokingdead and @heythere-mel for listening to my random ass ideas at all hours. I love each and every one of you.



It took two days, four, well three and a half strong men moved all of Frankie’s stuff. My house might be small, but the best part. Despite only having two bedrooms, the bedrooms are huge. The guest room is slightly smaller than my master and there isn’t an attached bathroom but still plenty is space for his stuff. I kept the small desk there, well honestly that was the only thing I had there. Five years of living here and my guest room was still empty. Mostly why I think Benny volunteered my space, I was also someone he knew. All of Frankie’s belongings were still in taped boxes. We didn’t know how long Benny was going to be gone, it made sense to bring more than just a duffle bag of stuff. 

It's been two weeks since he had moved in, his clothes still in boxes, extra bedding still in boxes. He’s been wearing the same gray sweatpants and black shirt since he got here. Now don’t get me wrong, I love a man in specifically gray ones as much as the next girl, but he hasn’t changed. I don’t even know if he has showered. Seeing him all mopey is making me mad and slightly frustrated. I know he would much rather be back at what has been his home for years, but he needs help and I want to help. I just have no idea what I am doing. I’m feeling guilty making him move, and I know I shouldn’t. 

Thanks to having no social life I had a lot of PTO built up, I’ve been off these two weeks trying to help him feel at home. It’s been mostly awkward living with him when it shouldn’t. Awkward grunts, one word answers, he eats alone despite my best efforts. Yesterday he came out of his room and talked to me, it was about a cricket outside his window that just wouldn’t shut up. It was the first time he seemed to be normal? Is that even the right word, what is normal? 

It’s late afternoon, and he had been in his room the entire day. Walking past his room and I see him sitting on the edge of his bed, staring at the boxes sitting along the wall picking at his fingernails. He has had mood swings that have him going from happy to sad in seconds.  I thought about walking past him again, keep going on with my day.  But I couldn’t stand seeing the boxes still stacked. It felt like he was ready to move as soon as Benny stepped foot on American soil again, and I was terrified of seeing him live like he didn’t belong here.  I stop and gently tap on the open door, “hey…you want some help with those?”

He doesn’t look up at me, instead he just continues to stare at the box, “there’s just so much, I don’t know where to start” he takes a deep breath hanging his head 

I walk into his room, he is still sitting on the bed. I grab the top box labeled ‘shirts’ and then turn back towards him. I tap his foot with mine, motioning with my head he needs to move. He stands up and watches as I drop the box on the bed and start grabbing a few shirts and put them in one of the many empty drawers. I hear him sigh with disapproval and I look at him “What?” I groan in frustration 

“They need to be folded neatly, and by color. As well as style, but it’s fine…it’s fine. I’ll just do it later” he rubs the back of his neck

Call it being a perfectionist, I call it someone who was trained that everything always had to have order.  Everything needed to have crisp lines, be organized.  Having its rightful spot, years of military training would do this to a person and I was all too aware that it wasn’t fine.

I pull the shirts back out of the drawer, hoping he doesn’t see my eye roll and I set them back in the box. I didn’t expect this to be easy, but I also didn’t expect I was going to have to be his mother and not a friend. I didn’t think I was going to have to tell Frankie to eat, to take a shower. All the things I thought he already knew, was he like this in rehab? “Then refold the shirts and put them in the drawer” shit was that too aggressive? “I think I might make you feel more at home if you do” I put a hand on his shoulder gently rubbing it. 

I watch as he takes a shirt out, folds it meticulously. The edges of the shirt are perfect, he sets it on the bed, his hand running over the shirt, taking out any wrinkles. Every shirt has an order, by color, type, it is memorizing watching him as he moves. Folding every time with such perfection. I have to shake my head and snap out of it, I grab another box and open it to find it stuffed with boxers. He is completely focused on his shirts as I work to put the boxer briefs in a drawer hoping the fold in half method works for him. 

I pull out black pair after black pair.  There was an occasional gray mixed in. After seeing him in those gray sweatpants for the past two weeks my mind can’t help but imagine him in these and how great they would make his thighs look, his…’stop.  Don’t think about that. He’s now your roommate you can’t do that’ all those thots fall when I pull out a baby blue pair with little cat heads wearing headsets. Different types of helicopters fill the empty space between the cat faces. I can’t but giggle holding them up, Frankie stops what he is doing and looks up, “care to explain these” holding the boxers in the air and shake them, I arch an eyebrow at him smiling 

He reaches across and snatches them from my hands “nope…” he paused for a moment fold the boxers in half “you got them” he places them on the bottom of the drawer under the pile of black ones 

“I did?” I truly don’t remember. One would think someone would remember getting boxers that looked like that 

“Yeah, Christmas a few years ago” he returns his focus to the shirts in the box

”Oh my God, you’re right. I did” I laugh

”You said, that I was impossible to shop for, and you wanted something unique to remember you when I was away” 

Frankie is the most impossible person to shop for. He always would say he didn’t need anything, he said to not waste money on a guy like him. He wasn’t worth it. I watch Frankie roll his eyes as I tell him again that he is impossible to shop for. A hint of a smile begins to appear and I think that we might have a breakthrough. I finished the box I was working on, broke it down and leaned it against the wall. Frankie pulls out his last shirt and folds it, setting it on the top of a pile. Grabbing the small stack he turns and starts to put them in the top drawer. I grab the box and start to break it down when I see a film strip inside. I reach in and grab the photos. 

I stare at them, a clean shaven, wide-eyed twenty something Francisco Morales. I had a photo from this shoot, but I never saw these two. It was before his first deployment and the guys went and did some ‘glamor shots’ as a gag gift. Frankie’s in a purple shirt and leather jacket. His brown hair falling perfectly into place. The first photo his hands are in his back pockets. Showing off his impressive chest and broad shoulders, his smile that makes one’s heart beat a little faster and an instant panty dropper. The other, I swear, he could have been a model. His arms crossed over his chest. His biceps bursting the seams of his jacket, his lips pursed together in a brooding expression. Holy shit, he’s hot…“What do we have here?”

Frankie turns and looks at me, it takes a moment for him to realize what I’m holding in my hand. “Give those here” he reaches for them and I quickly pull them away

”Nope…” I laugh and hold them up, inspecting the photos a bit more

”Lex” he says, a bit more authoritative, it’s deep and it’s sexy. He takes a step towards me, I take a couple small steps towards his open door. I try to keep a distance between us 

I have a small idea, “you want them?” I ask slowly moving backward closer to the door, he starts to close the distance nodding his head yes, “then you’ll just have to come and get them” I smile and turn to run through the door. 

He bolts out of the room following me, I forget how fast he is and how incredibly silent he can be. He’s on my heels in an instant and I run a circle around the couch. Heading past him and into the kitchen, stopping at one end of the small island. He’s facing me on the other side “Lex…” he says.  I smile, laugh and run past his outstretched arm.  

“Gotta be quicker than that Morales” I ran around the house again, waiting for him to turn and find me again. I lose my breath as I’m back in his room, the bed as a barrier between us. I look at the photos and see him strut back into his room. I clearly didn’t think this through completely as I find myself trapped on the one side of the bed. Frankie blocking the only exit. He starts to walk around the bed, he’s standing at the end while I move further up closer to the headboard. I’m waiting for him, I have my escape planned. He fakes a step to the left towards me and I step up onto his bed. The piles of shirts start to fall when I bring my other foot up. He reaches across the bed, “Bad move, Miller” he snarls and wraps a hand around my ankle pulling it out and dropping me to the bed. 

I hold the photos above my head, he pulls me closer. Placing his thigh is between my legs and crawling the bed until  he’s hovering over my body. We’re both laughing and I struggle to keep the photos out of his reach. His large hand captures both of my wrists and pins them to the bed. I squirm below him, trying to break free.  “Stop moving” he grunts, his other hand lands on my hip. Holding me tightly in place, my shirt slightly raised and his thumb slowly rubbing against my bare skin. Our laughter slowly turns into heavy breathing. 

His face is so close, I can feel his warm breath. His eyes are so full of life now, I see the small parts of the old Frankie. The Frankie that became a friend, family, a crush. My heart is pounding and I am pretty positive Frankie can hear it, his hand is setting my skin on fire and I have no idea what is happening. But I want to kiss him, I want him to kiss me, I want to feel his lips on mine. “Frankie…” I whisper 

“Hmmm” he leans closer to me, his nose brushing along mine 

I don’t know what I was going to say, I didn’t imagine us ending up like this. I clearly didn’t think this through and I have no idea what to do. Time seems to move slow, and I don’t know how long we stay like this. His eyes focused on mine, I feel like he is looking into my soul. Does he want me to kiss him? Should I kiss him? His hand still wrapped around my wrists, the other still holding my hip. 

“KISS HIM ALREADY” my inner voice yells. I finally make a move, I close the short distance between, my lips just about to touch his when my phone rings in my back pocket. His hand releases my wrists and he sits up on the bed. I close my eyes, wishing I didn’t take so long to make the move. I reach behind me, pulling out my phone. It was work, I smiled and mouth a sorry to him, sliding the answer button and bringing the phone to my ear. “Hello” I stand and walk out of his room 

“Why didn’t I kiss her? She was right there…would she even want me to kiss her?” He thinks to himself, running his fingers through his hair 

He looks at himself in the mirror. The same sweatpants he’s been wearing for well over a week, he looked like a hot mess. At least the shirt was clean, or he thought his shirt was clean. He sees the unruly hair, the 5 o’clock shadow had turned into a fully grown beard. “Because you're a pathetic loser, look at you. She’d never want you to kiss her” that negative voice inside him says. Frankie shakes his head, hands covering his face. He rubs his eyes and tries to remember Will telling him wasn’t.  But the thing is, Will was never a very good liar and the voice becomes louder and louder. 

“Fishie…hey Fish” her voice brings him back. He looks up at her “hey, you ok?

“yeah…yeah” he says, but her face tells him she doesn’t believe him. 

“uhm, ok.  I gotta run to work for a bit. I’m not sure when I’ll be home but there’s money on the table. Order some take out”  

He nods, giving her his best smile and watches as she walks away. He hears the door open and close.  Standing up he peeks his head out the door, he doesn’t hear her. He just needs to take the edge off. He knows he will feel a lot better when he can’t feel anything again. He knows he doesn’t have much left, but enough to last him at least today. He’ll worry about tomorrow-tomorrow. Thank God he hid the green can well enough that Alex didn’t find it. Just one hit, that’s all he needs.

“Take a shower, you’ll feel better after a shower. You’re better than this” he can hear Will’s voice. 

It didn’t.

“Food, get some food. Don’t do this Cat” the voice says

My phone dances on my desk as I finish some paperwork. I had plenty of PTO built up, but the doctor's office had an influx of new patients and I was one of the few who knew how to enter all the data and get them set up. It wasn’t where I pictured myself when I graduated college with a degree in film.  But it’s a good paying job, and it kept me close to home. 

Fishie 🐟: u like Pad Thai 🍲 

Me: Not really, and I don’t think that’s Pad Thai haha

Fishie 🐟: oh ok what u want? 

I type back a response, telling him to order what he wants. The money on the table was for him to do what he wanted. I might not like Pad Thai, but that shouldn’t stop him from ordering it. I finish typing a few things and grab my phone. I walked over to some of my coworkers who were getting ready to head out as well. I lean against Laura’s desk. She was chatting with a few of the nurses, I watched my phone as the little bubble with dots popped up, then disappeared, appeared again, and disappeared again. I sigh, my head drops. His mood swings are driving me insane. 

Me: I like noodles, with teriyaki sauce if that counts as Pad Thai

“What’s up Buttercup” Laura smiles cheerfully

”Have you ever had to help a friend with an addiction?” I look up, the mouths all open “seriously. A friend, not me” 

“What kind of addiction?” Laura asks, she was my go-to at work. Her upbeat attitude always had the answers 

“Narcotics…” I reply 

Is this friend living with you?” a nurse asks 

I tell them how the friend just got out of rehab, I leave out the part that the friend is a he, and the he is Frankie. I tell them how rehab said something about how they shouldn’t be left alone, doctors orders they need to live with someone in case of a relapse. “Sometimes I feel like I see the person I became friends with, then sometimes hhhh-they are a completely different person. Someone I don’t even know and it’s only been two weeks” 

“Just keep being there for them, don’t push too hard. But they need to know you are there for him. I mean them, no matter what it is, they can trust you” she puts a hand on top of mine 

“You can’t give up on them.  No matter how hard they try to push you away, you push back. They’ll have their moments but like Laura said, you just need to be there. Letting them know you won’t give up on them” 

“Thanks,” I take a deep breath and stare at my phone, he still hasn’t responded “I just wish I knew what he needed, he doesn’t talk” 

“Give it time, he will open up when he’s ready” 

'Did she just say he? How does she know' I think

I walk into the house, kicking off my shoes and dropping my purse off on the little side table. I hear grunting from down the hall. ‘Oh please don’t tell me he has a girl here’ I think to myself moving towards his room. “Frankie?” 

T-Shirts he had just folded and pants were thrown into the hall. I move towards the open door dodging pants being thrown out as I get close, I look into his room and it looks like a tornado hit. The mattress shoved against the wall, drawers empty and pulled from the dresser, clothes thrown around the room. I see Frankie bent over in his closet he had on a new pair of dark green sweats on, he’s shirtless. Little water droplets still cling to his hair and a towel draped over the back of a chair. 

“Where the fuck is it?!” he shouts as I watch him throw more things around. 

“Where is what?” I ask, and instantly regret it 

He turned quickly looking at me, his eyes filled with rage and nostrils flaring. I’ve never seen this look before, and he slowly starts to walk towards me. There’s an evil glint to his eye and it scares me. 

“Where the fuck did you put it Alexandra?” He snarls 

“If you told me what you are looking for…” I tried to not raise my voice, trying to keep calm. He needs me to remain calm. 

“YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I’M LOOKING FOR! DON’T PLAY STUPID” 

The yelling intensifies and I know the neighbors can hear us, stay calm. Don’t make things worse. 

What happened to the Frankie from earlier? 

“I need you to calm down, Frankie. Please. Just tell me what you're looking for and I can help” I wanna put my hand on his shoulder, ground him. Let him know I’m here, but he’s breathing heavy, his lip curls up in an evil grin. 

“I know you have it!” he says in an oddly calm manner, “JUST GIVE IT TO ME!!!” He yells 

He takes a step closer, he raises his fist. I flinch as the closed hand comes flying towards me and it connects with the wall inches from my head. “Give it to me now Alex” he growls

“What in the hell is your problem!?” I yell shoving his chest back

“You! Benny! This stupid fucking place. I don’t want to be here!” His eyes begin to water and a tear streams down his cheek, he takes a couple steps back

“Fine, then fucking leave! No one is forcing you to be here Francisco” I try to hold back by own tears “I am sick and tired of seeing you being all mopey and shit.  You don’t want to be here, FINE” 

Shit…I am pretty sure I just over stepped. I go to open my mouth to apologize and there is a hard knock at the door followed by a “Police” 

“You called the Police?” He shouts 

“I’ve been standing in front of you the entire time arguing with you. When would I have had time to call the police?” I say, I back up and move towards the front door. The knocks become more aggressive “I’m coming!” 

I unlock the door and see three officers standing there. They all have a concerned look on their faces

”Good evening ma’am. We got a call about some yelling and wanted to make sure everything was ok” the taller officer said

”Everything is fine. It’s great. Just swell” my words are dripped with sarcasm

“Do you mind stepping outside to talk to my partner Officer James” he looks over my shoulder and sees Frankie, “hey there sir.  Mind coming over here for a moment?” 

He is sitting on the porch as she stands by the car. He fucked up, she’s given up on him. He’s given up on himself. 

“What’s your name?” The youngest officer asks him 

Frankie reads the name printed on his chest. T. Baker. “Frank, my name is Frank and everything is fine Officer Baker” 

Baker keeps asking bin questions.  What happened, did she hit him. Did he hit her? How long has he been living here? What was their relationship? Frankie becoming more annoyed with each question. What did it matter? He fucked things up and he needed a hit more then ever. He was looking for his coke, she found him on a downward spiral but there was no way he was going to tell him that. Suddenly the questions take a turn, when Officer Baker notices a tattoo on his chest. 

“What branch?” 

“Excuse me” Frankie responds confused 

“Your tattoo?”

“Oh yeah, Army. Special Ops, I was a pilot” 

He has a tattoo on the left side of his chest, a helicopter flying. A sun and clouds shaded in the background. The helicopter with incredible detail, one of the ones he first learned how to fly. A few men repelling from the bird.  Just below a group of trees

“Thank you for your service sir.  Wait here, I have some stuff for you” Baker nods his head and walks to the patrol car 

He watches him shuffle down the stairs, he sees Alex and for a moment they lock eyes. His heart nearly stops as he sees the tears in her eyes that she quickly wipes away. He caused this pain and for what, a stupid little hit that was nearly enough to take away the pain. He ruined everything. The afternoon was so great, and now she wants him out. Officer Baker was walking back with a stack of papers in his hand. 

“For the hundredth time, he didn’t hurt me. He would never do that” I groaned. I have said the same thing over and over. Are they trying to get a different answer? Despite Frankie punching a hole in the wall, he would never lay a hand on me. 

I pinch the bridge of my nose and close my eyes taking in a deep breath. When I open my eyes, I see Frankie. His eyes locked onto mine. The hurt, the pain, he looks lost. The officer hands him a stack of papers. His hands shaking as he takes them, he turns his head down and he walks into the house. 

“Ms. Miller, if you need anything else please give us a call” the officer sees his small notebook and sticks it in his chest pocket. “Have a good night” he walks past me and heads to his car. 

I head to the steps of my front porch watching the officer who had spoken to Frankie walk down. He stops me before I walk past him, “he’ll be ok. Just give it time. I’ve been there. He’s got a good girlfriend, just be patient with him” 

I stop in my tracks, my jaw drops. What the hell did Frankie tell him? “Wait…what?” I ask. But it was too late, the officer already getting back into his car. I shake my head and walk into the house locking the door behind me. 

It’s getting late and I’m hungry. I walk past the hallway that leads to the bedrooms and notice Frankie bent over picking up the clothes that had been thrown into the hallway. I should say something, I should apologize to him. I get distracted, watching the muscles in his back strain with every movement. ‘Focus Alex’. What is wrong with me, this man just put me through a roller coaster of emotions. I can’t get distracted by something as stupid as watching him work. 

I shake my head and walk towards the kitchen. I hope to find some leftover takeout since I know the fridge is empty. Instead I find the $20 left on the table in the same exact place I left it. I can’t leave, that would require me letting Frankie know, and it might be petty but I really don’t want to talk to him right now, maybe even for the rest of the night. I open the freezer and pray that the ice cream is still there. I open the door and find the pint of cookie dough ice cream still sitting there. I do a little happy dance and grab a spoon. I make my way to the living room and flop down on the sofa, turning on the TV and pop the top off digging in. 

“I fucked up…” he says to himself folding the shirts, putting them back in the dresser. He pushes the mattress back onto the frame and sits on the edge of his bed. He looks up and sees the hole he had punched into the wall. An image of Alex’s face floods his memory. He fucked up so bad that she didn’t even say two words to him when she came back into the house. He left the pamphlets on the coffee table, she’s going to find them. He knows it.

The papers were for local rehabs where VA’s held sobriety classes.  They had everything from AA to NA to Gambling. He didn’t want to go to rehab again, he felt more alone then he ever had there. That’s where he met George, well Steve really. He made it though those 30 days thanks to him smuggling in just enough coke to help them both function like normal adults. Nicole, well she helped in other ways. One keeping his secret and she helped him take his mind off things when he was able to bury himself in her. She wasn’t who he wanted, but she was there.  She was a quick fuck. It didn’t mean anything, and he felt bad when he told her it wasn’t going to last when he left. His mind racing with all these thoughts, he’ll finish cleaning later. He’ll patch the hole tomorrow. Right now he has something bigger to take care of. He needs to repair this whatever-ship he had with Alex. He needs her. 

He plops on the couch next to her, she doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t even look at him, she focused on the ice cream in her hand and the moving pictures on the TV

”Ice cream for dinner?” He asks ‘great icebreaker Morales, you idiot’ his inner demon mocks him 

“Yeah, the perk of being an adult. No one can tell me what to eat Franklin” she stuffs another spoon into her mouth, “that and someone didn’t buy dinner like I told them too” 

‘She called me Franklin…maybe she’s not that mad’ he reads her face, it’s softened…a hint of a smile. Then she said that last part, and it changes to instant regret. She turns to look at him “shit. I’m so sorry that was-“ 

“No…no I deserved that” he interrupts her, “can I have a bite?” 

She eyes him, something between a grin and a smirk on her face. She sticks the spoon into the ice cream and scoops out a tiny pile, moving the spoon to his open mouth. 

“I’m sorry Lex he says mouth full of ice cream

He looks at the ground, he’s picking at his nails. I can see the inner struggle he’s having and it breaks my heart, I have no idea how to help. I watch as his mind tries to find the words he wants to say. I go to open my mouth, but he stops me “I am really sorry” he says again 

“What happened today?” I ask him setting the ice cream on the table and turning to face him 

“I was looking for…fuck…I was looking for some coke. I thought I had some left. I am so sorry. I didn’t want to do this. I don’t want to do this. Rehab didn’t do shit” he’s talking fast and I’m trying to keep up. 

He tells me about George, how they were doing just enough to get by.  Nicole helped them not get caught. He doesn’t know how George was able to get the contraband in, but he did. They exchanged information, and he was helping Frankie. He wasn’t doing as much as he used to, which I guess is good, he thought he had some left.  A small tin can was what he was looking for, he was terrified that I found it when we were unpacking. 

“How many days has it been?” I ask 

“I don’t know, maybe five days?” He doesn’t sound very positive 

“Maybe five days? How many days Frankie?” 

“Three…it’s been three days and I am going crazy” he says ‘then we almost kissed and I panicked and I was on edge and just needed a hit’ he thinks to himself 

“ok” she says and stands up. 

“Wait where are you going?” He asks, panic setting in 

He’s worried that she is going to get his bag, she’s gonna ask him to leave. This is too much, this isn’t what she signed up for. She’s given up on him. His head falls back, he wants this couch to eat him alive. He wanted to disappear before and that feeling is ten times worse, now that she knows his secret. 

She comes back a large poster in her hand, the other has a sharpie and stickers. She sits it on the table and sits on the floor next to Frankie. He watches as she makes little boxes, writing dates, making a calendar. Her tongue peeks out of her tongue as she concentrates on the task at hand. He leans forwards, and continues to watch over her shoulder. She looks up at him, “ok did you use today?”

He shakes his head no “I couldn’t find it”

“right..” she puts a little star sticker on today's date “and you said three days since the last time”

He nods. She puts a sticker on the past three days

“What are you doing?” He asks 

That was a great question. What was I doing? This idea sounded crazy in my head, even more crazy as I explained to Frankie. It would be like a reward chart.  Something like when you were a kid and had chores, you’d get a sticker for each thing completed. The more stickers you get a reward. The more I say this, and look at his face of confusion the more dumb this idea sounded. He isn’t a kid, I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing. 

“This is stupid, just forget it.” I sigh pushing the stuff away from me

His large hands stop the poster from moving, he brings it closer. 

“What is my reward?” He asks curiously 

“Uhm…what do you want?” 

“Pancakes…” he says

”Pancakes? Really?” and he nods “ok how about we start with a week, you make it a week, I’ll make you pancakes” 

“With sprinkles?” His boyish smile is back, his eyes wide and I have a little hope that this stupid, wacky, insane idea might work

I smile and nod at him. I move to sit next to him on the couch, “I’ll have to go buy some. But sure, you can have sprinkles” 

“Hey Lexi, one more thing?” He asks “Can we get some helicopter stickers?”

I smile and cup his cheek, my thumb gently brushing the trimmed beard, “yes Franklin. We can get some helicopter stickers” 

ANN: A huge shout out to @musings-of-a-rose for helping me with this and giving me confidence to post this in first person. I am still terrified of it. @theewokingdead and @heythere-mel for listening to my random ass ideas at all hours. I love each and every one of you.



Looking for more of my fics check out my masterlist. And check out other writers at @littlemisspascal and their library for all Pedro Characters



It took two days, four, well three and a half strong men moved all of Frankie’s stuff. My house might be small, but the best part. Despite only having two bedrooms, the bedrooms are huge. The guest room is slightly smaller than my master and there isn’t an attached bathroom but still plenty is space for his stuff. I kept the small desk there, well honestly that was the only thing I had there. Five years of living here and my guest room was still empty. Mostly why I think Benny volunteered my space, I was also someone he knew. All of Frankie’s belongings were still in taped boxes. We didn’t know how long Benny was going to be gone, it made sense to bring more than just a duffle bag of stuff. 

It's been two weeks since he had moved in, his clothes still in boxes, extra bedding still in boxes. He’s been wearing the same gray sweatpants and black shirt since he got here. Now don’t get me wrong, I love a man in specifically gray ones as much as the next girl, but he hasn’t changed. I don’t even know if he has showered. Seeing him all mopey is making me mad and slightly frustrated. I know he would much rather be back at what has been his home for years, but he needs help and I want to help. I just have no idea what I am doing. I’m feeling guilty making him move, and I know I shouldn’t. 

Thanks to having no social life I had a lot of PTO built up, I’ve been off these two weeks trying to help him feel at home. It’s been mostly awkward living with him when it shouldn’t. Awkward grunts, one word answers, he eats alone despite my best efforts. Yesterday he came out of his room and talked to me, it was about a cricket outside his window that just wouldn’t shut up. It was the first time he seemed to be normal? Is that even the right word, what is normal? 

It’s late afternoon, and he had been in his room the entire day. Walking past his room and I see him sitting on the edge of his bed, staring at the boxes sitting along the wall picking at his fingernails. He has had mood swings that have him going from happy to sad in seconds.  I thought about walking past him again, keep going on with my day.  But I couldn’t stand seeing the boxes still stacked. It felt like he was ready to move as soon as Benny stepped foot on American soil again, and I was terrified of seeing him live like he didn’t belong here.  I stop and gently tap on the open door, “hey…you want some help with those?”

He doesn’t look up at me, instead he just continues to stare at the box, “there’s just so much, I don’t know where to start” he takes a deep breath hanging his head 

I walk into his room, he is still sitting on the bed. I grab the top box labeled ‘shirts’ and then turn back towards him. I tap his foot with mine, motioning with my head he needs to move. He stands up and watches as I drop the box on the bed and start grabbing a few shirts and put them in one of the many empty drawers. I hear him sigh with disapproval and I look at him “What?” I groan in frustration 

“They need to be folded neatly, and by color. As well as style, but it’s fine…it’s fine. I’ll just do it later” he rubs the back of his neck

Call it being a perfectionist, I call it someone who was trained that everything always had to have order.  Everything needed to have crisp lines, be organized.  Having its rightful spot, years of military training would do this to a person and I was all too aware that it wasn’t fine.

I pull the shirts back out of the drawer, hoping he doesn’t see my eye roll and I set them back in the box. I didn’t expect this to be easy, but I also didn’t expect I was going to have to be his mother and not a friend. I didn’t think I was going to have to tell Frankie to eat, to take a shower. All the things I thought he already knew, was he like this in rehab? “Then refold the shirts and put them in the drawer” shit was that too aggressive? “I think I might make you feel more at home if you do” I put a hand on his shoulder gently rubbing it. 

I watch as he takes a shirt out, folds it meticulously. The edges of the shirt are perfect, he sets it on the bed, his hand running over the shirt, taking out any wrinkles. Every shirt has an order, by color, type, it is memorizing watching him as he moves. Folding every time with such perfection. I have to shake my head and snap out of it, I grab another box and open it to find it stuffed with boxers. He is completely focused on his shirts as I work to put the boxer briefs in a drawer hoping the fold in half method works for him. 

I pull out black pair after black pair.  There was an occasional gray mixed in. After seeing him in those gray sweatpants for the past two weeks my mind can’t help but imagine him in these and how great they would make his thighs look, his…’stop.  Don’t think about that. He’s now your roommate you can’t do that’ all those thots fall when I pull out a baby blue pair with little cat heads wearing headsets. Different types of helicopters fill the empty space between the cat faces. I can’t but giggle holding them up, Frankie stops what he is doing and looks up, “care to explain these” holding the boxers in the air and shake them, I arch an eyebrow at him smiling 

He reaches across and snatches them from my hands “nope…” he paused for a moment fold the boxers in half “you got them” he places them on the bottom of the drawer under the pile of black ones 

“I did?” I truly don’t remember. One would think someone would remember getting boxers that looked like that 

“Yeah, Christmas a few years ago” he returns his focus to the shirts in the box

”Oh my God, you’re right. I did” I laugh

”You said, that I was impossible to shop for, and you wanted something unique to remember you when I was away” 

Frankie is the most impossible person to shop for. He always would say he didn’t need anything, he said to not waste money on a guy like him. He wasn’t worth it. I watch Frankie roll his eyes as I tell him again that he is impossible to shop for. A hint of a smile begins to appear and I think that we might have a breakthrough. I finished the box I was working on, broke it down and leaned it against the wall. Frankie pulls out his last shirt and folds it, setting it on the top of a pile. Grabbing the small stack he turns and starts to put them in the top drawer. I grab the box and start to break it down when I see a film strip inside. I reach in and grab the photos. 

I stare at them, a clean shaven, wide-eyed twenty something Francisco Morales. I had a photo from this shoot, but I never saw these two. It was before his first deployment and the guys went and did some ‘glamor shots’ as a gag gift. Frankie’s in a purple shirt and leather jacket. His brown hair falling perfectly into place. The first photo his hands are in his back pockets. Showing off his impressive chest and broad shoulders, his smile that makes one’s heart beat a little faster and an instant panty dropper. The other, I swear, he could have been a model. His arms crossed over his chest. His biceps bursting the seams of his jacket, his lips pursed together in a brooding expression. Holy shit, he’s hot…“What do we have here?”

Frankie turns and looks at me, it takes a moment for him to realize what I’m holding in my hand. “Give those here” he reaches for them and I quickly pull them away

”Nope…” I laugh and hold them up, inspecting the photos a bit more

”Lex” he says, a bit more authoritative, it’s deep and it’s sexy. He takes a step towards me, I take a couple small steps towards his open door. I try to keep a distance between us 

I have a small idea, “you want them?” I ask slowly moving backward closer to the door, he starts to close the distance nodding his head yes, “then you’ll just have to come and get them” I smile and turn to run through the door. 

He bolts out of the room following me, I forget how fast he is and how incredibly silent he can be. He’s on my heels in an instant and I run a circle around the couch. Heading past him and into the kitchen, stopping at one end of the small island. He’s facing me on the other side “Lex…” he says.  I smile, laugh and run past his outstretched arm.  

“Gotta be quicker than that Morales” I ran around the house again, waiting for him to turn and find me again. I lose my breath as I’m back in his room, the bed as a barrier between us. I look at the photos and see him strut back into his room. I clearly didn’t think this through completely as I find myself trapped on the one side of the bed. Frankie blocking the only exit. He starts to walk around the bed, he’s standing at the end while I move further up closer to the headboard. I’m waiting for him, I have my escape planned. He fakes a step to the left towards me and I step up onto his bed. The piles of shirts start to fall when I bring my other foot up. He reaches across the bed, “Bad move, Miller” he snarls and wraps a hand around my ankle pulling it out and dropping me to the bed. 

I hold the photos above my head, he pulls me closer. Placing his thigh is between my legs and crawling the bed until  he’s hovering over my body. We’re both laughing and I struggle to keep the photos out of his reach. His large hand captures both of my wrists and pins them to the bed. I squirm below him, trying to break free.  “Stop moving” he grunts, his other hand lands on my hip. Holding me tightly in place, my shirt slightly raised and his thumb slowly rubbing against my bare skin. Our laughter slowly turns into heavy breathing. 

His face is so close, I can feel his warm breath. His eyes are so full of life now, I see the small parts of the old Frankie. The Frankie that became a friend, family, a crush. My heart is pounding and I am pretty positive Frankie can hear it, his hand is setting my skin on fire and I have no idea what is happening. But I want to kiss him, I want him to kiss me, I want to feel his lips on mine. “Frankie…” I whisper 

“Hmmm” he leans closer to me, his nose brushing along mine 

I don’t know what I was going to say, I didn’t imagine us ending up like this. I clearly didn’t think this through and I have no idea what to do. Time seems to move slow, and I don’t know how long we stay like this. His eyes focused on mine, I feel like he is looking into my soul. Does he want me to kiss him? Should I kiss him? His hand still wrapped around my wrists, the other still holding my hip. 

“KISS HIM ALREADY” my inner voice yells. I finally make a move, I close the short distance between, my lips just about to touch his when my phone rings in my back pocket. His hand releases my wrists and he sits up on the bed. I close my eyes, wishing I didn’t take so long to make the move. I reach behind me, pulling out my phone. It was work, I smiled and mouth a sorry to him, sliding the answer button and bringing the phone to my ear. “Hello” I stand and walk out of his room 

“Why didn’t I kiss her? She was right there…would she even want me to kiss her?” He thinks to himself, running his fingers through his hair 

He looks at himself in the mirror. The same sweatpants he’s been wearing for well over a week, he looked like a hot mess. At least the shirt was clean, or he thought his shirt was clean. He sees the unruly hair, the 5 o’clock shadow had turned into a fully grown beard. “Because you're a pathetic loser, look at you. She’d never want you to kiss her” that negative voice inside him says. Frankie shakes his head, hands covering his face. He rubs his eyes and tries to remember Will telling him wasn’t.  But the thing is, Will was never a very good liar and the voice becomes louder and louder. 

“Fishie…hey Fish” her voice brings him back. He looks up at her “hey, you ok?

“yeah…yeah” he says, but her face tells him she doesn’t believe him. 

“uhm, ok.  I gotta run to work for a bit. I’m not sure when I’ll be home but there’s money on the table. Order some take out”  

He nods, giving her his best smile and watches as she walks away. He hears the door open and close.  Standing up he peeks his head out the door, he doesn’t hear her. He just needs to take the edge off. He knows he will feel a lot better when he can’t feel anything again. He knows he doesn’t have much left, but enough to last him at least today. He’ll worry about tomorrow-tomorrow. Thank God he hid the green can well enough that Alex didn’t find it. Just one hit, that’s all he needs.

“Take a shower, you’ll feel better after a shower. You’re better than this” he can hear Will’s voice. 

It didn’t.

“Food, get some food. Don’t do this Cat” the voice says

My phone dances on my desk as I finish some paperwork. I had plenty of PTO built up, but the doctor's office had an influx of new patients and I was one of the few who knew how to enter all the data and get them set up. It wasn’t where I pictured myself when I graduated college with a degree in film.  But it’s a good paying job, and it kept me close to home. 

Fishie 🐟: u like Pad Thai 🍲 

Me: Not really, and I don’t think that’s Pad Thai haha

Fishie 🐟: oh ok what u want? 

I type back a response, telling him to order what he wants. The money on the table was for him to do what he wanted. I might not like Pad Thai, but that shouldn’t stop him from ordering it. I finish typing a few things and grab my phone. I walked over to some of my coworkers who were getting ready to head out as well. I lean against Laura’s desk. She was chatting with a few of the nurses, I watched my phone as the little bubble with dots popped up, then disappeared, appeared again, and disappeared again. I sigh, my head drops. His mood swings are driving me insane. 

Me: I like noodles, with teriyaki sauce if that counts as Pad Thai

“What’s up Buttercup” Laura smiles cheerfully

”Have you ever had to help a friend with an addiction?” I look up, the mouths all open “seriously. A friend, not me” 

“What kind of addiction?” Laura asks, she was my go-to at work. Her upbeat attitude always had the answers 

“Narcotics…” I reply 

Is this friend living with you?” a nurse asks 

I tell them how the friend just got out of rehab, I leave out the part that the friend is a he, and the he is Frankie. I tell them how rehab said something about how they shouldn’t be left alone, doctors orders they need to live with someone in case of a relapse. “Sometimes I feel like I see the person I became friends with, then sometimes hhhh-they are a completely different person. Someone I don’t even know and it’s only been two weeks” 

“Just keep being there for them, don’t push too hard. But they need to know you are there for him. I mean them, no matter what it is, they can trust you” she puts a hand on top of mine 

“You can’t give up on them.  No matter how hard they try to push you away, you push back. They’ll have their moments but like Laura said, you just need to be there. Letting them know you won’t give up on them” 

“Thanks,” I take a deep breath and stare at my phone, he still hasn’t responded “I just wish I knew what he needed, he doesn’t talk” 

“Give it time, he will open up when he’s ready” 

'Did she just say he? How does she know' I think

I walk into the house, kicking off my shoes and dropping my purse off on the little side table. I hear grunting from down the hall. ‘Oh please don’t tell me he has a girl here’ I think to myself moving towards his room. “Frankie?” 

T-Shirts he had just folded and pants were thrown into the hall. I move towards the open door dodging pants being thrown out as I get close, I look into his room and it looks like a tornado hit. The mattress shoved against the wall, drawers empty and pulled from the dresser, clothes thrown around the room. I see Frankie bent over in his closet he had on a new pair of dark green sweats on, he’s shirtless. Little water droplets still cling to his hair and a towel draped over the back of a chair. 

“Where the fuck is it?!” he shouts as I watch him throw more things around. 

“Where is what?” I ask, and instantly regret it 

He turned quickly looking at me, his eyes filled with rage and nostrils flaring. I’ve never seen this look before, and he slowly starts to walk towards me. There’s an evil glint to his eye and it scares me. 

“Where the fuck did you put it Alexandra?” He snarls 

“If you told me what you are looking for…” I tried to not raise my voice, trying to keep calm. He needs me to remain calm. 

“YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I’M LOOKING FOR! DON’T PLAY STUPID” 

The yelling intensifies and I know the neighbors can hear us, stay calm. Don’t make things worse. 

What happened to the Frankie from earlier? 

“I need you to calm down, Frankie. Please. Just tell me what you're looking for and I can help” I wanna put my hand on his shoulder, ground him. Let him know I’m here, but he’s breathing heavy, his lip curls up in an evil grin. 

“I know you have it!” he says in an oddly calm manner, “JUST GIVE IT TO ME!!!” He yells 

He takes a step closer, he raises his fist. I flinch as the closed hand comes flying towards me and it connects with the wall inches from my head. “Give it to me now Alex” he growls

“What in the hell is your problem!?” I yell shoving his chest back

“You! Benny! This stupid fucking place. I don’t want to be here!” His eyes begin to water and a tear streams down his cheek, he takes a couple steps back

“Fine, then fucking leave! No one is forcing you to be here Francisco” I try to hold back by own tears “I am sick and tired of seeing you being all mopey and shit.  You don’t want to be here, FINE” 

Shit…I am pretty sure I just over stepped. I go to open my mouth to apologize and there is a hard knock at the door followed by a “Police” 

“You called the Police?” He shouts 

“I’ve been standing in front of you the entire time arguing with you. When would I have had time to call the police?” I say, I back up and move towards the front door. The knocks become more aggressive “I’m coming!” 

I unlock the door and see three officers standing there. They all have a concerned look on their faces

”Good evening ma’am. We got a call about some yelling and wanted to make sure everything was ok” the taller officer said

”Everything is fine. It’s great. Just swell” my words are dripped with sarcasm

“Do you mind stepping outside to talk to my partner Officer James” he looks over my shoulder and sees Frankie, “hey there sir.  Mind coming over here for a moment?” 

He is sitting on the porch as she stands by the car. He fucked up, she’s given up on him. He’s given up on himself. 

“What’s your name?” The youngest officer asks him 

Frankie reads the name printed on his chest. T. Baker. “Frank, my name is Frank and everything is fine Officer Baker” 

Baker keeps asking bin questions.  What happened, did she hit him. Did he hit her? How long has he been living here? What was their relationship? Frankie becoming more annoyed with each question. What did it matter? He fucked things up and he needed a hit more then ever. He was looking for his coke, she found him on a downward spiral but there was no way he was going to tell him that. Suddenly the questions take a turn, when Officer Baker notices a tattoo on his chest. 

“What branch?” 

“Excuse me” Frankie responds confused 

“Your tattoo?”

“Oh yeah, Army. Special Ops, I was a pilot” 

He has a tattoo on the left side of his chest, a helicopter flying. A sun and clouds shaded in the background. The helicopter with incredible detail, one of the ones he first learned how to fly. A few men repelling from the bird.  Just below a group of trees

“Thank you for your service sir.  Wait here, I have some stuff for you” Baker nods his head and walks to the patrol car 

He watches him shuffle down the stairs, he sees Alex and for a moment they lock eyes. His heart nearly stops as he sees the tears in her eyes that she quickly wipes away. He caused this pain and for what, a stupid little hit that was nearly enough to take away the pain. He ruined everything. The afternoon was so great, and now she wants him out. Officer Baker was walking back with a stack of papers in his hand. 

“For the hundredth time, he didn’t hurt me. He would never do that” I groaned. I have said the same thing over and over. Are they trying to get a different answer? Despite Frankie punching a hole in the wall, he would never lay a hand on me. 

I pinch the bridge of my nose and close my eyes taking in a deep breath. When I open my eyes, I see Frankie. His eyes locked onto mine. The hurt, the pain, he looks lost. The officer hands him a stack of papers. His hands shaking as he takes them, he turns his head down and he walks into the house. 

“Ms. Miller, if you need anything else please give us a call” the officer sees his small notebook and sticks it in his chest pocket. “Have a good night” he walks past me and heads to his car. 

I head to the steps of my front porch watching the officer who had spoken to Frankie walk down. He stops me before I walk past him, “he’ll be ok. Just give it time. I’ve been there. He’s got a good girlfriend, just be patient with him” 

I stop in my tracks, my jaw drops. What the hell did Frankie tell him? “Wait…what?” I ask. But it was too late, the officer already getting back into his car. I shake my head and walk into the house locking the door behind me. 

It’s getting late and I’m hungry. I walk past the hallway that leads to the bedrooms and notice Frankie bent over picking up the clothes that had been thrown into the hallway. I should say something, I should apologize to him. I get distracted, watching the muscles in his back strain with every movement. ‘Focus Alex’. What is wrong with me, this man just put me through a roller coaster of emotions. I can’t get distracted by something as stupid as watching him work. 

I shake my head and walk towards the kitchen. I hope to find some leftover takeout since I know the fridge is empty. Instead I find the $20 left on the table in the same exact place I left it. I can’t leave, that would require me letting Frankie know, and it might be petty but I really don’t want to talk to him right now, maybe even for the rest of the night. I open the freezer and pray that the ice cream is still there. I open the door and find the pint of cookie dough ice cream still sitting there. I do a little happy dance and grab a spoon. I make my way to the living room and flop down on the sofa, turning on the TV and pop the top off digging in. 

“I fucked up…” he says to himself folding the shirts, putting them back in the dresser. He pushes the mattress back onto the frame and sits on the edge of his bed. He looks up and sees the hole he had punched into the wall. An image of Alex’s face floods his memory. He fucked up so bad that she didn’t even say two words to him when she came back into the house. He left the pamphlets on the coffee table, she’s going to find them. He knows it.

The papers were for local rehabs where VA’s held sobriety classes.  They had everything from AA to NA to Gambling. He didn’t want to go to rehab again, he felt more alone then he ever had there. That’s where he met George, well Steve really. He made it though those 30 days thanks to him smuggling in just enough coke to help them both function like normal adults. Nicole, well she helped in other ways. One keeping his secret and she helped him take his mind off things when he was able to bury himself in her. She wasn’t who he wanted, but she was there.  She was a quick fuck. It didn’t mean anything, and he felt bad when he told her it wasn’t going to last when he left. His mind racing with all these thoughts, he’ll finish cleaning later. He’ll patch the hole tomorrow. Right now he has something bigger to take care of. He needs to repair this whatever-ship he had with Alex. He needs her. 

He plops on the couch next to her, she doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t even look at him, she focused on the ice cream in her hand and the moving pictures on the TV

”Ice cream for dinner?” He asks ‘great icebreaker Morales, you idiot’ his inner demon mocks him 

“Yeah, the perk of being an adult. No one can tell me what to eat Franklin” she stuffs another spoon into her mouth, “that and someone didn’t buy dinner like I told them too” 

‘She called me Franklin…maybe she’s not that mad’ he reads her face, it’s softened…a hint of a smile. Then she said that last part, and it changes to instant regret. She turns to look at him “shit. I’m so sorry that was-“ 

“No…no I deserved that” he interrupts her, “can I have a bite?” 

She eyes him, something between a grin and a smirk on her face. She sticks the spoon into the ice cream and scoops out a tiny pile, moving the spoon to his open mouth. 

“I’m sorry Lex he says mouth full of ice cream

He looks at the ground, he’s picking at his nails. I can see the inner struggle he’s having and it breaks my heart, I have no idea how to help. I watch as his mind tries to find the words he wants to say. I go to open my mouth, but he stops me “I am really sorry” he says again 

“What happened today?” I ask him setting the ice cream on the table and turning to face him 

“I was looking for…fuck…I was looking for some coke. I thought I had some left. I am so sorry. I didn’t want to do this. I don’t want to do this. Rehab didn’t do shit” he’s talking fast and I’m trying to keep up. 

He tells me about George, how they were doing just enough to get by.  Nicole helped them not get caught. He doesn’t know how George was able to get the contraband in, but he did. They exchanged information, and he was helping Frankie. He wasn’t doing as much as he used to, which I guess is good, he thought he had some left.  A small tin can was what he was looking for, he was terrified that I found it when we were unpacking. 

“How many days has it been?” I ask 

“I don’t know, maybe five days?” He doesn’t sound very positive 

“Maybe five days? How many days Frankie?” 

“Three…it’s been three days and I am going crazy” he says ‘then we almost kissed and I panicked and I was on edge and just needed a hit’ he thinks to himself 

“ok” she says and stands up. 

“Wait where are you going?” He asks, panic setting in 

He’s worried that she is going to get his bag, she’s gonna ask him to leave. This is too much, this isn’t what she signed up for. She’s given up on him. His head falls back, he wants this couch to eat him alive. He wanted to disappear before and that feeling is ten times worse, now that she knows his secret. 

She comes back a large poster in her hand, the other has a sharpie and stickers. She sits it on the table and sits on the floor next to Frankie. He watches as she makes little boxes, writing dates, making a calendar. Her tongue peeks out of her tongue as she concentrates on the task at hand. He leans forwards, and continues to watch over her shoulder. She looks up at him, “ok did you use today?”

He shakes his head no “I couldn’t find it”

“right..” she puts a little star sticker on today's date “and you said three days since the last time”

He nods. She puts a sticker on the past three days

“What are you doing?” He asks 

That was a great question. What was I doing? This idea sounded crazy in my head, even more crazy as I explained to Frankie. It would be like a reward chart.  Something like when you were a kid and had chores, you’d get a sticker for each thing completed. The more stickers you get a reward. The more I say this, and look at his face of confusion the more dumb this idea sounded. He isn’t a kid, I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing. 

“This is stupid, just forget it.” I sigh pushing the stuff away from me

His large hands stop the poster from moving, he brings it closer. 

“What is my reward?” He asks curiously 

“Uhm…what do you want?” 

“Pancakes…” he says

”Pancakes? Really?” and he nods “ok how about we start with a week, you make it a week, I’ll make you pancakes” 

“With sprinkles?” His boyish smile is back, his eyes wide and I have a little hope that this stupid, wacky, insane idea might work

I smile and nod at him. I move to sit next to him on the couch, “I’ll have to go buy some. But sure, you can have sprinkles” 

“Hey Lexi, one more thing?” He asks “Can we get some helicopter stickers?”

I smile and cup his cheek, my thumb gently brushing the trimmed beard, “yes Franklin. We can get some helicopter stickers” 

ANN: A huge shout out to @musings-of-a-rose for helping me with this and giving me confidence to post this in first person. I am still terrified of it. @theewokingdead and @heythere-mel for listening to my random ass ideas at all hours. I love each and every one of you.



Looking for more of my fics check out my masterlist. And check out other writers at @littlemisspascal and their library for all Pedro Characters



It was an early June morning.  The rain outside gently tapping against the windowpane.  The window still cracked open from the night before letting in a cool breeze that fills the space.  The coarse hair under his chin tickled my bare shoulder.  Small goosebumps rise on my arm as he lifts his head and places a kiss on the exposed skin.  A sigh of content makes him smile.  His skilled, calloused fingers trail up and down the curves of my body.  His lips find my shoulder again as his hand wraps around me, his large hand finding a home on my bare stomach.  Those long fingers of his inching lower and lower, giving me every chance to tell him to stop.  Instead I wiggle back, closer to him pressing my body against his.

His thick member pressed against me, just begging to let him in.  Grinding against him, letting him know that I want it too.  His hand wraps around the meat of my thigh, lifting it up and angling himself to get closer, the tip just teasing my entrance now. At what feels like a snail's pace he begins to push himself inside. Filling me with exactly what I wanted, and him being embraced by the warmth he so desperately craved.  I could get use to this wake up call, and he seems to enjoy it too.

“Mmmhmm” I sigh.  Eyes still closed, caught in that hazy state.  Somewhere between dreamland and reality.  I moan again as he pushes further, my hand that was gripping the bed sheet moves behind me searching for him.  Cupping his cheek, he turns and places a kiss to my palm before my fingers slide further back finding those luscious chestnut brown locks.  I’ve always been jealous of his hair, how soft it was, those curls that formed perfectly at the nape of his neck, you’d have to kill me before I’d ever actually admit to that though.

He takes his time, slowly pulling out before snapping his hips to fill me again.  His tights slapping against the back of mine with every thrust.  Unlike last night, there is no rush.  No hurry, no fear of getting caught.  Slow, and lazy letting us both enjoy this time.  His deep throaty grunts against my skin, and breathy moans of his name fill the space in between thrusts.  Fingers tangled into his hair, he thrusts harder and deeper, hitting that spot just right, working me closer and closer to the edge.  Pulling his hair only makes him work harder to fill my every need and desire.  I pull his hair, bringing his lips to mine.  Moving my body just enough that he starts to hit that spot, that spot only he has found. He swallows my moan, my walls tighten around him gripping him like a vice.  Feeling very ridge of his thick cock.  One…Two…Three more strong, deep thrusts have him spilling into me, painting my walls with everything he has to give.  My fingers still tangled into his hair, holding him close, terrified if I let him go he’ll float away.

He continues to slowly rock his hips, riding out the high he’s just given me.  Our lips move as one, the kisses slow, tender.  Bodies tangled together, he has taken my breath away literally and figuratively.  I have to pull away at some point, turning my head away from him to try and catch my breath.  His lips brush over the shell of my ear, his deep baritone voice asking if I was ok, and nod a yes to him before turning to find his eyes and I know that this is what heaven is.  He kisses my cheek, kissing every inch of skin he can working his way down to my jaw, my neck, my shoulder.  My skin burns with every kiss, every nerve being brought to life.  Feeling his teeth graze against my skin before he bites down.  His teeth are digging in and there is a loud banging on the bedroom door, my eyes fly open.

Sitting up, I see Frankie leaning against the doorframe of the now open door, “Rise and shine…” he smiles, my face is in complete shock and he must have noticed, “shit Lex, are you ok?”

I don’t answer him right away, he calls my name again.  Shaking my head, trying to figure out how just moments again that man who was balls deep, worshiping my naked body is now fully clothed leaning against my doorframe. “Hmm? Oh yeah, yeah.  I’m great.  Just a uh just a dream” I finally respond. 

SIX YEARS EARLIER

I just settled down on the back patio, a good book in hand and a rush cup of coffee, which some might say was more creamer than coffee. But I don’t care, it had been a long week in the office, and I was ready to sit and relax on a Saturday morning. The familiar ringtone of ‘I’m bringing sexy back’ started to play, a ringtone that he picked just to annoy the shit outta me.  Before I was even able to say hello after pushing the green button, his panicked voice came through the speaker.

“Alex, I think I lost Fish…” I hear him running around his house

“How in the hell do you lose a fully grown man Benjamin?” I groaned, pinching the bridge of my nose.  I was tired, and I didn’t wanna deal with this shit today

“Gee, I don’t know Alexandra…”he says my name sarcastically “...maybe, it could be because I was distracted by this banging redhead I brought him from the bar last night”

“Ew, eww, ewww…gross Ben” I stop him before he can continue “I don’t need to hear or know any of this information.  Step-sister or not, I don’t need or want to know the details of your sex life.  That is a line we do not cross”

My name is Alexandra, or Alex Miller.  I joined the Miller clan when I was about 8 years old, same age as Benny, Benjamin Miller.  And a few years younger than Will, our older brother.  My mom was a widow and met Mr. Miller on an on-line dating site before on-line dating was cool.  Sure, we Miller kids became close over the years, but you are never that close to share that kind of information, real siblings or step siblings.

“When was the last time you saw him?” I ask 

“This morning, when the sun was rising. I was brining Stephanie some coffee” he sounded so proud of himself for remembering the girls name, “I walked by his room and he was still laying in bed, it’s been about an hour since I last saw him” he sighs “can you please help me find him”

“You last an hour?” I try to joke with him

“Not the time for your little jabs Miller. Help me find him” 

“Of course, call if you find him first” I end the call and slide the phone into my leggings pocket, dumping the coffee into the sink and throwing the rest of the coffee in the sink.  Grabbing a hoodie and the car keys I jog to my car.  It was time to find Fish.

Before I back out of the driveway I remember a text from him earlier in the morning, I didn’t think much of it.  He had been sending a lot of random one word texts to me lately

Fishie 🐟: Lexi, I’m sorry

He was the only person in the world that was allowed to call me that

I knew where he was, it’s the same place I would go when the world and life became too much and I wanted to escape. I showed him this park the first time we met.  It was after Benny’s first deployment, and they brought home Frankie with them.  There weren't many places to escape to in this small town, everyone knew where you were all the time and it at times can be a lot.  This park was a place I could go that was just far enough from downtown that I was able to escape and take a minute to breathe.  

There wasn’t many cars when I pulled into the lot, many of the cars were parked near the trailhead, none of them were the car I was in search of.  I glance towards the back, near the picnic tables and the lake, spotting his truck and I move my car and park in front of his.

Killing the engine I take a deep breath.  Thoughts of why I didn't text him back run through my head, but what was going to say? Sorry for what and then never get a response. He had nothing to be sorry for. I open my door and walk towards the drivers side window of his old beat up Chevy.  Peeking in, I don’t see him. Empty beer bottles, and a few pill bottles tossed on the floorboard and my heart starts to race.  I step to the bed of the truck, nothing.  I move back to the front of his truck, place the back of my hand to the hood, it’s cool to the touch and I realize he’s been here for a while. 

“Shit, Fish…where the fuck are you?” I say into the emptiness around me, I am trying to not panic after what I saw in the truck.  But it’s useless as not only panic, but fear sinks in

I turn and start to walk towards the tables and the waters edge.  The closer I get I notice a body, about his size, he’s slumped over one of the tables and my feet run towards it.  Seeing a black hat, I started to yell his name.  The limp body becomes more into focus the closer I get, that stupid Standard Oil hat he always wears coming into view, the tan jacket he would let me wear some nights.  Yelling his name, trying to get his attention to no prevail I run faster.  His back was leaning against the table, his body slouched.  Head down and arms at his sides, palms face up.  Getting closer I see his eyes closed, and his face flushed, he looks ghostly.  I touch his forehead to find him clammy and barely breathing. I grab his wrist in search of a pulse.

“Fuck, Frankie…Frankie, wake up” I rub his chest, pushing harder the louder I yell his name trying to get him to wake up, nothing is working and I reach into my pocket, grabbing my phone.

“9 1 1 what is your emergency?” a calm voice answers

Francisco Morales, or Frankie to most.  Catfish or Fish to those who knew him best.  Or Fishie to me, is a highly trained and skilled pilot in the special forces branch of the Army.  He is an expert pilot with medals to prove it, that was up till a few months ago  He suffered an injury in a routine training exercise that went bad.  A shoulder injury that just wouldn’t heal.  A doctor had given him pain meds to help, and after a surgery he was given stronger meds.  Those pain meds slowly lead to other drugs, which lead him to cocaine. When he got caught his entire life started to fall apart.  Tom, his Captain, had tried to get him another chance, but by the third time he was out.  Tom did everything he could, and finally was able to convince to be medically discharged, because of his injury, so he could still receive his benefits.  Saying the addiction was their fault, which he did have a point.  Benny offered him his spare room to help him get his life back together.  But over the course of the year, taking care of Frankie became more than he signed up for.  He was more of a parent then a friend and Benny didn’t know what else to do.

“No...no…I don’t know what he took.  He’s barely breathing and his pulse is very weak” I say between sobs, trying to keep it together just enough for help to arrive. I was in way over my head “just please, please send help!”

“I have police and fire on their way ma’am.  They are moving as fast as they can.  How long has he been unresponsive?” the voice on the other end was annoyingly calm,  I knew she had to be, but it was pissing me off

“I DON’T KNOW!” I scream into the phone, “Just please hurry.  Fish…hey Fishie, I’m gonna need you to wake up now, please. WAKE UP” tears begin to fall, I rest my forehead against his.  A silent prayer being said, to whoever would listen, the police sirens growing louder and louder through the valley of the mountains.  I look up seeing the red and blue lights flash off the rocks moving towards us, “they are here, someone is here” my voice cracks

A young woman officer is soon by our side.  I reluctantly slid away from Frankie, letting the officer start to work.  Watching as the officer pulls something from her pocket, popping the top off on her leg, she shoves the nozzle into Frankies nose.  Everything was becoming a blur, it felt like time was standing still, I felt frozen in time while the world around me was pushed to fast forward.  Fire and paramedics had shown up at some point, and they moved him to a stretcher.  Frankie’s eyes were open and he was fighting to get out of the bed.  The paramedics having to restrain him against the bed, getting him to stop thrashing around.  I feel his eyes lock onto mine and they push him away, and I know he can see the tears I feel falling.  Will wrapped his arms around me letting me fall into him, my face buried into his chest.

Benny was being interviewed by an officer, they were trying to piece together what he took and what led to this moment.  I hung onto Will, while the same questions were being asked to me.  A search of the truck while Frankie was in the back of the ambulance being taken care of.

Over the years Frankie had become like family.  Anytime the boys were home for an extended period of time, Frankie would tag along.  The Miller home became his home.  Frankie and I had become close, I was someone he could trust, a safe place for all his secrets.  Things about life, he could never talk to the guys about.  He hated talking, he hated how people would feel sorry for him, except for me.  My feelings towards Frankie never changed. If he wanted advice, I was there, if he just wanted to vent I was there. 

I had developed a crush on him, and if you met him you’d understand.  His soft brown eyes, his boyish smile, with a stupid little dimple.  He had a calm and steady demeanor about him. The way he would look at me when he talked, or when I would go on about some stupid celebrity gossip he didn’t care about.  He looked at me like I held the answers to all the questions, and it made me feel special.  But he was off limits, he’s my brother's best friend and teammate, he was family.  I know Benny and Will, despite being step-brothers, are the most protective people in the world and would kill any man that broke my heart.  I’ve kept this little crush a secret, or at least I thought I did, I always felt like Will knew. 

Frankie’s vitals were normal, the police didn’t find a reason to arrest him so he was released. He refused to go to the hospital. Frankie walks to his truck, the three of us standing watching and waiting for him. He digs his hands into his pockets looking for his keys which you have in your hand.  

“I’m not going to the hospital” he says matter of factly, “where the fuck are my keys” he growls looking directly at Benny who throws his hands up in defense 

“Don’t look at me”

“He doesn’t have them” I say, gripping the key so tight it’s starting to leave an inaction “Frankie”

“Don’t” he looks at me and I can see the betrayal in his eyes “spare me the I should be better and give me my fucking keys Lexi. I want to go home” 

“You were knocking on death's door when I found you Francisco” I never called him that, he’s always been Fishie or Fish. He knew he had let me down anytime that name was used. “You were barely breathing, I couldn’t find a pulse. What did you want me to do? You don’t want to go to the hospital, that’s fine. That’s your choice, but there is no way in hell I am letting you get behind the wheel and possibly kill someone, or yourself because you weren’t paying attention” I grip the keys tighter. I am surprised at how strong my voice is despite my heart breaking inside. 

His jaw ticks, his tell that he’s angry. His hand flex’s in a fish, he’s frustrated, tired, angry and ashamed. “Fuck. And how exactly do I get home? Walk?” He knows he isn’t getting the key, unlike the guys I don’t back down from him

“I’m taking your truck” Will finally speaks up, he had known Frankie the longest. They went through basic together. Other than me, Will is the only one he seems to listen to. Years spent alongside each other, and Santiago Garcia, they have been through some shit. The kind of shit that bonds you in ways normal people wouldn’t understand. “You can ride with me, or Alex” 

“What about Ben?” He asks 

“I have shit to fix,” Benny sighs

The three of us knew the answer. There was no way he would be getting in the car with me. The look of disappointment was enough for him to stay away, he didn’t want to hear my lecture to him. Riding with Will would give him what he needed, look out the window, air in his face and being able to blare the music so loud it would drown out his thoughts. Riding with me, it would be anything but that. 

“Fuck, fine…let’s go Will” he walks past us, bumping my shoulder as he does, he avoids eye contact with me and it breaks my heart even more. “Will, no talking” he yells as he waits for Will at the door 

Will wraps his arms around me, I give him pleading eyes and he seems to know what I’m asking without me saying a word “I’ll try” he whispers before walking to the truck and starting it. 

The cool breeze on his face was just what he needed. The final notes to ‘smoke on the water’ begin to fade on the truck's speakers. Will’s hand reaches to turn the volume down. Frankie opens his eyes and turns his head to face Will whose eyes remain focused on the road ahead. Will was determined to get him to talk, he was just waiting for the right moment. 

“Jesus Christ, just say it already. I know you want to” Frankie sighs, his own voice yelling inside his head

“Say what?” Will replies, his voice calm 

“Please…” Frankie scoffs, “that I’m a loser, a huge fucking disappointment. How I am letting people down. That I should be better. You know all the things Lex would be telling me right now” Frankie closes his eyes. ‘Maybe I should have just gone to the hospital’ he thinks to himself 

Will’s focus remained on the road, he sighs and takes a deep breath. This isn’t the first time they’ve had this conversation. Will had this talk with him the first time he was caught with pain meds that weren’t his. 

“She’s right, you should be” 

“I have nothing left Will. All I have ever known, all I have ever been good at is being a pilot. I know how to fly and I know how to kill. I’m useless here, maybe I shouldn’t even”

“Fuck that Fish, you better not finish that thought” Will pulls to the side of the road slamming on the breaks and turns to face him, “you are not useless, you have so much to live for”

Frankie rolls his eyes, “like what? My girl left me before I even landed. She heard the words ‘drug problem’ and she ran. I’m basically homeless, I live with Benny.  I’m jobless, I’m useless.  Face it Will, I am useless and nobody needs me”

“Monica was a bitch” Will says, Frankie shakes his head in disagreement 

“She was smart. She got out when she could, she didn’t let me drag her down” Frankie looks down, his voice grows quiet “something my Mom should have done with my Dad” 

There is a long pause, the silence is deafening. His heart pounding in his chest. Will stays silent 

“He died on my birthday ya know. I was 12, maybe 13. When she came to tell me, it wasn’t like she was sad or anything. It was relief?” He says it as a question because even after all these years, he still doesn’t understand the feeling his mother had. “She said something about us not having to worry anymore. Shit…” he rubs his face “I’m just like him” 

Will stays silent, he didn’t know this story. Frankie had always stayed quiet about his life as a kid. Saying joining the Army was his way out of a shit situation. Will knew he had to help his friend, his brother. But he’s tried, this time Frankie was going to have to be the one that asked for it. Will looks at Frankie, Frankie’s hands shaking “Fish…”

“I need help”

I haven’t heard from him for a few days, it wasn’t out of the normal. But I expected to hear something from him, maybe a ‘thank you for saving my life’ would have been nice. He was mad, I was mad, and it turned the rocky road even rockier. Will mentioned they talked but not much more than that. It was a Friday night, and I just poured myself a glass of rose, getting ready to Netflix and chill alone. There’s a gentle knock on the door and I sigh, I’m in sweats and an oversized shirt, I don’t want to answer the door. 

When I do, I see Frankie standing there, hands in his pocket, like a nervous high school kid knocking on the door of his crush. He’s rocking back and forth not looking at her just yet. 

“Hey” he says shyly, his eyes traveling up from my bare feet to my eyes 

“Hi” I cross my arms 

We stand there in awkward silence, I notice Benny sitting in the car, and I look back to Frankie chewing on the inside of his cheek, “Fish, what are you doing here?” I finally ask

“I’m gonna get the help I need” he finally looks at me again. He stares into my eyes, “I’m sorry you found me like that. I didn’t mean to hurt you” 

“Frankie…” I swallow hard, uncrossing my arms and taking a step towards him. Wrapping my arms around his waist 

“I’ll see you soon” he says hugging me tentatively and I can feel his heart racing 

“I’m happy for you” I pull away, his hands hold my waist, his eyes watery as he looks at me “you’ll be ok, I’ll see you soon” I try to smile

I’m happy for him, he’s going to get the help he needs, I just hope this time it works. He nods, quickly adjusting his cap. Then he leans in and kisses my cheek, he turns and runs back to Benny, his face must have been a mirror image of mine. Shock is probably an understatement. 

“Shut up Ben” I hear him say closing the car door

White walls.

White floors. 

White bed sheets. 

Everything in this place is white, and Frankie hates it all. It’s sterile, the only pop of color is the small garden outside his window, and that nurse Nicole who has been getting to know him.  In more ways than one. Frankie hated it, he wanted out, he wanted a hit of something…other than Nicole…she was great, sure. But he needed something stronger, something to take the edge off. 

He wondered if this was what hell was like. Listening to people's sob stories of what ended them up here in this white prison. An older gentleman with dark gray hair, and sober blue eyes was going on and on about what brought him here. Frankie wasn’t listening just like he wasn’t listening the first dozen times he heard this story. He was focused on the rain drops hitting the window outside. 

“…I should have done this a long time ago.  I pushed away everyone who cared about me, and wanted to help me.  I didn’t think I needed help, we are all soldiers, we don’t ask for help.  I just hope that when this is done and I get out of here they can find it in their hearts to forgive me” the man says, finishing his speech and the small group claps for him

It had been a little over three weeks here, meaning Frankie only had a week left.  He had spent every class sitting in the back on the hard uncomfortable chairs listening to people share their stores of what brought them here.  He wished he was anywhere else, he would have even being back on the battlefield was better compared to this.  This was a nightmare. He was counting down the minutes, the seconds until the little bell would chime letting him know it was time for lunch.  He was trying to remain low, stay out of the way and do as little as possible just to get this done and over with.

“Mr. Morales…” the instructor speaks. Karen was her name? Maybe, he didn’t know. He didn’t care.  She was nice, going along with Frankie hiding in the background, but if he was going to graduate and be able to leave this place, she was going to need him to open up.

His eyes widen, heart races “hmm…what?” everyone still seated in their seats “Would you care to share with us today?” she smiles at him

“Well, uhh….” all eyes are suddenly on him, “I would but, you know it’s time for lunch”.  The little bell chimes again, and Frankie claps his hands together. “Saved by the bell” and there are a few awkward chuckles around him.  People slowly standing and moving their chairs to the side.  Frankie stands and folds up his chair, his name being called just as he reaches the door.

Karen standing in front of him, “can we chat for a minute?” she asks with a look that no wasn’t going to be taken as an answer

“I would, but see it’s taco night, and if you don’t get there early you get stuck with all the broken shells” 

A little ironic, broken shells for the broken man.

“Frankie…” she sighs

“I…uh…I, you’re not gonna take no will you?” he asks and she nods in agreement, “Shit, fine.  He walks towards her desk, grabbing a chair along the way.  It was times like this he wishes they would have let him keep his hat.  His safety net, he wanted to put it on and pull it down where you couldn’t see his eyes. 

“Why are you here?” she asks

“I had heard this place and some great food,” he laughs, and she doesn’t even crack a smile, “tough crowd.  Ok, My friends said I needed to get help”

“What do you think? Do you think you need help?”

“I don’t know” he leans back and crosses his arms

“Then why are you here?” she asks again, “if you don’t know why you are here, if you are here just for your friends, and you don’t want to be here…why stay? No one is forcing you to be here” 

That’s a lie, there's guards at the front door.

“It’s not like I can just walk out the front door.  I already tried that.  I don’t know, I might need help, but this addiction isn’t my fault.  It’s also not my fault that the one person…the only…that someone who cares about me, that I care about found me” he wipes his eyes, not wanting to let the tears actually fall “I didn’t ask her to come find me”

Lie.  He sent that text to her, knowing she could come find him.  She always did.

“And why didn’t you share that, that’s why we are here.  We are here to help you.” 

“Everyone has been saying that, maybe I don’t want help.  Look, I don’t mean to be an asshole.  But what does sharing stories do? Like George, and the, I pushed people away bullshit. His story is nothing like mine.  I don’t care about these people, and they sure in hell don’t give a fuck about me” 

“Because, everyone here is a lot more like you than you think.  For example, Steve you should talk to him” 

“Steve?” Frankie asked

“Yes, the gentleman at the end…the one you just called George. His name is Steve” 

The next few days were spent getting to know Steve.  Frankie hated sharing anything personal but the two of them did have something in common. Steve happened to be a fighter pilot for the Air Force, getting hooked on painkillers after he had retired. Karen was right, this guy was actually pretty ok. They exchanged information, Steve letting him know that he had a friend who could help with the addiction.  

It was finally day 30, the day he was counting down too since he got to this place. He had just finished packing up his shit when there was a gentle hand on his back. Nicole, she wanted to make sure she was able to give him the proper send off. 

He pushes her so she’s bent over his bed. Lifting her white dress, and sliding her panties to the side. Unzipping his own jeans, he pushes into her in one swift motion. A hand covering her mouth as she moans out his name. He wasn’t going to miss this place, he wasn’t even sure if he was going to miss this. Yeah, she was good and always ready for him. But she wasn’t the girl he wished she was. 

His back towards the door, and he continues to rock into Nicole when there’s a knock on his door. He turns to see it slowly being pushed open and his friend, Santiago Garcia standing there. Santiago leaning against the frame, arms crossed and a smirk on his face. 

“Some things never change, do they Cat?” Santiago sighs 

Frankie hadn’t seen Santi, or Pope since he was kicked out of the Army.  Pope wanting to spend time with his girl and the possibility of starting a family. Frankie pulls out of Nicole practically shoving her face first onto the mattress. He quickly tucks himself back into his jeans, smiling at Pope. 

“What the hell are you doing here?” Frankie asks. He’s happy and slightly confused

“I’m here to bust your ass outta here” he chuckles, “but that doesn’t seem to be the only thing ready to bust” 

“Shut up Cabrón” Frankie watches as Nicole adjusts herself and moves out of the room. He knows he should have felt guilty but honestly he really didn’t care. “Where’s Ben?”

“Had some shit to take care of. Will and I came to get you, he’s up front taking care of some paperwork. I don’t know he told me to come get you” he shrugs 

“You know you always sucked at lying right” Frankie bends over to pick up the duffle bag and walks out of the bedroom heading to the front door where Will was waiting 

“Hey…hey wait, what about that little chick?” Pope calls after him 

“You want me to what?” I ask in disbelief, watching as Benny makes himself at home on my sofa

Frankie was coming home today, and I had planned a small party for him. Just a little something, some pizza and being around his friends. This was all planned before Benny told me he would be leaving a few days after Frankie got out. 

“He needs to stay with someone for a while, they don’t want him to be alone in case of a relapse” Benny says leaning his head back, “please…I can’t not go, I don’t have a job that allows me to say ‘no’ to them” 

“I…I, why me?” I stutter out the words

“He trusts you” Benny manages to say just as the door opens and Will walks in 

“Hey” he says awkwardly, somehow knowing that Benny just asked you 

It was the most awkward pizza dinner of my life. No one really saying anything. Frankie staring at his slice of pizza picking off the toppings. I had picked up a mushroom and pepperoni one just for him. I knew it was his favorite and watching him sit uncomfortable breaks my heart

“So who was that cute little blonde you had in bed, Fish?” Pope asked, leave it to him to make it even more uncomfortable 

Frankie gave him a look, the term ‘if looks could kill’ was 100% true and Santiago is lucky he wasn’t six-feet under right now. 

“She was a nurse, at least that’s what they call them there. More like a maid if anything” Frankie groans pushing his plate away “I gotta pee” 

I watch as he gets up and walk down the hall towards the bathroom. Santiago going on about how he walked in on him and the so-called nurse. “She was fucking hot too” I roll my eyes, and look back to Benny. 

“I really don’t need to hear this” 

Trying to tune out what they are saying, I too start to pick at the crust of my half eaten pizza. I really don’t need to know about his sexcapades anymore then I need to hear about Bennys. The only difference, I am jealous of this girl I don’t even know. The conversation slowly turns to what they are going to do with Frankie. How do deal with him, the addiction that they are sure wasn’t solved in the 30 days that he was there. 

“Has anyone even asked him what he wanted?” I finally ask, listening to them talking like he isn’t even there. 

“It doesn’t matter, the doctors said he needs to be with someone, at least for a while” Benny sighs 

Frankie comes back, setting a coin on the table.  “If you want to talk about me like I’m not even here. You might want to make sure I can’t hear you. Or better yet, I can make it easier on you all and not fucking be here” 

“Frankie…wait” I grab the coin from the table and stand up, “what the fuck is wrong with you guys?” I turn and chase after him 

He doesn’t have a car, his home for the last few years is too far to walk. He has no money and can’t afford a cab. He opens the front door and stops leaning against the small fence on the front porch. His hands grip the top post, his head down, he wants to disappear but has no place to go. 

“Hey…” I say softly, closing the door behind me and moving closer to him “you forgot this”

I hold the silver coin towards him. A large ‘30 days’ written on it. He looks at me, his eyes flicking from the coin to my eyes and I feel frozen. He lifts his hand grabbing the coin from me and throwing it into the yard, “this doesn’t fucking mean anything” his voice cracks “why did you have to find me? Y’all would have been better off” he looks away. Staring out in front of him 

“Ok…” I sigh, confused and hurt by what he said. I didn’t mean to say that. It just kinda can out. I didn’t know what else to say. His eyes turn to me, angry and watery. I swallow hard, and try to think of the next word. “Do you want to stay here?” 

What the fuck kinda question is that? He literally just told me I shouldn’t have found him. He just spent 30 days in a rehab facility. He seemed so happy when he told me he was going to get help and now. This isn’t the Frankie that left saying he wanted help. 

“Not really…nothing against you. But I don’t understand why I can’t just stay at home. Well, Benny’s home” he turns his body and leans against the fence. Crossing his arms. “I am tired of people telling me what to do. I had a whole month of it, tell us your feelings Frankie, here’s what we’re eating Frankie…” 

“Because Morales, the docs at the rehab facility want you to stay with someone incase of a relapse. You can stay here or head back to rehab. I’m sure Nicole would be happy to welcome you back” Benny had joined us, sitting on the swinging bench

“If you want to stay here…I’d like you to stay. But I understand if you don’t” I tell him, giving Benny an evil glare. “I promise to give you your space. And you can have Nicole stop by if you want” 

“Oh my god, enough with Nicole. She was a good time that’s fucking it. It’s not like I’m gonna marry her.  I’m not doing this because you're telling me too” Frankie groans in defeat

ANN: A huge shout out to @musings-of-a-rose for helping me with this and giving me confidence to post this in first person. I am still terrified of it. @theewokingdead and @heythere-mel for listening to my random ass ideas at all hours. I love each and every one of you.

Looking for more of my fics check out my masterlist. And check out other writers at @littlemisspascal and their library for all Pedro Characters

Just A Dream Masterlist Previous Chapter // Next Chapter

It took two days, four, well three and a half strong men moved all of Frankie’s stuff. My house might be small, but the best part. Despite only having two bedrooms, the bedrooms are huge. The guest room is slightly smaller than my master and there isn’t an attached bathroom but still plenty is space for his stuff. I kept the small desk there, well honestly that was the only thing I had there. Five years of living here and my guest room was still empty. Mostly why I think Benny volunteered my space, I was also someone he knew. All of Frankie’s belongings were still in taped boxes. We didn’t know how long Benny was going to be gone, it made sense to bring more than just a duffle bag of stuff. 

It's been two weeks since he had moved in, his clothes still in boxes, extra bedding still in boxes. He’s been wearing the same gray sweatpants and black shirt since he got here. Now don’t get me wrong, I love a man in specifically gray ones as much as the next girl, but he hasn’t changed. I don’t even know if he has showered. Seeing him all mopey is making me mad and slightly frustrated. I know he would much rather be back at what has been his home for years, but he needs help and I want to help. I just have no idea what I am doing. I’m feeling guilty making him move, and I know I shouldn’t. 

Thanks to having no social life I had a lot of PTO built up, I’ve been off these two weeks trying to help him feel at home. It’s been mostly awkward living with him when it shouldn’t. Awkward grunts, one word answers, he eats alone despite my best efforts. Yesterday he came out of his room and talked to me, it was about a cricket outside his window that just wouldn’t shut up. It was the first time he seemed to be normal? Is that even the right word, what is normal? 

It’s late afternoon, and he had been in his room the entire day. Walking past his room and I see him sitting on the edge of his bed, staring at the boxes sitting along the wall picking at his fingernails. He has had mood swings that have him going from happy to sad in seconds.  I thought about walking past him again, keep going on with my day.  But I couldn’t stand seeing the boxes still stacked. It felt like he was ready to move as soon as Benny stepped foot on American soil again, and I was terrified of seeing him live like he didn’t belong here.  I stop and gently tap on the open door, “hey…you want some help with those?”

He doesn’t look up at me, instead he just continues to stare at the box, “there’s just so much, I don’t know where to start” he takes a deep breath hanging his head 

I walk into his room, he is still sitting on the bed. I grab the top box labeled ‘shirts’ and then turn back towards him. I tap his foot with mine, motioning with my head he needs to move. He stands up and watches as I drop the box on the bed and start grabbing a few shirts and put them in one of the many empty drawers. I hear him sigh with disapproval and I look at him “What?” I groan in frustration 

“They need to be folded neatly, and by color. As well as style, but it’s fine…it’s fine. I’ll just do it later” he rubs the back of his neck

Call it being a perfectionist, I call it someone who was trained that everything always had to have order.  Everything needed to have crisp lines, be organized.  Having its rightful spot, years of military training would do this to a person and I was all too aware that it wasn’t fine.

I pull the shirts back out of the drawer, hoping he doesn’t see my eye roll and I set them back in the box. I didn’t expect this to be easy, but I also didn’t expect I was going to have to be his mother and not a friend. I didn’t think I was going to have to tell Frankie to eat, to take a shower. All the things I thought he already knew, was he like this in rehab? “Then refold the shirts and put them in the drawer” shit was that too aggressive? “I think I might make you feel more at home if you do” I put a hand on his shoulder gently rubbing it. 

I watch as he takes a shirt out, folds it meticulously. The edges of the shirt are perfect, he sets it on the bed, his hand running over the shirt, taking out any wrinkles. Every shirt has an order, by color, type, it is memorizing watching him as he moves. Folding every time with such perfection. I have to shake my head and snap out of it, I grab another box and open it to find it stuffed with boxers. He is completely focused on his shirts as I work to put the boxer briefs in a drawer hoping the fold in half method works for him. 

I pull out black pair after black pair.  There was an occasional gray mixed in. After seeing him in those gray sweatpants for the past two weeks my mind can’t help but imagine him in these and how great they would make his thighs look, his…’stop.  Don’t think about that. He’s now your roommate you can’t do that’ all those thots fall when I pull out a baby blue pair with little cat heads wearing headsets. Different types of helicopters fill the empty space between the cat faces. I can’t but giggle holding them up, Frankie stops what he is doing and looks up, “care to explain these” holding the boxers in the air and shake them, I arch an eyebrow at him smiling 

He reaches across and snatches them from my hands “nope…” he paused for a moment fold the boxers in half “you got them” he places them on the bottom of the drawer under the pile of black ones 

“I did?” I truly don’t remember. One would think someone would remember getting boxers that looked like that 

“Yeah, Christmas a few years ago” he returns his focus to the shirts in the box

”Oh my God, you’re right. I did” I laugh

”You said, that I was impossible to shop for, and you wanted something unique to remember you when I was away” 

Frankie is the most impossible person to shop for. He always would say he didn’t need anything, he said to not waste money on a guy like him. He wasn’t worth it. I watch Frankie roll his eyes as I tell him again that he is impossible to shop for. A hint of a smile begins to appear and I think that we might have a breakthrough. I finished the box I was working on, broke it down and leaned it against the wall. Frankie pulls out his last shirt and folds it, setting it on the top of a pile. Grabbing the small stack he turns and starts to put them in the top drawer. I grab the box and start to break it down when I see a film strip inside. I reach in and grab the photos. 

I stare at them, a clean shaven, wide-eyed twenty something Francisco Morales. I had a photo from this shoot, but I never saw these two. It was before his first deployment and the guys went and did some ‘glamor shots’ as a gag gift. Frankie’s in a purple shirt and leather jacket. His brown hair falling perfectly into place. The first photo his hands are in his back pockets. Showing off his impressive chest and broad shoulders, his smile that makes one’s heart beat a little faster and an instant panty dropper. The other, I swear, he could have been a model. His arms crossed over his chest. His biceps bursting the seams of his jacket, his lips pursed together in a brooding expression. Holy shit, he’s hot…“What do we have here?”

Frankie turns and looks at me, it takes a moment for him to realize what I’m holding in my hand. “Give those here” he reaches for them and I quickly pull them away

”Nope…” I laugh and hold them up, inspecting the photos a bit more

”Lex” he says, a bit more authoritative, it’s deep and it’s sexy. He takes a step towards me, I take a couple small steps towards his open door. I try to keep a distance between us 

I have a small idea, “you want them?” I ask slowly moving backward closer to the door, he starts to close the distance nodding his head yes, “then you’ll just have to come and get them” I smile and turn to run through the door. 

He bolts out of the room following me, I forget how fast he is and how incredibly silent he can be. He’s on my heels in an instant and I run a circle around the couch. Heading past him and into the kitchen, stopping at one end of the small island. He’s facing me on the other side “Lex…” he says.  I smile, laugh and run past his outstretched arm.  

“Gotta be quicker than that Morales” I ran around the house again, waiting for him to turn and find me again. I lose my breath as I’m back in his room, the bed as a barrier between us. I look at the photos and see him strut back into his room. I clearly didn’t think this through completely as I find myself trapped on the one side of the bed. Frankie blocking the only exit. He starts to walk around the bed, he’s standing at the end while I move further up closer to the headboard. I’m waiting for him, I have my escape planned. He fakes a step to the left towards me and I step up onto his bed. The piles of shirts start to fall when I bring my other foot up. He reaches across the bed, “Bad move, Miller” he snarls and wraps a hand around my ankle pulling it out and dropping me to the bed. 

I hold the photos above my head, he pulls me closer. Placing his thigh is between my legs and crawling the bed until  he’s hovering over my body. We’re both laughing and I struggle to keep the photos out of his reach. His large hand captures both of my wrists and pins them to the bed. I squirm below him, trying to break free.  “Stop moving” he grunts, his other hand lands on my hip. Holding me tightly in place, my shirt slightly raised and his thumb slowly rubbing against my bare skin. Our laughter slowly turns into heavy breathing. 

His face is so close, I can feel his warm breath. His eyes are so full of life now, I see the small parts of the old Frankie. The Frankie that became a friend, family, a crush. My heart is pounding and I am pretty positive Frankie can hear it, his hand is setting my skin on fire and I have no idea what is happening. But I want to kiss him, I want him to kiss me, I want to feel his lips on mine. “Frankie…” I whisper 

“Hmmm” he leans closer to me, his nose brushing along mine 

I don’t know what I was going to say, I didn’t imagine us ending up like this. I clearly didn’t think this through and I have no idea what to do. Time seems to move slow, and I don’t know how long we stay like this. His eyes focused on mine, I feel like he is looking into my soul. Does he want me to kiss him? Should I kiss him? His hand still wrapped around my wrists, the other still holding my hip. 

“KISS HIM ALREADY” my inner voice yells. I finally make a move, I close the short distance between, my lips just about to touch his when my phone rings in my back pocket. His hand releases my wrists and he sits up on the bed. I close my eyes, wishing I didn’t take so long to make the move. I reach behind me, pulling out my phone. It was work, I smiled and mouth a sorry to him, sliding the answer button and bringing the phone to my ear. “Hello” I stand and walk out of his room 

“Why didn’t I kiss her? She was right there…would she even want me to kiss her?” He thinks to himself, running his fingers through his hair 

He looks at himself in the mirror. The same sweatpants he’s been wearing for well over a week, he looked like a hot mess. At least the shirt was clean, or he thought his shirt was clean. He sees the unruly hair, the 5 o’clock shadow had turned into a fully grown beard. “Because you're a pathetic loser, look at you. She’d never want you to kiss her” that negative voice inside him says. Frankie shakes his head, hands covering his face. He rubs his eyes and tries to remember Will telling him wasn’t.  But the thing is, Will was never a very good liar and the voice becomes louder and louder. 

“Fishie…hey Fish” her voice brings him back. He looks up at her “hey, you ok?

“yeah…yeah” he says, but her face tells him she doesn’t believe him. 

“uhm, ok.  I gotta run to work for a bit. I’m not sure when I’ll be home but there’s money on the table. Order some take out”  

He nods, giving her his best smile and watches as she walks away. He hears the door open and close.  Standing up he peeks his head out the door, he doesn’t hear her. He just needs to take the edge off. He knows he will feel a lot better when he can’t feel anything again. He knows he doesn’t have much left, but enough to last him at least today. He’ll worry about tomorrow-tomorrow. Thank God he hid the green can well enough that Alex didn’t find it. Just one hit, that’s all he needs.

“Take a shower, you’ll feel better after a shower. You’re better than this” he can hear Will’s voice. 

It didn’t.

“Food, get some food. Don’t do this Cat” the voice says

My phone dances on my desk as I finish some paperwork. I had plenty of PTO built up, but the doctor's office had an influx of new patients and I was one of the few who knew how to enter all the data and get them set up. It wasn’t where I pictured myself when I graduated college with a degree in film.  But it’s a good paying job, and it kept me close to home. 

Fishie 🐟: u like Pad Thai 🍲 

Me: Not really, and I don’t think that’s Pad Thai haha

Fishie 🐟: oh ok what u want? 

I type back a response, telling him to order what he wants. The money on the table was for him to do what he wanted. I might not like Pad Thai, but that shouldn’t stop him from ordering it. I finish typing a few things and grab my phone. I walked over to some of my coworkers who were getting ready to head out as well. I lean against Laura’s desk. She was chatting with a few of the nurses, I watched my phone as the little bubble with dots popped up, then disappeared, appeared again, and disappeared again. I sigh, my head drops. His mood swings are driving me insane. 

Me: I like noodles, with teriyaki sauce if that counts as Pad Thai

“What’s up Buttercup” Laura smiles cheerfully

”Have you ever had to help a friend with an addiction?” I look up, the mouths all open “seriously. A friend, not me” 

“What kind of addiction?” Laura asks, she was my go-to at work. Her upbeat attitude always had the answers 

“Narcotics…” I reply 

Is this friend living with you?” a nurse asks 

I tell them how the friend just got out of rehab, I leave out the part that the friend is a he, and the he is Frankie. I tell them how rehab said something about how they shouldn’t be left alone, doctors orders they need to live with someone in case of a relapse. “Sometimes I feel like I see the person I became friends with, then sometimes hhhh-they are a completely different person. Someone I don’t even know and it’s only been two weeks” 

“Just keep being there for them, don’t push too hard. But they need to know you are there for him. I mean them, no matter what it is, they can trust you” she puts a hand on top of mine 

“You can’t give up on them.  No matter how hard they try to push you away, you push back. They’ll have their moments but like Laura said, you just need to be there. Letting them know you won’t give up on them” 

“Thanks,” I take a deep breath and stare at my phone, he still hasn’t responded “I just wish I knew what he needed, he doesn’t talk” 

“Give it time, he will open up when he’s ready” 

'Did she just say he? How does she know' I think

I walk into the house, kicking off my shoes and dropping my purse off on the little side table. I hear grunting from down the hall. ‘Oh please don’t tell me he has a girl here’ I think to myself moving towards his room. “Frankie?” 

T-Shirts he had just folded and pants were thrown into the hall. I move towards the open door dodging pants being thrown out as I get close, I look into his room and it looks like a tornado hit. The mattress shoved against the wall, drawers empty and pulled from the dresser, clothes thrown around the room. I see Frankie bent over in his closet he had on a new pair of dark green sweats on, he’s shirtless. Little water droplets still cling to his hair and a towel draped over the back of a chair. 

“Where the fuck is it?!” he shouts as I watch him throw more things around. 

“Where is what?” I ask, and instantly regret it 

He turned quickly looking at me, his eyes filled with rage and nostrils flaring. I’ve never seen this look before, and he slowly starts to walk towards me. There’s an evil glint to his eye and it scares me. 

“Where the fuck did you put it Alexandra?” He snarls 

“If you told me what you are looking for…” I tried to not raise my voice, trying to keep calm. He needs me to remain calm. 

“YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I’M LOOKING FOR! DON’T PLAY STUPID” 

The yelling intensifies and I know the neighbors can hear us, stay calm. Don’t make things worse. 

What happened to the Frankie from earlier? 

“I need you to calm down, Frankie. Please. Just tell me what you're looking for and I can help” I wanna put my hand on his shoulder, ground him. Let him know I’m here, but he’s breathing heavy, his lip curls up in an evil grin. 

“I know you have it!” he says in an oddly calm manner, “JUST GIVE IT TO ME!!!” He yells 

He takes a step closer, he raises his fist. I flinch as the closed hand comes flying towards me and it connects with the wall inches from my head. “Give it to me now Alex” he growls

“What in the hell is your problem!?” I yell shoving his chest back

“You! Benny! This stupid fucking place. I don’t want to be here!” His eyes begin to water and a tear streams down his cheek, he takes a couple steps back

“Fine, then fucking leave! No one is forcing you to be here Francisco” I try to hold back by own tears “I am sick and tired of seeing you being all mopey and shit.  You don’t want to be here, FINE” 

Shit…I am pretty sure I just over stepped. I go to open my mouth to apologize and there is a hard knock at the door followed by a “Police” 

“You called the Police?” He shouts 

“I’ve been standing in front of you the entire time arguing with you. When would I have had time to call the police?” I say, I back up and move towards the front door. The knocks become more aggressive “I’m coming!” 

I unlock the door and see three officers standing there. They all have a concerned look on their faces

”Good evening ma’am. We got a call about some yelling and wanted to make sure everything was ok” the taller officer said

”Everything is fine. It’s great. Just swell” my words are dripped with sarcasm

“Do you mind stepping outside to talk to my partner Officer James” he looks over my shoulder and sees Frankie, “hey there sir.  Mind coming over here for a moment?” 

He is sitting on the porch as she stands by the car. He fucked up, she’s given up on him. He’s given up on himself. 

“What’s your name?” The youngest officer asks him 

Frankie reads the name printed on his chest. T. Baker. “Frank, my name is Frank and everything is fine Officer Baker” 

Baker keeps asking bin questions.  What happened, did she hit him. Did he hit her? How long has he been living here? What was their relationship? Frankie becoming more annoyed with each question. What did it matter? He fucked things up and he needed a hit more then ever. He was looking for his coke, she found him on a downward spiral but there was no way he was going to tell him that. Suddenly the questions take a turn, when Officer Baker notices a tattoo on his chest. 

“What branch?” 

“Excuse me” Frankie responds confused 

“Your tattoo?”

“Oh yeah, Army. Special Ops, I was a pilot” 

He has a tattoo on the left side of his chest, a helicopter flying. A sun and clouds shaded in the background. The helicopter with incredible detail, one of the ones he first learned how to fly. A few men repelling from the bird.  Just below a group of trees

“Thank you for your service sir.  Wait here, I have some stuff for you” Baker nods his head and walks to the patrol car 

He watches him shuffle down the stairs, he sees Alex and for a moment they lock eyes. His heart nearly stops as he sees the tears in her eyes that she quickly wipes away. He caused this pain and for what, a stupid little hit that was nearly enough to take away the pain. He ruined everything. The afternoon was so great, and now she wants him out. Officer Baker was walking back with a stack of papers in his hand. 

“For the hundredth time, he didn’t hurt me. He would never do that” I groaned. I have said the same thing over and over. Are they trying to get a different answer? Despite Frankie punching a hole in the wall, he would never lay a hand on me. 

I pinch the bridge of my nose and close my eyes taking in a deep breath. When I open my eyes, I see Frankie. His eyes locked onto mine. The hurt, the pain, he looks lost. The officer hands him a stack of papers. His hands shaking as he takes them, he turns his head down and he walks into the house. 

“Ms. Miller, if you need anything else please give us a call” the officer sees his small notebook and sticks it in his chest pocket. “Have a good night” he walks past me and heads to his car. 

I head to the steps of my front porch watching the officer who had spoken to Frankie walk down. He stops me before I walk past him, “he’ll be ok. Just give it time. I’ve been there. He’s got a good girlfriend, just be patient with him” 

I stop in my tracks, my jaw drops. What the hell did Frankie tell him? “Wait…what?” I ask. But it was too late, the officer already getting back into his car. I shake my head and walk into the house locking the door behind me. 

It’s getting late and I’m hungry. I walk past the hallway that leads to the bedrooms and notice Frankie bent over picking up the clothes that had been thrown into the hallway. I should say something, I should apologize to him. I get distracted, watching the muscles in his back strain with every movement. ‘Focus Alex’. What is wrong with me, this man just put me through a roller coaster of emotions. I can’t get distracted by something as stupid as watching him work. 

I shake my head and walk towards the kitchen. I hope to find some leftover takeout since I know the fridge is empty. Instead I find the $20 left on the table in the same exact place I left it. I can’t leave, that would require me letting Frankie know, and it might be petty but I really don’t want to talk to him right now, maybe even for the rest of the night. I open the freezer and pray that the ice cream is still there. I open the door and find the pint of cookie dough ice cream still sitting there. I do a little happy dance and grab a spoon. I make my way to the living room and flop down on the sofa, turning on the TV and pop the top off digging in. 

“I fucked up…” he says to himself folding the shirts, putting them back in the dresser. He pushes the mattress back onto the frame and sits on the edge of his bed. He looks up and sees the hole he had punched into the wall. An image of Alex’s face floods his memory. He fucked up so bad that she didn’t even say two words to him when she came back into the house. He left the pamphlets on the coffee table, she’s going to find them. He knows it.

The papers were for local rehabs where VA’s held sobriety classes.  They had everything from AA to NA to Gambling. He didn’t want to go to rehab again, he felt more alone then he ever had there. That’s where he met George, well Steve really. He made it though those 30 days thanks to him smuggling in just enough coke to help them both function like normal adults. Nicole, well she helped in other ways. One keeping his secret and she helped him take his mind off things when he was able to bury himself in her. She wasn’t who he wanted, but she was there.  She was a quick fuck. It didn’t mean anything, and he felt bad when he told her it wasn’t going to last when he left. His mind racing with all these thoughts, he’ll finish cleaning later. He’ll patch the hole tomorrow. Right now he has something bigger to take care of. He needs to repair this whatever-ship he had with Alex. He needs her. 

He plops on the couch next to her, she doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t even look at him, she focused on the ice cream in her hand and the moving pictures on the TV

”Ice cream for dinner?” He asks ‘great icebreaker Morales, you idiot’ his inner demon mocks him 

“Yeah, the perk of being an adult. No one can tell me what to eat Franklin” she stuffs another spoon into her mouth, “that and someone didn’t buy dinner like I told them too” 

‘She called me Franklin…maybe she’s not that mad’ he reads her face, it’s softened…a hint of a smile. Then she said that last part, and it changes to instant regret. She turns to look at him “shit. I’m so sorry that was-“ 

“No…no I deserved that” he interrupts her, “can I have a bite?” 

She eyes him, something between a grin and a smirk on her face. She sticks the spoon into the ice cream and scoops out a tiny pile, moving the spoon to his open mouth. 

“I’m sorry Lex he says mouth full of ice cream

He looks at the ground, he’s picking at his nails. I can see the inner struggle he’s having and it breaks my heart, I have no idea how to help. I watch as his mind tries to find the words he wants to say. I go to open my mouth, but he stops me “I am really sorry” he says again 

“What happened today?” I ask him setting the ice cream on the table and turning to face him 

“I was looking for…fuck…I was looking for some coke. I thought I had some left. I am so sorry. I didn’t want to do this. I don’t want to do this. Rehab didn’t do shit” he’s talking fast and I’m trying to keep up. 

He tells me about George, how they were doing just enough to get by.  Nicole helped them not get caught. He doesn’t know how George was able to get the contraband in, but he did. They exchanged information, and he was helping Frankie. He wasn’t doing as much as he used to, which I guess is good, he thought he had some left.  A small tin can was what he was looking for, he was terrified that I found it when we were unpacking. 

“How many days has it been?” I ask 

“I don’t know, maybe five days?” He doesn’t sound very positive 

“Maybe five days? How many days Frankie?” 

“Three…it’s been three days and I am going crazy” he says ‘then we almost kissed and I panicked and I was on edge and just needed a hit’ he thinks to himself 

“ok” she says and stands up. 

“Wait where are you going?” He asks, panic setting in 

He’s worried that she is going to get his bag, she’s gonna ask him to leave. This is too much, this isn’t what she signed up for. She’s given up on him. His head falls back, he wants this couch to eat him alive. He wanted to disappear before and that feeling is ten times worse, now that she knows his secret. 

She comes back a large poster in her hand, the other has a sharpie and stickers. She sits it on the table and sits on the floor next to Frankie. He watches as she makes little boxes, writing dates, making a calendar. Her tongue peeks out of her tongue as she concentrates on the task at hand. He leans forwards, and continues to watch over her shoulder. She looks up at him, “ok did you use today?”

He shakes his head no “I couldn’t find it”

“right..” she puts a little star sticker on today's date “and you said three days since the last time”

He nods. She puts a sticker on the past three days

“What are you doing?” He asks 

That was a great question. What was I doing? This idea sounded crazy in my head, even more crazy as I explained to Frankie. It would be like a reward chart.  Something like when you were a kid and had chores, you’d get a sticker for each thing completed. The more stickers you get a reward. The more I say this, and look at his face of confusion the more dumb this idea sounded. He isn’t a kid, I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing. 

“This is stupid, just forget it.” I sigh pushing the stuff away from me

His large hands stop the poster from moving, he brings it closer. 

“What is my reward?” He asks curiously 

“Uhm…what do you want?” 

“Pancakes…” he says

”Pancakes? Really?” and he nods “ok how about we start with a week, you make it a week, I’ll make you pancakes” 

“With sprinkles?” His boyish smile is back, his eyes wide and I have a little hope that this stupid, wacky, insane idea might work

I smile and nod at him. I move to sit next to him on the couch, “I’ll have to go buy some. But sure, you can have sprinkles” 

“Hey Lexi, one more thing?” He asks “Can we get some helicopter stickers?”

I smile and cup his cheek, my thumb gently brushing the trimmed beard, “yes Franklin. We can get some helicopter stickers” 

ANN: A huge shout out to @musings-of-a-rose for helping me with this and giving me confidence to post this in first person. I am still terrified of it. @theewokingdead and @heythere-mel for listening to my random ass ideas at all hours. I love each and every one of you.



Looking for more of my fics check out my masterlist. And check out other writers at @littlemisspascal and their library for all Pedro Characters



It was an early June morning.  The rain outside gently tapping against the windowpane.  The window still cracked open from the night before letting in a cool breeze that fills the space.  The coarse hair under his chin tickled my bare shoulder.  Small goosebumps rise on my arm as he lifts his head and places a kiss on the exposed skin.  A sigh of content makes him smile.  His skilled, calloused fingers trail up and down the curves of my body.  His lips find my shoulder again as his hand wraps around me, his large hand finding a home on my bare stomach.  Those long fingers of his inching lower and lower, giving me every chance to tell him to stop.  Instead I wiggle back, closer to him pressing my body against his.

His thick member pressed against me, just begging to let him in.  Grinding against him, letting him know that I want it too.  His hand wraps around the meat of my thigh, lifting it up and angling himself to get closer, the tip just teasing my entrance now. At what feels like a snail's pace he begins to push himself inside. Filling me with exactly what I wanted, and him being embraced by the warmth he so desperately craved.  I could get use to this wake up call, and he seems to enjoy it too.

“Mmmhmm” I sigh.  Eyes still closed, caught in that hazy state.  Somewhere between dreamland and reality.  I moan again as he pushes further, my hand that was gripping the bed sheet moves behind me searching for him.  Cupping his cheek, he turns and places a kiss to my palm before my fingers slide further back finding those luscious chestnut brown locks.  I’ve always been jealous of his hair, how soft it was, those curls that formed perfectly at the nape of his neck, you’d have to kill me before I’d ever actually admit to that though.

He takes his time, slowly pulling out before snapping his hips to fill me again.  His tights slapping against the back of mine with every thrust.  Unlike last night, there is no rush.  No hurry, no fear of getting caught.  Slow, and lazy letting us both enjoy this time.  His deep throaty grunts against my skin, and breathy moans of his name fill the space in between thrusts.  Fingers tangled into his hair, he thrusts harder and deeper, hitting that spot just right, working me closer and closer to the edge.  Pulling his hair only makes him work harder to fill my every need and desire.  I pull his hair, bringing his lips to mine.  Moving my body just enough that he starts to hit that spot, that spot only he has found. He swallows my moan, my walls tighten around him gripping him like a vice.  Feeling very ridge of his thick cock.  One…Two…Three more strong, deep thrusts have him spilling into me, painting my walls with everything he has to give.  My fingers still tangled into his hair, holding him close, terrified if I let him go he’ll float away.

He continues to slowly rock his hips, riding out the high he’s just given me.  Our lips move as one, the kisses slow, tender.  Bodies tangled together, he has taken my breath away literally and figuratively.  I have to pull away at some point, turning my head away from him to try and catch my breath.  His lips brush over the shell of my ear, his deep baritone voice asking if I was ok, and nod a yes to him before turning to find his eyes and I know that this is what heaven is.  He kisses my cheek, kissing every inch of skin he can working his way down to my jaw, my neck, my shoulder.  My skin burns with every kiss, every nerve being brought to life.  Feeling his teeth graze against my skin before he bites down.  His teeth are digging in and there is a loud banging on the bedroom door, my eyes fly open.

Sitting up, I see Frankie leaning against the doorframe of the now open door, “Rise and shine…” he smiles, my face is in complete shock and he must have noticed, “shit Lex, are you ok?”

I don’t answer him right away, he calls my name again.  Shaking my head, trying to figure out how just moments again that man who was balls deep, worshiping my naked body is now fully clothed leaning against my doorframe. “Hmm? Oh yeah, yeah.  I’m great.  Just a uh just a dream” I finally respond. 

SIX YEARS EARLIER

I just settled down on the back patio, a good book in hand and a rush cup of coffee, which some might say was more creamer than coffee. But I don’t care, it had been a long week in the office, and I was ready to sit and relax on a Saturday morning. The familiar ringtone of ‘I’m bringing sexy back’ started to play, a ringtone that he picked just to annoy the shit outta me.  Before I was even able to say hello after pushing the green button, his panicked voice came through the speaker.

“Alex, I think I lost Fish…” I hear him running around his house

“How in the hell do you lose a fully grown man Benjamin?” I groaned, pinching the bridge of my nose.  I was tired, and I didn’t wanna deal with this shit today

“Gee, I don’t know Alexandra…”he says my name sarcastically “...maybe, it could be because I was distracted by this banging redhead I brought him from the bar last night”

“Ew, eww, ewww…gross Ben” I stop him before he can continue “I don’t need to hear or know any of this information.  Step-sister or not, I don’t need or want to know the details of your sex life.  That is a line we do not cross”

My name is Alexandra, or Alex Miller.  I joined the Miller clan when I was about 8 years old, same age as Benny, Benjamin Miller.  And a few years younger than Will, our older brother.  My mom was a widow and met Mr. Miller on an on-line dating site before on-line dating was cool.  Sure, we Miller kids became close over the years, but you are never that close to share that kind of information, real siblings or step siblings.

“When was the last time you saw him?” I ask 

“This morning, when the sun was rising. I was brining Stephanie some coffee” he sounded so proud of himself for remembering the girls name, “I walked by his room and he was still laying in bed, it’s been about an hour since I last saw him” he sighs “can you please help me find him”

“You last an hour?” I try to joke with him

“Not the time for your little jabs Miller. Help me find him” 

“Of course, call if you find him first” I end the call and slide the phone into my leggings pocket, dumping the coffee into the sink and throwing the rest of the coffee in the sink.  Grabbing a hoodie and the car keys I jog to my car.  It was time to find Fish.

Before I back out of the driveway I remember a text from him earlier in the morning, I didn’t think much of it.  He had been sending a lot of random one word texts to me lately

Fishie 🐟: Lexi, I’m sorry

He was the only person in the world that was allowed to call me that

I knew where he was, it’s the same place I would go when the world and life became too much and I wanted to escape. I showed him this park the first time we met.  It was after Benny’s first deployment, and they brought home Frankie with them.  There weren't many places to escape to in this small town, everyone knew where you were all the time and it at times can be a lot.  This park was a place I could go that was just far enough from downtown that I was able to escape and take a minute to breathe.  

There wasn’t many cars when I pulled into the lot, many of the cars were parked near the trailhead, none of them were the car I was in search of.  I glance towards the back, near the picnic tables and the lake, spotting his truck and I move my car and park in front of his.

Killing the engine I take a deep breath.  Thoughts of why I didn't text him back run through my head, but what was going to say? Sorry for what and then never get a response. He had nothing to be sorry for. I open my door and walk towards the drivers side window of his old beat up Chevy.  Peeking in, I don’t see him. Empty beer bottles, and a few pill bottles tossed on the floorboard and my heart starts to race.  I step to the bed of the truck, nothing.  I move back to the front of his truck, place the back of my hand to the hood, it’s cool to the touch and I realize he’s been here for a while. 

“Shit, Fish…where the fuck are you?” I say into the emptiness around me, I am trying to not panic after what I saw in the truck.  But it’s useless as not only panic, but fear sinks in

I turn and start to walk towards the tables and the waters edge.  The closer I get I notice a body, about his size, he’s slumped over one of the tables and my feet run towards it.  Seeing a black hat, I started to yell his name.  The limp body becomes more into focus the closer I get, that stupid Standard Oil hat he always wears coming into view, the tan jacket he would let me wear some nights.  Yelling his name, trying to get his attention to no prevail I run faster.  His back was leaning against the table, his body slouched.  Head down and arms at his sides, palms face up.  Getting closer I see his eyes closed, and his face flushed, he looks ghostly.  I touch his forehead to find him clammy and barely breathing. I grab his wrist in search of a pulse.

“Fuck, Frankie…Frankie, wake up” I rub his chest, pushing harder the louder I yell his name trying to get him to wake up, nothing is working and I reach into my pocket, grabbing my phone.

“9 1 1 what is your emergency?” a calm voice answers

Francisco Morales, or Frankie to most.  Catfish or Fish to those who knew him best.  Or Fishie to me, is a highly trained and skilled pilot in the special forces branch of the Army.  He is an expert pilot with medals to prove it, that was up till a few months ago  He suffered an injury in a routine training exercise that went bad.  A shoulder injury that just wouldn’t heal.  A doctor had given him pain meds to help, and after a surgery he was given stronger meds.  Those pain meds slowly lead to other drugs, which lead him to cocaine. When he got caught his entire life started to fall apart.  Tom, his Captain, had tried to get him another chance, but by the third time he was out.  Tom did everything he could, and finally was able to convince to be medically discharged, because of his injury, so he could still receive his benefits.  Saying the addiction was their fault, which he did have a point.  Benny offered him his spare room to help him get his life back together.  But over the course of the year, taking care of Frankie became more than he signed up for.  He was more of a parent then a friend and Benny didn’t know what else to do.

“No...no…I don’t know what he took.  He’s barely breathing and his pulse is very weak” I say between sobs, trying to keep it together just enough for help to arrive. I was in way over my head “just please, please send help!”

“I have police and fire on their way ma’am.  They are moving as fast as they can.  How long has he been unresponsive?” the voice on the other end was annoyingly calm,  I knew she had to be, but it was pissing me off

“I DON’T KNOW!” I scream into the phone, “Just please hurry.  Fish…hey Fishie, I’m gonna need you to wake up now, please. WAKE UP” tears begin to fall, I rest my forehead against his.  A silent prayer being said, to whoever would listen, the police sirens growing louder and louder through the valley of the mountains.  I look up seeing the red and blue lights flash off the rocks moving towards us, “they are here, someone is here” my voice cracks

A young woman officer is soon by our side.  I reluctantly slid away from Frankie, letting the officer start to work.  Watching as the officer pulls something from her pocket, popping the top off on her leg, she shoves the nozzle into Frankies nose.  Everything was becoming a blur, it felt like time was standing still, I felt frozen in time while the world around me was pushed to fast forward.  Fire and paramedics had shown up at some point, and they moved him to a stretcher.  Frankie’s eyes were open and he was fighting to get out of the bed.  The paramedics having to restrain him against the bed, getting him to stop thrashing around.  I feel his eyes lock onto mine and they push him away, and I know he can see the tears I feel falling.  Will wrapped his arms around me letting me fall into him, my face buried into his chest.

Benny was being interviewed by an officer, they were trying to piece together what he took and what led to this moment.  I hung onto Will, while the same questions were being asked to me.  A search of the truck while Frankie was in the back of the ambulance being taken care of.

Over the years Frankie had become like family.  Anytime the boys were home for an extended period of time, Frankie would tag along.  The Miller home became his home.  Frankie and I had become close, I was someone he could trust, a safe place for all his secrets.  Things about life, he could never talk to the guys about.  He hated talking, he hated how people would feel sorry for him, except for me.  My feelings towards Frankie never changed. If he wanted advice, I was there, if he just wanted to vent I was there. 

I had developed a crush on him, and if you met him you’d understand.  His soft brown eyes, his boyish smile, with a stupid little dimple.  He had a calm and steady demeanor about him. The way he would look at me when he talked, or when I would go on about some stupid celebrity gossip he didn’t care about.  He looked at me like I held the answers to all the questions, and it made me feel special.  But he was off limits, he’s my brother's best friend and teammate, he was family.  I know Benny and Will, despite being step-brothers, are the most protective people in the world and would kill any man that broke my heart.  I’ve kept this little crush a secret, or at least I thought I did, I always felt like Will knew. 

Frankie’s vitals were normal, the police didn’t find a reason to arrest him so he was released. He refused to go to the hospital. Frankie walks to his truck, the three of us standing watching and waiting for him. He digs his hands into his pockets looking for his keys which you have in your hand.  

“I’m not going to the hospital” he says matter of factly, “where the fuck are my keys” he growls looking directly at Benny who throws his hands up in defense 

“Don’t look at me”

“He doesn’t have them” I say, gripping the key so tight it’s starting to leave an inaction “Frankie”

“Don’t” he looks at me and I can see the betrayal in his eyes “spare me the I should be better and give me my fucking keys Lexi. I want to go home” 

“You were knocking on death's door when I found you Francisco” I never called him that, he’s always been Fishie or Fish. He knew he had let me down anytime that name was used. “You were barely breathing, I couldn’t find a pulse. What did you want me to do? You don’t want to go to the hospital, that’s fine. That’s your choice, but there is no way in hell I am letting you get behind the wheel and possibly kill someone, or yourself because you weren’t paying attention” I grip the keys tighter. I am surprised at how strong my voice is despite my heart breaking inside. 

His jaw ticks, his tell that he’s angry. His hand flex’s in a fish, he’s frustrated, tired, angry and ashamed. “Fuck. And how exactly do I get home? Walk?” He knows he isn’t getting the key, unlike the guys I don’t back down from him

“I’m taking your truck” Will finally speaks up, he had known Frankie the longest. They went through basic together. Other than me, Will is the only one he seems to listen to. Years spent alongside each other, and Santiago Garcia, they have been through some shit. The kind of shit that bonds you in ways normal people wouldn’t understand. “You can ride with me, or Alex” 

“What about Ben?” He asks 

“I have shit to fix,” Benny sighs

The three of us knew the answer. There was no way he would be getting in the car with me. The look of disappointment was enough for him to stay away, he didn’t want to hear my lecture to him. Riding with Will would give him what he needed, look out the window, air in his face and being able to blare the music so loud it would drown out his thoughts. Riding with me, it would be anything but that. 

“Fuck, fine…let’s go Will” he walks past us, bumping my shoulder as he does, he avoids eye contact with me and it breaks my heart even more. “Will, no talking” he yells as he waits for Will at the door 

Will wraps his arms around me, I give him pleading eyes and he seems to know what I’m asking without me saying a word “I’ll try” he whispers before walking to the truck and starting it. 

The cool breeze on his face was just what he needed. The final notes to ‘smoke on the water’ begin to fade on the truck's speakers. Will’s hand reaches to turn the volume down. Frankie opens his eyes and turns his head to face Will whose eyes remain focused on the road ahead. Will was determined to get him to talk, he was just waiting for the right moment. 

“Jesus Christ, just say it already. I know you want to” Frankie sighs, his own voice yelling inside his head

“Say what?” Will replies, his voice calm 

“Please…” Frankie scoffs, “that I’m a loser, a huge fucking disappointment. How I am letting people down. That I should be better. You know all the things Lex would be telling me right now” Frankie closes his eyes. ‘Maybe I should have just gone to the hospital’ he thinks to himself 

Will’s focus remained on the road, he sighs and takes a deep breath. This isn’t the first time they’ve had this conversation. Will had this talk with him the first time he was caught with pain meds that weren’t his. 

“She’s right, you should be” 

“I have nothing left Will. All I have ever known, all I have ever been good at is being a pilot. I know how to fly and I know how to kill. I’m useless here, maybe I shouldn’t even”

“Fuck that Fish, you better not finish that thought” Will pulls to the side of the road slamming on the breaks and turns to face him, “you are not useless, you have so much to live for”

Frankie rolls his eyes, “like what? My girl left me before I even landed. She heard the words ‘drug problem’ and she ran. I’m basically homeless, I live with Benny.  I’m jobless, I’m useless.  Face it Will, I am useless and nobody needs me”

“Monica was a bitch” Will says, Frankie shakes his head in disagreement 

“She was smart. She got out when she could, she didn’t let me drag her down” Frankie looks down, his voice grows quiet “something my Mom should have done with my Dad” 

There is a long pause, the silence is deafening. His heart pounding in his chest. Will stays silent 

“He died on my birthday ya know. I was 12, maybe 13. When she came to tell me, it wasn’t like she was sad or anything. It was relief?” He says it as a question because even after all these years, he still doesn’t understand the feeling his mother had. “She said something about us not having to worry anymore. Shit…” he rubs his face “I’m just like him” 

Will stays silent, he didn’t know this story. Frankie had always stayed quiet about his life as a kid. Saying joining the Army was his way out of a shit situation. Will knew he had to help his friend, his brother. But he’s tried, this time Frankie was going to have to be the one that asked for it. Will looks at Frankie, Frankie’s hands shaking “Fish…”

“I need help”

I haven’t heard from him for a few days, it wasn’t out of the normal. But I expected to hear something from him, maybe a ‘thank you for saving my life’ would have been nice. He was mad, I was mad, and it turned the rocky road even rockier. Will mentioned they talked but not much more than that. It was a Friday night, and I just poured myself a glass of rose, getting ready to Netflix and chill alone. There’s a gentle knock on the door and I sigh, I’m in sweats and an oversized shirt, I don’t want to answer the door. 

When I do, I see Frankie standing there, hands in his pocket, like a nervous high school kid knocking on the door of his crush. He’s rocking back and forth not looking at her just yet. 

“Hey” he says shyly, his eyes traveling up from my bare feet to my eyes 

“Hi” I cross my arms 

We stand there in awkward silence, I notice Benny sitting in the car, and I look back to Frankie chewing on the inside of his cheek, “Fish, what are you doing here?” I finally ask

“I’m gonna get the help I need” he finally looks at me again. He stares into my eyes, “I’m sorry you found me like that. I didn’t mean to hurt you” 

“Frankie…” I swallow hard, uncrossing my arms and taking a step towards him. Wrapping my arms around his waist 

“I’ll see you soon” he says hugging me tentatively and I can feel his heart racing 

“I’m happy for you” I pull away, his hands hold my waist, his eyes watery as he looks at me “you’ll be ok, I’ll see you soon” I try to smile

I’m happy for him, he’s going to get the help he needs, I just hope this time it works. He nods, quickly adjusting his cap. Then he leans in and kisses my cheek, he turns and runs back to Benny, his face must have been a mirror image of mine. Shock is probably an understatement. 

“Shut up Ben” I hear him say closing the car door

White walls.

White floors. 

White bed sheets. 

Everything in this place is white, and Frankie hates it all. It’s sterile, the only pop of color is the small garden outside his window, and that nurse Nicole who has been getting to know him.  In more ways than one. Frankie hated it, he wanted out, he wanted a hit of something…other than Nicole…she was great, sure. But he needed something stronger, something to take the edge off. 

He wondered if this was what hell was like. Listening to people's sob stories of what ended them up here in this white prison. An older gentleman with dark gray hair, and sober blue eyes was going on and on about what brought him here. Frankie wasn’t listening just like he wasn’t listening the first dozen times he heard this story. He was focused on the rain drops hitting the window outside. 

“…I should have done this a long time ago.  I pushed away everyone who cared about me, and wanted to help me.  I didn’t think I needed help, we are all soldiers, we don’t ask for help.  I just hope that when this is done and I get out of here they can find it in their hearts to forgive me” the man says, finishing his speech and the small group claps for him

It had been a little over three weeks here, meaning Frankie only had a week left.  He had spent every class sitting in the back on the hard uncomfortable chairs listening to people share their stores of what brought them here.  He wished he was anywhere else, he would have even being back on the battlefield was better compared to this.  This was a nightmare. He was counting down the minutes, the seconds until the little bell would chime letting him know it was time for lunch.  He was trying to remain low, stay out of the way and do as little as possible just to get this done and over with.

“Mr. Morales…” the instructor speaks. Karen was her name? Maybe, he didn’t know. He didn’t care.  She was nice, going along with Frankie hiding in the background, but if he was going to graduate and be able to leave this place, she was going to need him to open up.

His eyes widen, heart races “hmm…what?” everyone still seated in their seats “Would you care to share with us today?” she smiles at him

“Well, uhh….” all eyes are suddenly on him, “I would but, you know it’s time for lunch”.  The little bell chimes again, and Frankie claps his hands together. “Saved by the bell” and there are a few awkward chuckles around him.  People slowly standing and moving their chairs to the side.  Frankie stands and folds up his chair, his name being called just as he reaches the door.

Karen standing in front of him, “can we chat for a minute?” she asks with a look that no wasn’t going to be taken as an answer

“I would, but see it’s taco night, and if you don’t get there early you get stuck with all the broken shells” 

A little ironic, broken shells for the broken man.

“Frankie…” she sighs

“I…uh…I, you’re not gonna take no will you?” he asks and she nods in agreement, “Shit, fine.  He walks towards her desk, grabbing a chair along the way.  It was times like this he wishes they would have let him keep his hat.  His safety net, he wanted to put it on and pull it down where you couldn’t see his eyes. 

“Why are you here?” she asks

“I had heard this place and some great food,” he laughs, and she doesn’t even crack a smile, “tough crowd.  Ok, My friends said I needed to get help”

“What do you think? Do you think you need help?”

“I don’t know” he leans back and crosses his arms

“Then why are you here?” she asks again, “if you don’t know why you are here, if you are here just for your friends, and you don’t want to be here…why stay? No one is forcing you to be here” 

That’s a lie, there's guards at the front door.

“It’s not like I can just walk out the front door.  I already tried that.  I don’t know, I might need help, but this addiction isn’t my fault.  It’s also not my fault that the one person…the only…that someone who cares about me, that I care about found me” he wipes his eyes, not wanting to let the tears actually fall “I didn’t ask her to come find me”

Lie.  He sent that text to her, knowing she could come find him.  She always did.

“And why didn’t you share that, that’s why we are here.  We are here to help you.” 

“Everyone has been saying that, maybe I don’t want help.  Look, I don’t mean to be an asshole.  But what does sharing stories do? Like George, and the, I pushed people away bullshit. His story is nothing like mine.  I don’t care about these people, and they sure in hell don’t give a fuck about me” 

“Because, everyone here is a lot more like you than you think.  For example, Steve you should talk to him” 

“Steve?” Frankie asked

“Yes, the gentleman at the end…the one you just called George. His name is Steve” 

The next few days were spent getting to know Steve.  Frankie hated sharing anything personal but the two of them did have something in common. Steve happened to be a fighter pilot for the Air Force, getting hooked on painkillers after he had retired. Karen was right, this guy was actually pretty ok. They exchanged information, Steve letting him know that he had a friend who could help with the addiction.  

It was finally day 30, the day he was counting down too since he got to this place. He had just finished packing up his shit when there was a gentle hand on his back. Nicole, she wanted to make sure she was able to give him the proper send off. 

He pushes her so she’s bent over his bed. Lifting her white dress, and sliding her panties to the side. Unzipping his own jeans, he pushes into her in one swift motion. A hand covering her mouth as she moans out his name. He wasn’t going to miss this place, he wasn’t even sure if he was going to miss this. Yeah, she was good and always ready for him. But she wasn’t the girl he wished she was. 

His back towards the door, and he continues to rock into Nicole when there’s a knock on his door. He turns to see it slowly being pushed open and his friend, Santiago Garcia standing there. Santiago leaning against the frame, arms crossed and a smirk on his face. 

“Some things never change, do they Cat?” Santiago sighs 

Frankie hadn’t seen Santi, or Pope since he was kicked out of the Army.  Pope wanting to spend time with his girl and the possibility of starting a family. Frankie pulls out of Nicole practically shoving her face first onto the mattress. He quickly tucks himself back into his jeans, smiling at Pope. 

“What the hell are you doing here?” Frankie asks. He’s happy and slightly confused

“I’m here to bust your ass outta here” he chuckles, “but that doesn’t seem to be the only thing ready to bust” 

“Shut up Cabrón” Frankie watches as Nicole adjusts herself and moves out of the room. He knows he should have felt guilty but honestly he really didn’t care. “Where’s Ben?”

“Had some shit to take care of. Will and I came to get you, he’s up front taking care of some paperwork. I don’t know he told me to come get you” he shrugs 

“You know you always sucked at lying right” Frankie bends over to pick up the duffle bag and walks out of the bedroom heading to the front door where Will was waiting 

“Hey…hey wait, what about that little chick?” Pope calls after him 

“You want me to what?” I ask in disbelief, watching as Benny makes himself at home on my sofa

Frankie was coming home today, and I had planned a small party for him. Just a little something, some pizza and being around his friends. This was all planned before Benny told me he would be leaving a few days after Frankie got out. 

“He needs to stay with someone for a while, they don’t want him to be alone in case of a relapse” Benny says leaning his head back, “please…I can’t not go, I don’t have a job that allows me to say ‘no’ to them” 

“I…I, why me?” I stutter out the words

“He trusts you” Benny manages to say just as the door opens and Will walks in 

“Hey” he says awkwardly, somehow knowing that Benny just asked you 

It was the most awkward pizza dinner of my life. No one really saying anything. Frankie staring at his slice of pizza picking off the toppings. I had picked up a mushroom and pepperoni one just for him. I knew it was his favorite and watching him sit uncomfortable breaks my heart

“So who was that cute little blonde you had in bed, Fish?” Pope asked, leave it to him to make it even more uncomfortable 

Frankie gave him a look, the term ‘if looks could kill’ was 100% true and Santiago is lucky he wasn’t six-feet under right now. 

“She was a nurse, at least that’s what they call them there. More like a maid if anything” Frankie groans pushing his plate away “I gotta pee” 

I watch as he gets up and walk down the hall towards the bathroom. Santiago going on about how he walked in on him and the so-called nurse. “She was fucking hot too” I roll my eyes, and look back to Benny. 

“I really don’t need to hear this” 

Trying to tune out what they are saying, I too start to pick at the crust of my half eaten pizza. I really don’t need to know about his sexcapades anymore then I need to hear about Bennys. The only difference, I am jealous of this girl I don’t even know. The conversation slowly turns to what they are going to do with Frankie. How do deal with him, the addiction that they are sure wasn’t solved in the 30 days that he was there. 

“Has anyone even asked him what he wanted?” I finally ask, listening to them talking like he isn’t even there. 

“It doesn’t matter, the doctors said he needs to be with someone, at least for a while” Benny sighs 

Frankie comes back, setting a coin on the table.  “If you want to talk about me like I’m not even here. You might want to make sure I can’t hear you. Or better yet, I can make it easier on you all and not fucking be here” 

“Frankie…wait” I grab the coin from the table and stand up, “what the fuck is wrong with you guys?” I turn and chase after him 

He doesn’t have a car, his home for the last few years is too far to walk. He has no money and can’t afford a cab. He opens the front door and stops leaning against the small fence on the front porch. His hands grip the top post, his head down, he wants to disappear but has no place to go. 

“Hey…” I say softly, closing the door behind me and moving closer to him “you forgot this”

I hold the silver coin towards him. A large ‘30 days’ written on it. He looks at me, his eyes flicking from the coin to my eyes and I feel frozen. He lifts his hand grabbing the coin from me and throwing it into the yard, “this doesn’t fucking mean anything” his voice cracks “why did you have to find me? Y’all would have been better off” he looks away. Staring out in front of him 

“Ok…” I sigh, confused and hurt by what he said. I didn’t mean to say that. It just kinda can out. I didn’t know what else to say. His eyes turn to me, angry and watery. I swallow hard, and try to think of the next word. “Do you want to stay here?” 

What the fuck kinda question is that? He literally just told me I shouldn’t have found him. He just spent 30 days in a rehab facility. He seemed so happy when he told me he was going to get help and now. This isn’t the Frankie that left saying he wanted help. 

“Not really…nothing against you. But I don’t understand why I can’t just stay at home. Well, Benny’s home” he turns his body and leans against the fence. Crossing his arms. “I am tired of people telling me what to do. I had a whole month of it, tell us your feelings Frankie, here’s what we’re eating Frankie…” 

“Because Morales, the docs at the rehab facility want you to stay with someone incase of a relapse. You can stay here or head back to rehab. I’m sure Nicole would be happy to welcome you back” Benny had joined us, sitting on the swinging bench

“If you want to stay here…I’d like you to stay. But I understand if you don’t” I tell him, giving Benny an evil glare. “I promise to give you your space. And you can have Nicole stop by if you want” 

“Oh my god, enough with Nicole. She was a good time that’s fucking it. It’s not like I’m gonna marry her.  I’m not doing this because you're telling me too” Frankie groans in defeat

ANN: A huge shout out to @musings-of-a-rose for helping me with this and giving me confidence to post this in first person. I am still terrified of it. @theewokingdead and @heythere-mel for listening to my random ass ideas at all hours. I love each and every one of you.

Looking for more of my fics check out my masterlist. And check out other writers at @littlemisspascal and their library for all Pedro Characters

Just A Dream Masterlist Previous Chapter // Next Chapter

It was an early June morning.  The rain outside gently tapping against the windowpane.  The window still cracked open from the night before letting in a cool breeze that fills the space.  The coarse hair under his chin tickled my bare shoulder.  Small goosebumps rise on my arm as he lifts his head and places a kiss on the exposed skin.  A sigh of content makes him smile.  His skilled, calloused fingers trail up and down the curves of my body.  His lips find my shoulder again as his hand wraps around me, his large hand finding a home on my bare stomach.  Those long fingers of his inching lower and lower, giving me every chance to tell him to stop.  Instead I wiggle back, closer to him pressing my body against his.

His thick member pressed against me, just begging to let him in.  Grinding against him, letting him know that I want it too.  His hand wraps around the meat of my thigh, lifting it up and angling himself to get closer, the tip just teasing my entrance now. At what feels like a snail's pace he begins to push himself inside. Filling me with exactly what I wanted, and him being embraced by the warmth he so desperately craved.  I could get use to this wake up call, and he seems to enjoy it too.

“Mmmhmm” I sigh.  Eyes still closed, caught in that hazy state.  Somewhere between dreamland and reality.  I moan again as he pushes further, my hand that was gripping the bed sheet moves behind me searching for him.  Cupping his cheek, he turns and places a kiss to my palm before my fingers slide further back finding those luscious chestnut brown locks.  I’ve always been jealous of his hair, how soft it was, those curls that formed perfectly at the nape of his neck, you’d have to kill me before I’d ever actually admit to that though.

He takes his time, slowly pulling out before snapping his hips to fill me again.  His tights slapping against the back of mine with every thrust.  Unlike last night, there is no rush.  No hurry, no fear of getting caught.  Slow, and lazy letting us both enjoy this time.  His deep throaty grunts against my skin, and breathy moans of his name fill the space in between thrusts.  Fingers tangled into his hair, he thrusts harder and deeper, hitting that spot just right, working me closer and closer to the edge.  Pulling his hair only makes him work harder to fill my every need and desire.  I pull his hair, bringing his lips to mine.  Moving my body just enough that he starts to hit that spot, that spot only he has found. He swallows my moan, my walls tighten around him gripping him like a vice.  Feeling very ridge of his thick cock.  One…Two…Three more strong, deep thrusts have him spilling into me, painting my walls with everything he has to give.  My fingers still tangled into his hair, holding him close, terrified if I let him go he’ll float away.

He continues to slowly rock his hips, riding out the high he’s just given me.  Our lips move as one, the kisses slow, tender.  Bodies tangled together, he has taken my breath away literally and figuratively.  I have to pull away at some point, turning my head away from him to try and catch my breath.  His lips brush over the shell of my ear, his deep baritone voice asking if I was ok, and nod a yes to him before turning to find his eyes and I know that this is what heaven is.  He kisses my cheek, kissing every inch of skin he can working his way down to my jaw, my neck, my shoulder.  My skin burns with every kiss, every nerve being brought to life.  Feeling his teeth graze against my skin before he bites down.  His teeth are digging in and there is a loud banging on the bedroom door, my eyes fly open.

Sitting up, I see Frankie leaning against the doorframe of the now open door, “Rise and shine…” he smiles, my face is in complete shock and he must have noticed, “shit Lex, are you ok?”

I don’t answer him right away, he calls my name again.  Shaking my head, trying to figure out how just moments again that man who was balls deep, worshiping my naked body is now fully clothed leaning against my doorframe. “Hmm? Oh yeah, yeah.  I’m great.  Just a uh just a dream” I finally respond. 

SIX YEARS EARLIER

I just settled down on the back patio, a good book in hand and a rush cup of coffee, which some might say was more creamer than coffee. But I don’t care, it had been a long week in the office, and I was ready to sit and relax on a Saturday morning. The familiar ringtone of ‘I’m bringing sexy back’ started to play, a ringtone that he picked just to annoy the shit outta me.  Before I was even able to say hello after pushing the green button, his panicked voice came through the speaker.

“Alex, I think I lost Fish…” I hear him running around his house

“How in the hell do you lose a fully grown man Benjamin?” I groaned, pinching the bridge of my nose.  I was tired, and I didn’t wanna deal with this shit today

“Gee, I don’t know Alexandra…”he says my name sarcastically “...maybe, it could be because I was distracted by this banging redhead I brought him from the bar last night”

“Ew, eww, ewww…gross Ben” I stop him before he can continue “I don’t need to hear or know any of this information.  Step-sister or not, I don’t need or want to know the details of your sex life.  That is a line we do not cross”

My name is Alexandra, or Alex Miller.  I joined the Miller clan when I was about 8 years old, same age as Benny, Benjamin Miller.  And a few years younger than Will, our older brother.  My mom was a widow and met Mr. Miller on an on-line dating site before on-line dating was cool.  Sure, we Miller kids became close over the years, but you are never that close to share that kind of information, real siblings or step siblings.

“When was the last time you saw him?” I ask 

“This morning, when the sun was rising. I was brining Stephanie some coffee” he sounded so proud of himself for remembering the girls name, “I walked by his room and he was still laying in bed, it’s been about an hour since I last saw him” he sighs “can you please help me find him”

“You last an hour?” I try to joke with him

“Not the time for your little jabs Miller. Help me find him” 

“Of course, call if you find him first” I end the call and slide the phone into my leggings pocket, dumping the coffee into the sink and throwing the rest of the coffee in the sink.  Grabbing a hoodie and the car keys I jog to my car.  It was time to find Fish.

Before I back out of the driveway I remember a text from him earlier in the morning, I didn’t think much of it.  He had been sending a lot of random one word texts to me lately

Fishie 🐟: Lexi, I’m sorry

He was the only person in the world that was allowed to call me that

I knew where he was, it’s the same place I would go when the world and life became too much and I wanted to escape. I showed him this park the first time we met.  It was after Benny’s first deployment, and they brought home Frankie with them.  There weren't many places to escape to in this small town, everyone knew where you were all the time and it at times can be a lot.  This park was a place I could go that was just far enough from downtown that I was able to escape and take a minute to breathe.  

There wasn’t many cars when I pulled into the lot, many of the cars were parked near the trailhead, none of them were the car I was in search of.  I glance towards the back, near the picnic tables and the lake, spotting his truck and I move my car and park in front of his.

Killing the engine I take a deep breath.  Thoughts of why I didn't text him back run through my head, but what was going to say? Sorry for what and then never get a response. He had nothing to be sorry for. I open my door and walk towards the drivers side window of his old beat up Chevy.  Peeking in, I don’t see him. Empty beer bottles, and a few pill bottles tossed on the floorboard and my heart starts to race.  I step to the bed of the truck, nothing.  I move back to the front of his truck, place the back of my hand to the hood, it’s cool to the touch and I realize he’s been here for a while. 

“Shit, Fish…where the fuck are you?” I say into the emptiness around me, I am trying to not panic after what I saw in the truck.  But it’s useless as not only panic, but fear sinks in

I turn and start to walk towards the tables and the waters edge.  The closer I get I notice a body, about his size, he’s slumped over one of the tables and my feet run towards it.  Seeing a black hat, I started to yell his name.  The limp body becomes more into focus the closer I get, that stupid Standard Oil hat he always wears coming into view, the tan jacket he would let me wear some nights.  Yelling his name, trying to get his attention to no prevail I run faster.  His back was leaning against the table, his body slouched.  Head down and arms at his sides, palms face up.  Getting closer I see his eyes closed, and his face flushed, he looks ghostly.  I touch his forehead to find him clammy and barely breathing. I grab his wrist in search of a pulse.

“Fuck, Frankie…Frankie, wake up” I rub his chest, pushing harder the louder I yell his name trying to get him to wake up, nothing is working and I reach into my pocket, grabbing my phone.

“9 1 1 what is your emergency?” a calm voice answers

Francisco Morales, or Frankie to most.  Catfish or Fish to those who knew him best.  Or Fishie to me, is a highly trained and skilled pilot in the special forces branch of the Army.  He is an expert pilot with medals to prove it, that was up till a few months ago  He suffered an injury in a routine training exercise that went bad.  A shoulder injury that just wouldn’t heal.  A doctor had given him pain meds to help, and after a surgery he was given stronger meds.  Those pain meds slowly lead to other drugs, which lead him to cocaine. When he got caught his entire life started to fall apart.  Tom, his Captain, had tried to get him another chance, but by the third time he was out.  Tom did everything he could, and finally was able to convince to be medically discharged, because of his injury, so he could still receive his benefits.  Saying the addiction was their fault, which he did have a point.  Benny offered him his spare room to help him get his life back together.  But over the course of the year, taking care of Frankie became more than he signed up for.  He was more of a parent then a friend and Benny didn’t know what else to do.

“No...no…I don’t know what he took.  He’s barely breathing and his pulse is very weak” I say between sobs, trying to keep it together just enough for help to arrive. I was in way over my head “just please, please send help!”

“I have police and fire on their way ma’am.  They are moving as fast as they can.  How long has he been unresponsive?” the voice on the other end was annoyingly calm,  I knew she had to be, but it was pissing me off

“I DON’T KNOW!” I scream into the phone, “Just please hurry.  Fish…hey Fishie, I’m gonna need you to wake up now, please. WAKE UP” tears begin to fall, I rest my forehead against his.  A silent prayer being said, to whoever would listen, the police sirens growing louder and louder through the valley of the mountains.  I look up seeing the red and blue lights flash off the rocks moving towards us, “they are here, someone is here” my voice cracks

A young woman officer is soon by our side.  I reluctantly slid away from Frankie, letting the officer start to work.  Watching as the officer pulls something from her pocket, popping the top off on her leg, she shoves the nozzle into Frankies nose.  Everything was becoming a blur, it felt like time was standing still, I felt frozen in time while the world around me was pushed to fast forward.  Fire and paramedics had shown up at some point, and they moved him to a stretcher.  Frankie’s eyes were open and he was fighting to get out of the bed.  The paramedics having to restrain him against the bed, getting him to stop thrashing around.  I feel his eyes lock onto mine and they push him away, and I know he can see the tears I feel falling.  Will wrapped his arms around me letting me fall into him, my face buried into his chest.

Benny was being interviewed by an officer, they were trying to piece together what he took and what led to this moment.  I hung onto Will, while the same questions were being asked to me.  A search of the truck while Frankie was in the back of the ambulance being taken care of.

Over the years Frankie had become like family.  Anytime the boys were home for an extended period of time, Frankie would tag along.  The Miller home became his home.  Frankie and I had become close, I was someone he could trust, a safe place for all his secrets.  Things about life, he could never talk to the guys about.  He hated talking, he hated how people would feel sorry for him, except for me.  My feelings towards Frankie never changed. If he wanted advice, I was there, if he just wanted to vent I was there. 

I had developed a crush on him, and if you met him you’d understand.  His soft brown eyes, his boyish smile, with a stupid little dimple.  He had a calm and steady demeanor about him. The way he would look at me when he talked, or when I would go on about some stupid celebrity gossip he didn’t care about.  He looked at me like I held the answers to all the questions, and it made me feel special.  But he was off limits, he’s my brother's best friend and teammate, he was family.  I know Benny and Will, despite being step-brothers, are the most protective people in the world and would kill any man that broke my heart.  I’ve kept this little crush a secret, or at least I thought I did, I always felt like Will knew. 

Frankie’s vitals were normal, the police didn’t find a reason to arrest him so he was released. He refused to go to the hospital. Frankie walks to his truck, the three of us standing watching and waiting for him. He digs his hands into his pockets looking for his keys which you have in your hand.  

“I’m not going to the hospital” he says matter of factly, “where the fuck are my keys” he growls looking directly at Benny who throws his hands up in defense 

“Don’t look at me”

“He doesn’t have them” I say, gripping the key so tight it’s starting to leave an inaction “Frankie”

“Don’t” he looks at me and I can see the betrayal in his eyes “spare me the I should be better and give me my fucking keys Lexi. I want to go home” 

“You were knocking on death's door when I found you Francisco” I never called him that, he’s always been Fishie or Fish. He knew he had let me down anytime that name was used. “You were barely breathing, I couldn’t find a pulse. What did you want me to do? You don’t want to go to the hospital, that’s fine. That’s your choice, but there is no way in hell I am letting you get behind the wheel and possibly kill someone, or yourself because you weren’t paying attention” I grip the keys tighter. I am surprised at how strong my voice is despite my heart breaking inside. 

His jaw ticks, his tell that he’s angry. His hand flex’s in a fish, he’s frustrated, tired, angry and ashamed. “Fuck. And how exactly do I get home? Walk?” He knows he isn’t getting the key, unlike the guys I don’t back down from him

“I’m taking your truck” Will finally speaks up, he had known Frankie the longest. They went through basic together. Other than me, Will is the only one he seems to listen to. Years spent alongside each other, and Santiago Garcia, they have been through some shit. The kind of shit that bonds you in ways normal people wouldn’t understand. “You can ride with me, or Alex” 

“What about Ben?” He asks 

“I have shit to fix,” Benny sighs

The three of us knew the answer. There was no way he would be getting in the car with me. The look of disappointment was enough for him to stay away, he didn’t want to hear my lecture to him. Riding with Will would give him what he needed, look out the window, air in his face and being able to blare the music so loud it would drown out his thoughts. Riding with me, it would be anything but that. 

“Fuck, fine…let’s go Will” he walks past us, bumping my shoulder as he does, he avoids eye contact with me and it breaks my heart even more. “Will, no talking” he yells as he waits for Will at the door 

Will wraps his arms around me, I give him pleading eyes and he seems to know what I’m asking without me saying a word “I’ll try” he whispers before walking to the truck and starting it. 

The cool breeze on his face was just what he needed. The final notes to ‘smoke on the water’ begin to fade on the truck's speakers. Will’s hand reaches to turn the volume down. Frankie opens his eyes and turns his head to face Will whose eyes remain focused on the road ahead. Will was determined to get him to talk, he was just waiting for the right moment. 

“Jesus Christ, just say it already. I know you want to” Frankie sighs, his own voice yelling inside his head

“Say what?” Will replies, his voice calm 

“Please…” Frankie scoffs, “that I’m a loser, a huge fucking disappointment. How I am letting people down. That I should be better. You know all the things Lex would be telling me right now” Frankie closes his eyes. ‘Maybe I should have just gone to the hospital’ he thinks to himself 

Will’s focus remained on the road, he sighs and takes a deep breath. This isn’t the first time they’ve had this conversation. Will had this talk with him the first time he was caught with pain meds that weren’t his. 

“She’s right, you should be” 

“I have nothing left Will. All I have ever known, all I have ever been good at is being a pilot. I know how to fly and I know how to kill. I’m useless here, maybe I shouldn’t even”

“Fuck that Fish, you better not finish that thought” Will pulls to the side of the road slamming on the breaks and turns to face him, “you are not useless, you have so much to live for”

Frankie rolls his eyes, “like what? My girl left me before I even landed. She heard the words ‘drug problem’ and she ran. I’m basically homeless, I live with Benny.  I’m jobless, I’m useless.  Face it Will, I am useless and nobody needs me”

“Monica was a bitch” Will says, Frankie shakes his head in disagreement 

“She was smart. She got out when she could, she didn’t let me drag her down” Frankie looks down, his voice grows quiet “something my Mom should have done with my Dad” 

There is a long pause, the silence is deafening. His heart pounding in his chest. Will stays silent 

“He died on my birthday ya know. I was 12, maybe 13. When she came to tell me, it wasn’t like she was sad or anything. It was relief?” He says it as a question because even after all these years, he still doesn’t understand the feeling his mother had. “She said something about us not having to worry anymore. Shit…” he rubs his face “I’m just like him” 

Will stays silent, he didn’t know this story. Frankie had always stayed quiet about his life as a kid. Saying joining the Army was his way out of a shit situation. Will knew he had to help his friend, his brother. But he’s tried, this time Frankie was going to have to be the one that asked for it. Will looks at Frankie, Frankie’s hands shaking “Fish…”

“I need help”

I haven’t heard from him for a few days, it wasn’t out of the normal. But I expected to hear something from him, maybe a ‘thank you for saving my life’ would have been nice. He was mad, I was mad, and it turned the rocky road even rockier. Will mentioned they talked but not much more than that. It was a Friday night, and I just poured myself a glass of rose, getting ready to Netflix and chill alone. There’s a gentle knock on the door and I sigh, I’m in sweats and an oversized shirt, I don’t want to answer the door. 

When I do, I see Frankie standing there, hands in his pocket, like a nervous high school kid knocking on the door of his crush. He’s rocking back and forth not looking at her just yet. 

“Hey” he says shyly, his eyes traveling up from my bare feet to my eyes 

“Hi” I cross my arms 

We stand there in awkward silence, I notice Benny sitting in the car, and I look back to Frankie chewing on the inside of his cheek, “Fish, what are you doing here?” I finally ask

“I’m gonna get the help I need” he finally looks at me again. He stares into my eyes, “I’m sorry you found me like that. I didn’t mean to hurt you” 

“Frankie…” I swallow hard, uncrossing my arms and taking a step towards him. Wrapping my arms around his waist 

“I’ll see you soon” he says hugging me tentatively and I can feel his heart racing 

“I’m happy for you” I pull away, his hands hold my waist, his eyes watery as he looks at me “you’ll be ok, I’ll see you soon” I try to smile

I’m happy for him, he’s going to get the help he needs, I just hope this time it works. He nods, quickly adjusting his cap. Then he leans in and kisses my cheek, he turns and runs back to Benny, his face must have been a mirror image of mine. Shock is probably an understatement. 

“Shut up Ben” I hear him say closing the car door

White walls.

White floors. 

White bed sheets. 

Everything in this place is white, and Frankie hates it all. It’s sterile, the only pop of color is the small garden outside his window, and that nurse Nicole who has been getting to know him.  In more ways than one. Frankie hated it, he wanted out, he wanted a hit of something…other than Nicole…she was great, sure. But he needed something stronger, something to take the edge off. 

He wondered if this was what hell was like. Listening to people's sob stories of what ended them up here in this white prison. An older gentleman with dark gray hair, and sober blue eyes was going on and on about what brought him here. Frankie wasn’t listening just like he wasn’t listening the first dozen times he heard this story. He was focused on the rain drops hitting the window outside. 

“…I should have done this a long time ago.  I pushed away everyone who cared about me, and wanted to help me.  I didn’t think I needed help, we are all soldiers, we don’t ask for help.  I just hope that when this is done and I get out of here they can find it in their hearts to forgive me” the man says, finishing his speech and the small group claps for him

It had been a little over three weeks here, meaning Frankie only had a week left.  He had spent every class sitting in the back on the hard uncomfortable chairs listening to people share their stores of what brought them here.  He wished he was anywhere else, he would have even being back on the battlefield was better compared to this.  This was a nightmare. He was counting down the minutes, the seconds until the little bell would chime letting him know it was time for lunch.  He was trying to remain low, stay out of the way and do as little as possible just to get this done and over with.

“Mr. Morales…” the instructor speaks. Karen was her name? Maybe, he didn’t know. He didn’t care.  She was nice, going along with Frankie hiding in the background, but if he was going to graduate and be able to leave this place, she was going to need him to open up.

His eyes widen, heart races “hmm…what?” everyone still seated in their seats “Would you care to share with us today?” she smiles at him

“Well, uhh….” all eyes are suddenly on him, “I would but, you know it’s time for lunch”.  The little bell chimes again, and Frankie claps his hands together. “Saved by the bell” and there are a few awkward chuckles around him.  People slowly standing and moving their chairs to the side.  Frankie stands and folds up his chair, his name being called just as he reaches the door.

Karen standing in front of him, “can we chat for a minute?” she asks with a look that no wasn’t going to be taken as an answer

“I would, but see it’s taco night, and if you don’t get there early you get stuck with all the broken shells” 

A little ironic, broken shells for the broken man.

“Frankie…” she sighs

“I…uh…I, you’re not gonna take no will you?” he asks and she nods in agreement, “Shit, fine.  He walks towards her desk, grabbing a chair along the way.  It was times like this he wishes they would have let him keep his hat.  His safety net, he wanted to put it on and pull it down where you couldn’t see his eyes. 

“Why are you here?” she asks

“I had heard this place and some great food,” he laughs, and she doesn’t even crack a smile, “tough crowd.  Ok, My friends said I needed to get help”

“What do you think? Do you think you need help?”

“I don’t know” he leans back and crosses his arms

“Then why are you here?” she asks again, “if you don’t know why you are here, if you are here just for your friends, and you don’t want to be here…why stay? No one is forcing you to be here” 

That’s a lie, there's guards at the front door.

“It’s not like I can just walk out the front door.  I already tried that.  I don’t know, I might need help, but this addiction isn’t my fault.  It’s also not my fault that the one person…the only…that someone who cares about me, that I care about found me” he wipes his eyes, not wanting to let the tears actually fall “I didn’t ask her to come find me”

Lie.  He sent that text to her, knowing she could come find him.  She always did.

“And why didn’t you share that, that’s why we are here.  We are here to help you.” 

“Everyone has been saying that, maybe I don’t want help.  Look, I don’t mean to be an asshole.  But what does sharing stories do? Like George, and the, I pushed people away bullshit. His story is nothing like mine.  I don’t care about these people, and they sure in hell don’t give a fuck about me” 

“Because, everyone here is a lot more like you than you think.  For example, Steve you should talk to him” 

“Steve?” Frankie asked

“Yes, the gentleman at the end…the one you just called George. His name is Steve” 

The next few days were spent getting to know Steve.  Frankie hated sharing anything personal but the two of them did have something in common. Steve happened to be a fighter pilot for the Air Force, getting hooked on painkillers after he had retired. Karen was right, this guy was actually pretty ok. They exchanged information, Steve letting him know that he had a friend who could help with the addiction.  

It was finally day 30, the day he was counting down too since he got to this place. He had just finished packing up his shit when there was a gentle hand on his back. Nicole, she wanted to make sure she was able to give him the proper send off. 

He pushes her so she’s bent over his bed. Lifting her white dress, and sliding her panties to the side. Unzipping his own jeans, he pushes into her in one swift motion. A hand covering her mouth as she moans out his name. He wasn’t going to miss this place, he wasn’t even sure if he was going to miss this. Yeah, she was good and always ready for him. But she wasn’t the girl he wished she was. 

His back towards the door, and he continues to rock into Nicole when there’s a knock on his door. He turns to see it slowly being pushed open and his friend, Santiago Garcia standing there. Santiago leaning against the frame, arms crossed and a smirk on his face. 

“Some things never change, do they Cat?” Santiago sighs 

Frankie hadn’t seen Santi, or Pope since he was kicked out of the Army.  Pope wanting to spend time with his girl and the possibility of starting a family. Frankie pulls out of Nicole practically shoving her face first onto the mattress. He quickly tucks himself back into his jeans, smiling at Pope. 

“What the hell are you doing here?” Frankie asks. He’s happy and slightly confused

“I’m here to bust your ass outta here” he chuckles, “but that doesn’t seem to be the only thing ready to bust” 

“Shut up Cabrón” Frankie watches as Nicole adjusts herself and moves out of the room. He knows he should have felt guilty but honestly he really didn’t care. “Where’s Ben?”

“Had some shit to take care of. Will and I came to get you, he’s up front taking care of some paperwork. I don’t know he told me to come get you” he shrugs 

“You know you always sucked at lying right” Frankie bends over to pick up the duffle bag and walks out of the bedroom heading to the front door where Will was waiting 

“Hey…hey wait, what about that little chick?” Pope calls after him 

“You want me to what?” I ask in disbelief, watching as Benny makes himself at home on my sofa

Frankie was coming home today, and I had planned a small party for him. Just a little something, some pizza and being around his friends. This was all planned before Benny told me he would be leaving a few days after Frankie got out. 

“He needs to stay with someone for a while, they don’t want him to be alone in case of a relapse” Benny says leaning his head back, “please…I can’t not go, I don’t have a job that allows me to say ‘no’ to them” 

“I…I, why me?” I stutter out the words

“He trusts you” Benny manages to say just as the door opens and Will walks in 

“Hey” he says awkwardly, somehow knowing that Benny just asked you 

It was the most awkward pizza dinner of my life. No one really saying anything. Frankie staring at his slice of pizza picking off the toppings. I had picked up a mushroom and pepperoni one just for him. I knew it was his favorite and watching him sit uncomfortable breaks my heart

“So who was that cute little blonde you had in bed, Fish?” Pope asked, leave it to him to make it even more uncomfortable 

Frankie gave him a look, the term ‘if looks could kill’ was 100% true and Santiago is lucky he wasn’t six-feet under right now. 

“She was a nurse, at least that’s what they call them there. More like a maid if anything” Frankie groans pushing his plate away “I gotta pee” 

I watch as he gets up and walk down the hall towards the bathroom. Santiago going on about how he walked in on him and the so-called nurse. “She was fucking hot too” I roll my eyes, and look back to Benny. 

“I really don’t need to hear this” 

Trying to tune out what they are saying, I too start to pick at the crust of my half eaten pizza. I really don’t need to know about his sexcapades anymore then I need to hear about Bennys. The only difference, I am jealous of this girl I don’t even know. The conversation slowly turns to what they are going to do with Frankie. How do deal with him, the addiction that they are sure wasn’t solved in the 30 days that he was there. 

“Has anyone even asked him what he wanted?” I finally ask, listening to them talking like he isn’t even there. 

“It doesn’t matter, the doctors said he needs to be with someone, at least for a while” Benny sighs 

Frankie comes back, setting a coin on the table.  “If you want to talk about me like I’m not even here. You might want to make sure I can’t hear you. Or better yet, I can make it easier on you all and not fucking be here” 

“Frankie…wait” I grab the coin from the table and stand up, “what the fuck is wrong with you guys?” I turn and chase after him 

He doesn’t have a car, his home for the last few years is too far to walk. He has no money and can’t afford a cab. He opens the front door and stops leaning against the small fence on the front porch. His hands grip the top post, his head down, he wants to disappear but has no place to go. 

“Hey…” I say softly, closing the door behind me and moving closer to him “you forgot this”

I hold the silver coin towards him. A large ‘30 days’ written on it. He looks at me, his eyes flicking from the coin to my eyes and I feel frozen. He lifts his hand grabbing the coin from me and throwing it into the yard, “this doesn’t fucking mean anything” his voice cracks “why did you have to find me? Y’all would have been better off” he looks away. Staring out in front of him 

“Ok…” I sigh, confused and hurt by what he said. I didn’t mean to say that. It just kinda can out. I didn’t know what else to say. His eyes turn to me, angry and watery. I swallow hard, and try to think of the next word. “Do you want to stay here?” 

What the fuck kinda question is that? He literally just told me I shouldn’t have found him. He just spent 30 days in a rehab facility. He seemed so happy when he told me he was going to get help and now. This isn’t the Frankie that left saying he wanted help. 

“Not really…nothing against you. But I don’t understand why I can’t just stay at home. Well, Benny’s home” he turns his body and leans against the fence. Crossing his arms. “I am tired of people telling me what to do. I had a whole month of it, tell us your feelings Frankie, here’s what we’re eating Frankie…” 

“Because Morales, the docs at the rehab facility want you to stay with someone incase of a relapse. You can stay here or head back to rehab. I’m sure Nicole would be happy to welcome you back” Benny had joined us, sitting on the swinging bench

“If you want to stay here…I’d like you to stay. But I understand if you don’t” I tell him, giving Benny an evil glare. “I promise to give you your space. And you can have Nicole stop by if you want” 

“Oh my god, enough with Nicole. She was a good time that’s fucking it. It’s not like I’m gonna marry her.  I’m not doing this because you're telling me too” Frankie groans in defeat

ANN: A huge shout out to @musings-of-a-rose for helping me with this and giving me confidence to post this in first person. I am still terrified of it. @theewokingdead and @heythere-mel for listening to my random ass ideas at all hours. I love each and every one of you.

Looking for more of my fics check out my masterlist. And check out other writers at @littlemisspascal and their library for all Pedro Characters

Just A Dream Masterlist Previous Chapter // Next Chapter

It took two days, four, well three and a half strong men moved all of Frankie’s stuff. My house might be small, but the best part. Despite only having two bedrooms, the bedrooms are huge. The guest room is slightly smaller than my master and there isn’t an attached bathroom but still plenty is space for his stuff. I kept the small desk there, well honestly that was the only thing I had there. Five years of living here and my guest room was still empty. Mostly why I think Benny volunteered my space, I was also someone he knew. All of Frankie’s belongings were still in taped boxes. We didn’t know how long Benny was going to be gone, it made sense to bring more than just a duffle bag of stuff. 

It's been two weeks since he had moved in, his clothes still in boxes, extra bedding still in boxes. He’s been wearing the same gray sweatpants and black shirt since he got here. Now don’t get me wrong, I love a man in specifically gray ones as much as the next girl, but he hasn’t changed. I don’t even know if he has showered. Seeing him all mopey is making me mad and slightly frustrated. I know he would much rather be back at what has been his home for years, but he needs help and I want to help. I just have no idea what I am doing. I’m feeling guilty making him move, and I know I shouldn’t. 

Thanks to having no social life I had a lot of PTO built up, I’ve been off these two weeks trying to help him feel at home. It’s been mostly awkward living with him when it shouldn’t. Awkward grunts, one word answers, he eats alone despite my best efforts. Yesterday he came out of his room and talked to me, it was about a cricket outside his window that just wouldn’t shut up. It was the first time he seemed to be normal? Is that even the right word, what is normal? 

It’s late afternoon, and he had been in his room the entire day. Walking past his room and I see him sitting on the edge of his bed, staring at the boxes sitting along the wall picking at his fingernails. He has had mood swings that have him going from happy to sad in seconds.  I thought about walking past him again, keep going on with my day.  But I couldn’t stand seeing the boxes still stacked. It felt like he was ready to move as soon as Benny stepped foot on American soil again, and I was terrified of seeing him live like he didn’t belong here.  I stop and gently tap on the open door, “hey…you want some help with those?”

He doesn’t look up at me, instead he just continues to stare at the box, “there’s just so much, I don’t know where to start” he takes a deep breath hanging his head 

I walk into his room, he is still sitting on the bed. I grab the top box labeled ‘shirts’ and then turn back towards him. I tap his foot with mine, motioning with my head he needs to move. He stands up and watches as I drop the box on the bed and start grabbing a few shirts and put them in one of the many empty drawers. I hear him sigh with disapproval and I look at him “What?” I groan in frustration 

“They need to be folded neatly, and by color. As well as style, but it’s fine…it’s fine. I’ll just do it later” he rubs the back of his neck

Call it being a perfectionist, I call it someone who was trained that everything always had to have order.  Everything needed to have crisp lines, be organized.  Having its rightful spot, years of military training would do this to a person and I was all too aware that it wasn’t fine.

I pull the shirts back out of the drawer, hoping he doesn’t see my eye roll and I set them back in the box. I didn’t expect this to be easy, but I also didn’t expect I was going to have to be his mother and not a friend. I didn’t think I was going to have to tell Frankie to eat, to take a shower. All the things I thought he already knew, was he like this in rehab? “Then refold the shirts and put them in the drawer” shit was that too aggressive? “I think I might make you feel more at home if you do” I put a hand on his shoulder gently rubbing it. 

I watch as he takes a shirt out, folds it meticulously. The edges of the shirt are perfect, he sets it on the bed, his hand running over the shirt, taking out any wrinkles. Every shirt has an order, by color, type, it is memorizing watching him as he moves. Folding every time with such perfection. I have to shake my head and snap out of it, I grab another box and open it to find it stuffed with boxers. He is completely focused on his shirts as I work to put the boxer briefs in a drawer hoping the fold in half method works for him. 

I pull out black pair after black pair.  There was an occasional gray mixed in. After seeing him in those gray sweatpants for the past two weeks my mind can’t help but imagine him in these and how great they would make his thighs look, his…’stop.  Don’t think about that. He’s now your roommate you can’t do that’ all those thots fall when I pull out a baby blue pair with little cat heads wearing headsets. Different types of helicopters fill the empty space between the cat faces. I can’t but giggle holding them up, Frankie stops what he is doing and looks up, “care to explain these” holding the boxers in the air and shake them, I arch an eyebrow at him smiling 

He reaches across and snatches them from my hands “nope…” he paused for a moment fold the boxers in half “you got them” he places them on the bottom of the drawer under the pile of black ones 

“I did?” I truly don’t remember. One would think someone would remember getting boxers that looked like that 

“Yeah, Christmas a few years ago” he returns his focus to the shirts in the box

”Oh my God, you’re right. I did” I laugh

”You said, that I was impossible to shop for, and you wanted something unique to remember you when I was away” 

Frankie is the most impossible person to shop for. He always would say he didn’t need anything, he said to not waste money on a guy like him. He wasn’t worth it. I watch Frankie roll his eyes as I tell him again that he is impossible to shop for. A hint of a smile begins to appear and I think that we might have a breakthrough. I finished the box I was working on, broke it down and leaned it against the wall. Frankie pulls out his last shirt and folds it, setting it on the top of a pile. Grabbing the small stack he turns and starts to put them in the top drawer. I grab the box and start to break it down when I see a film strip inside. I reach in and grab the photos. 

I stare at them, a clean shaven, wide-eyed twenty something Francisco Morales. I had a photo from this shoot, but I never saw these two. It was before his first deployment and the guys went and did some ‘glamor shots’ as a gag gift. Frankie’s in a purple shirt and leather jacket. His brown hair falling perfectly into place. The first photo his hands are in his back pockets. Showing off his impressive chest and broad shoulders, his smile that makes one’s heart beat a little faster and an instant panty dropper. The other, I swear, he could have been a model. His arms crossed over his chest. His biceps bursting the seams of his jacket, his lips pursed together in a brooding expression. Holy shit, he’s hot…“What do we have here?”

Frankie turns and looks at me, it takes a moment for him to realize what I’m holding in my hand. “Give those here” he reaches for them and I quickly pull them away

”Nope…” I laugh and hold them up, inspecting the photos a bit more

”Lex” he says, a bit more authoritative, it’s deep and it’s sexy. He takes a step towards me, I take a couple small steps towards his open door. I try to keep a distance between us 

I have a small idea, “you want them?” I ask slowly moving backward closer to the door, he starts to close the distance nodding his head yes, “then you’ll just have to come and get them” I smile and turn to run through the door. 

He bolts out of the room following me, I forget how fast he is and how incredibly silent he can be. He’s on my heels in an instant and I run a circle around the couch. Heading past him and into the kitchen, stopping at one end of the small island. He’s facing me on the other side “Lex…” he says.  I smile, laugh and run past his outstretched arm.  

“Gotta be quicker than that Morales” I ran around the house again, waiting for him to turn and find me again. I lose my breath as I’m back in his room, the bed as a barrier between us. I look at the photos and see him strut back into his room. I clearly didn’t think this through completely as I find myself trapped on the one side of the bed. Frankie blocking the only exit. He starts to walk around the bed, he’s standing at the end while I move further up closer to the headboard. I’m waiting for him, I have my escape planned. He fakes a step to the left towards me and I step up onto his bed. The piles of shirts start to fall when I bring my other foot up. He reaches across the bed, “Bad move, Miller” he snarls and wraps a hand around my ankle pulling it out and dropping me to the bed. 

I hold the photos above my head, he pulls me closer. Placing his thigh is between my legs and crawling the bed until  he’s hovering over my body. We’re both laughing and I struggle to keep the photos out of his reach. His large hand captures both of my wrists and pins them to the bed. I squirm below him, trying to break free.  “Stop moving” he grunts, his other hand lands on my hip. Holding me tightly in place, my shirt slightly raised and his thumb slowly rubbing against my bare skin. Our laughter slowly turns into heavy breathing. 

His face is so close, I can feel his warm breath. His eyes are so full of life now, I see the small parts of the old Frankie. The Frankie that became a friend, family, a crush. My heart is pounding and I am pretty positive Frankie can hear it, his hand is setting my skin on fire and I have no idea what is happening. But I want to kiss him, I want him to kiss me, I want to feel his lips on mine. “Frankie…” I whisper 

“Hmmm” he leans closer to me, his nose brushing along mine 

I don’t know what I was going to say, I didn’t imagine us ending up like this. I clearly didn’t think this through and I have no idea what to do. Time seems to move slow, and I don’t know how long we stay like this. His eyes focused on mine, I feel like he is looking into my soul. Does he want me to kiss him? Should I kiss him? His hand still wrapped around my wrists, the other still holding my hip. 

“KISS HIM ALREADY” my inner voice yells. I finally make a move, I close the short distance between, my lips just about to touch his when my phone rings in my back pocket. His hand releases my wrists and he sits up on the bed. I close my eyes, wishing I didn’t take so long to make the move. I reach behind me, pulling out my phone. It was work, I smiled and mouth a sorry to him, sliding the answer button and bringing the phone to my ear. “Hello” I stand and walk out of his room 

“Why didn’t I kiss her? She was right there…would she even want me to kiss her?” He thinks to himself, running his fingers through his hair 

He looks at himself in the mirror. The same sweatpants he’s been wearing for well over a week, he looked like a hot mess. At least the shirt was clean, or he thought his shirt was clean. He sees the unruly hair, the 5 o’clock shadow had turned into a fully grown beard. “Because you're a pathetic loser, look at you. She’d never want you to kiss her” that negative voice inside him says. Frankie shakes his head, hands covering his face. He rubs his eyes and tries to remember Will telling him wasn’t.  But the thing is, Will was never a very good liar and the voice becomes louder and louder. 

“Fishie…hey Fish” her voice brings him back. He looks up at her “hey, you ok?

“yeah…yeah” he says, but her face tells him she doesn’t believe him. 

“uhm, ok.  I gotta run to work for a bit. I’m not sure when I’ll be home but there’s money on the table. Order some take out”  

He nods, giving her his best smile and watches as she walks away. He hears the door open and close.  Standing up he peeks his head out the door, he doesn’t hear her. He just needs to take the edge off. He knows he will feel a lot better when he can’t feel anything again. He knows he doesn’t have much left, but enough to last him at least today. He’ll worry about tomorrow-tomorrow. Thank God he hid the green can well enough that Alex didn’t find it. Just one hit, that’s all he needs.

“Take a shower, you’ll feel better after a shower. You’re better than this” he can hear Will’s voice. 

It didn’t.

“Food, get some food. Don’t do this Cat” the voice says

My phone dances on my desk as I finish some paperwork. I had plenty of PTO built up, but the doctor's office had an influx of new patients and I was one of the few who knew how to enter all the data and get them set up. It wasn’t where I pictured myself when I graduated college with a degree in film.  But it’s a good paying job, and it kept me close to home. 

Fishie 🐟: u like Pad Thai 🍲 

Me: Not really, and I don’t think that’s Pad Thai haha

Fishie 🐟: oh ok what u want? 

I type back a response, telling him to order what he wants. The money on the table was for him to do what he wanted. I might not like Pad Thai, but that shouldn’t stop him from ordering it. I finish typing a few things and grab my phone. I walked over to some of my coworkers who were getting ready to head out as well. I lean against Laura’s desk. She was chatting with a few of the nurses, I watched my phone as the little bubble with dots popped up, then disappeared, appeared again, and disappeared again. I sigh, my head drops. His mood swings are driving me insane. 

Me: I like noodles, with teriyaki sauce if that counts as Pad Thai

“What’s up Buttercup” Laura smiles cheerfully

”Have you ever had to help a friend with an addiction?” I look up, the mouths all open “seriously. A friend, not me” 

“What kind of addiction?” Laura asks, she was my go-to at work. Her upbeat attitude always had the answers 

“Narcotics…” I reply 

Is this friend living with you?” a nurse asks 

I tell them how the friend just got out of rehab, I leave out the part that the friend is a he, and the he is Frankie. I tell them how rehab said something about how they shouldn’t be left alone, doctors orders they need to live with someone in case of a relapse. “Sometimes I feel like I see the person I became friends with, then sometimes hhhh-they are a completely different person. Someone I don’t even know and it’s only been two weeks” 

“Just keep being there for them, don’t push too hard. But they need to know you are there for him. I mean them, no matter what it is, they can trust you” she puts a hand on top of mine 

“You can’t give up on them.  No matter how hard they try to push you away, you push back. They’ll have their moments but like Laura said, you just need to be there. Letting them know you won’t give up on them” 

“Thanks,” I take a deep breath and stare at my phone, he still hasn’t responded “I just wish I knew what he needed, he doesn’t talk” 

“Give it time, he will open up when he’s ready” 

'Did she just say he? How does she know' I think

I walk into the house, kicking off my shoes and dropping my purse off on the little side table. I hear grunting from down the hall. ‘Oh please don’t tell me he has a girl here’ I think to myself moving towards his room. “Frankie?” 

T-Shirts he had just folded and pants were thrown into the hall. I move towards the open door dodging pants being thrown out as I get close, I look into his room and it looks like a tornado hit. The mattress shoved against the wall, drawers empty and pulled from the dresser, clothes thrown around the room. I see Frankie bent over in his closet he had on a new pair of dark green sweats on, he’s shirtless. Little water droplets still cling to his hair and a towel draped over the back of a chair. 

“Where the fuck is it?!” he shouts as I watch him throw more things around. 

“Where is what?” I ask, and instantly regret it 

He turned quickly looking at me, his eyes filled with rage and nostrils flaring. I’ve never seen this look before, and he slowly starts to walk towards me. There’s an evil glint to his eye and it scares me. 

“Where the fuck did you put it Alexandra?” He snarls 

“If you told me what you are looking for…” I tried to not raise my voice, trying to keep calm. He needs me to remain calm. 

“YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I’M LOOKING FOR! DON’T PLAY STUPID” 

The yelling intensifies and I know the neighbors can hear us, stay calm. Don’t make things worse. 

What happened to the Frankie from earlier? 

“I need you to calm down, Frankie. Please. Just tell me what you're looking for and I can help” I wanna put my hand on his shoulder, ground him. Let him know I’m here, but he’s breathing heavy, his lip curls up in an evil grin. 

“I know you have it!” he says in an oddly calm manner, “JUST GIVE IT TO ME!!!” He yells 

He takes a step closer, he raises his fist. I flinch as the closed hand comes flying towards me and it connects with the wall inches from my head. “Give it to me now Alex” he growls

“What in the hell is your problem!?” I yell shoving his chest back

“You! Benny! This stupid fucking place. I don’t want to be here!” His eyes begin to water and a tear streams down his cheek, he takes a couple steps back

“Fine, then fucking leave! No one is forcing you to be here Francisco” I try to hold back by own tears “I am sick and tired of seeing you being all mopey and shit.  You don’t want to be here, FINE” 

Shit…I am pretty sure I just over stepped. I go to open my mouth to apologize and there is a hard knock at the door followed by a “Police” 

“You called the Police?” He shouts 

“I’ve been standing in front of you the entire time arguing with you. When would I have had time to call the police?” I say, I back up and move towards the front door. The knocks become more aggressive “I’m coming!” 

I unlock the door and see three officers standing there. They all have a concerned look on their faces

”Good evening ma’am. We got a call about some yelling and wanted to make sure everything was ok” the taller officer said

”Everything is fine. It’s great. Just swell” my words are dripped with sarcasm

“Do you mind stepping outside to talk to my partner Officer James” he looks over my shoulder and sees Frankie, “hey there sir.  Mind coming over here for a moment?” 

He is sitting on the porch as she stands by the car. He fucked up, she’s given up on him. He’s given up on himself. 

“What’s your name?” The youngest officer asks him 

Frankie reads the name printed on his chest. T. Baker. “Frank, my name is Frank and everything is fine Officer Baker” 

Baker keeps asking bin questions.  What happened, did she hit him. Did he hit her? How long has he been living here? What was their relationship? Frankie becoming more annoyed with each question. What did it matter? He fucked things up and he needed a hit more then ever. He was looking for his coke, she found him on a downward spiral but there was no way he was going to tell him that. Suddenly the questions take a turn, when Officer Baker notices a tattoo on his chest. 

“What branch?” 

“Excuse me” Frankie responds confused 

“Your tattoo?”

“Oh yeah, Army. Special Ops, I was a pilot” 

He has a tattoo on the left side of his chest, a helicopter flying. A sun and clouds shaded in the background. The helicopter with incredible detail, one of the ones he first learned how to fly. A few men repelling from the bird.  Just below a group of trees

“Thank you for your service sir.  Wait here, I have some stuff for you” Baker nods his head and walks to the patrol car 

He watches him shuffle down the stairs, he sees Alex and for a moment they lock eyes. His heart nearly stops as he sees the tears in her eyes that she quickly wipes away. He caused this pain and for what, a stupid little hit that was nearly enough to take away the pain. He ruined everything. The afternoon was so great, and now she wants him out. Officer Baker was walking back with a stack of papers in his hand. 

“For the hundredth time, he didn’t hurt me. He would never do that” I groaned. I have said the same thing over and over. Are they trying to get a different answer? Despite Frankie punching a hole in the wall, he would never lay a hand on me. 

I pinch the bridge of my nose and close my eyes taking in a deep breath. When I open my eyes, I see Frankie. His eyes locked onto mine. The hurt, the pain, he looks lost. The officer hands him a stack of papers. His hands shaking as he takes them, he turns his head down and he walks into the house. 

“Ms. Miller, if you need anything else please give us a call” the officer sees his small notebook and sticks it in his chest pocket. “Have a good night” he walks past me and heads to his car. 

I head to the steps of my front porch watching the officer who had spoken to Frankie walk down. He stops me before I walk past him, “he’ll be ok. Just give it time. I’ve been there. He’s got a good girlfriend, just be patient with him” 

I stop in my tracks, my jaw drops. What the hell did Frankie tell him? “Wait…what?” I ask. But it was too late, the officer already getting back into his car. I shake my head and walk into the house locking the door behind me. 

It’s getting late and I’m hungry. I walk past the hallway that leads to the bedrooms and notice Frankie bent over picking up the clothes that had been thrown into the hallway. I should say something, I should apologize to him. I get distracted, watching the muscles in his back strain with every movement. ‘Focus Alex’. What is wrong with me, this man just put me through a roller coaster of emotions. I can’t get distracted by something as stupid as watching him work. 

I shake my head and walk towards the kitchen. I hope to find some leftover takeout since I know the fridge is empty. Instead I find the $20 left on the table in the same exact place I left it. I can’t leave, that would require me letting Frankie know, and it might be petty but I really don’t want to talk to him right now, maybe even for the rest of the night. I open the freezer and pray that the ice cream is still there. I open the door and find the pint of cookie dough ice cream still sitting there. I do a little happy dance and grab a spoon. I make my way to the living room and flop down on the sofa, turning on the TV and pop the top off digging in. 

“I fucked up…” he says to himself folding the shirts, putting them back in the dresser. He pushes the mattress back onto the frame and sits on the edge of his bed. He looks up and sees the hole he had punched into the wall. An image of Alex’s face floods his memory. He fucked up so bad that she didn’t even say two words to him when she came back into the house. He left the pamphlets on the coffee table, she’s going to find them. He knows it.

The papers were for local rehabs where VA’s held sobriety classes.  They had everything from AA to NA to Gambling. He didn’t want to go to rehab again, he felt more alone then he ever had there. That’s where he met George, well Steve really. He made it though those 30 days thanks to him smuggling in just enough coke to help them both function like normal adults. Nicole, well she helped in other ways. One keeping his secret and she helped him take his mind off things when he was able to bury himself in her. She wasn’t who he wanted, but she was there.  She was a quick fuck. It didn’t mean anything, and he felt bad when he told her it wasn’t going to last when he left. His mind racing with all these thoughts, he’ll finish cleaning later. He’ll patch the hole tomorrow. Right now he has something bigger to take care of. He needs to repair this whatever-ship he had with Alex. He needs her. 

He plops on the couch next to her, she doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t even look at him, she focused on the ice cream in her hand and the moving pictures on the TV

”Ice cream for dinner?” He asks ‘great icebreaker Morales, you idiot’ his inner demon mocks him 

“Yeah, the perk of being an adult. No one can tell me what to eat Franklin” she stuffs another spoon into her mouth, “that and someone didn’t buy dinner like I told them too” 

‘She called me Franklin…maybe she’s not that mad’ he reads her face, it’s softened…a hint of a smile. Then she said that last part, and it changes to instant regret. She turns to look at him “shit. I’m so sorry that was-“ 

“No…no I deserved that” he interrupts her, “can I have a bite?” 

She eyes him, something between a grin and a smirk on her face. She sticks the spoon into the ice cream and scoops out a tiny pile, moving the spoon to his open mouth. 

“I’m sorry Lex he says mouth full of ice cream

He looks at the ground, he’s picking at his nails. I can see the inner struggle he’s having and it breaks my heart, I have no idea how to help. I watch as his mind tries to find the words he wants to say. I go to open my mouth, but he stops me “I am really sorry” he says again 

“What happened today?” I ask him setting the ice cream on the table and turning to face him 

“I was looking for…fuck…I was looking for some coke. I thought I had some left. I am so sorry. I didn’t want to do this. I don’t want to do this. Rehab didn’t do shit” he’s talking fast and I’m trying to keep up. 

He tells me about George, how they were doing just enough to get by.  Nicole helped them not get caught. He doesn’t know how George was able to get the contraband in, but he did. They exchanged information, and he was helping Frankie. He wasn’t doing as much as he used to, which I guess is good, he thought he had some left.  A small tin can was what he was looking for, he was terrified that I found it when we were unpacking. 

“How many days has it been?” I ask 

“I don’t know, maybe five days?” He doesn’t sound very positive 

“Maybe five days? How many days Frankie?” 

“Three…it’s been three days and I am going crazy” he says ‘then we almost kissed and I panicked and I was on edge and just needed a hit’ he thinks to himself 

“ok” she says and stands up. 

“Wait where are you going?” He asks, panic setting in 

He’s worried that she is going to get his bag, she’s gonna ask him to leave. This is too much, this isn’t what she signed up for. She’s given up on him. His head falls back, he wants this couch to eat him alive. He wanted to disappear before and that feeling is ten times worse, now that she knows his secret. 

She comes back a large poster in her hand, the other has a sharpie and stickers. She sits it on the table and sits on the floor next to Frankie. He watches as she makes little boxes, writing dates, making a calendar. Her tongue peeks out of her tongue as she concentrates on the task at hand. He leans forwards, and continues to watch over her shoulder. She looks up at him, “ok did you use today?”

He shakes his head no “I couldn’t find it”

“right..” she puts a little star sticker on today's date “and you said three days since the last time”

He nods. She puts a sticker on the past three days

“What are you doing?” He asks 

That was a great question. What was I doing? This idea sounded crazy in my head, even more crazy as I explained to Frankie. It would be like a reward chart.  Something like when you were a kid and had chores, you’d get a sticker for each thing completed. The more stickers you get a reward. The more I say this, and look at his face of confusion the more dumb this idea sounded. He isn’t a kid, I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing. 

“This is stupid, just forget it.” I sigh pushing the stuff away from me

His large hands stop the poster from moving, he brings it closer. 

“What is my reward?” He asks curiously 

“Uhm…what do you want?” 

“Pancakes…” he says

”Pancakes? Really?” and he nods “ok how about we start with a week, you make it a week, I’ll make you pancakes” 

“With sprinkles?” His boyish smile is back, his eyes wide and I have a little hope that this stupid, wacky, insane idea might work

I smile and nod at him. I move to sit next to him on the couch, “I’ll have to go buy some. But sure, you can have sprinkles” 

“Hey Lexi, one more thing?” He asks “Can we get some helicopter stickers?”

I smile and cup his cheek, my thumb gently brushing the trimmed beard, “yes Franklin. We can get some helicopter stickers” 

ANN: A huge shout out to @musings-of-a-rose for helping me with this and giving me confidence to post this in first person. I am still terrified of it. @theewokingdead and @heythere-mel for listening to my random ass ideas at all hours. I love each and every one of you.



Looking for more of my fics check out my masterlist. And check out other writers at @littlemisspascal and their library for all Pedro Characters