My name is Aster!

Honestly, when I think of when I was little, it starts to freak me out. Everything since kindergarten has been a kind of vivid blur- like I can remember it all, but some parts are locked out. So, I had my first crush on another girl when I was 4-ish. She was a fairly popular girl in the class, which meant everyone wanted to get to know her. I… was not, probably after crying in class or something(I cried too much). So, everyone hated me for spending all my time with her. Then, that one guy and his gang of friends would constantly beat me up and chase me around and shit, and I’d run away, but how long could I run for? The main guy himself was really weak, shorter than me, and younger than me, but there were some pretty scary kids on that group. So I’d be scared shitless. Well, that was honestly it, and I’d come home to do nothing for about the rest of the day(maybe play with dolls or blocks for hours).

Then came… first grade. I stopped talking to that girl, so I had no friends, really. I’d just pace around. That gang still did chase me, but there weren’t as many secluded areas in the field(only kindergarteners got a playground. From first grade onwards, it was a field). And some other kids bullied me, but only verbally. Some kids hung out with me, but only for a day before disappearing.

And then came the worst part. There was another girl, and we became best friends, since I had no one, really. And she immediately isolated me from the few people I ever talked to, and spent her entire day with me. It started with recess in her lap on the grass, and it soon led to me bent over the railing in a bathroom stall, almost daily. And I’ll never really forget it, now.

I just needed a place to vent and I thought Tumblr was safer than real life, since y’all don’t know me :3