please give me an b

WILDE FAMILY STATISTICS 

The brunette tucked a strand of dark locks behind her ear, crouched down to face the dog she’d been house sitting. “How ya feeling Benji?” She questioned. Stunned by how he’d taken off running and barking in a matter of seconds, she ran after him her arms wrapping around him as she came to a halt, panting. “Fuck sake–– Hey,” She motioned to the other, her bum hitting the ground as she held him by his collar. “Did he hurt you?” She questioned, looking up at the person the dog had ran too.

Today was a day of relaxation for Ian (as if he ever did anything particularly tedious or straining), but his inclination to lay in bed all day was curbed by his desire for food. So he’d set out onto campus, leaving the safety of his frat house behind to dream of Sushi Palace being open and apparently be attacked by a loose dog. When the animal was finally collected, Ian laughed, wiping the slobber from his arms and the little bit that had graced his cheek. “Nah, girl. He’s alright. Bitches love me, you know?”

As Hunter finished his shift at Baker’s Delight, he grabbed the handouts stating the artists that would be playing that night at one of the many local bars, his name was obviously included. It was certainly a benefit to be friends with the bartenders who’d get him a spot without him having to pay much for it. Rick had allowed him to display the handouts at the desk and as Hunter made his way out out of the shop, he handed one of them to the person in front of him. “Great show tonight, you won’t wanna miss it.” He said.

“Oh, dope.” Ian intoned as he scanned the flyer he’d been handed with his eyes. “You looking for band mates before your next gig? I play a mean triangle, bro.” 

Jonas didn’t even bother looking up through his legs to find the source of the voice that’d spoken out to him, knowing Ian’s tone and verbiage anywhere. “You of all people should be supporting me in everything I do, brah. And support includes lying to me to avoid hurting my feelings.” 

“As your best friend...” Ian started dramatically, using the toe of his shoe to poke Jonas in the rear. “I can’t lie to you, dude. Solemn oath stuff or whatever.” 

When you come home, you'll find a hand delivered gift basket on your doorstep with a printed note that reads: 

“Happy Holidays to you and your families from the staff at Seacrest Cove University! We’d like to thank you for your hard work this school year and look forward to seeing your return to campus after winter break has ended. Please, enjoy your time with your loved ones and have a wonderful holiday hiatus.

On behalf of the board members, professors, and all the staff at Seacrest Cove University, please enjoy this complimentary gift basket as our way of saying we hope merry tidings are coming your way.”

Ian didn’t go out on dates, and out of nowhere, it felt like he was dating. After a few Netflix binges with Charlotte, he’d though of no one else to ask to hang out at the Winter Festival with him. There were a few days left yet that he’d be able to hang out with his fraternity brothers and a few other friends before he’d be shipped back to Florida for the winter break, but he wanted to see Charlie before he left. So he scraped together some tips from work and set to attend the Winter Fest. 

“What do you wanna do first, lil ma? Reindeer ride or to see Santa?”

“Am I–” Jonas grunted, his legs moving oddly behind his head as he tried to still himself. “Am I doing this shit right, or?” 

“Absolutely not, lil homie.” Ian snorted, eyeing his fraternity brother as he did...whatever he was doing on the ground. 

“Fair warning: The manager is there, and she’s extremely upset.” Jae-Hyun warned as he grabbed a towel from behind the counter, and tossed it at Ian. “Dry yourself up. If you catch a cold and spread your germs here, then I’ll catch a cold and if I have a sore throat the day of the musical, there’ll be dire consequences.” The freshman threatened, barely blinking as he took a sip of his tea and went back to reading his book.

Ian winced. It was no secret that their manager wasn’t his biggest fan and he wasn’t looking to give the older woman a reason to fire him, so he considered the thought that maybe hanging out behind the house on his day off wasn’t such a good idea. Still he accepted the towel from the other with a curt nod, rubbing it furiously against his sopping head for a second or two. “You’re a terrifying person, you know that, right?”

“Can you draw? I freaking love those caricature things. They are so cute and funny. I’d say that’s a solid backup plan.“

“No, I cannot,” Ian answered matter of factly, as if he were about to follow up with I can’t do anything. “I meant that I’d sell caricatures that other people draw. Like an art dealer. You don’t get one of yourself, but you get a dope one of someone else.” 

GENERAL

What is your phone background/screensaver? Here. How many contacts do you have in your address book? 27 Are your contacts entered as first name last name or do you customize contact names? Ian has customized names for everyone in his phone. Typically stupid ones that range from cute kenny miller (Charlotte) to king high strung (Julian).  What are your top three most used apps? Twitter, YouTube, and Walking Dead: The Game What are your last 3 google searches or the last three things you asked your built in AI for help with? What is cardamom?  where do you buy cardamom? does cardamom really destroy stress and make you mad smart? Do you have downloaded music or use a streaming app? Yes, Ian lives for Spotify. He’s too poor to afford premium, so when the ads get too annoying, he listens to music on YouTube. When the ads there get too annoying, he switches back to Spotify. And the circle goes on until he gets tired of listening to music in general.  Do you use the default ringtone or have personalized tones for everyone? Default.  What are the last three songs you listened to on your phone? High For This (The Weeknd), Jack Sparrow (The Lonely Islands), rockstar (Post Malone)  What are the last three texts you sent? Say no more. Lmk when you're on your way and I'll let my frat papa know that you're coming over. (To Charlotte Rose) Brooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooski. Answer me, man I’ve called u like 25 times (To Julian Lowell)  Send money r.i.p. (To his sister, Ivory Wilde) Who do you text the most? Ian texts Charlotte the most, currently, but he spends a lot of time texting his little sister and Julian, even though the latter doesn’t like to respond as much.  Who were the last three calls you made to? Ivory, his parents--or more so his mother, who answered--and Dominoes.  Who do you call the most? His parents. He doesn’t like to call as much as he likes to text, so he typically just...doesn’t call anyone else.  What are your top five most used emojis? 🤘💩😂👀😏 Do you actually use the calendar on your phone? He does not. If he doesn’t remember it, it obviously wasn’t worth remembering.  Do you have any group chats? With who? Ian’s in a group chat with his fraternity brothers, but it’s a very dry chat, usually, which leads him to suspect that they have a separate group chat without him. He’s also in a group chat with his parents and sister, who he feels also have a group chat without him as well.  How religiously do you delete your internet history on your phone? Constantly. Not because he has anything X-rated in his history, but because his google searches are embarrassing. 

SOCIAL MEDIA

What are your last three posted tweets? (Retweeted from @officialjaden) Tyler The Creator Is A Innovator And A Genius  yeah I start all my tweets lowercase because I’m against capitalism  (Retweeted from @saumilparikh29) yeet or be yeeten What’s your pinned tweet? ducks, man. i don’t give a duck about ducks, motherducker. What’s your last instagram post? (Check out a cool format example from Alison here! )

↳ INSTAGRAM: @ianwildinout uploaded a new picture

frat bro love @kennygrowsup

❤ 52 LIKES ✐ 11 COMMENTS

Last snapchat sent? 

Despite herself, Emily busted out laughing at the sound that came out of his mouth, her grip on his jacket slackened enough that he was able to slip out of it easily. “Oh my god Wilde, what was the sound that you just made?” 

“I need to go, immediately, I need to go,” Ian retorted with strained tone, immediately shaking his head, Ian turned to depart. “You’re the worst, Emily Echolls.” 

A brow lifting at his imitation of her tone, amusement curled up the corners of her lips, intrigue weaving it’s way through her grin. “Oh, is that so?” Stepping a little closer, fingers lifting to lightly adjust his shirt, though her eyes remained locked firmly on his own. Like a big cat zeroed in on it’s prey. “And what sorts of things can you handle, Puppy?”

Ian found himself in the middle of the danger zone once more, his eyes widening as Grace took a step forward, her fingers toying with the fabric of his shirt. He wasn’t used to women responding positively to his half hearted advances and when they did, he didn’t know what the hell he was supposed to do with himself. “First of all, puppy’s so a turn off,” He tried, his gaze flickering from her, off to the side, and back, as if he wasn’t quite sure where to let his eyes rest. “Second of all, I--a lot?” 

“Aren’t you a business major? Don’t worry about it, man. I’m sure you’ll get some six-figure job right after you graduate and be able to pay your loans off with money to spare.“

“I hope so, man. That’ll be the only way I’ll survive this capitalist run hellscape. If I don’t find a banging job right off the bat, you can catch me on Santa Monica Pier selling caricatures out of my cozy, cardboard box. No fancy conditioners for me, buddy.” 

“I can spot you for it this time, but why don’t you get a job. There’s plenty of places hiring around campus.“

“Bro, I work at Baker’s Delight and I’m still broke as hell. I’m gonna need to get a second job to pay off these student loans, I think. Or a third. Maybe I’ll just fake my own death and use the insurance pay out to pay off my debts.” 

She eyed the other with suspicion as he spoke, only to laugh in relief when he pointed out how ridiculous he’d sounded. For once, she didn’t have to be the one to say it. Thank god. “Yeah, bud, that was super psycho, but thanks.” She softened a bit, her smile growing as she started to fully take in who was before her. “You’re the guy who works in the bakery, aren’t you?”

Ian offered the girl a nod when she spoke, both to confirm that, again, he knew he sounded like an absolute creep, but also to confirm her inquiry about his place of employment. “That’s right, lil ma. And you work at the Bean, right? I feel like I’ve seen you behind the barista bar before. Mixing it up. Looking super fly.” 

“Doing things is overrated.” Emily purred theatrically, reaching forward to snag Ian by the front of the shirt and pulling him towards him, puckering her lips just a little.

When Emily caught him by the front of his shirt, a noise left his throat that resembled the skkrt sound from the is that a real rat? vine as he ducked out of her grasp and stumbled backwards. He knew she was just fucking with him, but still...”Be gone, Emily Echolls! I cannot fall prey to your temptations right now.”