On the other hand, that usually means I feel things more clearly because I’m not inhibited by how I *think* I *should* feel/behave.

I want him to be happy. Even if that isn’t with me. Even though I think it could be with me.

I haven’t had bad days for a long time. I. Can’t actually remember the last time I cried myself to sleep over something that seemed utterly meaningless when I eventually woke up.

Why do some people just have such an intense ability to get under your skin. To be so entirely self-centred that they can’t see what anger or upset they are causing the people they claim to care about. To be so entirely incapable of putting aside their feelings for even the briefest of moments just to give someone else a chance.

And then you just have that one evening where it all just feels a bit shit.

Comments that wouldn’t have bothered you yesterday cut a different way and knock you down.

Until you have to get up to pee.

To feel the warmth of their skin on yours.

To hear the sound of their heart beating.

Tomorrow might be shit, but that’s tomorrow’s problem.

Trying to explain to someone about aspirations and realising that you’ve never really had any. Because you never really thought you were good enough. For any of it.

Wanting the whole world for everyone else, and yet never quite knowing what world you want for yourself. Or believing you’d find that one person to share it with, and create new ones with.

Because sometimes, you still believe it might be. One day.