x

*Receives message from FP*

I get so scared that you’ll abandon me that I make up shit to just get your attention! It’s not even little white lies! Its big fuck off black lies! And I know it bad, trust me I hate myself for it, but I don’t know how to stop! This disorder makes me so scared of being alone, it tells me every single day that you will abandon and leave me, but I can’t tell you that! You won’t understand, you’ll think I am crazy! You wouldn’t even think it’s a big deal, that I don’t even need your support, but to me it feels like the world is ending, and I cannot control the fear. So before I know it some huge black lie is forming in my head to get your attention! And as much as I know it’s wrong, I still choose to tell you it! Tell me how that isnt a bad person?

Fp is short for favorite person. It’s basically the person that a BPD patient’s life revolves around. The person with BPD’s moods often are determined by way they perceive their fp’s feelings. If they think their fp is mad at them, they can become angry or sad or even suicidal. If their fp is giving them attention or validation, the person with BPD can become consumed with extreme amounts of love and happiness. The fp can make or break the BPD patient’s whole day. Not every person with BPD has a fp and some people can have multiple. The fp is most commonly a BPD patient’s significant other but it isn’t always. It could be a friend, a parent, someone they just met, or anyone else. We don’t choose to have a favorite person, nor do we choose who becomes our favorite person. It just happens.

Now this may sound cute to people but it isn’t. It can lead to codependency and very unhealthy relationships/friendships. Here are a few examples of unhealthy behaviors that can occur. This isn’t always the case but it can happen. I’ll admit I experience some of the separation anxiety, mirroring, needing lots of attention, withdrawal symptoms, and being overly apologetic with my fp but I’ve been working to try to keep these down to a healthy amount.

getting attached to someone you met five minutes ago because they were kind to you

abandonment issues™

your fear of people leaving you causes people to leave you hahaha the irony

being hurt by something your friend did so you angry split on them but they have no idea you’re even mad at them so they’re just like wtf

breakdowns that lead to suicide attempts, then an hour later you’re happy and bubbly and people think you just did it for attention as a result like no Karen it’s called mood swings

wanting to hurt people before they hurt you and then feeling gross and evil and manipulative but you cant stop the feelings!!!!!

craving attention but not wanting to seem like an attention seeker by asking for it, so you act out in an attempt to get attention which only makes things worse

wanting yourself to shut the fuck up and stop talking like why are you so whiny

trust issues but also oversharing your entire life story to someone you just met

feeling like you’re not allowed to express your feelings or you’ll be manipulative

saying to yourself “i’m not trusting someone ever again! everyone is evil!!!” but then going and crying at the kid you met two hours ago about how your father never loved you

feeling like you’re better than everyone else but also you’re disgusting and should die lol

might just be a me thing but wanting to starve yourself to feel in control and punish yourself but then binge eating to fill the empty numb void

not realizing something is wrong with you until you bring it up casually and the person is like “you should see a psychiatrist”

do you hate yourself or hate everyone else deciSIONS DECISIONS

splitting. just splitting.

discomfort with sex from trauma but also would probably engage in sexual activity if you weren’t a minor just because the attention feels so validating and makes you feel important

if someone doesn’t love you they hate you there’s no in between

emotional regulation??? i dont know her

you feel happy??? you dont wanna die for once??? TIME TO BE MANIC !!!!!!

always feeling unsafe and like everyone is out to hurt you

feeling like your trauma isn’t valid enough and that ur just a crybaby

*Receives message from FP*