Essa

Been trying Korean makeup recently and really like it. Well more like Make-up application how Koreans do it. I used to be so insecure of my soft features and was sooo envious of people with those sharp model features. I have a baby face. I don’t have high cheekbones, a sharp jawline or big, round eyes (mine are tiny). This type of makeup application has somehow really boosted my self confidence. I always thought I had to look super grown up, turn my soft features into sharp features etc., but it’s totally fine to have a a baby face with softer features and I’m slowly coming to terms with that :3

I’m on a lot of meds. One caused me to get so dizzy I Fell Face down. Cant remember much after that. Fell another time too but kissed the same spot. My memory is now super wonky. The swelling has started to go down to my nose bridge and i.m seeing ao double that I can barely type. Weird stuff.

+ nerve pain med

I’ve lost 8 kilos since December

Instant headache and fatigue relief. Been struggling with vision and headaches for the past couple days. Also I really need to make an appointment at the neurologist for my eye cramps, aka okulogyric crisis. They’ve been happening a lot recently and I’ve been wondering, if they’re related to my FND, why do they also come on when I’m not stressed at all? I really want and need to get that checked out. Can’t drown myself in muscle relaxer all the time, as I’m taking enough medications already!

Package arrived. It’s not medical-medical oxygen, but a lower dose that you can use when you’re tired and recently my lungs have been bad, but not bad enough for prescribed oxygen. Kinda like those oxygen bottles for sports.

Today was meh. I have heard voices all day long, even though I was with my boyfriend. Then a until a few minutes ago, I had an eye cramp. Very painful, but Myopridin helps- a muscle relaxer. Also I walked a small distance and started to work out again. Just for the abs!

Added some trackers to my bullet journal

Added some more trackers

I made a bullet journal! It’s already completely done! I’m so proud of myself :3 Lately I’ve been having more voices and the meds don’t seem to help against them! I hate that. I desperately need therapy but the waiting lists are soo long! Been also having flashbacks (due to my PTSD) and seizures. On New Year’s Eve I had one when I was at my aunt and after I fell asleep and missed the fireworks (which I would’ve anyways only been able to see them with my noise cancelling headphones and music at full volume). But good thing: I’ve been going on walks with my dad a lot, we’re only walking one block tho but it’s a start! I’ve also lost 7 kilos since November! I’m now down at 90 kilograms. The doctors at my last clinic suggested trauma therapy but I’m hesitant. It would be far away from where I live and I’d be also away from my support network. I don’t know yet but I need therapy that is clear!

I’ve been using my CPAP a lot more and it’s helping me sleep better. This is a nasal mask, which I’m using because my nose is sore from the other mask. I have 90 stops of breathing per hour and actually have to use my CPAP a lot. Sleep apnea can be very dangerous if you have many apneas (aka you stop breathing). From headaches to strokes and even death. It’s no joke. But I do look funny!

Big win!! I’ve been able to go on short walks (15 minutes) on my OWN!!! That has never happened and I’m soo proud of myself! I also got back into reading, currently re-reading my favorite book (The Fault In Our Stars). Life is good atm!!!