ripped paper

Interviewer: So what should people call you actually?

Anonymous: A storyteller.

Interviewer: What if you're not a storyteller?

Anonymous: I can't think other than that.

Interviewer: A storyteller? Aren't you afraid people will think you are lame.

Anonymous: Well, I'm more afraid if they are lame.

Interviewer: Which means?

Anonymous: You don't know what is a storyteller, do you?

Interviewer: I'm pretty sure I know what it means.

Anonymous: It takes a long of research to be a storyteller. Not just scientifically. You also need to combine the emotion and the "X factor".

Interviewer: X factor? Like the imagination?

Anonymous: For me, X factor is like how you can make your story steal your readers. Lead them to your maze and in the end make them forget who bring them to it. Make them questioning how can they be there. It's magic. Now, if you say to be a story teller is a quite cheesy job, please tell me about your tie.

Interviewer: I don't wear any tie.

I can’t remember the last time I become very interested in writing. I used to love writing a lot but then I shifted into more reading than writing. Yet, lately I find myself hardly move from my chair and stuck with my laptops for hours only to write. Yes, I am back into writings and I am supposed to know that there’s something wrong about this.

The cycle actually keeps repeating itself. I write, then stop, and write again, and stop again. But there’s something I finally noticed years ago: i only get back to writing when I have no one to talk to. In another word, I feel lonely.

Somehow, I forgot the conclusion I made myself. But just now, it is 03:07 AM in my place, I can’t sleep and I feel the urge to write anything. My mind is being such a maze and I can’t even understand myself. Just by writing I feel less burdened, I feel less lonely.

I don’t blame my company for assigning me to this foreign place. In fact, I got something to brag on to people: I’ve been to places you haven’t been, bitches!. But that’s not what I want. I hate changes. I hate to be in a place I'm not familiar with, with people I don’t know. This defence mechanism system in my body works to make me a bubbly personality in front of new people and it’s so tiring. I just love to be moody all day long and nag all the time but here I am being all friendly and bubbly. I am not even myself.

I don’t blame my closest friend for throwing tantrum at me days ago because she thought I was inconsiderate, selfish, bossy, and else. I am. Because when I am with her, that’s the only time I can be myself. I can finally feel free from my fake personality but somehow being too long in the personalty I make up, makes me such a jerk when I met my closest one. All those bottled up selfishness just blowed up.