°☆⋆hawwky⋆☆°

They should invent a tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow that doesn’t creep in this petty pace from day to day

hello male writer. before you is a typewriter. you have one day to write a novella with a woman as the protagonist without describing her breasts. the timer begins now

Her ass was like a peach, and brother I’m in her pit.

well. that one’s on me

for a long time now, one of my go-to phrases is "shake it like a can of beans." im not really sure where this came from, but i've been saying it for three years or so. it never really occurred to me that this was unusual until yesterday when i was bouncing a baby in a rocker a little too violently (he was having a great time, it just wasnt exactly sending him to sleep) and i went "sorry, im shaking him like a can of beans over here" and both my coworkers reacted like i had said something insane

one of the babies was getting picked up and started screaming as soon as her dad pulled her from her crib (where she'd been sleeping) and i instinctively said "that's what we in the industry call: baby moding" and he started laughing so hard he almost dropped her

you couldnt imagine what it was like to be 10 years old and listen to radioactive by imagine dragons

its … it’s almost like it was enough to make your systems blow

Iceland is fucking bizarre my name change made the news

With a little legwork we can make more people on Tumblr see this than the entire population of Iceland.

look at the republican calendar and see which animal/plant/item is associated with your birthday ok. if you're born january 14 you get the day of the cat

solidarity for everyone who was born on the day of the cistern or the watering can or something like that

nodding my head to show that i approve of all the shitty things this character has done because i'm a bad person