hey

you can trust me with your computer while you're out of the room. it's okay. I won't do it again. I won't frantically download fish screen saver again.

in every workplace there should be a secret button you can press and if everyone presses it the workweek immediately ends and you can go outside and play instead of sending email

ok i made this post and this afternoon our server locked us out and i spent the rest of the day shooting the shit with my coworkers outside in perfect spring weather. i do believe in magic but mostly i believe in the secret button

If we’re using that analogy, this means that God is totally enamored with you and engrossed in your life. He is paying very close attention to you.

I wish i was different i wish it all was different . *cleans and does laundry *

cmon child safety lid you know it's me

My disguise fucking sucks and i am going to get killed

big wife? huge wife? large wife? giant wife? enormous wife? massive wife? colossal wife? jumbo wife? humongous wife?

Hey guyysssss (my dragon armor makes loud clanking noise as i run towards my friend group like an anime girl) HOW ARE YOUUUUUUU ALL YOU GUYYYYYS >w<!!!! (My dragon sword glows red)

haters will see you mind control them and be like i do not hate you any more

Fridgerator wrapped. You ate 326 eggs.

Shout out to everyone who is just so tired So so exhausted So very very tired so very fatigued so sleepy and tired So