god's Mary Sue

People are always writing fanfiction about how it’s abusive for tom to hit jerry with the big mallet and jerey has mallet PTSD and gets a restraining order out on tom and starts going to a domestic violence survivors support group. stuff like this. Sometimes I like it but sometimes it irks me.

Keep in mind I’m coming from an informed place because I read about 1000 of these a year.

Lets dissect uncle to find his wish gland

Where do you think the comma goes

Scary Shane Hollander in between shifts on the Centaurs bench just staring into space thumping thumping thumping his stick on the ground to the beat of whatever industrial EDM track is going in his head because the team isn't playing well they aren't doing their job thump thump thump he can't be on every fucking shift he can't do it all for them thump thump thump "shane open your mouth and drink some fucking water" open mouth Ilya squirts water in swallow thump thump thump Haas misses another pass because Dillon ain't getting any better and should be sent down to Belleville to cook and pull up their winger who's showing some promise thump thump thump hockey is a team sport they gotta lock in they gotta put pucks in nets thump thump thump Shane has three cups and he wants four they need four the most important thing is getting another cup but at this rate they won't even make playoffs thump thump thump why is the centaur mascot a beaver thump thump thump

alright im done put me in the heart locket

age regressing but I was a precocious child so I act pretty much the same

they are poisoning us today with a thursday poison little do they know we’ve been through a few thursday poisonings so it won’t kill us just yet