night drive;

“Think about the disability paychecks though. I mean, I feel like there is hardly anything else that qualifies for a major disability, you know? I’m like one test away from being certified, does that not sway you at all? What if I throw in a free back massage?”

‘knowing my luck, i’d start raking in the disability checks just in time for them to be taken away-- i can’t take any risks in this economy. depends on two things-- are your hands warm? and are they soft? i’m going to need a ranking on a scale of one to ten.’

‘ only the good die young, you’re safe. i mean, how could i resist? you have the pickup lines of a seven year old and i’m just smitten. i think threatening to waterboard him with hot jell-o mix was a nice touch. dunno, is that something dads do? i’ve never had the pleasure of finding out. bacon. all of the fucking bacon. can’t believe you passed up the opportunity to offer me an extra large sausage, but then i guess we both know that might be a bit of an exaggeration. ’

‘never had the slightest concern, really. i’ve learned all i know from franco, you’ll have to thank him the next time you fail at pretending like you hate hanging with the kids. i’m not much of a good judgement, the most fatherly thing i’ve ever experienced is being given a beer for my thirteenth. learned that sharing is, in fact, caring that day. none pizza, left beef-- got it. that’s an eight-year-old level pickup, i’m not quite there yet.’

‘ use those breathing exercises we talked about. FOCUS on one thing at a time. it’ll be okay little buddy. maybe santa finally got those letters you’ve been sending him; christmas in almost july. i’m going to  b o x  your fucking ears, maybe knock them back into working shape. i said thin and crispy. not even ten seconds ago. ’

‘i can’t, all the smog has wrecked my lungs-- give me mouth to mouth? could’ve done, yeah, not sure how well he would’ve handled the vulgarity, though. maybe he got one for himself, too, mrs. claus doesn’t have to know. should i start calling you dad, then? okay, all cheese, no veggies. anything else, princess?’

‘ i can’t say i’ve ever felt so objectified. might have to learn sign language just to get through to you but then all you’re going to focus on is my  h a n d s . i said you should get me a pizza. thin and crispy. none of that fucking pineapple shit. actually no fruits or vegetables at all. ain’t no fuckin’ rabbit. ’

‘at least i’ll be focusing on SOMETHING -- beating add is a feat, i’ll have you know. who knew that i all i needed in my life was the real life version of a pornhub twink? if you say chicago style i’ll actually burn your flat down, no hesitation. choose wisely.’

“Acupuncture is the wave of the future. Every time I get off of the acupuncture table, I feel like I’m in another dimension. I’m almost certified as an acupuncturist. Want a free trial session? It’s free because… well, I’m almost certified. I’m great at it though, I swear.”

‘as much as i fantasize about being paralyzed, i’ll have to pass this round, love. if you ever make it to the real deal without ending someone’s life or confining them to a wheelchair, i’ll take ALL the free trials a girl can offer.’

                          movements are s l o w & balance is difficult, the stack of paintbrushes & various art supplies clutched between two arms threatening to fall with each step of a sandalled foot. still, daisy will persevere ( she always does ) as she stumbles slowly but surely along the sidewalk, elongated limbs making her task a little tougher than somebody of average height. unfortunately for the brunette, her focus is TOO contained to the pile of items within her grasp, won’t notice the dip in the cement, foot catching against the cracked chaos of charcoal & soon becoming a chaos of her own on the floor. and despite hurried movements to gather herself together, she hears approaching steps before she envisions them, cheeks heating with an embarrassed pink that flushes harshly against her jaw, tongue already uneasily rambling before she can even observe who the figure is. 

       ‘ i’m so SORRY. i’ll be out of the way in a second – you wouldn’t believe how clumsy i am, honestly. i have this theory that my arms & legs are too long & can’t quite communicate with my brain at a speed quick enough for me to function. i haven’t got scientific evidence but, i like to think i’m proof enough. ’ 

things are considerably less tense around the brooks household than the first few times he’s had to leave for days at a time, and he isn’t sure if it’s just because the kids have gotten used to his absence or their anger has truly faded, but a go around the shops for gifts never hurt anyone. it seemed like winter would never fade, but now that it has, summer has happily descended her balmy grips over the city and it’s fucking HOT. he needs to ease his nerves before he has to descend into the wild world of avid shoppers and screaming children, tucking a cigarette between his lips as he rounds a corner just in time to watch a whole lot of art supplies and even more legs fall victim to the stellar chicago sidewalks. a surprised chuckle is muffled around the cigarette before hudson can help himself, but he’s kneeling to help the girl, piling the paint brushes as he speaks out of the side of his mouth. ‘it’s not your fault they haven’t repaved these fuckin’ sidewalks since world war one, though next time i’d recommend tripping on the north side of the city next time-- you’re much more likely to be able to sue a millionaire.’

‘ i said teen years, brooks, open those tiny ears of yours and pay attention to the words that are coming out of my mouth. i’m an ADULT now. i walk dogs. ’

‘i’m much better at watching your lips than actually hearing what you’re saying, i will admit. -- mm, shit, right there, i’ve just done it again. what was that you said about dinner?’

☆ — “okay, so what’s your standpoint on aliens ?? ‘cause someone came into ‘superstitions’ this afternoon and like, ranted for about 10 minutes on why ‘aliens don’t exist’. i obviously say bullshit to that. we have about 200 billion galaxies which means the amount of planets there are is like… ten to the twenty-fourth power. which is… a literal heptillion. plus, there’s so much evidence and believable theories to prove that they exist. it was just annoying because i bet they didn’t homeschool themselves on everything there is to know about space and conspiracies. they didn’t even get a freaking book.”

‘mate, i can’t even count past ten on a fuckin’ good day. as long as that whole destroy earth bullshit stays in the movies, aliens are fine. the more the merrier, yeah?’

‘  as  someone  who  spent  the  better  part  of  their  teenage  years  bouncing  from  one  fast  food  chain  to  another  i  can  SAFELY  say  that  everyone’s  life  motto  should  be  don’t  be  rude  to  people  who  touch  your  food.  ’   

‘does this mean you’re the resident burger flipper now? can i have it my way?’

‘ is it socially acceptable to dress up for halloween in the middle of summer ? ‘cause i found a sick BATGIRL costume at the thrift shop that fits me amazingly. i’m thinking of becoming a vigilante to hold myself over until october , cause that latex is really a girl’s best friend. ’

‘i’m sure there are PLENTY of places in town that would l o v e to see a girl in any costume. might have to spend a few hours spinning around a pole, but it does come with tips.’

liSTEN my excuse for being late is ....... nothing good but hELLo im finally here i’m ash, im 21 n this is my redheaded step child hudson