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flash/strobe warning

started as a joke edit after this post but it kinda works...

#actually now that i’ve slept on it i’m happy with this edit #i like the ‘butter knife what a life anyway’ bit

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flash/strobe warning

started as a joke edit after this post but it kinda works...

#flashing cw #strobe warning #epilepsy warning #mine #as i said in my prev posts the fixation/interest has waned a great deal BUT these edits were in progress so i'm tryna just get 'em done #to honour the time and effort i put in when i was all in #started with this one because it's so easy and silly lol

“learn so much from the failures that it creates you” likely thing for him to say

#the thematic throughline continues. that said…#i still don’t have faith in it sorry i hate the font i hate the needle drops BUT. we will see

soppingwetratboy

#but this just came up on my dash so. one last post for the road #thesis statement

Sorry to say it but i think the fixation has died

#fixation as distinct from interest/enjoyment #of course this work will always mean a lot to me it changed my life in so many ways #but i'm no longer like consumed by it #& as a side effect this means i'm no longer LOCKED IN on edits which is a shame because i had some good ones in progress #i do think i'm also experiencing oversaturation from it suddenly being all over every online space i use #i need like. a tolerance break. i'll still be interested to check out the movie + s3 but it no longer feels like DJ Crazy Times in my head #pretty typical lifespan of a hyperfixation for my brain tbh. averages about a year #look at all the wonderful friends and internet connections i have made as a result though... how special <3

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I'm a lot more like a kid, and Jay is a lot more like an adult, and I mean that in an archetypal way. And so having these two polarities separate from one another and then return to one another is a lot like what the adult journey really is. Which is, you are a kid, and then you're socialised and told 'You need to get rid of all that stuff so you can join us in the adult world’, and you do, and then you realise, 'Wait a minute, I left some of the magic that made me who I was in this transformation in my 20s to what adulthood wanted me to be.' (x)

#ykwim #screenshots are from The Queer Art of Failure #which i have mixed feelings about but it’s just so zapruder at times #syllabus

ntbsideblog

“how much of your own relationship as friends and collaborators feeds into [ntb’s] narrative?”

#this too is The Queer Art of Failure

mattys-marbles

"That is a kind of almost sexual feeling." "Whoo!"

#I’ve been saying all of his work is about eros

commiegoth

All-timer linkup [via]

#happy pride everyone

like as far as anthropological/psychological studies of filmmaker-performers go, this bit from the end of 'the making of jackass number two' has always been sooo fascinating to me. the sort of melancholy tone of it all. the way he is clearly afraid to stop because of something he can't even articulate. the sad pathetic desperation to keep shooting keep shooting keep shooting (keep hurting himself) while all of his friends quietly worry about him. i kinda assume everyone already knows about this clip but if you don't check it out u might like it

#idgaf about any of the jackass guys on a fan level anymore especially in 2026 when they basically all have turned out to be shitty #but psychologically and academically... this stuff does continue to fascinate me i'm sorry #been wanting to write something big about jackass for years. like an essay or little book(let) or zine or something

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it's so funny to think about the last piece of media i fixated on this deeply before zap stuff. here's a description of it:

it spanned from the 2000s to the 2020s (they kept saying "we're not going to make any more of this" and then making more of it), their end credits were written in white helvetica bold font, used cheap/shitty looking handheld footage, often incorporated real life people/public places, starring/made by charming and innovative but deeply stupid white guys (the ringleader had multiple concussions and an almost suicidal willingness to do the craziest most dangerous shit possible for the sake of “good footage”), the body of work was riddled with offensive shit although it got mildly woker as it went on, it was frequently homosocial/homoerotic so had a big queer fanbase, gen z tumblrinas of all genders and sexualities lusted over the men like crazy, over time the work grew to feel increasingly sentimental because the show(s) & film(s) became real-life documents of their enduring friendships and of aging, the crew stayed basically the same behind the camera for all those decades too, it was co-produced by spike jonze, and despite the work's crudeness and juvenility and its cultural position as "low art" it was genuinely a rich text worthy of deep critical analysis

and that piece of media was called………. Jackass

#like oh my training prepared me for this #i remember when i first saw spike jonze in the ntb credits and i was like ohhh right everything is connected #MySynchronicities #MyEvolutions #and then the ntbtstm trailer kinda framed it as jackass-esque which was crazy. like despite the parallels they are NOT AT ALL THE SAME!!!#there are more differences than similarities. but i do just think this number of random similar details is funny #concussed men make fascinating films it turns out #oh my god and they're both friends with eric andre. the world is so small sometimes

ntbsideblog

having thoughts about ntb and misogyny that i’m finding difficult to articulate into a post

ntbsideblog

i guess what it boils down to is nirvanna the band is a no girls allowed club because it aims to be an endless childhood but even in childhood girls are adultified

#(meanwhile men - particularly white men - are given grace for juvenility + allowed/even expected to be immature well into adulthood)#briefly breaking hiatus to rb this because it’s real as fuck. there’s something i want to add but i can’t because it's too personal #let's just say There’s. A. Lot. Of. Things. I. Could. Say. Right. Now. That. I’m. Not. Gonna. Say.#analysis

and like not to make it personal because that's not really relevant but i can't help but think of my friends who are Black filmmakers who i've known & worked with for like 10 years and i've seen what an uphill battle this industry can be and how they persevere in spite of all these obstacles etc .... and yes awards shows are silly/frivolous but unfortunately they DO matter in terms of the career momentum they can provide for you. being able to say "my film won X award" does help you get future opportunities. winning that award might have actually meant something to the other nominees. but no, who cares about them, Ha Ha it's so freaking funny if we give the already-quite-successful white boys an award for their lazy racist improv XD

#SORRRYYYYYYYYY actually no i'm not. this industry is fucked and i'm right to be mad

#getting nominated for the bit is one thing but i'm actually mad that they won. that shit is not funny to me at all #such a blatant example of white male privilege it's actually infuriating #(not blaming them really - they had no control over it - but i'm mad at the academy/voters)#and for THAT song too. for something so rudimentary and offensive #really just shows how easy it is to succeed in this industry if you're a white man. jesus. a national embarrassment as matt himself said #i feel really bad for the other nominees. actually zapruder should fund a Black filmmaker's next film as a form of atonement

girl fuck tony give us the jared gardening conspiracy movie

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kingofallgirls

please don't be dissuaded by matt saying you need friends to make a movie, or any collaborative artform. you aren't doomed if you don't have friends right now or any creative friends or whatever. start anyway. start and don't shut up. show up. there's so many other people in your situation waiting to work on something with a vision. find other people in need and work with them, and they'll return the favor. i'm not gonna lie and say this is just so simple, especially if you're neurodivergent/disabled/isolated. but do not compare yourself to matt johnson, guy who has always had friends to work with him on projects and has no idea what the alternative is like. he isn't who you should get advice from on this. it's the neurodivergent/disabled/isolated artists who adapted and managed their way. just start

#very beautiful and compassionate and true post!#yes making things with friends is one wonderful way of doing things #but there are other ways. check out RestFest Film Festival to see some awesome work by disabled filmmakers –#some of which is made from home/from bed/from spaces of isolation!#& also yeah even if you're isolated IRL you can find connections and kindred spirits online & collaborate virtually #johnson grew up in an era before that was a thing & seemingly has no social media to this day so naturally he emphasises IRL connections #but if that's not something that is easily available to you it's not some kind of failing on your part. and you are not 'fucked' as he says #never forget this man speaks in absolutes and you gotta be the nuancer when you listen. you gotta say 'idk man i think it depends'#a great deal of the work on Vera Drew's 'The People's Joker' was done with online collaborators! & that's just one example of many

ok saying this once: i do think it's inappropriate to be mutuals with an underage person when you are posting nsfw things on your blog Actually . i kind of thought this was obvious

#this is not about any of my mutuals fyi lol as far as i know none of you are doing that. just some behaviour i have been SEEING AROUND #idk man i'm a grown adult on here feeling like john boyega when he said 'i don't ship ANYTHING i am 28!' --#and then i see other people discussing nsfw fanfiction or whatever with High Schoolers. what the hell is going on #no judgement to people who read fanfiction. it's the high schooler part that's the problem.....

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