heās weak. he always has been when it came to hunter and that was due to the fact that he lovedĀ him. it hurt more than imaginable to be betrayed by the other because never in all his years would he ever have thought that his best friend ( his soulmateĀ in some ways ) would do this to him; would pick someone elseās side rather than his. and without even askingĀ for jamesā side simply added insult to injury, as though he would ever be one capable of terminating a friendship due to unrequited feelings. ash has thatĀ part quite covered. tears begin to swell in his eyes at the sight of hunterās fumbled attempt at an apology and he can tell how hard it is. how hard it is to find the words to ask forgiveness from the one person you thought you would never have to. heād worked hard not to cry with the days hunter wasnāt in his life and that part came easily till nightfall. what proved more difficult, however, was simply trying not to feel like something was missing. no matter how many runs he did, how many showers he took, how many friends he was surrounded with, nothing would uncleanch the hold on his throat that continually suffocated him for over a week. he couldnāt talk to his mother because her concern would not comfort him and he failed to find someone to express his sadness because the one person that came to mind was hunter.Ā ā youāre not stupid,Ā ā he frowns, willing himself not to cry.Ā
hunter felt his sudden rush of adrenaline-- it always kicked in when things got too hard. jenny called it an over-responsive fight or flight mechanism; hunter called it weakness. it was what had led him to run away on all the good things in his life as soon as it got a little scary. it was why he never went on second dates, or follow up interviews, or scholarship applications. fear was meant to spur people on, but it just crippled hunter. the emotional equivalent of curling up on the floor, sobbing for decades, unable to breathe or speak or move. and nothing was scarier than the prospect of losing james. but this wasnāt the same: he couldnāt send an e-mail or text apologising and declining any further confrontation. he had to man-up for once.Ā āi am stupid,ā he nods, eyes burning as he forced them to stay on james.Ā āor i acted stupidly, which is...-- acting stupidly is..-- it- itās being stupid in itself and--ā deep breath, gather your thoughts. stop spluttering.Ā āhurting you was the s-stuh-stupidest thing iāve ever done. i didnāt mean to. i, uhā... i know thatās redundant because i did, but i..-- i didnāt realise it would and iām sorry that i did.. no, uhā..-- no, i mean iām sorry i said anything in the..-- in..-- uhā...-- i..ā hunter could feel himself growing angry with his sloppy tongue and its complete lack of competency in the one thing it was meant to do.Ā āAHH!ā he yelled, the only thing he could get his mouth to do.Ā āIām sorry, itās..-- itās not coming ou..-- ou..-- coming out right.ā








