blackbird

he’s weak. he always has been when it came to hunter and that was due to the fact that he loved him. it hurt more than imaginable to be betrayed by the other because never in all his years would he ever have thought that his best friend ( his soulmate in some ways ) would do this to him; would pick someone else’s side rather than his. and without even asking for james’ side simply added insult to injury, as though he would ever be one capable of terminating a friendship due to unrequited feelings. ash has that part quite covered. tears begin to swell in his eyes at the sight of hunter’s fumbled attempt at an apology and he can tell how hard it is. how hard it is to find the words to ask forgiveness from the one person you thought you would never have to. he’d worked hard not to cry with the days hunter wasn’t in his life and that part came easily till nightfall. what proved more difficult, however, was simply trying not to feel like something was missing. no matter how many runs he did, how many showers he took, how many friends he was surrounded with, nothing would uncleanch the hold on his throat that continually suffocated him for over a week. he couldn’t talk to his mother because her concern would not comfort him and he failed to find someone to express his sadness because the one person that came to mind was hunter. “ you’re not stupid, “ he frowns, willing himself not to cry. 

being mad at hunter, of all people, was the last thing he ever expected to experience. of course there were times now and then where they argued, where they got into spats over the most ridicullous things, but never had it come close to this. it hadn’t even touched the point they were at, that james couldn’t remember exactly how many days had passed since the incident. things move weirdly and he finally understands what it is to be so distracted that everything else seems to be moving so fast around you without your notice. like life’s left you behind due to unresolved issues you’ve yet to attend to. but, in reality, it wasn’t so much he was angry as he was frustrated and hurt by hunter’s actions. to the point where he struggled to hold onto the bitterness while in the face of an awkwardly apologetic, greyhound of a man his brother was. he’d like to talk, would like to hear the other EXPLAIN just exactly what was going through his head at the time of accusation. but the sorry makes his throat close up. his gaze shifts away, hesitant demeanor displayed with little grace. “ —- you’re supposed to be my best friend. “ not ash’s.

the sight makes him IMMEDIATELY feel guilty, the male cursing his conscious and love for the other – he was supposed to be mad. and he was. but he also missed him greatly, more than he could miss any friend of his that could leave his life. because hunter was much more family than friend, and being in a fight with his brother made every day without apologies seem unfilled. but he had to hold onto some pride, had reason for his feelings of unjust alignments and betrayal. he swallows hard and takes a step back, wanting to still make it so that hunter wasn’t uncomfortable or distressed by close proximity. figures. ‘ …, ‘ he stares at him for a while, feeling sick to his stomach by the situation and only able to mumble what comes next. ‘ what do you want? ‘