cavalier

it’s why he is there after all. 

she’s had a bit to drink, but not enough to stagger. her limbs simply feel heavier and her body is far more relaxed than it should be. “ come ooonnn, “ she whines loudly, hand still holding onto his as she continues to talk him into dancing a little. lady gaga pounds through the speakers, her body swaying and bumping along with the beat. “ come on, you’re dancing. “ her voice is loud enough to be somewhat heard as she abandons her drink ( and only her second thusfar ) to use both hands to yank phillip from his seat. 

anaitis isn’t someone who strongly desires sexual relations -- on the contrary, she’s found it only happens if she really truly cares for someone deeply. her gaze continues to remain steadily on her boyfriend, restraining the urge to sit closer in order for some part of them to touch. she’s smiling, lost in adoration for the way ryker blushes and makes her heart flutter. it takes her but a second to think back to her previous pondering of their possible intimacy, something she has thought about. more so about how ryker would act. if his hands would shake, if he’d keep his gaze diverted from her exposed frame, if he’d enjoy it or be overwhelmed with nerves. “ yeah, “ she answers softly. there’s a pause. “ ...but i don’t know if you’d be too nervous. “ 

this doesn’t happen often. of course anaitis never hides her craving for affection, but an immense desire to be close to someone after being away for a month is uncommon. even now, with simply a stack of papers between them, the girl finds it difficult to remain so far away. her gaze falls upon him once more, studying the scar on his nose, the way his smile is a bit crooked, how in love she feels just at the sight of ryker. she lifts her free hand, leaning in and dipping down to catch his lips. anaitis guides him to straigten his head and she deepens the kiss, eyes shut even as she pulls away an inch. she remains silent for a moment (a characteristic rarely displayed by her) before pressing another - lighter, sweeter - kiss to his lips. her chest feels tightly packed, an enormous amount of adoration contained in her small frame. “ i love you. “

      she hadn’t planned on telling him that she would be dropping by. of course anaitis was aware that ryker failed to be a fan of surprises, but she figured her visit would be nothing short of enjoyable. and she wished to see the look on his face once their eyes met and realization washed over him. while her friends went site seeing in the grand ol’ heart of new york, she sat with her boyfriend in the park and enjoyed the breeze and heat of the summer. her nose and cheeks had already fallen victim to sunburn ( a seemingly permenant flushed look on her visage ) but she made sure to apply sunscreen this time around. she draws her gaze back to ryker, smiling as she notices the placement of his elbow. she moves to place her hand on the stack in order to help keep the papers in array. “ did you miss me? “ she asks cheekily. her thumb brushes up against his elbow.

he gathers himself. it’s not something he is used to, feeling this kind of raw emotion. he’s been hurt, of course, he’s been through pain and loss, but this severity is infrequent; it’s rare for james to ever feel at a loss. even when his mother went through her downward spiral of sorts, he only cried when he was alone. he only let himself cry when the house was quiet enough that even his muffled sobbing seemed too loud. he wills himself to calm down because he needs to be calm. as much as he loves hunter, he knows the other is probably at a greater loss than james is. and he doesn’t want the other to be eaten up by the guilt, but something stops him from just brushing it all off. hunter was so naive and trusting and though it never annoyed james, it did now. it irritated him, hurt him, ANGERED him that after everything they’d been through, a stranger’s words were as good as any -- as good as james’. and he would make sure to settle hunter’s nerves ( that much was certain ) but in that moment he turned to the selfish desire of wanting hunter to know exactly why it hurt so much. to know exactly the type of person he’d chosen to believe over james. “ ash called me a faggot! ash called me everything you can imagine, she would hit me when i tried to get her to stop the drugs and drinking, she made me feel, “ he paused, taking a dep breath. his words had been steadily coming out, voice louder than he’d originally intended, but now there was something caught in his throat. the male tried his best to swallow it down, to remain unphased, but his voice cracks as he continues. “ she made me feel disgusting. all because she loved me and i told her i didn’t feel that way with her. and she never apologized, okay! you know me! you know me, hunter! “ he’s glaring at the other, anger doing a half assed job of hiding the pain he’s been experiencing. “ so how could you ever fucking believe her word over mine? you didn’t even ask me. “

it’s a sight she doesn’t as often these days. not that she could complain, as it’s a gift in her eyes to see him in a different light; a comfortable state. she knew his true personality was hidden behind the trembling hands and shifty eyes, that his ( previously ) constant nervousness around her was in no way a reflection of what truly made ryker who he was. she was just glad that he had come around to trusting her -- to letting her see him giggle, hear his form of banter, be close to him. however bashful ryker appeared at the moment, it did nothing but cause anaitis to smile and blush a little herself. not due to embarrassment, but because of the butterflies that attacked her insides. her cheeks were beginning to hurt. “ yeah. it’s okay if you don’t, but it’s okay if you do. “ she tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. 

she smiles though her eyes remain closed, enjoying simply hearing the other talk to her. anaitis fails to comment on his response, seeing no real point in answering it. she could, but she lacked the real desire to go out of her way to. it was nice, but the guy wasn’t exceptional in her eyes. of course it was nothing wrong with him -- she just found herself to be a person that didn’t grow attached very easily. her eyes flicker open, head tilting back in an attempt to gaze up at philip. but her sight aligns more with his neck, causing her to stick up a hand and gently graze his neck in an attempt to tickle him. “ what thing? “ 

it was a private moment in public she’d witnessed that made her react, but nothing important enough to bring attention to. but now she wishes to have brought it up, because it might have helped evade that slight tightening in her chest -- a sign of nervousness she had never been accustomed too. but it’s only a hint of the emotion, something she does her best in brushing off as she digs her teeth into her bottom lip and meets his eyes. it’s not grave nor a definitive factor that must be introduced into their relationship in order for anaïtis to deem it serious or strong. no, it’s the simple stroke of curiosity that has the girl sitting in the middle of the park asking her boyfriend a question she could not find the answer to herself. “ do you ever think about being intimate with me? “ she asks, hoping he understands exactly what she was implying.