Humble Tello

I prayed for so long for a change in my life, for something diffrent something that I felt I was missing. Id wake up and feel this weird emptyness, but how could I, I recently had Just gotten married to my best friend and we recently moved in to our new apartment in the area we had been wanting, I Had a Job I loved but tolerated, I had about a handfull of friends who I saw as family, So why this emptiness. Id wake up and couldnt and wouldnt look my self in the mirror, I stopped doing my make up, I stopped doing my hair, I stopped Combing my hair, I stopped aknowledging my existence, In My head I didnt matter...

One Morning I woke up and Just didnt see the reason to do the same thing over again , I felt that emptiness again, and with that emptiness came self hate, self sabotage, self Alienation. I Got up washed my face but again not once did I look at my self in the mirror, because in my head It didnt matter what I saw...

That Night I prayed, Listen Im not the one to claim any religion but I do have faith thats another story but My faith was something I was afraid Id be losing next, But that night I prayed, I pored my whole heart into that prayer that it turned into a conversation, and it was one I think I needed. I asked for guidance, I asked for self strength to fight this whatever it was, I asked for positive change and rederection because so many times in my head this same self hate was turning into something more.. Couple of days after that I could not fight this anymore, I was at my lowest I tell you, When You stop carying for yourself then what else is left?, I had this feeling of shame, My wife asked me what was going on she noticed so much change and she could see that The glow that I once had was not there, Here I was dreading this talk because for the longest “ Im fine” , “ Im okay” “ I’m great” is what I had been training myself to do for so long. In the back of my head I could hear That wise voice telling me to tell her, that it was ok, My wife definetly broke me from that spell, she pushed me and she also made changes that would help me get out of My depression, I had been feeling shame, sadness, emptyness, self hate and I kept feeling so alone, When You are dealing with it, You are blinded by the beautiful colors of the world around you, because in your wourld there are No colors.

I guess my prayers worked because after that it was like a domino effect, Depression will always be with me, so will anxiety, But that emptyness is gone, because I had found what I was missing.....