Trying to help your self can be one of the hardest things to do in life. Its so easy to help people around you because youโre taking the focus away from your own issues and creating a distraction from what is real. Itโs been years since I have let myself feel this way, a fluctuation of moods, happy momentarily only to be broken down into a shaking fit of anxiety and tears. The kind of emotional pain that feels permanent while youโre feeling it, only for it to disappear and leave you hanging in limbo. This is how I feel as Iโm writing this now. Iโm not sad or happy, just exhausted from going between the two.ย This is the first time Iโve allowed my myself to battle my demons sober. Itโs so easy to numb the pain with drugs and alcohol, but becoming stronger as a person isnโt about taking the easy road. Iโve spent so much time over the past few years caring about someone so intensely and deeply, that itโs only now that I have realised that she didnโt care about me the same. I owe it to myself to learn from this and build myself back to normal so I can function flawlessly in society.
