Almost 5 days sh clean I'm going insane I think
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@hsadh
Almost 5 days sh clean I'm going insane I think

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I want to start sh recovery but do I
your girlie has accidentally either cvt their vein or bruised their artery and it altered their brain chemistry
I really wish I could just feel close to people, I don't even understand what I do wrong but all my relationships seem surface level no matter how much I try to build a bond, as if others can tell something's missing and those are holes that effort can't fill
There is something I call a Shame Dream which is a sub category of nightmare/trauma dream that I've identified
It usually involves some kind of humiliating event and frantic efforts to escape it but eventually it catches up to me and I have to face my embarrassment and I wake up with a sense of overwhelming shame and anxiety from trying to outrun the shame but failing and more shame from failing at not feeling shame
Often it's based on something that happened but sometimes it doesn't have clear roots in reality but in either case I think it's the hardest type of nightmare to cope with

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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I want to mess up my arms so bad but I can't let people see and it's making me so frustrated
Its not that life is particularly bad
It's just that I can't be happy and satisfied
People tell me I should change
But I know I won't be happy anyway because what is the point of it all
I'll only feel more tired and angry for putting effort to no results
It has already happened
Why should I try again
having to call back all your arguments and pretend you were wrong out when you know you were right of fear of being abandoned<<<<<<
Cluster b culture is setting reasonable boundaries for the safety of others, and feeling so damned smug when the people who ignore those boundaries get hurt. I fucking warned you I wouldn't tolerate that shit, idiot.
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I am a fucking idiot and I forgot to throw out my bandaids and my mother found them 💀💀 I'm fucking uhhhh
I told her some pretty believable story but idk I'm scared now

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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not even sad about being overlooked and ignored anymore, straight up want to beat the fucking shit out of people for not giving us the time of day
Me actively dysfunctional every second of my miserable little life:
Therapist: Is there anything you struggle to deal with?
Me:
Loneliness is killing me.
I talk to people every day, all the time, it’s pleasant and fun; and yet, it’s only superficial.
I don’t know what else I should be doing.
I still cannot connect to people despite being surrounded by them.
The connection I need, and truly want, doesn’t occur… it hinders all the rest.
It’s a losing battle, isn’t?
January - April are always the hardest months for me
Man I'm scared 💀💀
Time slander

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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The existential dread is reall
I feel so incompetent in almost every area of life
I hear about people getting into universities , finding cool schools abroad
I can't even imagine it being possible for me
It doesn't exist in the same world
I wish I was timeless
I am not fit for this world and it's killing me with fear
I feel like I'm less real than everyone around me and that nothing that's happening includes me
I'm so tired
I don't like it when people feel bad not because I feel bad for them
It's just that them feeling bad makes my chances of getting attention from them lower and I'm afraid they'll leave me
so I, often almost physically feel like I'm in danger
that's why I try to cheer them up