look alive, sunshine

so, it came to my attention that this year i’m living by myself for four years! that’s a huge thing for someone that was attached to her parents, right? so i decided that will finally hold a opening house party to celebrate that. and it will happen in august, cause yes, i need two month to prepare myself for the fact that i’m a) throwing a party b) doing it on my place. so, do you have any good party planning tips? i can take them all. hello, i’m zendaya and i’m an introvert who is freaking out. @hwlstart​

I remember when I first moved out of my mom’s house, it felt like I was losing a limb! But living by yourself is so fun, even if it takes a bit of getting used to. Honestly, 2 months to prepare for a party sounds about right, although even when I leave myself that much time I still end up sorting everything out like a week before in a blind panic. Top tip would be make sure you have plenty of snacks, nothing worse than showing up to a snackless party and spending the whole night starving, right? Great to meet you Zendaya, I’m Lily, also a bit of an introvert, but for once not freaking out about anything.

I feel that - you’re one of the select few. I think it’s just because you make great cookies. I don’t think that makes you a bitch, it just makes you unconventional. You’re right, I’m not that good at acting.

Aren’t I lucky? Even if that’s all I’ve got going for me, I’ll take it. Unconventional is good, I’d so hate to be conventional. You’re a perfectly good actor, I can just read you like a book because I know you too well.

I know the pain all too well. Whenever I see that fin I set into anxiety mode and press the buttons way too liberally. At least he gave you pity! Mine are just annoyed that I’m not paying 100% attention to them. Well, I’ve heard that some species are perfectly safe to swim with – grey nurse and whale in particular, so that’s the goal. Swimming with dolphins is so cool, though!

I really thought I’d nailed it this time too, but clearly the universe had other plans. That’s true, I suppose I should be glad he’s okay with being second to Tom Nook in my life right now. Do you still have to be lowered into the sea in a cage with them, or can you just kind of go for it? It really is, I did it when I was a kid and it was amazing!

I would like to formally put forth an apology to everyone who has had to receive a text message or iMessage or whatever message announcing that I’ve caught a scorpion or a great white shark or finally gotten a fancy flower on my island which means that I’ve reached the top tier of Animal Crossing. Especially Evan, who has to hear these things in person when he’s just trying to sleep. It’s just so damn addictive, you guys, and in what real world am I actually going to catch a shark? You can bet I’m planning on swimming with them once we can travel properly again, though. Queen of the Sharks, that’s me. @hollywoodland-hqs​

At least you managed to catch a shark - I had one hooked last night and managed to let it get away, arguably the most frustrating thing that’s happened to me all week. Not that my dog understood my frustration, he just kind of looked at me with pity and walked away. You’re braver than me if you’d go swimming with sharks haha, I think I’d draw the line at dolphins, not sure I’d fancy my chances around something that could probably eat me whole!

yeah, i normally don’t admit it often either. i get that, i’ve had my fair shares of sad moments when bands break up. the runaways was hard too. yes, tell me once you’ve seen it, i need to talk about it with someone! i’m free for it whenever you are, i miss having a nice girl night.

I always assumed the whole “getting sad when your favourite band splits up” thing was just for teenagers, turns out it follows you into adulthood too haha. Honestly I’m pretty much always free at the moment, the only person I ever see is my mom! So a girls night is a necessity, I’ll supply the wine.

I’ve always thought that! I could never do something like a TV show where you’re with the same people for years on end. I like the change, the fresh faces and new friendships. Even if they don’t always last. My mom loves everybody, what makes you think you’re special?

God no, I can just about manage the fact that I’ve not been able to shake you off for like 10 years, I don’t think I’d be able to handle seeing anyone else that frequently. I’d just get bored I think, does that make me a bitch? I know I’m special, and you do too, so don’t pretend anything else is true.

If it gets impressive enough will you consider a career change and run away to join the circus? And I’m feeling pretty confident about that, not so much me, but if you can manage to not feel something when the little dude grabs your hand to run towards some reindeer together then you’re stonier than I thought you were. I’m down for that - it’s 2020, it’s about time the lead male realistically gets himself into situations that the female protagonist has to get him out of. That’s usually the way round it is in real life anyway, men aren’t the heroes. Bad influence?! I’d say that’s a good influence, just think how cool your grandkids would think you are after these stories. Definitely wouldn’t hurt it, that’s for sure, but that does mean you’d need to agree to at least one pub night out with the boys back home. This is the first time it’s coming in handy, I’ll admit, it’s a less impressive skill than you might think, but as long as you appreciate it then it’s not all going to waste, right? And that sounds like a good idea, I’m not sure how appropriate the whole ‘teacher/student getting drunk together’ thing is, so we’ll keep it to ourselves.

Of course, I’ve kind of always wanted to run away and join the circus, seems as good a way to run away from your responsibilities and problems as any. You never know, a little kid who still believes in Christmas magic might be all it takes to finally melt this cold dead heart of mine. I intend to be cool fun Aunt Lils who lets him have all of the Christmas candy his little heart desires and then leaves you to deal with the resultant sugar comedown, it’s a perfect plan. I think you’d make a good damsel in distress too, could be the role that finally makes the Academy take notice, with any luck. True, and judging by the current trajectory of my life, I’m going to need all of the help I can get making my life interesting enough to tell any stories about, so anything you can assist with will be gratefully accepted. I’ve never been one to turn down a trip to the pub, and if you’re pretending I’m your girlfriend it means you’ll be buying the drinks, so you’ve got yourself a deal. Just don’t be too embarrassed when I drink you under the table and all of your friends realise how much cooler than you I am. You mean there aren’t girls queueing around the block to be taught fictitious languages by you? Colour me shocked. My lips are sealed, never fear.

She definitely was! I mean I guess some people like doing everything together, but I’m just not that kinda person. I don’t know, I’m sure my mom would like exclusive rights. 

Maybe that’s why we both like being actors, gives us an excuse to do something new every couple of months, meet new people and all that. Your mom loves me, I bet she’d be glad of the help.

Thank you, and I’ll show you the same kindness by believing you have your own quarantine beard going on, too. Not at all, but I do feel a necessary obligation to invite you to do something with the lil dude and I this christmas so you can get a taste of the magic returning - then we can both pretend our excitement is all for his sake, because you’re absolutely right, that’s definitely what I do. I vote we make it an action/thriller movie next, I’m feeling that right now. Inconvenienced ourselves, but racked up a great story to tell the grandkids. And that might be a burden of a rumor for you, but honestly it’d be great for my image - all my friends at home would be like “Nicholas has bagged himself another woman out of his league again” and I’ll be viewed as a legend. Not mad about it. Hey, I’m just trying to make sure I’m the best possible teacher I can be, and that generally doesn’t involve drinking with your students, but in this special case, I’ll agree. 

Naturally, as soon as the salons closed I put in place my plan to become a bearded lady, it’s going well so far. Any such invitation would be gladly accepted, and who knows, maybe you’ll finally be the people to kill off my inner grinch for once and for all. I’ll do an action movie with you on the condition that I get to be the badass and you’re my damsel in distress. Agree to that and you’ve got yourself a deal. Honestly at the rate we’re going all of the stories I’ll be telling my grandkids will involve crazy shit we’ve managed to get up to, you’re a bad influence! As if your image needs me around to improve it. But hey, I’m feeling charitable, I’ll let you have the rumour if it’ll help you feel cool around your friends. You can thank me later. Do you often offer out your services as a teacher of the languages of Tolkien? I promise I won’t tell anyone you took your student drinking, it can be our secret.

I don’t even want to think about the havoc this little one is going to wreak throughout the house. I’m going to enjoy them being tiny and havoc free for as long as I can. I love that too but I know I’m nowhere near as creative as those parents are. You know, I feel like the Tiger King hype is dying down and I’m sad about it. It’s been a while since I’ve heard the Carole Baskin song on Tik Tok. We need to get the hype back up, Lil. The future of my nursery theme depends on it.

At least you’ve got a while to mentally prepare yourself before it happens. Either that or you spend the next few months painting every wall in your house with wipe clean paint to spare your sanity for years to come. I’m the same, I’ve not got an artistic bone in my body. I’m sure its only a matter of time before Joe Exotic does something crazy again to give us all the drama that we need in our lives! Guess that means the only thing we can to is form an unofficial Tiger King hype squad - I’ll start looking for animal print tops and flower crowns ASAP.

my chemical romance was a mood for most everyone at one point in their lives. i nearly cried when they broke up. yes, do, it’s such a cute movie and bill looked so cute back then. one of these days you’ll have to have a girls night with me and we’ll just browse some of your favourites together with snacks and drinks. aww, thanks then and it’d be an honour to have any stars in my videos.

Oh God, me too, not that I admit that often. Got to keep people thinking I’m cool, not the kind of girl who cries over a band breaking up, haha. Added to the watch list! Sign me up, my life has been severely lacking in good girls nights recently, you’d be doing me a favour! 

I feel like I can relate to the spirit of christmas with this one - seeing is not believing, and I’d rather you believe in me. Very disappointed to learn you’re a Scrooge, although truthfully if I didn’t have the little man I’d be celebrating the exact same way. It’s refreshing getting to introduce him to the magic, though…and a perfect excuse for me to go to a grotto and get my picture taken with Santa. I’m not so sure, I’m right about some things but wrong about others - must mean we have to do another movie together so I can get you figured out. Do that and I won’t warn you that filming through customs is a no-no, I’d get the last laugh watching you being taken away and questioned. Are we both about to actually accept compliments from one another? Groundbreaking. Nice, okay, just give me…two to three weeks so I can get some major studying in and actually be impressive.

Just this once, because I’m feeling nice, I’ll believe that you’ve finally managed to grow some adult facial hair. Sorry to disappoint, I hope you don’t think any less of me for it. I don’t doubt that if I ever have a kid some of the magic will return, but for now it’s just me, my dog, and a fridge full of vino every December 25th. I bet you love it more than him, you just have to pretend to play it cool around Santa so people don’t think you’re mad. Clearly that’s the only solution, lucky for you I’d gladly be your leading lady any day - just got to find some poor director who is willing to put up with us both now. I’m sure they’d give me a free pass, I’ll just bat my eyelashes at them and all will be well. Unless we both end up being interrogated, then really neither of us win, and we’ve just inconvenienced ourselves. I think it does, what happened to us? We should be careful, if we start being too nice to one another the press will decide we’re dating, and I really don’t have the energy for another speculative tabloid relationship right now.  Two to three weeks? There’s me thinking you’d already got it all figured out ready to teach me all you know. I’m a little disappointed, I must admit. I’ll take a drink by way of an apology for the inconvenience of having to wait, thanks. 

I could squash this debate with one simple selfie, but your lack of faith in my testosterone hurts. And that depends if I’d had my morning tea or not, if it was before 8am I feel like it’s for the greater good if I just let you pass by without making conversation. You know, joking aside, I can imagine you being like that, too - still dusting elf footprints on the floor for the sake of your own christmas spirit. How did I know you were going to say that? I expected it, but I’m still in shock. And I’m not sure if that’s a good thing, to be honest, our livers are probably past the state of no return at this point. I feel like being drunk makes me more charming, so if I start trying to hit on the customs officers, it’s up to you to step in, alright? No, I’m just being honest, your reply was just you being nice. So, are you just pointing that out, or is that you saying you want to learn? Because I’m here for it if you do.

You could, but I don’t think you will, will you? Morning tea? You couldn’t be any more British if you tried, I love it. Unfortunately you’d be wrong, I can be a bit of a scrooge at times. The sum total of my ‘Christmas spirit’ is reserved for stuffing myself with food and drinking a small vineyard’s worth of wine, unless I’m with the younger members of my family. Clearly you know me better than you’d care to admit. If you try and hit on a customs officer stopping you will be so low down on my list of priorities and you know it. I’ll be filming it for the insta story viewers, obviously. Alright, you win, I’ll take the compliment. But for the record, I’m not just being nice, I do actually mean it. I’m kind of intrigued to see if you know as much as you say you do, so it looks like you’ve got yourself a student, lucky you.

You want to put some money on that? I’ve got a pretty good quarantine beard going on right now, bet you’d even pass me in the streets. They do? Who’s going to be the one to break it to your parents that the big man doesn’t exist? I’ll happily adopt his role and go round drinking all the liquor if it keeps the magic alive in their hearts. I can’t promise that, I’m afraid - I’ll need to see how old we’re talking before I make promises I can’t keep. It wouldn’t surprise me if it were a British thing, we do use any excuse to get drunk, and I can assure you, when we get off the flight in London, we’re going to be going through Gatwick wasted. Not even that, you’re forgetting I saw you before the make-up team had their way with you, and I still stand by what I said. Ha, victory feels so good when not even Google can keep up with you. I said: “which reminds me, how is your language coming along? Can you read this?” And I got my answer one way or another.

I’ll believe that when I see it. You wouldn’t let me get away with passing you on the street though, would you? My dad is a grandpa, he’s got to keep up the ruse for my niece. Not sure what my mom’s excuse is though, I think she just loves Christmas too much. Honestly? The last mobile game I played was back when I had a phone with snake on it, so that old. You really do, I don’t think I could have survived college in the UK, you all drink too much for a poor American like me. Going through customs while drunk, what could possibly go wrong? See, now you’re just being nice. You’re not so bad yourself though, for what it’s worth. Maybe if I had someone as linguistically talented as you to teach me, I wouldn’t be so bad at it, hm?