Online Dating Advice

Has anyone tried it? I didn’t realize it was still a thing - that people in their 20s and 30s actually went to. But apparently it is. I just went on a date with a girl who had gone to a speed dating event last week. She was really cool - it didn’t sound like she’d tried this as a “last ditch attempt.” And from her recounting of the event it sounded like she’d met a number of interesting, attractive people there. And some kooky characters too.

Don’t respond to their messages. Don’t even worry about it. In the world of online dating, not responding to people isn’t rude. It’s normal. It’s incredibly common. It’s a mere drop in the bucket of constant rejection.

You don’t owe people a response - ESPECIALLY people who didn’t put any real effort into their message, or people who ignored what you wrote in your profile (i.e. what you consider to be deal breakers).

And responding to people - even to say, “thanks but I’m not interested” - will often lead to those people messaging you again. And again. Until you have to block them cause they won’t stop even when asked to.

So...my advice? If someone messages you and you don’t want to talk to them...don’t respond at all. Block them right away. To them, it might just look like your profile is no longer active (depending on the site). And they messaged 40 people today saying “you are pretty” so they probably won’t even notice that you blocked them/disappeared.

***I would be concerned if you were losing details of what happened for extended periods of time - not just the duration of a kiss. Like, if you remember fuzzily kissing and then don’t remember the next half-hour or more of time after the kiss, I would be very concerned. But I’m assuming, based on your message, that you simply mean that you start kissing and when the kiss ends you’re a little bit woozy and hazy about the specifics of the lips and the hands and the sighs and the eyes.***

(and now, back to our irregularly scheduled advice...)

It sounds like you’re really into this guy or he’s just an excellent kisser. You feel so good and so flushed with emotions that the physical details of the encounter get fuzzy. I mean, that’s great. Don’t worry about being good at kissing. He keeps kissing you, so I bet he really likes the hell out of kissing you. And it sounds like you’re enjoying it too. So just...enjoy it.

Then, if you really worry about becoming a good kisser...well, it depends on how you feel about kissing people. If it’s a very special thing for you and you only wanna do it with people you’re in love with - and who are in love with you - then just don’t even worry about what kind of a kisser you are. If everybody’s crazy about everybody else, technique is hardly ever going to matter.

Ok definitely don’t ask her to help you study if you have other intentions. That’s deceptive. Don’t ever be deceptive. And, generally speaking, there’s no point in beating around the bush. But asking her out could make her uncomfortable and be destructive to the student/tutor relationship. I would wait until the last appointment, at the end of the appointment. When you’re done and she’s not going to have to be your tutor again in the future, thank her for all the help. Then say you like her and you want to see her again. Ask her if she’d like to go on a date, now that she’s no longer your tutor. Don’t be vague about what context you want to hang out in. Be direct. If she says no, it might be awkward for that last couple of minutes - but then it’s over. She doesn’t have to see you again, and vice versa. If she says yes, it’s great, you can go out, and since you don’t need her to tutor you anymore, the budding romantic entanglement won’t end up distracting from your study sessions.

If you’re feeling done with it, be done with it. Once you’ve lost interest, it’s hard to get it back.

But if you feel like you were having an off day, and he was having an off day, and maybe that’s why you didn’t click - he might be feeling that way too. He might not have even thought you were having an off day, he may have just felt that he failed the date. That he wasn’t good enough.

So, if you’re still feeling interested, maybe reach out and ask him to go on a second date. That might work. He might just be scared to ask. And maybe if you ask him, that will boost his self-esteem because then he’ll know that you’re interested in him. Always feels good to know someone is definitely interested in you - and not just politely agreeing to hang out again.

So, I have a new way to make ramen (we’re talking 49 cent package ramen). Of course, you throw some onions and carrots and celery and broccoli into the pot for a few minutes before the noodles. I use much less water though now, the minimum I need to cook everything. Then I heat oil in a frying pan. When the noodles are almost done, I take them out with the veggies - leave all the water. Then fry the noodles and veggies in the pan in oil with an egg until they’re brown on the edges. Drown this in sriracha and throw down some fresh cilantro on top.