Since working hospitality I've come to learn a few things:
It is very VERY important to pay attention to the level of inebriation of all patrons standing around your bar.
Remember how you thought your R.S.A class was full of unnecessary bullshit you thought you already knew? WRONG.
 Allow me to reiterate this point. It is VERY important to pay attention to the people standing around your bar.
Particularly if they are standing in front of you.
Particularly if they start turning a little green.
 I should know. I’ve been puked on.Â
You are forever changed the moment you feel alien flecks of vomit hit your face, and you stupidly lick your lips and taste semi-digested pizza.
It is a painfully unattractive thing when women stash cash in the crevices of their tits.
I understand not wanting to carry a bag so you can bust a move when you hear that call for big bootied bitches, but rummaging around your breasts when you’re all breezer’d up and can’t find that dollar you thought you had in there makes for a very prolonged awkward moment.Â
Also, your notes are usually saturated with sweat and excess fake tan leaking from your pores. Which is really kind of gross.














