Horoscopes by a horse

Cancer: Ooh, he looks nice- oh no. He’s a Capricorn...

I’m a cancer

Cancer: ...hey do you wanna..do something?

Pieces: *kisses own bicep in mirror*

Pisces: We are lost.

Capricorn: I think the path was this way.

Pisces: I think you're mom is this way.

Capricorn: Really, man?

Pisces: *pulls back a curtain* I found your long lost mother.

Scorpio: I have to tell you something.

Pisces: You just did.

Scorpio: I love you and I always have.

Aries: I am not who my friends are. I am my own person.

Taurus: Let's talk about something else. This conversation is making me uncomfortable.

Gemini: I just want to be alone for a little while.

Cancer: I am worth loving myself.

Leo: I am not a follower. I will pave my own path.

Virgo: I'm sorry.

Scorpio: I don't like you anymore.

Sagittarius: I'm scared of where my life is going.

Libra: I need help.

Capricorn: All I want is one genuine friend.

Aquarius: I love you.

Aries: He strays from his predictable behavior.

Taurus: He has unpredictable mood swings.

Gemini: He has rapid change in weight or appearance.

Cancer: He has an overnight change in musical taste.

Leo: He remembers things wrong or loses track of details.

Virgo: He suddenly needs a lot of privacy.

Libra: He hides financial history from you.

Scorpio: He has new "friends"/new responsibilities at work.

Sagittarius: He's secretive about his technology.

Capricorn: He no longer comes to bed at the same time.

Aquarius: He accuses you of cheating.

Gemini: Are you okay?

Leo: *has hand over mouth in shock looking at phone* Yeah, I saw a post about Carl Weezer on tumblr.

Gemini: Let me see.

Libra: Hey you seem like a really chill person.

Cancer: *Sweats nervously* Haha, nah. I'm just bored.

Libra: No, I mean like you seem cool.

Cancer: I'm crashing and burning at like every moment.

Sagittarius: Don't you mean "at any moment"?